Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

If you're looking for a unique way to kick of 2018, check out all of my online workshops and DIY goodies. They can make amazing gifts and they're all around $5-30 each. Pop over and see what's available now.

Happy New Year! This is dropping on New Year's Eve 2017, so let's shuffle 2018 in in style. I got myself a gift of a new vibrator. I'll be reporting back with my thoughts over on Patreon for supporters there. You can support the show, too!

On to listener questions!

A listener wrote in saying her hottest fantasy is having her boyfriend fuck another woman. But, there's a catch. She is super jealous and doesn't think she can handle it in real life. What can she do? Patreon supporters Cadessa and Seductive Verse have lovely advice about taking it in stages, and then I add on my thoughts.

Sometimes fantasies are just that - fantasies. Ideas and scenes meant to fuel our arousal and desire. If we want to make our fantasies into a reality, we can do that slowly and with lots of support, especially if we're scared.

Hungry for Cock wrote in. She's in a monogamous relationship of 10 years, but she started cheating 8 months ago with an older man. She had no idea sex could be this good and now she wants sex with everyone she sees. Is that wrong?

Wanting sex is never a problem as long as we're choosing it for ourselves, but what is a problem is the cheating. It's time to either open up your relationship or end the relationship before exploring all of the sex you want to be having. Let's have sex with integrity and ethically - both for ourselves and for the people we have relationships with, even if it's hook-ups.

Rod wrote in because he's 37, he's just started making out with a new partner, and he ended up with mono. How did this happen? How can he talk to this new guy about having mono? And is his sex life over forever?

Mono is super common, especially when we're younger. Most people have dormant versions of the virus because it's just that common and spreads from coughs and shared drinks. You can read all about mono at the MayoClinic website.

More importantly we have to be able to talk about these things with partners. If we can't, we shouldn't be having these kinds of relationships. So, the most important thing is for Rod to talk to his partner. How? I have thoughts.

Polyamorous Duck has big feelings about OK Cupid's recent decision to eliminate usernames. I think it's a mistake and share why.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_194.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:20pm EST

If you're looking for a last minute holiday gift or you want to start your 2018 with a bang, don't forget you can grab my online on-demand workshops now! From porn to anal, from games to relationship charters, you'll find all sorts of fun, inviting goodies to help you level up.

Want to hear my mini round-up of things I loved in 2017? Head to Patreon and support the show. You can hear exclusive content, including my own recap of the year when you support at any level.

On to this week's show!

JoEllen Notte is here to talk about her favorite things of 2017, as well as some of the tips and ideas she explored around sex, depression, and resentment.

We talk about her love affair with the Doxy wand vibrator, how she decides what makes her Favorite Things list, why we both hate the phrase "porn for women", and why depression isn't really the relationship killer that so many people think that it is. 

We also answer a few listener questions. Is it weird to hate touching your genitals? Is there a wrong way to use a bullet vibe?

Tune in to find out!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About JoEllen Notte:

JoEllen is a writer, speaker, researcher and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site >The Redhead Bedhead. JoEllen has spoken at Clark College, University of Chicago, University of Tennessee, Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit, the Guelph Sexuality Conference, and the Playground Conference and is currently writing her first book: “The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression & The Conversations We Aren’t Having”.
 
Stay in touch with JoEllen on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @joellennotte.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_193.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Don't forget to grab 25% off your RXBAR order at RXBar.com/sgr using promo code SGR at checkout. They've generously sponsored this week's episode. Perfect little delicious snacks for your post-sex nibbles.

Also, if you're looking for a unique holiday gift, check out all of my online workshops and DIY goodies. They can make amazing gifts and they're all around $5-30 each. Pop over and see what's available now.

And away we go...

Brandon wrote in because he used to find it super hot to spy on girls, like the scene in the movies Porky's. But now, as a father and adult, he finds it creepy and repulsive. What gives?

Kev is lost and needs guidance and acceptance. He thought he was straight, but just started having sex with men and now he can't get enough. He wants to end up with a wife and kids, but he isn't sure if he's gay or bisexual. Is there a way to find a queer woman he can test things out with?

