Sex Gets Real: Talking Sex, Relationships, and Kink with Dawn Serra (health, sexuality)

If you're looking for a unique way to kick of 2018, check out all of my online workshops and DIY goodies. They can make amazing gifts and they're all around $5-30 each. Pop over and see what's available now.

Happy New Year! This is dropping on New Year's Eve 2017, so let's shuffle 2018 in in style. I got myself a gift of a new vibrator. I'll be reporting back with my thoughts over on Patreon for supporters there. You can support the show, too!

I'm also live streaming on O.School Wednesday, January 3rd at 6pm all about Black Mirror. If you love Black Mirror, tune in (it's free) and geek out with me about the future of technology and love.

On to listener questions!

A listener wrote in saying her hottest fantasy is having her boyfriend fuck another woman. But, there's a catch. She is super jealous and doesn't think she can handle it in real life. What can she do? Patreon supporters Cadessa and Seductive Verse have lovely advice about taking it in stages, and then I add on my thoughts.

Sometimes fantasies are just that - fantasies. Ideas and scenes meant to fuel our arousal and desire. If we want to make our fantasies into a reality, we can do that slowly and with lots of support, especially if we're scared.

Hungry for Cock wrote in. She's in a monogamous relationship of 10 years, but she started cheating 8 months ago with an older man. She had no idea sex could be this good and now she wants sex with everyone she sees. Is that wrong?

Wanting sex is never a problem as long as we're choosing it for ourselves, but what is a problem is the cheating. It's time to either open up your relationship or end the relationship before exploring all of the sex you want to be having. Let's have sex with integrity and ethically - both for ourselves and for the people we have relationships with, even if it's hook-ups.

Rod wrote in because he's 37, he's just started making out with a new partner, and he ended up with mono. How did this happen? How can he talk to this new guy about having mono? And is his sex life over forever?

Mono is super common, especially when we're younger. Most people have dormant versions of the virus because it's just that common and spreads from coughs and shared drinks. You can read all about mono at the MayoClinic website.

More importantly we have to be able to talk about these things with partners. If we can't, we shouldn't be having these kinds of relationships. So, the most important thing is for Rod to talk to his partner. How? I have thoughts.

Polyamorous Duck has big feelings about OK Cupid's recent decision to eliminate usernames. I think it's a mistake and share why.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_194.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:20pm EDT

If you're looking for a last minute holiday gift or you want to start your 2018 with a bang, don't forget you can grab my online on-demand workshops now! From porn to anal, from games to relationship charters, you'll find all sorts of fun, inviting goodies to help you level up.

Want to hear my mini round-up of things I loved in 2017? Head to Patreon and support the show. You can hear exclusive content, including my own recap of the year when you support at any level.

On to this week's show!

JoEllen Notte is here to talk about her favorite things of 2017, as well as some of the tips and ideas she explored around sex, depression, and resentment.

We talk about her love affair with the Doxy wand vibrator, how she decides what makes her Favorite Things list, why we both hate the phrase "porn for women", and why depression isn't really the relationship killer that so many people think that it is. 

We also answer a few listener questions. Is it weird to hate touching your genitals? Is there a wrong way to use a bullet vibe?

Tune in to find out!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About JoEllen Notte:

JoEllen is a writer, speaker, researcher and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site The Redhead Bedhead. JoEllen has spoken at Clark College, University of Chicago, University of Tennessee, Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit, the Guelph Sexuality Conference, and the Playground Conference and is currently writing her first book: “The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression & The Conversations We Aren’t Having”.
 
Stay in touch with JoEllen on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @joellennotte.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_193.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Don't forget to grab 25% off your RXBAR order at RXBar.com/sgr using promo code SGR at checkout. They've generously sponsored this week's episode. Perfect little delicious snacks for your post-sex nibbles.

Also, if you're looking for a unique holiday gift, check out all of my online workshops and DIY goodies. They can make amazing gifts and they're all around $5-30 each. Pop over and see what's available now.

And away we go...

Brandon wrote in because he used to find it super hot to spy on girls, like the scene in the movies Porky's. But now, as a father and adult, he finds it creepy and repulsive. What gives?

If you like thinking about what used to turn you on, what movies and TV shows made an impression, and you like geeking out about pop culture, I am going to have a weekly live show on O.School starting in January on Wednesday evenings. It's free, so join in the fun!

