Mon, 18 February 2019
Before we get started there's a huge thing you should know about:
Embodiment as our path to pleasureWhat are the ways we can access pleasure? What if pleasure isn't accessible to us? And how does trauma impact the body? Sage Hayes is here to tell us all about embodiment, trauma, healing, safety, and the phenomenal pleasure available to us when we learn how to listen more deeply. It's a beautiful, deep exploration of what it means to be in a body in a world that isn't very kind to bodies. We also talk about the wisdom of our coping mechanisms, why leaving the body is wise, and ways we create feelings of danger or erode safety in our relationships through unspoken expectations and demands. Rich stuff ahead! Want to hear my bonus chat with Sage all about co-regulation and helping each other when we are anxious, triggered, or in a tough spot? Pop over to Patreon! Folks who support the show at $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. Hear it and all the other bonuses at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.About Sage Hayes: Sage Hayes is interested in creating collective conditions for embodied healing and liberation. In their work, Sage weaves together principles and practices rooted in somatic experiencing, biodynamic craniosacral, systemic constellations, quantum physics and love. Offering one-on-one support and workshops, Sage is curious about the evolutionary possibilities at the intersection of emergent life and a multi-layered consciousness focused on justice and liberation. Pronouns: she/he/they - whatever your experience is of Sage in the moment. Stay in touch at embodiedliberation.com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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Sun, 10 February 2019
ONE BIG THING before we get started:
On to your emails! First up, where can people go for alternatives to Tumblr now that it's banned porn? I found two articles with many of the same recommendations. Check out the Refinery29 piece and the Cosmo piece (this one is by Elle Chase, known as Lady Cheeky). As always, pay for your porn! Francis wrote in because they are struggling with being on top during sex. Is there something wrong? Why doesn't it feel good? They feel like everything is wrong, unsexy, and unfeminine and they are worried their ex broke up with them over not being able to do this position. The short of it is that not every position is for every body. We are all built differently and what we see in movies and in porn is meant to sell pleasure, not be a marker for "normal" or "real" sex. So instead, what would be pleasurable? What would feel yummy? Move in the direction of things that feel good and leave the rest. That's why sex can be so fun - it's an opportunity to be endlessly creative in all the ways our bodies are and possibly fit with other bodies. EEP! is struggling because their spouse is having some big feels and not managing them in a very skilled way. How can someone new to expressing emotions find a way to wield them with more care and how can EEP! care for their own needs through it all? First up, I highly recommend pre-ordering the new book "Burnout" by Emily & Amelia Nagoski which is all about stress, overwhelm, and ways we can process our stress feelings in better ways. I also recommend Tea & Empathy cards (which are in re-print status right now, so stay tuned by following Kate Kenfield). A free alternative is the feelings wheel. Aussie gal wants to know if having more disabled folks in porn will make them MORE likely to be abused since they're so vulnerable. Let's talk about invisibilizing and erasing folks in an attempt to "protect" them. NO NO NO. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.About Host Dawn Serra:What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 3 February 2019
Before we get started there are three HUGE things:
How have you been domesticated?
One of my favorite things to do is to have deep, wandering conversations with people I love and admire. It feels intimate, expansive, playful, and important. The kinds of conversations that I think about for days or weeks, mulling over new perspectives and confronting new edges. Leonore Tjia is one of those magical people that I LOVE diving deep with. I first met Leonore years ago when she was working with Amy Jo Goddard and I attended a few webinars. Leonore's fierce softness made an immediate impression. Over the years, Leonore's practice has expanded and shifting into this incredible practice around wildness, movement, sexuality, and the erotic. So this week's episode is like a little peek behind the curtain. What happens when two folks who think about, write about, and dig deep into the caverns of sexuality and the erotic get together and dance? This is that conversation. We talk about wildness, the erotic as an expansive resource we are in relationship with rather than a thing we own, our inner critic, and why so often when we crave newness in relationship it's not actually new people we're wanting but newness in ourselves. This episode is literally an hour of brain sex. Yum. Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3 per month and above you get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, Leonore and I talk all about the ways BDSM can help us heal past traumas. Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.About Leonore Tjia: Leonore is a feminist sexuality educator who helps people create more presence, play, pleasure and power in the bedroom and beyond. As a trained practitioner of Internal Family Systems therapy, she assists people in recovering the parts of their sexual selves that have been exiled and repressed. Her workshops and teaching bring an ecological focus to sexual empowerment, helping people to reconnect to erotic vitality and step into sexual wildness. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 27 January 2019