I have lots of feelings about the homophobia in this message, and I also have thoughts about the need to find a label and to cling to certain identities, even in the face of other information and experiences. 

A young queer woman wrote in asking how she can find information about safer sex for queer teens in Dallas Texas. What does safer sex look like? Who can she trust?

I recommend checking out Scarleteen, first and foremost. Also, Planned Parenthood is a go-to resource, especially for sex positive care and sex ed info for teens. Once she's over 18, there's also the SW Sexual Health Alliance and a sex positive shop in Austin called QToys. And of course, Allison Moon's "Girl Sex 101" is a book everyone should have on their shelves.

Dan wants to know where to find sex positive therapists. I recommend starting with the Open List by Tristan Taormino and also AASECT.

Jack wrote in with lots of love. THANK YOU JACK! Also, how can Jack up their sexting game? They aren't very good at it. Check out my free Sexting Made Easy handout to get you started.

Three cheers for uberlube. Random unless you listen!

A 23-year-old wrote in. He just had sex for the second time but he couldn't cum. Is he just too used to his masturbation technique? Is something wrong? Let's talk about orgasms and goals and the pressure we put on ourselves during sex.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_192.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

My porn workshop, Hands Down: A Workshop on How Porn Can Heal, Connect, and Be Ethical, is now streaming. Check out the details at dawnserra.com/porn. Let's talk about the porn!

Here's that funny article I was giggling over called, "20 Things Guys Have Actually Said to Me In Bed."

Now, on to your questions.

Brittany wrote in seeking sexy kink events near her. The best place to go for kink events is Fetlife.com. You'll want to keep an eye out for munches and conferences. Because Brittany is in Massachusetts, she might also want to check out The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Rhode Island for workshops. Plus, Joellen Notte lists Oh My! Sensuality Shop and Good Vibrations in Massachusetts on her superhero sex shop map. Basically, any feminist sex shop will have classes and workshops that could be a fun way to meet folks.

A listener wrote back with an update. They found a friend to watch them have sex and it's turned into a fun threesome situation. Yay!

Jen wrote in because apparently there was a shit-show on another sex podcast where the guest did some major body shaming and had some sexist ideas about getting desire back. I love knowing people can turn to Sex Gets Real and Explore More Summit for more inclusive conversations. Ha.

As sex educators and therapists, we have a responsibility to examine our advice and our stories to ensure we aren't hurting people further. Fatphobia is one of those things we must confront and rewrite as experts.

Nugget wrote in with some words of love.

Nandi is fat and confused and needs help with her changing body. She's getting bariatric surgery and wonders if there's a way to find ease in her body without surgery. I have so many thoughts, including the importance of checking out all the talks at exploremoresummit.com because they're all about this VERY topic.

You never have to love your body. You are allowed to do whatever you need to do to survive. If you want to start diving into resources about fat stigma, self acceptance, fatphobia, and fighting diet culture, the resource page I created (which is growing) is a great place to start.

Your body is NOT the problem. The problem is our culture, our fatphobic doctors, our media consumption.

I highly recommend Hanne Blank's, "Big, Big Love", Elle Chase's, "Curvy Girl Sex", "The Intuitive Eating Workbook, "The Fat Studies Reader", and all the other books on the resource page mentioned above.

We have to prioritize our needs. We have to prioritize our body. We will always disappoint someone and people will always feel like they have a right to comment on our body or threaten us with "health" concerns. Finding people who can help support us as we exist in our body, as it is, is crucial.

Mastadon is a horny hubby. He and his wife opened their relationship temporarily a few years ago, and even though she doesn't want to do that again, he can't stop thinking about it. He wants adventure and new lovers and he feels like she just isn't adventurous or open to that sort of thing. He doesn't want to be a cheating piece of shit (his words), but he really wants to have new sexual experiences.

So often these questions are about avoiding discomfort and awkwardness. But that's just not possible. You have to evaluate what you most value, what you're most curious about, and then make some tough decisions. You are either committed to your relationship, which means uncomfortable conversations and finding ways to feel expressive and creative inside of it. Or, if your pleasure is more important, then transitioning out of the marriage might be the discomfort you need to move into.

