Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

tl;dr Are sexual preferences changeable? What if someone really just doesn't like short men or fat women? And what should a lesbian do if she wants sex with men?

First up - BE SURE TO SIGN-UP FOR THE BODY TRUST SUMMIT!!! It's going to be incredible and challenging and so so so powerful. I'm not only a speaker but I'm also working behind the scenes with Alex to produce it for Be Nourished. Seven days of talks on healing our relationship with food and body? Yes please. Register, for free, now because it's entirely online and kicks off March 11th.

Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week's bonus is an erotica reading. It's a hot Daddy/girl story that takes place in the woods with flogging and whips and all sorts of yumminess. Hear it over at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Enjoy!

Also, I love your emails. Send your questions my way! You can use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Oh, and be sure to join the next Power in Pleasure course. It's enrolling now and starts March 22nd.

On to the episode!

First up, I share some beautiful words by someone named jedidiahjenkins. I shared the post on the Sex Gets Real Facebook page. It's all about friendship and love.

Next, I'm running an experiment. Do you love mail as much as I do? Want me to write you a letter? Well, I want to write to you! If that's you, fill out the form (link is at dawnserra.com/ep295) and we'll see what happens. The form, at least for now, will be open until early March. I have no idea how many of you will want this!

And then it's on to your emails.

Paul wrote in asking about preferences. Can't people just not like skinny guys or short guys or fat women? After all, he suggests our preferences are personal, so can't people just not like or like certain bodies?

Strap in because we are doing a really deep and wide exploration of all the factors that impact our "personal" preferences.

As part of that exploration, I share some pieces from Imran Siddiquee's TEDx talk. Head to dawnserra.com/ep295 because I highly recommend checking out Imran's talk and his writing and essays in general.

But this question begs of us - how can we all do better? Because it's those with the most privilege that are most resistant to examining their preferences and stories, so I invite us into different ways of relating with each other.

I can't wait for you to hear it.

Then, Curious Little Rabbit wants to know what she should do. She's a lesbian who hasn't had sex with men in 15 years, but lately she's been having lots of fantasies about it. Should she find a guy and give it a try? If so, where can she find some options in Houston, Texas?

Be sure to tune in next week for Part 1 of 2 with my interview with Christy Harrison from the Food Psych podcast. We talk pleasure, desire, bodies, and her new book, "Anti-Diet".

A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Stream it on Spotify
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Episode Transcript

Head to dawnserra.com/ep295

Direct download: Episode_295.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 7:39pm EST

tl;dr Inka Winter from ForPlay Films joins us to talk about making porn and why sexual healing and sex education is an important part of her work.

Patrons who support at $3 and above, don't miss my bonus chat with Inka at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Inka shares about her experience growing up in a cult in Austria where sex was mandatory and why that informs so much of her work at ForPlay Films.

In this episode, Inka and I talk about the very real challenges of what it's like to create erotic film. We talk about how Inka got started, how generous her friends in Hollywood have been at volunteering as cinematographers and support staff, and even why most of her films to date have featured friends instead of professional porn performers.

We also explore the homophobia among men in the adult industry in Los Angeles and why she's struggled to feature more diverse bodies and stories in her films.

I can't wait for you to hear this honest and approachable chat with someone who is creating erotic material with a focus on love, consent, and education.

Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Inka Winter:

Inka Winter is an erotic filmmaker and the founder of ForPlay Films, an independent, all-woman production company that puts female pleasure front and center. Inspired by the power of sexual expression, her films celebrate all shades of female desire. Winter believes that sex education and emotional wellbeing are a big part of a healthy sex life. She also produces  Sexucation, a short video series using humor to educate women and men all things sex and is training to become a sex and relationship counselor. An LA-based costume designer and lifelong artist, Winter spent her formative childhood years living in an artist commune in Austria, which set the foundation and aesthetic for her creative endeavors in film-making.

Website: https://forplayfilms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/forplayfilms/
Twitterhttps://twitter.com/ForPlayFilms

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Stream it on Spotify
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Episode Transcript

Head to dawnserra.com/ep294 for the transcript.

Direct download: Episode_294.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

tl;dr Can you change who you're sexually attracted to? Is someone gay for getting blowjobs from a guy? Is it OK to cheat with a sex worker?
 
Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week's bonus is several Am I The Asshole posts over at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. I want to know who you think is an asshole and who isn't, so come join me for some laughs and share your thoughts about these predicaments.
Also, I love your emails. Send your questions my way! You can use the contact form at dawnserra.com.
 