Kev is lost and needs guidance and acceptance. He thought he was straight, but just started having sex with men and now he can't get enough. He wants to end up with a wife and kids, but he isn't sure if he's gay or bisexual. Is there a way to find a queer woman he can test things out with?

I have lots of feelings about the homophobia in this message, and I also have thoughts about the need to find a label and to cling to certain identities, even in the face of other information and experiences. 

A young queer woman wrote in asking how she can find information about safer sex for queer teens in Dallas Texas. What does safer sex look like? Who can she trust?

I recommend checking out Scarleteen, first and foremost. Also, Planned Parenthood is a go-to resource, especially for sex positive care and sex ed info for teens. Once she's over 18, there's also the SW Sexual Health Alliance and a sex positive shop in Austin called QToys. And of course, Allison Moon's "Girl Sex 101" is a book everyone should have on their shelves.

Dan wants to know where to find sex positive therapists. I recommend starting with the Open List by Tristan Taormino and also AASECT.

Jack wrote in with lots of love. THANK YOU JACK! Also, how can Jack up their sexting game? They aren't very good at it. Check out my free Sexting Made Easy handout to get you started.

Three cheers for uberlube. Random unless you listen!

A 23-year-old wrote in. He just had sex for the second time but he couldn't cum. Is he just too used to his masturbation technique? Is something wrong? Let's talk about orgasms and goals and the pressure we put on ourselves during sex.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_192.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

My porn workshop, Hands Down: A Workshop on How Porn Can Heal, Connect, and Be Ethical, is now streaming. Check out the details at dawnserra.com/porn. Let's talk about the porn!

Here's that funny article I was giggling over called, "20 Things Guys Have Actually Said to Me In Bed."

Now, on to your questions.

Brittany wrote in seeking sexy kink events near her. The best place to go for kink events is Fetlife.com. You'll want to keep an eye out for munches and conferences. Because Brittany is in Massachusetts, she might also want to check out The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Rhode Island for workshops. Plus, Joellen Notte lists Oh My! Sensuality Shop and Good Vibrations in Massachusetts on her superhero sex shop map. Basically, any feminist sex shop will have classes and workshops that could be a fun way to meet folks.

A listener wrote back with an update. They found a friend to watch them have sex and it's turned into a fun threesome situation. Yay!

Jen wrote in because apparently there was a shit-show on another sex podcast where the guest did some major body shaming and had some sexist ideas about getting desire back. I love knowing people can turn to Sex Gets Real and Explore More Summit for more inclusive conversations. Ha.

As sex educators and therapists, we have a responsibility to examine our advice and our stories to ensure we aren't hurting people further. Fatphobia is one of those things we must confront and rewrite as experts.

Nugget wrote in with some words of love.

Nandi is fat and confused and needs help with her changing body. She's getting bariatric surgery and wonders if there's a way to find ease in her body without surgery. I have so many thoughts, including the importance of checking out all the talks at exploremoresummit.com because they're all about this VERY topic.

You never have to love your body. You are allowed to do whatever you need to do to survive. If you want to start diving into resources about fat stigma, self acceptance, fatphobia, and fighting diet culture, the resource page I created (which is growing) is a great place to start.

Your body is NOT the problem. The problem is our culture, our fatphobic doctors, our media consumption.

I highly recommend Hanne Blank's, "Big, Big Love", Elle Chase's, "Curvy Girl Sex", "The Intuitive Eating Workbook, "The Fat Studies Reader", and all the other books on the resource page mentioned above.

We have to prioritize our needs. We have to prioritize our body. We will always disappoint someone and people will always feel like they have a right to comment on our body or threaten us with "health" concerns. Finding people who can help support us as we exist in our body, as it is, is crucial.

Mastadon is a horny hubby. He and his wife opened their relationship temporarily a few years ago, and even though she doesn't want to do that again, he can't stop thinking about it. He wants adventure and new lovers and he feels like she just isn't adventurous or open to that sort of thing. He doesn't want to be a cheating piece of shit (his words), but he really wants to have new sexual experiences.

So often these questions are about avoiding discomfort and awkwardness. But that's just not possible. You have to evaluate what you most value, what you're most curious about, and then make some tough decisions. You are either committed to your relationship, which means uncomfortable conversations and finding ways to feel expressive and creative inside of it. Or, if your pleasure is more important, then transitioning out of the marriage might be the discomfort you need to move into.