Before we get started there are three HUGE things:
adrienne maree brown is one of my heroes and she makes my heart sing.I am over the moon to get to share this with you. adrienne maree brown is one of my biggest heroes. Her work has influenced me on a very deep and transformative level, so getting to speak with her about her new book, "Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good" was a dream come true. We talk pleasure, pleasure activism, drugs, sex, and so much more. adrienne explains how pleasure activism is anti-capitalist because it's not about spending more money, but about tapping out of believing something is wrong with you and instead realizing you are enough as you are and you can access enough-ness and satisfaction through your body today. We talk about what gets taken from us, what it means to center the most marginalized when we consider access to pleasure, what it means to be satisfiable versus numbing out, and why all of this helps us to settle more deeply into our own wisdom and healing. AK Press, an independent anarchist publisher, has "Pleasure Activism" on sale RIGHT NOW for just $15 before February 24th when it gets released. Support them, support adrienne, buy it today. Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3 per month and above you get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, I'm rolling around in a listener question. Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.About adrienne maree brown:adrienne maree brown is author of the soon to be released "Pleasure Activism The Politics of Feeling Good by AK Press, "Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds and the co-editor of Octavia’s Brood: Science Fiction from Social Justice Movements. She is a writer, social justice facilitator, pleasure activist, healer and doula living in Detroit. Stay in touch with adrienne on Instagram @adriennemareebrown. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 13 January 2019
Two things to get started:
This week's Patreon bonus is some yummy poems (including one that ends with "Yes Mistress"), what it means to be an unchaste woman, and a super exclusive invitation for patrons to share their art for a project that's coming up this spring. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content. Time for your emails! Heidi wrote in with some thanks. I hope it's clear that what I share on this podcast is an invitation, not a prescription. Take what works and leave the rest. Amanda the Ace Mom wrote in because her son came out to her as asexual on Christmas Day. How can she support him? Here are a bunch of asexuality resources:
Jenny wrote in with a really touching and personal story about her experience with sexual assault, PTSD, and healing. I got an update from Anonymous who wrote in last year with a question about not being able to have vaginal intercourse. Well, things have changed a lot for Anonymous and now she has a new problem. She can't get enough intercourse and her fiancé misses their old methods before intercourse was an option. What can she do? Finally, let's talk about #SurvivingRKelly. Dr. Sami Schalk wrote an awesome, thought-provoking piece for Bust called "A Call-In To White Feminists About 'Surviving R. Kelly'". For those of you who have not yet see the docuseries or who aren't aware of all the conversations happening about the violence black women and girls face, read it now. Also, let's talk about centering survivors AND finding ways to accountability and healing that don't include prison. Because feeding the prison industrial complex helps no one. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.About Host Dawn Serra:What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 6 January 2019
Enter to win “Girl Sex 101” and “Bad Dyke” by Allison Moon to celebrate the New Year! Cut off for entries is January 15, 2019. One lucky winner will be selected at random , so enter now. U.S. and Canada folks only. Also, if you're looking for support around healing your relationship with your body, deepening your relationship with a partner, unpacking your desire, and finding more pleasure, I'd love to work one-on-one with you. Learn more at dawnserra.com. ALOK is here. It's time to question everything.ALOK is someone I've long admired and learned so much from. Their talk at Explore More Summit 2018 was a fan favorite by a landslide. And for good reason. ALOK is not only an incredible thought-leader, but they are utterly transparent about the violence, harm, and vulnerability of living in the world as someone who is gender non-conforming - the rawness of how they show is important. We start our chat by fielding a listener question from SC who is struggling with HSV, PCOS, and hirsutism which means SC has body hair in a lot of places that cause distress and shame. ALOK talks about the ways the body positivity movement has failed to account for body hair diversity. Also, the ways ALOK was animalized and othered for their body hair, even as a younger person. What does it mean to be gender non-conforming and why is the gender binary so violent? ALOK has such honest, raw truths to share here. We also talk about why so many movements leave the most marginalized behind and why liberation and freedom are not conditional. Those folks who are cut out are the ones we should be centering - if the most marginalized are free, all of us are free. But framing queer freedom around gay marriage or body positivity over only cis "healthy" bodies actually reinforce the violence. Read the interview ALOK did with Mia Mingus on ugliness here. IT IS SO GOOD. Let's talk about why we want validation from people and institutions that do not see our worth and humanity, and why that's so scary. How art will set us free and imagine new worlds. And much much more. Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3 per month and above you get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, I'm rolling around in a listener question: he would rather self-pleasure and fantasize than engage intimately with his wife. Is that OK? Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.About ALOK: ALOK is a gender non-conforming writer, performer, & fashionist@ You can find them on Instagram @alokvmenon. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 30 December 2018