We start by talking about the importance of treating sex workers with respect and we talk a little about a piece in The Guardian about self-care. Head to dawnserra.com/ep293 for the link. I love what it's offering about the ways self-care has been co-opted and what communal care can look like.
 
Then it's on to your questions.
 
First up, Q just got their masters degree and through grad school put on some weight. Their partner of 6 years told them they aren't as sexually attracted to them now because of that weight. Can someone change their sexual attraction?
 
Ohhhhh, do I have thoughts! If you want to hear more about situations like this, be sure to check out my chat with Carmen Cool at Explore More 2019, because we talked about this a lot, too.
 
Next, Britney is worried her boyfriend is gay. He was getting blowjobs from a gay guy in high school and might have done it again in college. Is he gay and how can she believe him when he's lied before?
 
Let's talk about sexual orientation and how it isn't always as simple as whether someone is gay or not. Plus, trust seems to be pretty damaged, so I weigh in on how I think they can re-connect.
 
Finally, Ryan is in a long-term relationship of six years. They have an active and amazing sex life. That said, he has a desire to work with a sex worker to get an erotic massage, but he worries his partner will see that as cheating. Does he deny himself this pleasure just because his partner might not like it?
 
Relationship agreements are important, folks, and if you can't abide by them, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
 
A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Use the player at the top of this page.
  2. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Episode Transcript

Check it out at dawnserra.com/ep293
Direct download: Episode_293.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:12pm EST

tl;dr Bringing more racial nuance to sexual assault conversations, how to do oral sex when you struggle for breath, and how to deal with regret and hurt after a threesome.
 
Patrons who support at $3 and above, there are TWO bonuses this week at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. One is all about what people got stuck in their vagina, penis, and rectum in 2019. The other is about the science of biological sex by.... a biologist. Tune in and comment with your thoughts.
 
Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com.
 
We start with some beautiful words by Heidi Preibe about loving someone over the long term. Grab the text and link at dawnserra.com/ep292.
 
I also mentioned my quarantine selfie which you can see at dawnserra.com/ep292, too!
 
On to your emails...
 
Scotney, a fellow sex educator, wrote in with some additional nuance around Kobe Bryant, sexual assault, and the institutional and cultural racism that we need to acknowledge when we are specifically talking about Black men and sexual violence.
 
Nick is preparing for a double lung transplant. He is short of breath and can't lay on his stomach to eat out his wife. How can he engage in oral sex with his wife without struggling to breathe?
 
I have ideas for Nick, plus permission to expand the ways he pleases his wife. It doesn't only have to be oral sex! Bodies change, and sometimes the ways we have sex need to change, too.
 
Gina Senarighi is here to help me answer the final question this week from Jealous friend and lover. JFL is feeling really hurt because her and her boyfriend were kissing and flirting with a friend of hers, but things escalated quickly and now JFL is feeling insecure, betrayed, and unsure of how to move forward.
 
What do you do when you open your relationship or try a threesome and things go wrong? How can you repair from a relationship oops? Gina is here to help me answer those questions with such generosity and compassion.
 
A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Gina Senarighi:

Dr Gina Senarighi, PhD, CPC is an author, teacher, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach based in the midwestern U.S. She’s been supporting clean fights and dirty sex in happy healthy relationships since 2009. Gina has written several books and currently leads couples retreats and coaches online clients all over the world.
Find Gina at heygina.com and nonmonogamous.com. Be sure to also tune into her podcast, Swoon.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Use the player at the top of this page.
  2. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Episode Transcript

Direct download: Episode_292.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:56pm EST

tl;dr STIs and how to protect ourselves, men who want masturbation buddies, shame and fat bodies, plus Kobe Bryant's death.
 
Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast tomorrow.
 
To kick off this week's episode, we are exploring some of the complicated feelings around Kobe Bryant's death, especially for survivors. We're also unpacking a new paper released by the CDC about STIs being on the rise. Check out the article at dawnserra.com/ep291
 
Sinclair Sexsmith recently pulled together a bunch of people, blogs, and helpful tidbits on chronic pain and sex. Grab the link at dawnserra.com/ep291.
 
Then it's on to your questions.
 
First up, Jose wants to know if it's healthy to have a sexual relationship with himself when he's in a relationship with someone else. And is it weird to want a masturbation buddy? Especially when he's a straight man and wants to masturbate with other men?
 
Next, Busy Cat is ready to leave the big city and get a job in a smaller city, but her boyfriend isn't ready to make the move. How can she convince him that this move will be good for them?
 