Our partners may be open to changing things, but we cannot force them or manipulate them into it. Getting a sex coach or a sex therapist can be a good place to start, just to help the conversations to be more open and vulnerable.

Honesty and integrity are not about comfort. They take practice and moving into uncomfortable spaces. But the payoff can be tremendous when we do that.

Miss Lou is a BBW who has been asked to sit on a partner's face. What should they do? How should they do? How do you get on someone's face without it be awkward? Let's talk about fat face sitting!

Sometimes we just have to climb on and wiggle around, try pillows in a variety of positions, and find what works in the moment. Awkward can be fun when you're both excited and open about the fact that it's awkward. It's sex! So, get on, bounce around, and see what works. Then, do more of that.

Hoodie sex? Nick wants to know if it's weird that he wants to have sex with his girlfriend while she wears his hoodies. Is that weird? 

Nope. Because if it's consensual and you're both having fun, then who cares? Sex itself is weird. Enjoy it!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_191.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:31pm EDT

Did you hear last week? CrashPad Series is sponsoring the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition. It's free and online, so sign-up today. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure.

To see the line-up for the summit and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. And if you want to see a VERY HOT scene with April and Milcah, head to CrashPadSeries.com and join today.

This week, Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg are here! Which means it's basically an hour of me laughing hysterically.

We talk about their new sex podcast, American Sex, and some of the guests they've had - like the grapefruit lady and a guy whose fetish is death and sex.

Ken talks about how his relationship to kink has changed due to some health concerns, and Sunny talks about menopause and her libido.

We also answer listener questions about pubic hair and fisting. Ken even wows with the history of the merkin. 

Looking for my new porn workshop? Pop over here.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Ken Melvoin-Berg & Sunny Megatron:

Superheroes of sex ed, married couple Ken Melvoin-Berg & Sunny Megatron are partners in every sense of the word. In addition to co-producing Showtime’s “Sex with Sunny Megatron,” they initially gained recognition writing and teaching about everyone’s favorite subject, SEX. In their sell-out workshops, their unique brand of “edutainment” plus combined 25+ years of sexuality teaching experience puts students at ease. Each session seamlessly combines their humorous lecturing style, interactive exercises, and the latest sexuality research.

Sunny hosts their Showtime original television series, “Sex with Sunny Megatron,” taking viewers on a journey into the world of adult play, as everyday people expose their deepest and most intimate fantasies. Always honest, funny, and sex-positive, the show provides an interesting, fresh twist on sexual exploration.

Their latest endeavor is their podcast called American Sex that features an eclectic mix of guests from all walks of life. American Sex podcast is available on most major podcasting platforms.

On a more personal note, this dynamic duo are married, parents, occasionally ethically non-monogamous, and lifestyle BDSM enthusiasts.

Want to stay in touch? Check out American Sex Podcast on Twitter and Facebook. You can also visit Sunny's website sunnymegatron.com. Follow Sunny on Facebook and Twitter and Ken on Twitter.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_190.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

I am so excited. CrashPad Series is sponsoring the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition AND they sent me an exclusive audio clip of April Flores and Milcah filming a recent scene. You can hear the juicy details in the show this week. HEAR THE PORN! 

If you want to hear more from April about porn and fat sex, she's speaking at the summit which starts December 4th. It's free and online, so sign-up today! We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure.

To see the line-up for the summit and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. And if you want to see the VERY HOT scene with April and Milcah, head to CrashPadSeries.com and join today.

This week, Barbara Carrellas joins me to talk all about tantra. Her incredible, inclusive book, "Urban Tantra" just celebrated it's 10 year anniversary by releasing an updated 2nd edition. The new edition includes tantra for asexual/aromantic folks and an entire chapter on erotic massage for trans and gender non-conformity bodies.

If you've listened to the show for any amount of time, you know that I adore this book and Barbara's approach to tantra. And, this week's episode gives you a delicious idea of why - it's so inclusive, so open, so welcoming, and absolutely designed for you to customize it to fit your needs, desires, and life.

Tantra shouldn't be about certain positions, heterosexual bodies, masculinity or femininity and certain genders because it's a spiritual practice. And spiritual practices need to include everybody in every body.

