Sex Gets Real: Talking Sex, Relationships, and Kink with Dawn Serra

Erotica has played a significant role in my own sexual exploration and development - from teaching me about my own desires and fantasies to understanding the depth of other people's sexual landscapes. It's a yummy and delicious space to play in.

That's why I'm so excited to be joined by Rachel Kramer Bussel this week, who has edited over 60 erotica books and who currently has 2 open calls for submissions. So listeners - if you are at all interested in getting some erotica published, take a look at the links down below.

Rachel talks about what makes for good erotica, how we can use erotica to not only arouse but to heal, ways to make erotica political and transformative, and all the ways she wants to challenge the narrative around conventional beauty in the stories she writes. Where are the fat men and the bald men and the short men and the body diversity?

We even talk about necrophilia, which may be a first for the show. 

Plus, Rachel teases us with a few minutes from an erotic story called "Starstruck" by Lazuli Jones, so settle in and get ready to get excited about all things erotica.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Rachel's "I Want To Hold Your Hand" (about a woman who wishes her husband hadn't lost weight)

Grab your copy of Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1

Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3 call for submissions

The Big Book of Submission, Volume 2 call for submission

Rachel's LitReactor Class starting in February

In or near L.A.? Check out Rachel's Erotica Writing 101 Workshop in January.

About Rachel Kramer Bussel

Rachel Kramer Bussel (rachelkramerbussel.com) writes essays and articles about sex, dating, books, pop culture, feminism and body image for publications including The New York Times, The Washington Post, Elle.com and Salon. She's edited over 60 anthologies, including Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, The Big Book of Orgasms, Cheeky Spanking Stories, Dirty Dates and is Best Women's Erotica of the Year series editor. She teaches erotica writing workshops across the country at colleges, conferences and sex toy stores as well as online via LitReactor.com.

Find out more at her blog Lusty Lady or EroticaWriting101.com and follow her @raquelita on Twitter.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_128.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Sinclair Sexsmith (you might know them as Sugarbutch) is here this week and we are talking ALL about kink, BDSM, and power dynamics.

We take a look at Sinclair's journey from submissive to Top to Dominant to Daddy and Master. What is it like to live in a 24/7 Master slave dynamic? How can people learn more?

We also discuss using BDSM to heal trauma and depression - it's a fine line, but it can be a powerful practice. Plus, what is Submissive Playground? Sinclair shares the details. I am so excited to share this chat with you, so settle in and let's do this.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

"My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday

"Slavecraft" by a grateful slave and Guy Baldwin

"Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers about Master/Slave Relationships" by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

About Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queer women" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for the Lambda Literary Award.Sinclair leads the 8-week online ecourse Submissive Playground (submissiveplayground.com) annually, where there is no wrong way to be submissive They identify as a white genderqueer butch dominant, a survivor and an introvert, and use the pronouns they, them, theirs, themself. Follow all their writings at patreon.com/mrsexsmith.

You can also follow Sinclair on Twitter @mrsexsmith, Facebook, Fetlife, and Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_127.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

In the DC area? I'm teaching kink, anal sex, thriving relationships, blowjobs, and more in October and November. Check out the details at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page

How does traditional consent education fail us? What do you do if you're in a new open relationship and it just isn't working for you? Can someone really orgasm without having their genitals touched?

This week, Yana Tallon-Hicks joins the show and we roll around in all those questions and more (don't miss Dawn's story of aiming a penis). It's a fun, laughter-filled talk and it's clear why TEDx invited Yana to do a talk on sex education recently.

The listener questions this week are particularly delicious, especially the final question from Lady Lilly - both Yana and I are near tears as we listen to the pain and heartbreak of her question.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Yana's resource guide to open relationships is here. Password: compersionimmersion

Watch Yana's TEDx talk.

Barbara Carrellas' book "Ecstasy is Necessary"

A video of Barbara Carrellas having a brain-gasm (or thinking her way to an orgasm) in an MRI machine

About Yana Tallon-Hicks

Yana Tallon-Hicks is a consent, sex & sexuality writer and educator living in Northampton, MA. Her work centers around the belief that pleasure-positive & consent-based sex education can positively impact our lives and the world (like really though).

Yana’s workshops work to create a welcoming & comfortable space for all to explore crucial aspects of our sexual selves such as pleasure, communication, consent & the body and are taught at colleges, high schools, and sex toy shops all over New England.

Read more about Yana & her work here, where you can also read her sex advice column, follow her on Instagram & Twitter, and watch her TEDxTalk: Is the Porn Brain Our New Sex Educator? during which she talks about watching porn with her husband, how we learn about sexual pleasure, and what that does for our concept of consent.

Find out more about Yana and her work on her website, yanatallonhicks.com.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_126.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

In the DC area? Sign up for my workshops at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page. The October “From Curious to Kinky” isn’t up yet, so check back soon if you’ve got your eye on that.

Sometimes I get intimidated or nervous about speaking with a guest. Other times I feel excited to dig in with a colleague or friend. But this week? The only word I had was delight.

Karen BK Chan delights me with her words and thoughts and ideas. The way she questions our cultural stories and makes sense of them astounds me. I could listen to her talk for hours, honestly.

So, when she agreed to come on the show, I didn’t know what to do with myself. How do you talk about all the things when you only have an hour?

We go deep in this episode. Where we start off talking about kindness and consent, we quickly end up eyeball deep in discussions around the masks we wear to protect ourselves from rejection and being consent violators ourselves and finding those places within ourselves that are invested in perpetuating our stories about who we are.

From rejection and emotional intelligence to a new approach to consent and digging into rape fantasies, it’s a packed show that left me brain boner-ing for days.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It’s true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Karen BK Chan

​Karen B. K. Chan is a sex and emotional literacy educator in Toronto. She has taught sex education and emotional literacy for 18+ years. Karen (aka BK) is dedicated to sex education that is plainly spoken, emotionally honest, and grounded in justice.

Known for her accessible style and easy sense of humour, BK speaks internationally in classrooms and at conferences, to children, parents, and professionals. BK integrates curriculum content into stories, and theory into practice.

Her 5-minute YouTube video “Jam” (which likens sexual experience to musical jamming) is used as a teaching resource internationally, and her chapter on sex and creative play was part of the AASECT Book of the Year in 2014. BK’s writing has appeared in publications like Sexology International, the Tete-a-Tete, SimplySxy.com, and national education manuals. In 2014, BK was named “Service Provider of the Year” by Planned Parenthood of Toronto for her work in sexual health.

You can find BK over at karenbkchan.com and on Twitter @karenbkchan.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don’t forget about I Heart Radio’s Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for “sex gets real”.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it’s anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_125.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

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