Sex Gets Real: Talking Sex, Relationships, and Kink with Dawn Serra (health, sexuality)

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today

Nadine is saving comprehensive sex ed

Ontario Canada recently elected a conservative leader named Doug Ford. One of his campaign promises is to roll back the comprehensive sex education program for Ontario schools.

Nadine refuses to let that happen, so she decided to do something about it. Check out her Go Fund Me campaign and donate here.

We talk all about what's in the comprehensive sex ed program and why life-long sex and relationship education is so crucial. What scares people and why do people want to roll it back?

We also talk about why it's important for kids to see adults mess up and do things awkwardly, plus we answer an amazing listener question from Kip about teaching her brother about sex when their parents are fans of abstinence only.

Queer the sex talks! GO KIP!

Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, you can listen to this week's bonus all about the Bloomberg Businessweek piece on OneTaste and Orgasmic Meditation plus I read some fun erotica by Rachel Kramer Bussel. http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Nadine Thornhill:

Nadine Thornhill has been helping families and educators talk to kids about sex for over a decade. She has a Doctor of Education in Child and Adolescent Sexuality and is a member of The Sexuality and Information Council of Canada. When she’s not working, Nadine enjoys adventures in the city with her husband and son, off-key crooning at karaoke, eating great food and watching reality television.

You can find Nadine at NadineThornhill.com. She’s also on Twitter @NadineThornhill and YouTube with awesome videos.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_217.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 1:09pm EDT

Heard about it on the show? The Sex Map game is just $9 and can be purchased here.

Your questions. Answered.

Katie has a new fat fling. She really likes him, but he talks about diets and weight loss a lot. She's been learning about diet culture, health at every size, and fact activism, so she needs help on how to set some boundaries with him to prevent discussions about the very things she's trying to overcome.

Loving Husband has lost his sex drive. On top of that, his wife only wants sex in the missionary position, and he feels so bored and uninspired by the sex they do have. Could that have an impact on his sex drive? And how can he talk to his wife about making things more interesting?

A listener from a previous episode was very angry with my response and sent several angry, pissy emails to me as a result. So I take a few minutes to talk about my process and how grateful I am for the generosity and kindness most of you extend to me.

Jake's girlfriend thinks masturbation and porn constitute cheating. But Jake really loves masturbating and he doesn't know how to talk her about his desire to have a sexual relationship with himself. Is it cheating? And what does he need to do to set their pending marriage up for success?

AnaBanana was ghosted, but not before the guy who ghosted her kept a bunch of her BDSM toys. She's asked for them back and hasn't gotten a response. Should she keep pursuing them or are they a lost cause?

Patreon supporters - I dive into the recent story of Chloe Dykstra coming out about the emotional and sexual abuse her ex Chris Hardwick subjected her to, plus some of the responses nerd culture is having to the story. Hear my thoughts (and all of the other weekly bonuses) at http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal when you support at $3 and above!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_216.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Guess what? I'm still in China. Because if you're going to travel halfway around the world, you want to stay a bit. Here is a yummy Pride-related replay of my fantastic chat with Riley J Dennis.
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Riley J Dennis is someone I’ve been watching on YouTube for a little while and completely admiring. I adore her passion for anti-oppressive work, talking about feminism, politics, sex, trans issues, and a bunch more.
 
So, I decided to reach out and invite her on the show. When she said yes, I immediately went to work watching as many of her YouTube videos as I could find. Some of the most fun homework because I spent hours geeking out over the topics and rolling around in her facts and super logical approach to things that a lot of people really hate.
 
We not only talk about trans identity policing, trans porn, and being visible online, but we also explore what it’s like to be so hated in the online space and why Riley’s sex toy video for trans folks completely melted my heart.
 
It’s super fun and I can’t wait for you to hear it.
 
Oh! Don’t forget: Patreons who support at the $3 level and above get access to weekly bonus content – extra interviews, erotica readings, and much more. patreon.com/sexgetsreal
 
Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It’s true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.
 