Grab the 2nd edition of Urban Tantra RIGHT NOW. Looking for my new porn workshop? Pop over here.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Barbara Carrellas:

Barbara Carrellas is celebrating the brand new second edition of her bestselling book, Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty First Century—the world’s first LGBTQ- and BDSM-inclusive Tantric sex book. She has also written Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide To Sex, Relationships and Oh So Much More, and Luxurious Loving. Barbara is the founder of Urban Tantra® — a philosophy, an international community, and an inclusive conscious sexuality practice—and the Urban Tantra® Professional Training Program, a comprehensive training program in the practice and application of conscious sexuality, supporting both personal and professional goals. She was named Best Tantric Sex Seminar Leader in New York City by Time Out/NY Magazine for her Urban Tantra® workshops, and was awarded a 2016 Sexual Freedom Award for Lifetime Achievement.

You can stay in touch with Barbara on Facebook and also on Twitter @UrbanTantrika.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_189.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 11:56am EDT

Two things!

Sign-up for the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition at exploremoresummit.com. It's free and kicks off December 4th. Prepare to be challenged and cracked open.

My porn workshop, Hands Down: A Workshop on How Porn Can Heal, Connect, and Be Ethical, is now enrolling. Check out the details at dawnserra.com/porn. Let's talk about the porn!

Now, on to your questions.

GR wrote in asking how porn stars and people in non-monogamous relationships protect themselves. How does safe sex work with multiple partners? It's such an important question. Ultimately, it depends on each of us. We all have different needs, different requirements around risk and prevention, so the answer is really all in how you negotiate it with a partner.

The most important this is to remember we always default to the person who wants MORE protection. If you don't want to use their level of protection, then you either don't engage with them or you limit your activities, but we NEVER try to talk someone out of what they need for their peace of mind or bodily safety.

Cece is trying to learn how to trust her partner after he betrayed her. How can she stop questioning his word? She even snoops sometimes because she's so convinced he isn't being upfront. How can she build trust? Is there any hope?

Betrayals are absolutely something you can overcome, but rebuilding trust takes time. Like, years sometimes. And not just time, but consistent, reliable behavior that proves the person is who they say they are. A lot of people can't stand that uncertainty in the interim, so you have to decide for yourself if you can find some care and support in that uncomfortable space. I also recommend Esther Perel's two books, "Mating in Captivity" and her latest, "The State of Affairs." 

There was an unfortunate incident on Dan Savage's podcast recently where a trans listener was misgendered and handled so poorly. If you want to read Bex Caputo's response as well as this great thread on Twitter about the whole debacle, check it out. Trans folks, you deserve better than what Dan & Buck offered you. 

LoveAllOfHim wants some advice for having sex with her fat male partner. She loves his body, but sometimes positions are a little tough. Most sex books for fat folks focus on folks with a vulva. LAOH needs some guidance.

I definitely recommend LAOH check out Hanne Blank's "Big, Big Love" book. Also, this article on Scarleteen about sex with a fat partner who also has a smaller penis. I also recommend sex furniture and cushions, using ropes and straps to adjust bodies, and also getting creative with sex toys made for a penis to possibly make access a little easier.

Be sure to check out Chubstr.com, too. They don't have a sex section yet, but they do have loads of resources for large & fat men and masculine folks, and I suspect it will be added at some point down the road.

Natalia wants to know if certain personality traits make for better worse lovers. Also, are artists better lovers? They're fun questions that I play around with for a few moments. Hint: it's not alpha males or folks who have something to prove.

Julia is the final question of the episode. It's a heartbreaking, painful plea for help after Julia's husband betrayed her and blamed it on sex addiction and not being able to help himself. How can she recover?

In the end, Julia needs to center herself and what she needs to heal, to grieve, to move forward. It's a tough place to be, and there is no easy answer. Can we grapple with that pain and uncertainty? We'll find out.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_188.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Don't forget, the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition kicks off December 4th and it's totally free. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure.

To see the line-up and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com.

This week, Jaclyn Friedman is here to talk all about her new book, "Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All." It is a powerful, comprehensive examination of all the ways our ideas about sex intersect with things like media, racism, justice, toxic masculinity, patriarchy. Basically, all my favorite topics wrapped up into one.

We geek out about why sexual olympics and hedonism will NOT set everyone free. What it means to have "fauxpowerment" around our sexuality and why individualistic solutions aren't going to heal the world.

We talk about Hugh Hefner (ugh), the ways doctors fail us, Jaclyn's visit to a sex research lab and what the vagina REALLY is. Seriously, that last bit blew my mind.

We also talk about what we can do to actually start changing the world, how we can confront things like toxic masculinity and patriarchy, and why it all matters.

