Sex Gets Real: Talking Sex, Relationships, and Kink with Dawn Serra

It's just you and me this week. No guest. No interview. Just your questions and emails and me savoring every single one of them.

We're talking transsexual fetish sex, pegging, exploring sex with a partner who is a rape survivor, what it means to be bad at sex, Hollywood myths about how sex should look, and ALL the ways to communicate with the folks we're fucking so that we can all be more successful in the sack.

Don't forget to take the location poll on the homepage of sexgetsreal.com to help me choose the cities I'll visit with my Sex Gets Real tour, too.

Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true.

Resources discussed in this episode

"Radical Ecstasy" by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton

"Cyber Infidelity" by Dr. Eve

SpareParts Joque harness - want one? I sell them. Contact me for details.

Ruby Ryder, pegging expert

Sex after rape. There's a great article here and here.

About Dawn Serra

For those of you who have listened for awhile, you know more about my sex life than most people know about their partners, but I figured it was time for a little bio action.

First, you can check out my sex & relationship coaching over at DawnSerra.com.

You can follow me on Twitter @dawn_serra, on Facebook, and over on Instagram, too.

Here's the official word: In a world that makes us feel like we aren’t enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we’re told about sex, relationships, and our bodies.

As a sex coach, sex educator, and fat-bodied trauma survivor, Dawn invites you to drop the shame, get curious, and explore sex on your terms, in whatever form that may take.

Dawn is also the creator of the annual Explore More Summit.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".

You know I love hearing from you, so here's how to reach the show

  • Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)
  • Email: info@sexgetsreal.com
  • Contact form: Click here
Direct download: Episode_120.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Have you taken the poll on sexgetsreal.com yet telling me where in the world you are? I want to take this show on the road, but first, I need to know where you are!

This week's chat is one of my favorites. Andre Shakti is an absolute delight. The first time I saw her in person at Sex Down South last year, I was in complete awe. She is this vibrant, powerful force to be reckoned with, and when she said she'd come on the show I was completely tickled.

We dive into sex work, fetish wrestling, porn, and more. One of the things she mentions during our chat is how we do not have any resources in the world on how to be a good consumer of sex work or of porn. She draws an parallel between Julia Roberts and porn performers that is fantastic.

Plus, we talk about the importance of letting go of goals in sex and instead, getting to know your body and celebrating what it's capable of, instead of obsessing over what you wish it could do. 

Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Violet Blue and TinyNibbles.com - resources on ethically produced pornography

About Andre Shakti

Andre Shakti is an educator, producer, activist, and professional slut devoted to normalizing alternative desires, de-stigmatizing sex workers and their clients, and not taking herself too seriously. She wrestles mediocre white men into submission and writes about sex work, queerness and non-monogamy for Cosmopolitan, Harlot, MEL, and more. She can frequently be found marathoning Law & Order: SVU under a chaotic pile of partners and pitbulls, and yes, she knows how problematic that show is.

Follow Andre on Twitter @andreshakti and check out her super sexy website AndreShaktiXXX.com (NSFW).

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".

You know I love hearing from you, so here's how to reach the show

 

  • Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)
  • Email: info@sexgetsreal.com
  • Contact form: Click here
Direct download: Episode_119.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Body positivity is something I constantly bring up on the show - not only because it's an important part of my own story, but because I'm constantly getting questions from listeners about their own body shame and struggles.

That's why I am so excited by this unapologetic and energizing look into pole dancing and burlesque with Kaila Prins. Not only did she use both to help her work through an eating disorder, but she has also discovered what it means to be embodied and to live in a deeply consensual place, as a result.

From controlling the gaze of the audience to sharing what it's like to get naked on stage for the first time, we roll around in gender, safe spaces, embracing 'ugly' as a by-product of feeling empowered and attuned to your body, and so so much more.

Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

In this episode, Kaila and Dawn:

  • Dig into the difference between pole dancing and burlesque, or as Kaila does, pole-esque. We also give a nod to the strippers who pioneered the sport - as pole dancing has its roots in sex work.
  • Explore the history of burlesque and how it was largely about parody and having this tongue-in-cheek quality of humor. Now, burlesque is actually neo burlesque  - you can make a political statement or drown yourself in crystals like Dita Von Teese. You name it, there's a way to do burlesque, as long as it still has that element of the tease and controlling the audience.
  • Discuss Kaila's journey to her own self acceptance and sexual awakening through pole dancing and burlesque after a religious upbringing that valued conformity. While some people deny that pole dancing is not sex work when they do it, we also talk about the importance of staying aware of the privilege and understanding where it comes from.
  • Talk about how to be a better consumer of sex work and sexual performances. Also, how can we remove the shame from sexualized spaces like strip clubs?
  • Throw down over sexual trauma and body trauma and the culture we live in that tells us our bodies are unsafe and undesirable places. Plus, we touch on Kaila's eating disorder - what lead to it and how she now manages it through pole dancing and burlesque.
  • Discuss what consent means at a deep, embodied level - including recognizing what parts of your body and experience you DO NOT want to engage with.
  • Dive into how to own the gaze, how to masterfully tease someone with slow movements and delaying the release. It all sounds so yummy.