About Riley J. Dennis
Riley J. Dennis is a trans, non-binary, gay, polyamorous woman who makes YouTube videos about intersectional feminism, politics, queer stuff, and a whole lot of other topics. She thinks all TV shows and movies should be gayer.
You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @rileyjaydennis.
Direct download: Replay_Episode_173.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

I'm in China on vacation, so this week we are replaying a popular episode from the past. This one is Lola Davina on thriving in sex work since it was International Whores' Day on June 2nd.
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How can you thrive as a sex worker, navigating the fact that you have no real safety while also performing erotic fantasies and sex at the same time? How can you care for yourself as clients bring in their pain, shame, and fear and expect you to heal them?
 
Lola Davina is here to help us answer those questions and more. Her new book, “Thriving in Sex Work,” is like a big sister’s guide to caring for yourself as a sex worker.
 
We talk about the unrealistic expectations clients often come in with, being financially responsible, setting boundaries and trusting your gut, creating rituals to celebrate small and big wins, and a whole lot more.
 
It’s fascinating and practical. It’s one of my favorite chats, and I think you’ll hear why.
 
Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It’s true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.
 
Resources from this episode
About Lola Davina
Lola Davina has spent more than 25 years in and around the sex industry, working as a stripper, dominatrix, porn actress, and escort over a fifteen-year period. She has earned an M.A. in Human Sexuality and an M.S. in Nonprofit Fundraising, and writes a self-care and wellness column for YNOTcam.com.
 
You can stay in touch with Lola at loladavina.com, on Facebook, and on Twitter @Lola_Davina.
Direct download: Replay_Episode_177.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is releasing soon. Grab your spot today

What if honesty isn't the best policy for rebuilding trust?

Shadeen Francis recently spoke at Explore More Summit, and her talk was one of the fan favorites for the entire conference. Her formula for trust challenged many and offered new language and feelings of YES! That's it!

So, in this episode, Shadeen shares all about how she became a therapist, why sex is crucial for our well-being, how Shadeen's relationship with self feeds her erotic experiences and how it ties to the work she does, and then we dive into relationships.

We talk about trust, the difference between honesty and transparency, negotiating boundaries, tolerating uncomfortable feelings, and then we field a listener question from Lost Lonnie who is worried that their obsession with cheating is more about a fear of commitment.

Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, you can listen to this week's bonus which includes Shadeen and I talk about toxic relationship behaviors, control, and how to shift your relationship scorekeeping into something playful and productive. http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Shadeen Francis:

Shadeen Francis, MFT is a marriage and family therapist, professor, and author specializing in sex therapy and social justice. Shadeen has been featured on platforms like 6-ABC, the New York Times, and the Huffington Post to share her expertise, and she also speaks internationally on topics such as sexual self-esteem, intimacy, and inclusivity. Shadeen’s belief is that the world is built on the strengths of communities. This worldview has propelled her to focus on underserved populations: ethnic and cultural minorities, the kinky/poly/queer communities, and victims of economic hardship. Her work allows people of all backgrounds to improve their relationships and live in peace and pleasure.

Stay in touch with Shadeen at shadeenfrancis.com and on Twitter @shadeenfrancis.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_215.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Three links to get you started:

  1. Ready to pre-order my boundaries workshop? Check out details for "Take Up Space: A Workshop on Boundaries, Self-Worth, & Strengthening Your Relationship With Self"
  2. Want free feminist porn? Enter this week's giveaway here. Deadline is Saturday, May 27th.
  3. The Sex Map game is just $9 and can be purchased here.

Your questions. Answered.

Bug has a funny sex toy story and wanted to share it. Beware of Pop My Cherry, folks.

Regis looked up the definition of orgasm and it includes anal contractions. Regis' ex did it when she came, but their current partner's ass doesn't visibly spasm. Aren't they orgasming? Isn't this a tell-tale sign?

NO. It is not. Find out why.

Also, be sure to check out Emily Nagoski's new TED talk (on the big stage!) all about why body cues might not be the best way to tell what's going on with a partner.

Christina's husband only gives her sex once per week. She is over it. What can she do? Why won't he fuck her but then why does he tease her with kisses and touches?

There's some toxic behaviors at play here, so tune in for my advice.

Sarah wants to know more about my sex life, so I field a few questions about my likes and dislikes. (And reveal much more in the bonus content for Patreon supporters, so pop over to http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal to hear it. Supporters are $3 and above get access!

KZ wrote in wondering if it's unusual to have a foot fetish. KZ loves feet and has trouble staying aroused if a partner doesn't have attractive feet. Is that weird?