Our partners may be open to changing things, but we cannot force them or manipulate them into it. Getting a sex coach or a sex therapist can be a good place to start, just to help the conversations to be more open and vulnerable.

Honesty and integrity are not about comfort. They take practice and moving into uncomfortable spaces. But the payoff can be tremendous when we do that.

Miss Lou is a BBW who has been asked to sit on a partner's face. What should they do? How should they do? How do you get on someone's face without it be awkward? Let's talk about fat face sitting!

Sometimes we just have to climb on and wiggle around, try pillows in a variety of positions, and find what works in the moment. Awkward can be fun when you're both excited and open about the fact that it's awkward. It's sex! So, get on, bounce around, and see what works. Then, do more of that.

Hoodie sex? Nick wants to know if it's weird that he wants to have sex with his girlfriend while she wears his hoodies. Is that weird? 

Nope. Because if it's consensual and you're both having fun, then who cares? Sex itself is weird. Enjoy it!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_191.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:31pm EST

Did you hear last week? CrashPad Series is sponsoring the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition. It's free and online, so sign-up today. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure.

To see the line-up for the summit and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. And if you want to see a VERY HOT scene with April and Milcah, head to CrashPadSeries.com and join today.

This week, Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg are here! Which means it's basically an hour of me laughing hysterically.

We talk about their new sex podcast, American Sex, and some of the guests they've had - like the grapefruit lady and a guy whose fetish is death and sex.

Ken talks about how his relationship to kink has changed due to some health concerns, and Sunny talks about menopause and her libido.

We also answer listener questions about pubic hair and fisting. Ken even wows with the history of the merkin. 

Looking for my new porn workshop? Pop over here.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Ken Melvoin-Berg & Sunny Megatron:

Superheroes of sex ed, married couple Ken Melvoin-Berg & Sunny Megatron are partners in every sense of the word. In addition to co-producing Showtime’s “Sex with Sunny Megatron,” they initially gained recognition writing and teaching about everyone’s favorite subject, SEX. In their sell-out workshops, their unique brand of “edutainment” plus combined 25+ years of sexuality teaching experience puts students at ease. Each session seamlessly combines their humorous lecturing style, interactive exercises, and the latest sexuality research.

Sunny hosts their Showtime original television series, “Sex with Sunny Megatron,” taking viewers on a journey into the world of adult play, as everyday people expose their deepest and most intimate fantasies. Always honest, funny, and sex-positive, the show provides an interesting, fresh twist on sexual exploration.

Their latest endeavor is their podcast called American Sex that features an eclectic mix of guests from all walks of life. American Sex podcast is available on most major podcasting platforms.

On a more personal note, this dynamic duo are married, parents, occasionally ethically non-monogamous, and lifestyle BDSM enthusiasts.

Want to stay in touch? Check out American Sex Podcast on Twitter and Facebook. You can also visit Sunny's website sunnymegatron.com. Follow Sunny on Facebook and Twitter and Ken on Twitter.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_190.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

I am so excited. CrashPad Series is sponsoring the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition AND they sent me an exclusive audio clip of April Flores and Milcah filming a recent scene. You can hear the juicy details in the show this week. HEAR THE PORN! 

If you want to hear more from April about porn and fat sex, she's speaking at the summit which starts December 4th. It's free and online, so sign-up today! We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure.

To see the line-up for the summit and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. And if you want to see the VERY HOT scene with April and Milcah, head to CrashPadSeries.com and join today.

This week, Barbara Carrellas joins me to talk all about tantra. Her incredible, inclusive book, "Urban Tantra" just celebrated it's 10 year anniversary by releasing an updated 2nd edition. The new edition includes tantra for asexual/aromantic folks and an entire chapter on erotic massage for trans and gender non-conformity bodies.

If you've listened to the show for any amount of time, you know that I adore this book and Barbara's approach to tantra. And, this week's episode gives you a delicious idea of why - it's so inclusive, so open, so welcoming, and absolutely designed for you to customize it to fit your needs, desires, and life.