Resources discussed in this episode

Stripcast: True Stories of a Stripper with a PhD by Lux ATL.

About Kaila Prins

I’m a drag queen trapped in a cis-woman’s body. A ditcher of diet culture—after recovering from EDNOS/orthorexia, exercise addiction, and anorexia. A voiceover actor who is no longer afraid to use her voice. A burlesque and pole performer who found body acceptance and body positivity through dance. A certified health and wellness coach who teaches (and podcasts about) health at every size and discovery, not recovery.

Kaila Prins is Performing Woman, a motivational speaker, workshop leader, wellness coach, and dance teacher.

You can find her at PerformingWoman.com and on Twitter @performingwoman.

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

  • Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)
  • Email: info@sexgetsreal.com
  • Contact form: Click here
Direct download: Episode_118.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

A listener question sent me on a quest to find some folks who could share their coming out stories, specifically cis men, and that quest led me to TT Baum. Several colleagues had the most amazing things to say about him, and when we finally connected, I adored his calm energy and beautiful openness.

This episode has so many tender moments - from his coming out story to his thoughts on sex education for youth to his journey to becoming a sacred intimate. I wanted to listen to him talk for hours.

So, settle in and get ready for a great chat with TT Baum.

Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Bondassage

The Body Electric School

About TT Baum

TTBaum is a Sacred Intimate and Sex Educator based in San Francisco. He has been dubbed a pleasure activist and a warrior of love. TT’s path to sexual awakening began over a decade ago. He has refined a powerful style of erotic facilitation that integrates his own sexual research with the teachings of his mentors (among them, Joseph Kramer, PhD., AnnieSprinkle, PhD. and Barbara Carrellas).

TT has a unique approach to supporting clients mastering their own erotic energy.

In his own words:

“As a Sacred Intimate, I have been called to provide my clients with new tools and experiences to awaken into a more satisfying and intimate sexual existence. To this end I see my practice as a Sacred Intimate from a holistic place that requires me to consider the harmony of the entire being: physical, emotional, spiritual and mental.”

Check out TT's website integral-eros.com and follow him on Twitter @integraleros.

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

  • Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)
  • Contact form: Click here
Direct download: Episode_117.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Trigger warning: talk of suicide

From the early days of queer porn to managing sex positive feminist shops to getting internet famous for her epic orgasm quest, Crista Anne - the rainbowiest of rainbow people - joins the show this week.

One of the things I've admired about Crista Anne for so long is her fierce, unapologetic approach to sharing her own struggles. She doesn't hide behind the internet and try to craft a perfect image. Her vulnerability and courage when it comes to her struggles with orgasm and depression caught my attention a while back, and I'm excited she's bringing that spirit to the show this week.

Plus, some of THE funniest quotes we've had on the show in a while.

Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

In this episode, Crista Anne and Dawn:

  • Have to make a little mansplaining joke after reflecting on a time when the internet was actually a nice place rather than a place full of harassment and cruelty.
  • Talk about how masturbation saved Crista Anne's life many times.
  • Roll around in Crista Anne's orgasmquest - her quest to experience orgasm after some anti-depressants made her orgasms go away. The daily regimen she put herself on to reawaken her vulva and clit is amazing.
  • Dig into how the medical community in the U.S. is not sex positive and most people don't know that so many medications (including over the counter stuff like Sudafed) can have sexual side effects. If you're already feeling broken and then your libido drops or you lose your orgasm, it just compounds the bad.
  • Answer a listener question about living with anxiety and trying to find sex partners. On top of that, this listener thinks she might be bisexual, but hasn't been able to work through the anxiety to actually have sex with a woman to find out.
  • Share how they navigate online dating and what they put in their profiles in order to weed out the folks who aren't a good fit, so they can get to people who are interested in what they bring to the table.
  • Field a question from Ily about short girl problems. Her new potential sex partner is very tall with a huge cock, and she doesn't know how to prepare herself for accommodating a big penis. Bottom line - you have have have to get as fully aroused as possible, and then lube and patience.
  • Why the "tight pussy" thing isn't actually a good thing.
  • Explore a listener question about threesomes. He has been asking his wife almost weekly for 20 years and now it's finally going to happen. We talk about how abusive it is to ask anyone to do something every week for many years, but if the wife truly is choosing this for herself, we have thoughts on navigating the minefield.

Resources discussed in this episode

Goodvibes

Tantus toys

About Crista Anne

Crista Anne is a rainbow colored pleasure revolutionary whose work focuses on starting conversations and busting stigmas surrounding the intersections of sexuality, mental illness and sex-positive parenting with her Partner XVO. With 15 years of working in different spheres of sexuality, Crista has been sharing her empowered sexuality online since before the term blog existed. You can find her work at CristaAnne.com and on Twitter @pinkness.

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

  • Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)
  • Contact form: Click here
Direct download: Episode_116.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:53am EDT

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