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Direct download: Episode_214.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:48pm EDT

Dreaming of quitting your day job to start your own business? Join the free virtual training, True Freedom Symposium: The When, What, Why, and How to Quit Your Day Job and What's Really On The Other Side, starting May 14th. It's free, online, and I'm a speaker alongside Modern Family's Ed O'Neill, Dinner and a Movie's Paul Gilmartin and the amazing Pam Slim of "Escape From Cubicle Nation." Sign up here.

Your questions. Answered.

Ana just started graduate school. She's working on becoming a sex educator, and needs a side hustle to make more money. She was thinking about a sex toy party business, but wants to find a company that is ethical and offers body safe products. Any recommendations?

Anonymous wants his wife to have more sexual pleasure, but she doesn't masturbate, she doesn't like oral, and he bought her a vibrator that he wants her to use. How can he introduce it to her?

To which I say, WHHOOOOAAA. You're putting the cart before the horse on this one. Here's where he should really start.

Sam wrote in scared that his closeted gay relationship is about to end. In the beginning, he and his boyfriend had the most incredible NRE (new relationship energy). But things have been fizzling and his boyfriend is about to move 4 hours away. Is the relationship over?

Sometimes people email me and I sit on their email until I feel resourced enough to reply. Joseph wrote in a few months ago with an email that made my blood boil, so I've waited until now to field it. His question? How can we possibly be sex positive when the differences between the genders are just SO HUGE?

Anyone who listens to this show knows I've got some big feelings about gender, so here we go. Soapbox time.

WiltingTulip has a heartbreaking email and needs support. Her partner spends hours a day downloading, categorizing, and watching porn. For seven years, there have been tears, fights, guilt, and shame. She feels like it's destroying their relationship and she doesn't know how to be more pro-porn when it feels so awful. Especially because the women he watches look nothing like her. Is there any hope?

I'm actually quite proud of my answer for this one and I hope you'll give it a listen. I think the answer may surprise you and give you something yummy to think about.

Patreon supporters - This week I'm reminiscing about masturbation in TV and movies. What was the first masturbation-related scene you remember? And did you know there's an entire college textbook just on masturbation in pop culture? Of course, I had to buy it. Let's talk solo sex, shall we? Supporters get access if they support at the $3 level and above. Tune in and support the show here: http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY LOLA.

My LOLA, the subscription service for organic tampons and pads has just launched Sex by LOLA. You can subscribe to receive body safe non-toxic condoms, water-based aloe vera lube, and personal wipes (gynecologist approved!) sent directly to your door. I LOVE IT. Listeners get 40% off their first order at mylola.com with Promo Code SGR40 at checkout.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.
 

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_213.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:15pm EDT

Did you miss Explore More Summit 2018? Not to worry. All of the talks are available for you to bring home, plus some yummy bonuses! See your options and explore your more in life, love, and sex: exploremoresummit.com.

It's time for more listener questions.

You know I love talking with super smart awesome folks on the show, and I also adore fielding your questions. So that's what we're doing this week - your questions.

Jon thinks he might be bisexual. What should he do?

Pete wants to try pegging, but he is up in Alaska without any shops nearby. Where can he and his partner get everything they need for newbie pegging? Of course, I recommend the SpareParts Joque and also dildos by Tantus. 

Ronman7 wrote in because he is in love and feeling happy with the woman in his life. The problem is he has a secret fantasy and he doesn't know what it means. Should he act on it? How can he be monogamous AND also true to this fantasy he carries? 

Anonymous wrote in because she just can't feel attracted to her boyfriend, especially after seeing pictures of him when he had a more "traditionally attractive" body. Anonymous feels entitled to a partner whose body looks a certain way, so what can she do? I'll boil my advice down to one thing: leave him. He deserves better.

Sassy Cassie is a 21 year old who struggles with body image and has never had sex. She things her body image issues are keeping her from diving into the sexual adventures she wants to experience, so how can she find more confidence in her body?

And finally, Dismay is a 19 year old who finds herself being disgusted about sex. She feels guilty when she masturbates, and she isn't sure if she's asexual, demisexual, or something else. What's with the strong, intense reaction about sex? What can she do?