Tantra shouldn't be about certain positions, heterosexual bodies, masculinity or femininity and certain genders because it's a spiritual practice. And spiritual practices need to include everybody in every body.

Grab the 2nd edition of Urban Tantra RIGHT NOW. Looking for my new porn workshop? Pop over here.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Barbara Carrellas:

Barbara Carrellas is celebrating the brand new second edition of her bestselling book, Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty First Century—the world’s first LGBTQ- and BDSM-inclusive Tantric sex book. She has also written Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide To Sex, Relationships and Oh So Much More, and Luxurious Loving. Barbara is the founder of Urban Tantra® — a philosophy, an international community, and an inclusive conscious sexuality practice—and the Urban Tantra® Professional Training Program, a comprehensive training program in the practice and application of conscious sexuality, supporting both personal and professional goals. She was named Best Tantric Sex Seminar Leader in New York City by Time Out/NY Magazine for her Urban Tantra® workshops, and was awarded a 2016 Sexual Freedom Award for Lifetime Achievement.

You can stay in touch with Barbara on Facebook and also on Twitter @UrbanTantrika.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_189.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 11:56am EST

Two things!

Sign-up for the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition at exploremoresummit.com. It's free and kicks off December 4th. Prepare to be challenged and cracked open.

My porn workshop, Hands Down: A Workshop on How Porn Can Heal, Connect, and Be Ethical, is now enrolling. Check out the details at dawnserra.com/porn. Let's talk about the porn!

Now, on to your questions.

GR wrote in asking how porn stars and people in non-monogamous relationships protect themselves. How does safe sex work with multiple partners? It's such an important question. Ultimately, it depends on each of us. We all have different needs, different requirements around risk and prevention, so the answer is really all in how you negotiate it with a partner.

The most important this is to remember we always default to the person who wants MORE protection. If you don't want to use their level of protection, then you either don't engage with them or you limit your activities, but we NEVER try to talk someone out of what they need for their peace of mind or bodily safety.

Cece is trying to learn how to trust her partner after he betrayed her. How can she stop questioning his word? She even snoops sometimes because she's so convinced he isn't being upfront. How can she build trust? Is there any hope?

Betrayals are absolutely something you can overcome, but rebuilding trust takes time. Like, years sometimes. And not just time, but consistent, reliable behavior that proves the person is who they say they are. A lot of people can't stand that uncertainty in the interim, so you have to decide for yourself if you can find some care and support in that uncomfortable space. I also recommend Esther Perel's two books, "Mating in Captivity" and her latest, "The State of Affairs." 

There was an unfortunate incident on Dan Savage's podcast recently where a trans listener was misgendered and handled so poorly. If you want to read Bex Caputo's response as well as this great thread on Twitter about the whole debacle, check it out. Trans folks, you deserve better than what Dan & Buck offered you. 

LoveAllOfHim wants some advice for having sex with her fat male partner. She loves his body, but sometimes positions are a little tough. Most sex books for fat folks focus on folks with a vulva. LAOH needs some guidance.

I definitely recommend LAOH check out Hanne Blank's "Big, Big Love" book. Also, this article on Scarleteen about sex with a fat partner who also has a smaller penis. I also recommend sex furniture and cushions, using ropes and straps to adjust bodies, and also getting creative with sex toys made for a penis to possibly make access a little easier.

Be sure to check out Chubstr.com, too. They don't have a sex section yet, but they do have loads of resources for large & fat men and masculine folks, and I suspect it will be added at some point down the road.

Natalia wants to know if certain personality traits make for better worse lovers. Also, are artists better lovers? They're fun questions that I play around with for a few moments. Hint: it's not alpha males or folks who have something to prove.

Julia is the final question of the episode. It's a heartbreaking, painful plea for help after Julia's husband betrayed her and blamed it on sex addiction and not being able to help himself. How can she recover?

In the end, Julia needs to center herself and what she needs to heal, to grieve, to move forward. It's a tough place to be, and there is no easy answer. Can we grapple with that pain and uncertainty? We'll find out.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_188.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Don't forget, the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition kicks off December 4th and it's totally free. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure.

To see the line-up and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com.