Finally, Ashamed is in recovery for an eating disorder and has complicated feelings about her fat body. She doesn't have much experience with masturbation or sex, and she wants to start but she doesn't know how.
 
What if you can't reach your genitals? What if you don't know where to start? We go all the places and focus in on pleasure - because that's what it's all about, right?
 
A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Use the player at the top of this page.
  2. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Episode Transcript

Check it out at dawnserra.com/ep291
Direct download: Episode_291.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:18am EST

tl;dr How to have with someone in a wheelchair, being scared of sex and not knowing how to jump in.

Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. We are diving into the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - the behaviors that indicate a relationship is in need of repair and heading for trouble and what we can do about it.

This week’s episode is you and me and your emails. Before we get to that, a few announcements.

An important article on abortion plus I also am sharing two interesting posts about men and testosterone and men and sexual desire by psychotherapist Eric FitzMedrud. There's some really interesting stuff here that helps to share our conversation masculinity and consent. I'd love to hear what you think!

Grab the links at dawnserra.com/ep290 for everything mentioned.

On to your questions!

Cassandra is about to have sex for the first time with someone new and he is in a wheelchair. She's not sure how to ask what he likes or how to sext, espcially since he told her that he can't get erections. What should she do?

Let's talk about sex with someone in a wheelchair! First, for folks who are super new to sex and disability, Amaze.org has this awesome video to get you started.

I also highly recommend this soon-to-be-published book by Limerence Press, an imprint of Oni Press, called "A Quick and Easy Guide to Sex and Disability" by A. Andrews. It's a graphic novel all about - you guessed it - sex and disability and I love it. It comes out in May 2020, so follow Limerence on Twitter to hear when it's out! You can also pre-order it on Amazon.

I offer loads of questions Cassandra can ask her new beau, and I also suggest a Yes No Maybe list. Head to dawnserra.com/ep290 for a great resource on those.

Next, Scaredy Cat and Queer & Missing Sex are BOTH scared about sex.

Scaredy Cat is in eating disorder recovery and found me through Christy Harrison's amazing show, Food Psych. SC hasn't had a boyfriend and is terrified of sex to the point that she is cutting off potential partners out of fear that they'll expect or want sex. What can she do?

In addition to all the things I mention on the show, I also pulled together a reading list for SC as a way to start learning, practicing, and finding more language around sex, boundaries, needs, and desires.

Some books to get you going can be found at dawnserra.com/ep290

There's a much bigger recommended reading list you can grab at dawnserra.com/books, too!

Next up, Queer & Missing Sex is a few years out of an abusive relationship and feeling scared about sex, too. What can they do to reconnect with someone and have the fun sex they miss?

Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Stream it on Spotify
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Episode Transcript

Visit dawnserra.com/ep290 for the transcript.

Direct download: Episode_290.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

tl;dr When the sex stops after you move in together, non-binary pregnancy, and why sex with fat folks is not revolutionary.

Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Let's explore some of what we want to let go of and what we'd like to bring in for 2020, plus the most magical gift list I've ever read.

This week’s episode is you and me and your emails. Before we get to that, a few announcements.

First, you must read this magical thread by @shaanlashun on having sex with fat people. Share it widely. Sing it from the rooftops. The articles they mentioned are linked at dawnserra.com/ep289

I also am sharing two tweets from @pangmeli and you can find them here and here.

On to your questions!

First up, Lee recently moved in with her partner and the sex has stopped. What gives? Why did the sex stop as soon as they moved in together? The sex was kind of boring before that, so Lee is wondering how to talk to her partner about having sex, how not to build this up into A Thing, and if they can stack complaints of the things that aren't working?

Let's talk about building a solid foundation of positive experiences and trust. We need to all be practicing our sex talk with partners when things are good because it's so upsetting to be in a relationship where the only time you talk about sex is when something is wrong.

I know lots of people are in this situation, so I've got lots of questions and recommendations for Lee, including reading Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity.

Next, Ama wrote in because she was raped twice by her best friend. It's been a year, but she can't stop crying and feeling unlovable. She's been trying to date, but she keeps choosing men who are unavailable.

Finally, H is a non-binary person trying to get pregnant, but they are feeling all sorts of homophobia come up around their masculine body in this quest to have a baby.

I found some awesome resources for non-binary and trans folks who are trying to get pregnant and who are pregnant. Check out the huge list of resources at dawnserra.com/ep289

Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Stream it on Spotify
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Episode Transcript

Visit dawnserra.com/ep289 for the transcript.

Direct download: Episode_289.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

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