Patreon supporters - A little rant about incels. Because we need to talk about the toxicity of feeling like others owe you access to their body and the violence that erupts from that entitlement. http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY HIMS. For a $5 first month trial, head to forhims.com/real.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real and the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_212.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

SIGN UP NOW! Explore More Summit 2018 is happening now. It ends May 2nd, so grab your all-access pass for free before it's too late. exploremoresummit.com.

What is changing in the wake of the #MeToo movement? How do we talk about sex and power?

Amy Jo Goddard is joining me this week to talk about BIG things. Amy Jo is a powerhouse of change, fierce and uncompromising in her commitment to sexual liberation and social change. I've been working with her on her Sex, Power, and Leadership Conference - which is a free online conference all about liberation, social change, pleasure, and the world in a post #MeToo movement.

It. Is. So. Fucking. Good.

So, this episode is us geeking out about sexual liberation, tolerating touch in relationships, the importance of pleasure activism if we want to experience real change, the Bill Cosby verdict, what transformative and patient-centered gynecology can look like, and holy shit - so much more.

If you want to sign-up for the conference, it's all happening April 30th - May 7th. It features Jaclyn Friedman, Carol Queen, Betty Martin, Dr. Willie Parker, adrienne maree brown, Dr. Chris Donaghue from LoveLine, Andre Shakti, Tina Horn, Dalychia Saah from Afrosexology, and many more.

This is actually orgasmic for me - these conversations are speaking my love language. I hope you're join us.

Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, you can listen to this week's bonus which is me chatting with Sinclair Sexsmith all about strap-on sex. SO MUCH STRAP-ON STUFF. You do not want to miss it. http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Amy Jo Goddard:

Hailing from Military Dad and Recovering-Catholic-Proudly-Sandra-Dee-Mom, Amy Jo Goddard had no other choice but to become a sex educator just to sail the shaky waters of human experience and help her family survive.

Actually they don’t really take sex advice from her.  

But thousands of others have—Amy Jo is author of Woman on Fire: Nine Elements to Wake up Your Erotic Energy, Personal Power and Sexual Intelligence and co-author of the best-selling classic Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men, recently published in second edition. She earned her Master’s degree in Human Sexuality Education at New York University and has been teaching and speaking about feminism and sexuality for over two decades. She facilitates sexual empowerment programs for women, queer folks and couples, and works with companies to create workplace cultures that honor consent, equality, stellar communication and collaborative leadership.

Join the conversation and sign-up for the Sex, Power, and Leadership Conference - it is free and online, happening April 30 - May 7, 2018. See you there.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_211.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

SIGN UP NOW! Explore More Summit 2018 starts in just a few hours and runs for the next 10 days. It's free and online. Grab your ticket now at exploremoresummit.com.

What if we could not only write ourselves whole after trauma, but write our way into the erotic and desire?

This week, Jen Cross, author of "Writing Ourselves Whole: Using the Power of Your Own Creativity to Recover and Heal from Sexual Trauma," is here to talk about healing and the power of the page.

Let's start with the giveaway! Jen generously provided me with a signed copy of her book to offer as part of a giveaway to SGR listeners. If you'd like to put your name in the running, there's a handy-dandy entry form here.

Jen and I talk about trauma and the ways it can impact us, plus the power of writing and storytelling to move beyond our trauma. There is something extremely meaningful in sitting in a group of people who understand the ways we move through the world and having that witnessed and held.

We also talked about the importance of the people around survivors (partners, family, friends) in getting their own support and holding space for the pain that comes with trauma.

Despite the heaviness of the topic, the conversation is surprisingly light and I had such a great time connecting with Jen.

We also field a listener question from Fearful about dissociating during sex and why we have such high expectations for ourselves around staying present - with and without trauma.

Patreon supporters - Jen and I talk about writing the erotic and how to get started with it. Pop over to Patreon and if you support the show at $3 and above, you can tune into all the bonus content from each week.  http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Jen Cross:

Jen Cross is a widely-published author and the founder of Writing Ourselves Whole, an organization that offers Amherst Writers & Artists writing workshops, creating spaces in which the true and complicated stories of the body can emerge. Jen has worked with hundreds of writers, through private workshops and in collaboration with colleges, social change organizations and other institutions throughout the U.S. For more information, visit www.writingourselveswhole.org.

You can stay in touch with Jen on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter @VozSutra.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_210.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:04pm EDT