This week, Jaclyn Friedman is here to talk all about her new book, "Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All." It is a powerful, comprehensive examination of all the ways our ideas about sex intersect with things like media, racism, justice, toxic masculinity, patriarchy. Basically, all my favorite topics wrapped up into one.

We geek out about why sexual olympics and hedonism will NOT set everyone free. What it means to have "fauxpowerment" around our sexuality and why individualistic solutions aren't going to heal the world.

We talk about Hugh Hefner (ugh), the ways doctors fail us, Jaclyn's visit to a sex research lab and what the vagina REALLY is. Seriously, that last bit blew my mind.

We also talk about what we can do to actually start changing the world, how we can confront things like toxic masculinity and patriarchy, and why it all matters.

You can pre-order the book here (it comes out November 14th, 2017).

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Jaclyn Friedman:

Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, speaker and activist, and creator of the hit books Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009, and #11 on Ms. Magazine’s Top 100 Feminist Nonfiction of All Time list) and What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety. Her podcast, Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire.

Stay in touch with Jaclyn on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @jaclynf.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_187.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

First up, I am so excited to announce the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition. It kicks off December 4th and it's totally free. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure.

To see the line-up and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com.

Also, I am taking new coaching clients, so if you're at a point where you want to unpack some shame, get unstuck, or ask for some personalized advice, head to dawnserra.com.

This week we are talking about technology, innovation, and sex education. Andrea Barrica is here, the founder of O.School. She has long been in the tech industry, working with the titans in Silicone Valley, and it's clear that the internet is not designed for sex education or for safety.

Andrea is on a mission to change that. She wants people to have a harassment-free, trauma-informed place to access sex education that is real, powerful, and available anywhere in the world.

We talk about all the ways technology is currently failing us, what's next for sex education, and how we can design better solutions that center the most marginalized. This episode will totally scratch your geek side, so dive in!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Andrea Barrica:

Andrea Barrica is CEO/co-founder of O.school, an online shame-free platform for pleasure education, powered by live-streaming and chat to help people unlearn shame, process trauma, and learn about sex and pleasure. Previously, Andrea co-founded YC-backed accounting and tax platform, inDinero.com, where she led sales and operations. She also served as a venture partner and entrepreneur-in-residence at 500 Startups, one of the world’s most active, global seed funds.

Stay in touch with Andrea on LinkedIn and follow along on Twitter at @abarrica and @OschoolLive.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_186.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 4:00am EST

Your questions have been pouring in. And of course, if you want to practice being the sexpert, folks who support the show on Patreon at $10 get to offer their advice for the show, too.

So, where are we going this week?

Emma has been seeing someone for a few years who keeps disappearing and ignoring her. They have amazing chemistry and great sex, so what can she do about the way he behaves? 

The truth is the way he's behaving is abusive and all about control and manipulation, and not at all about honoring this relationship. I dive into the why and how of what I think Emma should do next.

Maddy and another listener both wrote in recently asking for help about how to raise sex positive kids. I have a bunch of resources to share from books to websites and big concepts that I think set us up for more success as teens and adults. Also, Nadine Thornhill talked about this on episode 109 of the show. Check that out, too.

Because kids and sex is about more than just condoms and STIs. It's about emotional intelligence, resilience, finding your voice, knowing your own body, communicating boundaries and desires, and learning how to survive the awkward. If parents can help kids learn that? They'll be so much better prepared for all the stuff around sex that makes sex so confusing and difficult. Plus, FOCUS ON THE PLEASURE. Talking about pleasure doesn't make kids have the sex. But it does empower them around knowing what they want later in life.

Another listener needs help finding a third for her threesome desires, but she has herpes. How can she find someone who wants to play with her and her boyfriend, and who won't mind her herpes status? Speaking of playing with others, Lindsey and her boyfriend love being watched while they have sex. They've done it once, but they want to do more. Where can they find voyeurs who will enjoy watching them get off?

From Tinder and OK Cupid to exploring local poly groups and play parties, there are loads of options if you're willing to put in a little work and ask for what you want.