Three things to get started:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! This episode drops New Year's Eve Eve 2018, so just 2 days until 2019 begins to unfold. This week's Patreon bonus is one of my favorites from this year. We are doing a little New Year's ritual with some really beautiful self-reflective questions, I read two VERY erotic poems (shivers), and we're writing invitations for 2019. If you want to hear my invitations for the new year, my word of the year, and do some yummy little reflective rituals with me, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content. I went through all of my emails, social media comments, and shares, and found the five most commented on episodes of 2018. They were: 5. Cavanaugh Quick on Episode 197 4. Ev'Yan Whitney on Episode 231 3. Dr. Lori Brotto on mindfulness, libido and sex in Episode 227 2. Staci Haines on trauma, healing, and consent in Episode 235 ...and the most shared, commented on, and emailed about episode was... 1. Andy Izenson on transformative justice and masculinity in Episode 221 Now, on to your amazing questions. Curious Vanilla wants to know of any feminist sex toy shops in Canada, so I share my three favorites. Womyns Ware in Vancouver, The Traveling Tickle Trunk in Edmonton, and Come As You Are Co-Op out of Toronto. Happy shopping, Canada! Awkward is dating her friend's sister. The problem? She never told him and now they've been dating for over a year. Plus, her girlfriend recently found out that Awkward had a previous sexual relationship with this guy (the girlfriend's brother) and feels uncomfortable with their continued friendship. What can Awkward do? Anonymous recently learned her neighbor is secretly into crossdressing and being dominated while doing housework. Now he wants Anonymous to be his Domme. He's so eager to come over and clean her house. The problem? She's not a Domme and not really into the whole thing. What the heck should she do? Lookin' 4 Love is desperate to know when will men stop sucking!? She's been hurt by so many men, including the men who seem less toxic and more self aware. Is she doomed? Are there ANY good men out there who aren't steeped in toxic masculinity? She's awesome and wants to find someone awesome to be with. And you know what? Lookin' 4 Love isn't wrong. Privilege is invisible to those who possess it, and it takes a lot of CONSTANT work and checking to begin to unpack it. There are men out there who are doing this work and doing it well, like Imran Siddiquee and his colleague Jonathan MacIntosh of "Pop Culture Detective". Also, Mike Domitrz of "Can I Kiss You?" Finding rad dudes who are unpacking masculinity and speaking to other men about what they're finding is super important, and the good news there are more and more men doing this work. But hurt is inevitable in love and life, so it's not only about finding really rad men, but also building our own resilience in our own lives for being able to hold that hurt. Finally, I end the show with deep deep gratitude for you, dear listener. It means so much to me that you listen and continue tuning in, so hear my end of the year thoughts. Then pop over to Patreon and join me in looking ahead to 2019. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.About Host Dawn Serra:What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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Sun, 23 December 2018
Have you grabbed the Sex Gets Real official book list yet? Not only do you get all of the show's most recommended books, but you'll join the Sex Gets Real newsletter which is becoming more and more important as all sexuality discussions are banned on social media. Grab your goodie and stay in touch by heading to sexgetsreal.com/books Also, if you're looking for support around healing your relationship with your body, deepening your relationship with a partner, unpacking your desire, and finding more pleasure, I'd love to work one-on-one with you. Learn more at dawnserra.com. Chronic pain, erotophobia, non-romantic love, and community-only spacesAndrew Gurza was kind enough to connect Cameron Glover and I recently, and I have to admit as soon as I started diving into the work Cameron is doing, I was excited. Cameron is unbelievably rad and our conversation was so organic and fun. We talk about sex work, SESTA and FOSTA laws, centering the most marginalized, staying in our lane, the diversity of sexual experience, creating community-only spaces that allow for rest and healing, emotional labor and what happens when it is not equitable in a relationship, chronic pain, and why sometimes it takes time to learn that a partner can hold our truths and the ways we cope in the meantime. Cameron also talks about transitioning from a polyamorous relationship to a monogamous relationship and how that was navigated generously. You will not want to miss this geek-tastic conversation. Plus, how can we accept more care and help loved ones to better support us? Check out that Beyoncé Feminism Rihanna Womanism here. Plus, Patreon supporters, Cameron and I had a BLAST with this week's bonus chat. We started talking about tantra and cultural appropriation, but then started talking about shame, failure, growth, boundaries, and a heck of a lot more. You can hear it if you support the show at $3 per month and above - weekly exclusive content is a don't miss! Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.About Cameron Glover:Cameron Glover is a sex educator, writer, podcaster, and bath witch from New Jersey. Her expertise in sex and culture has been used to write for publications such as Playboy, Glamour, GO Mag, them, and many others. Cameron co-hosts a podcast, "Nerds of Prey" hosted by four Black women as they talk abut nerd culture; and hosts her own show, Sex Ed in Color, shedding light on how sexuality professionals of color navigate the field. Stay in touch with Camera on Instagram and Twitter @BlkGirlManifest, and follow Sex Ed In Color on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 16 December 2018
Grab the official Sex Gets Real recommended reading list now! Not only will you have access to my most recommended books, but it will add you to the show's newsletter which is going to be crucial as social media networks purge sex education from their pages. You can also enter to receive a Merry Clitmas card from me to you. Ten lucky winners will be drawn soon. What a great week of listener questions! I can't wait to dive into these with you. But first, the episode ends with a beautiful fat acceptance poem by Angela Braxton-Johnson, who I met at the Body Trust Provider retreat a few months ago. Angela generously agreed to read her poem for the show and to share more about what it means to take up space and find pleasure in a fat body. You do NOT want to miss it. You can learn more about Angela and grab her new book at angelabraxtonjohnson.com/ Now, on to your questions. First up, Tell Me What I Want, What I Really Really Want wrote in to report their orgasms are better than ever because of a discussion we had on the show about breathing during orgasm. Also, they have a question about rejecting romantic relationships in their life. Is it weird that she hasn't been in a romantic relationship? What if she doesn't actually want a romantic partner? I found a bunch of resources for TMWIWWIRRW that you can find down below. I also recommend checking out Kale Gosen's Relationship Anarchy YouTube channel if you want to learn more about RA from someone I think is pretty rad. Mikayla's boyfriend can't orgasm during sex. She wants to know how to change that or how she can let go of thinking it's her fault that he doesn't come when they fuck. So much to unpack here, including asking him what HE wants. T is struggling. She desires her girlfriend SO MUCH, and her girlfriend just doesn't feel that kind of desire in return. T is poly and has other sexual partners for getting sexual needs met, but she can't help but feel sad and rejected when her girlfriend doesn't want sex with her. What can she do to transform these feelings of frustration and disappointment? I LOVE THIS QUESTION. So many thoughts. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 per month get access to exclusive weekly bonus content you can't hear anywhere else. This week we are doing a prompt from "Writing Ourselves Whole" on desire and what we most want the stars to bring us. If you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.Resources for Tell Me What I Want:
About Host Dawn Serra:What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 9 December 2018
Want me to mail you a holiday card? Well, enter the Merry Clitmas card giveaway before December 18, 2018 and if you are one of 10 lucky names randomly drawn, I'll be hand-writing fun holiday cards and mailing them out the next day. Check out the details at sexgetsreal.com/holiday/ Welcome back, Andrew Gurza!When Andrew reached out to me asking to come back on the show, I immediately said yes. We always have so much fun chatting, AND I was delighted that it was an excuse to get to see his new documentary, Picture This. You can see it, too, for free here. Andrew and I talk about what it was like to have his life filmed, coming out to his mom about hiring sex workers for his sexual pleasure, creating sex toys that are truly for disabled people designed by disabled people, toxic masculinity in queer men's spaces, and so much more. Plus, Patreon supporters, this week's bonus chat with Andrew is super fun. We talk about some of the really important relationships in Andrew's life and what it was like to see people you love talk about you in a film about your life. Plus, how to advocate for people you care about and desirability politics. TUNE IN if you support the show at $3/month and above. Hear it all at http://patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.About Andrew Gurza:Andrew Gurza is a Disability Awareness Consultant and Cripple Content Creator whose written work has been featured in The Los Angeles Times, Men’s Health Magazine, Daily Xtra, Gay Times UK, Huffington Post, The Advocate, Everyday Feminism, Mashable, and Out.com, and several anthologies. He was the only disabled cast member of MTV Canada’s hit show, 1Girl5Gays. He is the host of DisabilityAfterDark: The Podcast Shining a Bright Light on Sex and Disability available on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, and Stitcher. Follow him on Twitter @andrewgurza. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra (health, sexuality)
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