Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

If you've been thinking about working with a coach around your desire, relationship, body, or shame, I am now accepting new clients and my rates are increasing January 2019. Learn more at dawnserra.com/work-with-me.

Healing, survival, resilience, and how pleasure heals with Staci Haines

Every once in a while, I have a conversation that brings things into focus. This week's conversation with Staci Haines one of those special experiences.

I've long had Staci's book, "Healing Sex" on my shelf and used it as a resource for healing around sex. But speaking with her was a rare treat.

We talk about trauma and oppression, surviving, and then move into a beautiful exploration of what it means to heal, having compassion for the ways we survived, and developing a practice around resilience and pleasure.

Why is pleasure so important? How can we invite intentional rituals of resilience into our relationships? Why is social action so crucial to our well-being? What do human beings most need to feel their aliveness?

It is so damn good, and I hope you savor it the way I did.

Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3/month and above, you score weekly bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, Staci and I continue the conversation and dive into how we can be better partners to survivors of abuse and trauma - we talk about resourcing yourself, avoiding saviorhood, and doing your own healing and boundary work.  Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Staci Haines:

Staci K. Haines is a co-founder and the Executive Director of generative somatics. She integrates trauma and healing and a systemic analysis of power, into this unique and powerful work. Staci is committed to the interdependence of personal, collective and systemic transformation: “We are shaped by our deeply personal experiences and our social conditions. Through embodied transformation and collective action we can move ourselves, communities and society toward what is life­ affirming. The focus of gs is to bring the transformative power of somatics to serve social and environmental justice movements.” Staci is also a founder of generationFIVE, which has the mission to end the sexual abuse of children within 5 generations. She is the author of Healing Sex: A Mind Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma (Cleis 1999, 2007).

Be sure to also check out generationFIVE, which seeks to eliminate child sexual abuse in five generations.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_235.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

If you've been thinking about working with a coach around your desire, relationship, body, or shame, I am now accepting new clients and my rates are increasing January 2019. Learn more at dawnserra.com/work-with-me.

Why story hijacking and advice are rarely what the people we love need.

Kate Kenfield is back and setting a new record for the show with her third stint as a guest.

As a sex educator who is now diving deep into empathy, feelings, emotional intelligence, and self-care, we adore having brain sex and geeking out about all the things.

Plus, Kate is joining us this week to celebrate a huge announcement - her Tea & Empathy cards have been turned into a Kickstarter campaign. If you've been wanting to grab some cards for yourself, the prices are awesome AND you can help Kate get this incredible resource out to even more people with your support. Check out the crowdfunding campaign here

Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3/month and above, you score weekly bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Kate's Tea & Empathy Cards Kickstarter. GO SUPPORT IT! I use these cards ALL THE TIME.

About Kate Kenfield:

Kate Kenfield is a speaker, writer, and empathy educator based in Melbourne, Australia. Her workshops, talks, and writing have improved people’s emotional literacy, whether in a professional or personal context. Kate’s internationally sought-after feelings cards called Tea & Empathy have been used across the world to train doctors, students, educators, and many others to better understand, engage with, and talk about feelings in a practical and non-confrontational way; changing professional and personal interactions.

Kate holds a Masters in Public Health from the University of Melbourne, and a Bachelors in Anthropology from the University of California at Berkeley. She’s a frequent guest lecturer at the University of Melbourne and has provided hundreds of invited presentations in corporate settings and institutions such as UCLA, New York University, Indiana University, and Australian National University. She regularly consults for organizations in the education, healthcare, and non-profit sectors.

You can find out more about her work at katekenfield.com. Stay in touch on Instagram and Twitter.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_234.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:30am EST

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

Jes Baker on Mormonism, sex, changing bodies, and saying "fuck it".

If I had to point to a single person who caused my entire life to pivot and open up, it would be Jes Baker. She is the reason I even started questioning the stories I'd been given about my body. It was her blog, her fierce truths to fat folks, that was the catalyst for my own journey towards healing, towards being more curious about my pleasure and sexuality, towards nearly everything I have come to be at this point in my life.

So, it's not an understatement to say that it has long been a dream of mine to interview Jes, and I had so much fun chatting with her for the show. Despite a LOT of technical difficulties, we made it work.

From her upbringing within the Mormon faith to confronting her deepest fears around intimacy in love, we cover quite a bit in this episode, and I am incredibly delighted to share it with you.

Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3/month and above, you score weekly bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. This week's bonus is a big ol' run down of what I learned in Narrative Therapy training. It's a huge fuck-you to traditional therapy and mental health, which I adore. Delight in it by supporting the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Jessica Valenti, Full Frontal Feminism

Jes Baker, Landwhale

About Jes Baker:

Jes Baker is a positive, progressive, and magnificently irreverent force to be reckoned with in the realm of self-love advocacy and mental health. She is internationally known for preaching the importance of body liberation, hard conversations, strong coffee, and even stronger language.

Jes burst onto the body positivity scene when she created her own ads mocking Abercrombie & Fitch for discriminating against all body typesa move that landed her on the Today Show and garnered a loyal following for her raw, honest, and attitude-filled blog missives.

When not writing, Jes spends her time speaking around the world, working with plus size clothing companies, organizing body liberation events, taking pictures in her underwear and attempting to convince her cats that they like to wear bow ties.

Learn more about Jes at TheMilitantBaker.com. Stay in touch with Jes on social media on Instagram and Twitter.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_233.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

Listener questions on destroying a pussy, pleasure, and book lists.

Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed for the Supreme Court the day I recorded this, so we start there. Howard Zinn's op-ed from 2005 speaks loudly to where we are today. And I read Monica Raye Simpson's letter to SisterSong followers today because it is more eloquent than anything I could say.

"I have seen people talk about taking the country back, but as Black women we know this country and this government were never meant to serve or respect or protect us. We have to protect ourselves. And that is what we have always done and will continue to do." Monica Raye Simpson

PainJane wants to destroy her pussy. She wants to make it unusable, to be used as a beer coozy, to be fisted, to be destroyed. She's worried her partner will think it's disgusting or weird, so how can she tell her partner about this fantasy and maybe even act it out? I enlisted a bunch of other sex educators to help me answer this terrific question.

Sunny Megatron has some fantastic advice and lots of questions that can help PainJane and all of us investigate the "why" of our fantasies and the feelings of them that make it easier to talk to partners about our fantasies. Such good stuff.

Anonymous wrote in because she's super new to sex positivity. She's looking for books and blogs that can help her learn more about sexuality, sex positivity, and unpacking her evangelical roots. So, I'm putting together an official book list. Join the Sex Gets Real newsletter here to get that recommended book list from me in a few weeks.

Also, avoid educators and "experts" who position themselves as the expert in your body, your story, or sell One True Way to be sexual, woke, or kinky.

Kat loves the show and wants more access to the resources I mention.

Discouraged is struggling to find a hookup. She's a lesbian who wants to try kink, but every time she suggests meeting up with someone, they disappear. What gives? Is there a secret code word she doesn't know about?

Celia wants to know how pleasure is political. Oh boy. HOLD ON. We're going for a ride on my passionate soapbox. Everyone should start with reading Audre Lorde - any of her work around The Erotic is crucial. Afrosexology and Feminista Jones are also terrific resources.

This week's bonus is a very funny and sweet email about farting on a partner during sex. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_232.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

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