You can pre-order the book here (it comes out November 14th, 2017).

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Jaclyn Friedman:

Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, speaker and activist, and creator of the hit books Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009, and #11 on Ms. Magazine’s Top 100 Feminist Nonfiction of All Time list) and What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety. Her podcast, Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire.

 

Stay in touch with Jaclyn on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @jaclynf.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_187.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

First up, I am so excited to announce the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition. It kicks off December 4th and it's totally free. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure.

To see the line-up and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com.

Also, I am taking new coaching clients, so if you're at a point where you want to unpack some shame, get unstuck, or ask for some personalized advice, head to dawnserra.com.

This week we are talking about technology, innovation, and sex education. Andrea Barrica is here, the founder of O.School. She has long been in the tech industry, working with the titans in Silicone Valley, and it's clear that the internet is not designed for sex education or for safety.

Andrea is on a mission to change that. She wants people to have a harassment-free, trauma-informed place to access sex education that is real, powerful, and available anywhere in the world.

We talk about all the ways technology is currently failing us, what's next for sex education, and how we can design better solutions that center the most marginalized. This episode will totally scratch your geek side, so dive in!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Andrea Barrica:

Andrea Barrica is CEO/co-founder of O.school, an online shame-free platform for pleasure education, powered by live-streaming and chat to help people unlearn shame, process trauma, and learn about sex and pleasure. Previously, Andrea co-founded YC-backed accounting and tax platform, inDinero.com, where she led sales and operations. She also served as a venture partner and entrepreneur-in-residence at 500 Startups, one of the world’s most active, global seed funds.

Stay in touch with Andrea on LinkedIn and follow along on Twitter at @abarrica and @OschoolLive.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_186.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 4:00am EDT

Your questions have been pouring in. And of course, if you want to practice being the sexpert, folks who support the show on Patreon at $10 get to offer their advice for the show, too.

So, where are we going this week?

Emma has been seeing someone for a few years who keeps disappearing and ignoring her. They have amazing chemistry and great sex, so what can she do about the way he behaves? 

The truth is the way he's behaving is abusive and all about control and manipulation, and not at all about honoring this relationship. I dive into the why and how of what I think Emma should do next.

Maddy and another listener both wrote in recently asking for help about how to raise sex positive kids. I have a bunch of resources to share from books to websites and big concepts that I think set us up for more success as teens and adults. Also, Nadine Thornhill talked about this on episode 109 of the show. Check that out, too.

Because kids and sex is about more than just condoms and STIs. It's about emotional intelligence, resilience, finding your voice, knowing your own body, communicating boundaries and desires, and learning how to survive the awkward. If parents can help kids learn that? They'll be so much better prepared for all the stuff around sex that makes sex so confusing and difficult. Plus, FOCUS ON THE PLEASURE. Talking about pleasure doesn't make kids have the sex. But it does empower them around knowing what they want later in life.

Another listener needs help finding a third for her threesome desires, but she has herpes. How can she find someone who wants to play with her and her boyfriend, and who won't mind her herpes status? Speaking of playing with others, Lindsey and her boyfriend love being watched while they have sex. They've done it once, but they want to do more. Where can they find voyeurs who will enjoy watching them get off?

From Tinder and OK Cupid to exploring local poly groups and play parties, there are loads of options if you're willing to put in a little work and ask for what you want.

Tori is a rape survivor with a long history of less-than-satisfying sex. She's in a new relationship and she's taking it slow, but she needs help around how to disclose her survivor status to her boyfriend. I have lots of thoughts about what it means to share your trauma with someone, and how to explore this space from a place of connection and curiosity rather than one of fear and shame.

Finally, Nathan wants to know how to convince his girlfriend to be his keyholder because he is into chastity devices. Will she even want to?

Once again, the only answer is to ask her, and I explain why.

One last thing - I am putting the finishing touches on a new online workshop all about porn, so stay tuned for that.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Scarleteen.com

Cory Silverberg's books "What Makes a Baby?" and "Sex is a Funny Word"

Anastasia Higginbotham's "Tell Me About Sex, Grandma", "Death is Stupid", and "Divorce is the Worst"

Nadine Thornhill, a sex educator specifically working with parents on teaching their kids about sex. Check out her YouTube, too.

Heather Corinna (founder of Scarleteen) has a book called "S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties"

A great resource for parents about raising kids is John Gottman's "Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting"

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Direct download: Episode_185.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT