Sex Gets Real: Talking Sex, Relationships, and Kink with Dawn Serra (health, sexuality)

HAPPY EPISODE 200! If you want to enter to win one of 49 spots on the online live recording of Sex Gets Real, complete this little entry form. Must be 18 or over to enter and be available March 22nd at 5pm PT/8pm ET. A random selection will be made on March 10th & winners will be notified via email.

And Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is all about being heartbroken and how to deal with the tears & the pain. I also want to hear about how you've navigated heartbreak. Did you eat ice cream in your PJs and cry over romcoms? Did you go out with friends and have revenge sex? If you're a Patreon supporter at $3 and above, you can tune in and weigh in.

So what's up for this episode?

You all have been sending me some TERRIFIC questions lately, and I was eager to dive in.

Aussie Gal wrote in from Australia with some love and delight. Satisfied Slippery Slut went to She Bop in Portland after hearing it mentioned on a previous episode and had a lovely experience. Let's all support feminist sex shops! They're awesome!

A listener texted me asking what kind of strap-on harness I use and how I keep it tight when I'm using it. So, I talk about my favorite strap-on as well as some other options folks might want to check out.

Scott wrote in with a question about orgasms. He's pretty sure he gave his past partners orgasms and noticed they curled their toes. He's pretty sure his new girlfriend is happy and enjoying their connection, but he's also pretty sure she isn't orgasming since she doesn't curl her toes when her body is spasming. Is toe curling a sure sign of orgasms?

Anonymous has a condition that means vaginal penetration with her partner isn't a possibility for their sex life. They are really happy and incredibly passionate, but she's worried he is missing out since they can't have PIV sex. Is she being selfish or can sex that doesn't include intercourse actually work over the long term?

Merel Ann is struggling because her and her boyfriend decided to open up their relationship after months of talking about it. Everything was going great until he broke the one and only agreement they had, and now she feels betrayed. Can she ever get over the feelings of betrayal and broken trust? How can she move forward?

In addition to some of my thoughts on trust, betrayal, and moving on, I also recommend working with open relationship coach Gina Senarighi of Uncommon Love PDX. It might also help to check out Esther Perel's books "Mating in Captivity" and "The State of Affairs." Of course, I do work around this, too, if that helps.

Finally, Ethical Fan is from Mexico and he just read a piece in the NY Times about porn and kids. Is it really that bad? How can he talk to his 13 year old and 15 year old about porn so that they don't suffer bad expectations around sex?

That NY Times piece was a scare piece by an anti-porn writer. So, it's skewed and meant to terrify readers. Porn is not evil. The lack of education we offer young people is the real problem. We must start teaching media literacy to kids from the youngest of ages, and that helps with porn exposure. We have to start talking to our kids about porn at very young ages, because curiosity is natural and having sexual feelings as you're growing up is normal, so the more we can open that line of communication and arm them with the skills they'll need to see the difference between reality and fantasy, the better.

Don't forget to join me every Wednesday at 8pm EST/5pm PST on o.school for my free livestream, Pop Culture Undressed. I have so much fun talking all about the messages we learn about love, sex, and romance we learn from pop culture.

I am now pre-enrolling three new on-demand workshops that you can take from the privacy of your own home, entirely online. They are affordable, fun, and will give you an opportunity to learn new things and engage with new ideas, either on your own or with a new partner. Head to dawnserra.com/courses to see all of the courses that are available.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_200.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:35pm EST

Formidable Femme, aka Sarah B Holliday, is here this week talking about sex toy companies, the ethics of selling sex toys, rejecting the perfect survivor narrative, healing from trauma, plus we field a listener question about abuse.

Sarah is deeply committed to changing the way the sex toy industry operates, and she has loads of ideas about what makes for an ethical company in this field and where companies often fail.

Let's stop gendered toys and the marketing we use to promote them and instead center marginalized identities and bodies to make sex and pleasure truly inclusive.

We also discuss Sarah's terrific advice to sex toy companies, plus a few books for navigating trauma including "The Body Keeps the Score" and "Healing Sex."

You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about pleasure as revolution, as liberation, and resistance. I mean, if masturbating means we're giving a big F you to the sex negative oppressive world, who are we to deny ourselves the pleasure? Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen now. http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Sarah B. Holliday:

Sarah Brynn Holliday (pronouns: she/her) is a queer femme feminist sex blogger, educator, and consultant. She has a background in abortion rights and access, queer and trans liberation, and radical, pleasure-and-trauma-informed sex education.
 
Sarah runs formidablefemme.com, where she writes about how sexuality intersects with queerness, feminism, depression, and trauma. Much of her work centers around pushing for ethical, equitable, feminist business practice within the sex toy industry and helping people learn about how they can reclaim sex and pleasure after trauma. Sarah is also a Pleasure Professional with O.school, a radical, inclusive platform for online sex education.
 
Stay in touch with Sarah on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @sarahbholl.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_199.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Welcome to this week's episode of listener questions! And Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is me reading you a little queer erotica. Go listen now!

First up, Love All of Him sent an update. Find out what happened after they followed my advice and what lead to them
having PIV sex for the first time.

Leo from Scotland wrote in. He's had digestive issues for a few years and now his butthole is kind of saggy. He feels ashamed and doesn't know what to say to potential partners. Internalized ableism sucks. The good news is most people have no idea what buttholes look like, so let's about genital diversity and sharing vulnerable stuff about our bodies.

Soldier0510 is a service member stationed in South Korea with a wife back home in the US. She asks about keeping the heat burning while long distance, especially since they are both new and curious and BDSM dynamics. In addition to loads of recommendations about long distance kink and power dynamics, I also suggest a few books including "The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasies", "The Ultimate Guide to Kink", "Playing Well with Others", and "Radical Ecstasy."

Christian, a 32 year old gay man who comes from an anti-sex religious background wrote in. After years of hiding his sexuality and using porn as a coping mechanism, he now has a boyfriend but doesn’t know how to enjoy sex with another person. He is having trouble staying hard and wonders if his porn use destroyed his sexuality. 

I have a lot of thoughts, including the importance of spending time worshipping your partner without needing to have an
erection, or without needing to focus on orgasm, or sex as the goal. Learn what happens when you slow down.

Dega Glitter is a self-identified 34 straight female virgin who is terrified about sex but avidly reads erotica. She writes in about a complex, secret, problematic relationship with an older man she had in her early twenties and the psychological ripples of that liaison. This is an emotional one and I do my best to tread tenderly. Therapy and professional support are often our best resources when we're struggling.

TS writes in to asks about Dawn’s opinion on the Five Love Languages book. Do you prefer receiving gifts, quality time, or acts of service? Find out what Dawn’s favorite love languages are and which ones she’d rather not receive anymore.

Don't forget to join me every Wednesday at 8pm EST/5pm PST on o.school for my free livestream, Pop Culture Undressed. I have so much fun talking all about the messages we learn about love, sex, and romance we learn from pop culture.

I am now pre-enrolling three new on-demand workshops that you can take from the privacy of your own home, entirely online. They are affordable, fun, and will give you an opportunity to learn new things and engage with new ideas, either on your own or with a new partner. Head to dawnserra.com/courses to see all of the courses that are available.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_198.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Talking to other sex educators, researchers, and experts is one of my favorite things in life, especially when the conversations are rich, personal, nuanced, and challenging.

I met Cavanaugh Quick through O.School (where we both live stream sex ed for free), and the first time I saw Cavanaugh talk about feminist porn, I knew I wanted to have them on the show.

This episode is incredibly beautiful and real. From the reality of being awkward to practicing being aroused in public, from consent and non-verbal body cues to kink and getting your first vibrator, Cavanaugh offers a warm, kind, thoughtful perspective that feeds my soul.

You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about using techniques Cav learned for managing chronic pain to induce pain during sadistic kink play. SO FUN. Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen. http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Cavanaugh Quick:

Cavanaugh Coury Quick is a queer, trans, polyamorous, AfroLatinx adventurer with a passion for critical thought and personal autonomy. He uses strengths-based techniques and reflective practice to assist folk of all ages in exploring the intersections of their personal and professional identities, beliefs, and behaviors. He also plays the tuba.

Stay in touch with Cavanaugh on his website, and also on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @Heyawkwardology.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_197.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

What do butt play, pegging the patriarchy, non-sexual Dominance & submission, strap-ons, and sex clubs have in common? Why, Luna Matatas, of course.

She is joining me this week to talk about all the delicious, yumminess that is kink and pleasure. As a fellow O.School Pleasure Professional (check out her Fuck Like a Goddess weekly live stream), she loves talking about sex club etiquette, anal and how to seduce the anus, pee play, and strap-ons.

We go all the places, plus we field a few listeners questions while we're at it.

Plus, we have a yummy bonus chat all about piss play exclusively for Patreon supporters. Not yet a supporter of the show? Head to Patreon.com/sexgetsreal to join the fun.

If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Luna Matatas:

Luna Matatas is a sex and pleasure educator, crafting goddess and burlesque performer wannabe. She celebrates femininity, sex and body-positivity and all things that glitter. Luna packs over 10 years of experience internationally and locally in health and sexuality education. She takes a playful, realistic and open-minded approach to adult education. As a self-identified pleasure pusher, Luna facilitates accessible, judgement-free and safe spaces for people to be curious about their bodies, desires and relationships with themselves and others. Her workshops are refreshingly funny, warm and inviting. She loves hugs and is terrified of spiders and eggplant.

Stay in touch with Luna on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter @lunamatatas, and on Fetlife where she is somethingshiny.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_196.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 11:50am EST

Mona Darling is here to talk all things kinky. As a former pro Dominatrix with over 20 years of experience dominating folks in the kinkiest of ways, she has some fantastic advice on how to get started in kink, the skills most people overlook that actually make kink juicy and meaningful, and how to find your inner Domme if you're just getting started.

She has a new kinky activity book that's soon to be published and helps me field listener questions on how to do punishments and rewards in a 24/7 dynamic and also for newbie Daddy/Little Girl dynamics.

It's a fun, kink-tastic chat.

Plus, we have a yummy bonus chat exclusively for Patreon supporters. Not yet a supporter of the show? Head to Patreon.com/sexgetsreal to join the fun.

Psst - looking for more details on working with me? Check out my coaching details now!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Mona Darling:

Mona Darling is a former professional dominatrix who now teaches women and couples to discover, embrace and communicate their kinks.

You can stay in touch with her on Facebook and Twitter @MsMonaDarling. If you're female-identified, you can also join her private Facebook community.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_195.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

If you're looking for a unique way to kick of 2018, check out all of my online workshops and DIY goodies. They can make amazing gifts and they're all around $5-30 each. Pop over and see what's available now.

Happy New Year! This is dropping on New Year's Eve 2017, so let's shuffle 2018 in in style. I got myself a gift of a new vibrator. I'll be reporting back with my thoughts over on Patreon for supporters there. You can support the show, too!

I'm also live streaming on O.School Wednesday, January 3rd at 6pm all about Black Mirror. If you love Black Mirror, tune in (it's free) and geek out with me about the future of technology and love.

On to listener questions!

A listener wrote in saying her hottest fantasy is having her boyfriend fuck another woman. But, there's a catch. She is super jealous and doesn't think she can handle it in real life. What can she do? Patreon supporters Cadessa and Seductive Verse have lovely advice about taking it in stages, and then I add on my thoughts.

Sometimes fantasies are just that - fantasies. Ideas and scenes meant to fuel our arousal and desire. If we want to make our fantasies into a reality, we can do that slowly and with lots of support, especially if we're scared.

Hungry for Cock wrote in. She's in a monogamous relationship of 10 years, but she started cheating 8 months ago with an older man. She had no idea sex could be this good and now she wants sex with everyone she sees. Is that wrong?

Wanting sex is never a problem as long as we're choosing it for ourselves, but what is a problem is the cheating. It's time to either open up your relationship or end the relationship before exploring all of the sex you want to be having. Let's have sex with integrity and ethically - both for ourselves and for the people we have relationships with, even if it's hook-ups.