Tori is a rape survivor with a long history of less-than-satisfying sex. She's in a new relationship and she's taking it slow, but she needs help around how to disclose her survivor status to her boyfriend. I have lots of thoughts about what it means to share your trauma with someone, and how to explore this space from a place of connection and curiosity rather than one of fear and shame.

Finally, Nathan wants to know how to convince his girlfriend to be his keyholder because he is into chastity devices. Will she even want to?

Once again, the only answer is to ask her, and I explain why.

Love the show? You can lend your support by heading to patreon.com/sgrpodcast - supporting at $3 per month gets you exclusive weekly content you can't hear anywhere else.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Scarleteen.com

Cory Silverberg's books "What Makes a Baby?" and "Sex is a Funny Word"

Anastasia Higginbotham's "Tell Me About Sex, Grandma", "Death is Stupid", and "Divorce is the Worst"

Nadine Thornhill, a sex educator specifically working with parents on teaching their kids about sex. Check out her YouTube, too.

Heather Corinna (founder of Scarleteen) has a book called "S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties"

A great resource for parents about raising kids is John Gottman's "Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting"

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Direct download: Episode_185.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

This week's show is sponsored by RXBar. You can grab 25% off your first order at rxbar.com/sgr with promo code SGR at checkout. You want to know what's in your lube, and now you can see what's in your snacks!

I am absolutely in love with this week's chat with Dalychia and Rafaella from Afrosexology.

We talk about their mission to bring sexual liberation and agency to the Black community. We explore pleasure and how to center it in our lives, why masturbation is a powerful tool to finding our power, and why it's so important to focus on pleasure in sex education, especially for the Black community and POC.

We also geek out about their spectacular Instagram account filled with beautiful bodies, genders, and erotic acts, all by Black artists.

It's rich, deep, and powerful. Ready to hear it? Let's go...

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Afrosexology:

Afrosexology provides comprehensive pleasure based education centered around the narratives and liberation of Black people. We curate community discussions, educational materials, and sex positive events that cover topics such as: masturbation, self love, enhancing communication in relationships, radical twerking, oral sex, body agency, and much much more. We work with diverse groups including sexuality professionals, community organizations, individuals, parents, youth, spiritual communities, universities, and anyone else who wants to live a sex positive life.

Our mission is to educate, explore, and reclaim Black sexuality by promoting Black self empowerment through sexual liberation. We celebrated our second birthday this summer and are proud to have worked with over 1000 individuals. Afrosexology has created spaces where people feel free to express everything from shame to sexual desires, challenge stereotypes around sexual agency, and build an affirming community around shared experiences. We believe that there is so much to unpack and reclaim when it comes to our bodies and sexuality and we want people to live their most pleasurable lives.

Stay in touch with Afrosexology on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

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Direct download: Episode_184.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Welcome to this week's show! We're talking books, housework & resentment, and cheating.

Oh, and I just started watching Big Mouth on Netflix which is an absurd, bizarre cartoon all about going through puberty. You might want to check it out.

Cadessa wrote in about her non-existent sex life and how listening to the show changed everything.

Sarah has a girlfriend who refuses to help with housework and now she has deep resentment about always being the one to do it or to have to remind her. Is this a silly thing to be angry about? Or is this a big deal? Steph, a Patreon supporter, weighed in with her thoughts, and then I weigh in with mine. We have to remember that emotional labor is so real. When we are treating a partner like a child (either because they refuse to step up and help or because we have control issues), of course our libido is going to take a nose dive. You deserve support, it just depends on what that support looks like.

Julia Callahan is here from Rare Bird Lit to talk about why they publish sex worker stories and why they love centering marginalized voices. They have a new book called Identity that's a photo book and essays all about gender identity. Absolutely worth checking out.

We end this week's episode with a very messy situation sent in by Emily. She's in love and has been with her boyfriend for several years, but she's been cheating endlessly for a few years and doesn't know what to do. Being in a toxic relationship like this isn't good for anyone. Hear my advice to Emily and let me know what you think.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Rare Bird Lit's books can all be found here.