Rod wrote in because he's 37, he's just started making out with a new partner, and he ended up with mono. How did this happen? How can he talk to this new guy about having mono? And is his sex life over forever?

Mono is super common, especially when we're younger. Most people have dormant versions of the virus because it's just that common and spreads from coughs and shared drinks. You can read all about mono at the MayoClinic website.

More importantly we have to be able to talk about these things with partners. If we can't, we shouldn't be having these kinds of relationships. So, the most important thing is for Rod to talk to his partner. How? I have thoughts.

Polyamorous Duck has big feelings about OK Cupid's recent decision to eliminate usernames. I think it's a mistake and share why.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_194.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:20pm EST

If you're looking for a last minute holiday gift or you want to start your 2018 with a bang, don't forget you can grab my online on-demand workshops now! From porn to anal, from games to relationship charters, you'll find all sorts of fun, inviting goodies to help you level up.

Want to hear my mini round-up of things I loved in 2017? Head to Patreon and support the show. You can hear exclusive content, including my own recap of the year when you support at any level.

On to this week's show!

JoEllen Notte is here to talk about her favorite things of 2017, as well as some of the tips and ideas she explored around sex, depression, and resentment.

We talk about her love affair with the Doxy wand vibrator, how she decides what makes her Favorite Things list, why we both hate the phrase "porn for women", and why depression isn't really the relationship killer that so many people think that it is. 

We also answer a few listener questions. Is it weird to hate touching your genitals? Is there a wrong way to use a bullet vibe?

Tune in to find out!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About JoEllen Notte:

JoEllen is a writer, speaker, researcher and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site The Redhead Bedhead. JoEllen has spoken at Clark College, University of Chicago, University of Tennessee, Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit, the Guelph Sexuality Conference, and the Playground Conference and is currently writing her first book: “The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression & The Conversations We Aren’t Having”.
 
Stay in touch with JoEllen on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @joellennotte.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_193.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Don't forget to grab 25% off your RXBAR order at RXBar.com/sgr using promo code SGR at checkout. They've generously sponsored this week's episode. Perfect little delicious snacks for your post-sex nibbles.

Also, if you're looking for a unique holiday gift, check out all of my online workshops and DIY goodies. They can make amazing gifts and they're all around $5-30 each. Pop over and see what's available now.

And away we go...

Brandon wrote in because he used to find it super hot to spy on girls, like the scene in the movies Porky's. But now, as a father and adult, he finds it creepy and repulsive. What gives?

If you like thinking about what used to turn you on, what movies and TV shows made an impression, and you like geeking out about pop culture, I am going to have a weekly live show on O.School starting in January on Wednesday evenings. It's free, so join in the fun!

Kev is lost and needs guidance and acceptance. He thought he was straight, but just started having sex with men and now he can't get enough. He wants to end up with a wife and kids, but he isn't sure if he's gay or bisexual. Is there a way to find a queer woman he can test things out with?

I have lots of feelings about the homophobia in this message, and I also have thoughts about the need to find a label and to cling to certain identities, even in the face of other information and experiences. 

A young queer woman wrote in asking how she can find information about safer sex for queer teens in Dallas Texas. What does safer sex look like? Who can she trust?

I recommend checking out Scarleteen, first and foremost. Also, Planned Parenthood is a go-to resource, especially for sex positive care and sex ed info for teens. Once she's over 18, there's also the SW Sexual Health Alliance and a sex positive shop in Austin called QToys. And of course, Allison Moon's "Girl Sex 101" is a book everyone should have on their shelves.

Dan wants to know where to find sex positive therapists. I recommend starting with the Open List by Tristan Taormino and also AASECT.

Jack wrote in with lots of love. THANK YOU JACK! Also, how can Jack up their sexting game? They aren't very good at it. Check out my free Sexting Made Easy handout to get you started.

Three cheers for uberlube. Random unless you listen!

A 23-year-old wrote in. He just had sex for the second time but he couldn't cum. Is he just too used to his masturbation technique? Is something wrong? Let's talk about orgasms and goals and the pressure we put on ourselves during sex.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_192.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

My porn workshop, Hands Down: A Workshop on How Porn Can Heal, Connect, and Be Ethical, is now streaming. Check out the details at dawnserra.com/porn. Let's talk about the porn!

Here's that funny article I was giggling over called, "20 Things Guys Have Actually Said to Me In Bed."

Now, on to your questions.

Brittany wrote in seeking sexy kink events near her. The best place to go for kink events is Fetlife.com. You'll want to keep an eye out for munches and conferences. Because Brittany is in Massachusetts, she might also want to check out The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Rhode Island for workshops. Plus, Joellen Notte lists Oh My! Sensuality Shop and Good Vibrations in Massachusetts on her superhero sex shop map. Basically, any feminist sex shop will have classes and workshops that could be a fun way to meet folks.

A listener wrote back with an update. They found a friend to watch them have sex and it's turned into a fun threesome situation. Yay!

Jen wrote in because apparently there was a shit-show on another sex podcast where the guest did some major body shaming and had some sexist ideas about getting desire back. I love knowing people can turn to Sex Gets Real and Explore More Summit for more inclusive conversations. Ha.

As sex educators and therapists, we have a responsibility to examine our advice and our stories to ensure we aren't hurting people further. Fatphobia is one of those things we must confront and rewrite as experts.

Nugget wrote in with some words of love.

Nandi is fat and confused and needs help with her changing body. She's getting bariatric surgery and wonders if there's a way to find ease in her body without surgery. I have so many thoughts, including the importance of checking out all the talks at exploremoresummit.com because they're all about this VERY topic.

You never have to love your body. You are allowed to do whatever you need to do to survive. If you want to start diving into resources about fat stigma, self acceptance, fatphobia, and fighting diet culture, the resource page I created (which is growing) is a great place to start.

Your body is NOT the problem. The problem is our culture, our fatphobic doctors, our media consumption.

I highly recommend Hanne Blank's, "Big, Big Love", Elle Chase's, "Curvy Girl Sex", "The Intuitive Eating Workbook, "The Fat Studies Reader", and all the other books on the resource page mentioned above.

We have to prioritize our needs. We have to prioritize our body. We will always disappoint someone and people will always feel like they have a right to comment on our body or threaten us with "health" concerns. Finding people who can help support us as we exist in our body, as it is, is crucial.

Mastadon is a horny hubby. He and his wife opened their relationship temporarily a few years ago, and even though she doesn't want to do that again, he can't stop thinking about it. He wants adventure and new lovers and he feels like she just isn't adventurous or open to that sort of thing. He doesn't want to be a cheating piece of shit (his words), but he really wants to have new sexual experiences.

So often these questions are about avoiding discomfort and awkwardness. But that's just not possible. You have to evaluate what you most value, what you're most curious about, and then make some tough decisions. You are either committed to your relationship, which means uncomfortable conversations and finding ways to feel expressive and creative inside of it. Or, if your pleasure is more important, then transitioning out of the marriage might be the discomfort you need to move into.

Our partners may be open to changing things, but we cannot force them or manipulate them into it. Getting a sex coach or a sex therapist can be a good place to start, just to help the conversations to be more open and vulnerable.

Honesty and integrity are not about comfort. They take practice and moving into uncomfortable spaces. But the payoff can be tremendous when we do that.

Miss Lou is a BBW who has been asked to sit on a partner's face. What should they do? How should they do? How do you get on someone's face without it be awkward? Let's talk about fat face sitting!

Sometimes we just have to climb on and wiggle around, try pillows in a variety of positions, and find what works in the moment. Awkward can be fun when you're both excited and open about the fact that it's awkward. It's sex! So, get on, bounce around, and see what works. Then, do more of that.

Hoodie sex? Nick wants to know if it's weird that he wants to have sex with his girlfriend while she wears his hoodies. Is that weird? 

Nope. Because if it's consensual and you're both having fun, then who cares? Sex itself is weird. Enjoy it!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_191.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:31pm EST