About Julia Callahan

Julia Callahan oversees all aspects of sales, distribution, marketing, and author relations. Prior to joining the Rare Bird team, she worked for four years as Tyson Cornell’s marketing and publicity assistant at Book Soup where she helped coordinate thousands of events each year, notably The Doors’ 40th Anniversary, Ralph Steadman, Tony Curtis, and many others. Before that, she worked as an associate at Paramount Studios on The Dr. Phil Show and Star Trek. She grew up in Santa Cruz and has a BA in English.

You can learn more about Rare Bird at rarebirdbooks.com.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_183.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 11:34am EST

Hello, from New Orleans! Hurricane Nate meant I was stuck in Louisiana for an extra day, but it also meant more time at SisterSong's "Let's Talk About Sex" conference.

I share a little about what that conference brought up for me and then...it's your questions and my answers.

You can see some of the videos from the conference at the show's Patreon page: patreon.com/sgrpodcast

You can also see all of the permissions slips folks wrote in my workshop on Twitter if you look at my feed under #LTAS17.

Horny Virgin needs help with navigating safer sex conversations when you're engaging in casual sex. How can HV have sex and feel safe? How do you talk about testing and barriers? And, how do you even have sex? 

Ali wants to know if she kink-shamed a woman she hooked up with after this woman asked to be seriously injured during their sex without any kind of warning or conversation ahead of time. Masochism and consent are important. Not letting someone know you want them to break bones or skin before getting intimate is NOT consensual.

Ash is a 29-year-old virgin who suffers from self-esteem issues because they're overweight and feel like a freak. What can they do to find some confidence, to find partners, especially when people ask them to lose weight? Is there any hope?

I have so so much to say about this one. All the feels.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Fat activists like Jes Baker, Melissa Toler, Bevin Branlandingham, The Body is Not An Apology

Instagram accounts to check out include: FatWomenOfColorFatGirlFlow, ThickLeeyonce, BlessMayFatHeart, QueerFatFemme

Explore More Summit has several talks on confidence, bodies, fatness.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_182.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:20pm EST

An updated Patreon you say? Why yes. Yes it is. Check out the sweet new rewards.

For the past few months, one of my favorite things on Instagram has been Maggie West's gorgeous nude photo series for Amber Rose's Slut Walk. The colors, the confidence, the variety of bodies. So, of course, I had to invite her on because her massive stained glass installation is available today in Los Angeles for Slut Walk.

We talk about art, nudity, her body fluids series which jump started her relationship with Christophe Zeischegg (who was on a few weeks ago). 

Plus, I field a listener question all about being in love with your current girlfriend, but still being a little obsessed with an ex. Is it OK to check up on exes on Facebook, even if you've moved on?

Here we go!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Check out Maggie's Instagram to see some of her amazing work for Slut Walk's 98.

About Maggie West

Maggie West is a Los Angeles based artist specializing in experimental lighting and installation techniques. Her surreal, colorful photographs have been featured in acclaimed publications and sources worldwide.

You can check out Maggie's work and stay in touch on Instagram and Twitter @maggiewest.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_181.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 9:41am EST

An updated Patreon you say? Why yes. Yes it is. Check out the sweet new rewards (that I can actually deliver).

What happens when two sex educators get together and geek out? You get this spanking new episode featuring Bex Caputo from the Dildorks podcast.

If ever there was an episode that covered all the things, it's this one. We talk about piss play and watersports. We giggle over fisting. We talk about kitten play and puppy play which leads us into talking power exchange and being a good submissive.

But it doesn't stop there. We also talk about the incredible awesomeness that is platonic kink - a thing that way too many people don't know is a thing. Then there's sex labs and practicing sexy stuff before you want it to BE sexy and the stunning advice Bex received when considering going on testosterone.

What if you don't have to wait to be miserable to want to change your body or your gender, your relationship or your job? What if you simply want to be happier? What if joy was enough of a reason?

We're going everywhere, so tune in and join the fun.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Read Bex's Woodhull wrap-up here.

About Bex Caputo

Bex Caputo is a sex educator, blogger, speaker, podcaster, and dildo peddler. They’ve been a proud and undeniable kinkster ever since they insisted on being served their meals in a dog bowl at the age of 8, (and even before that, probably). They’re a Virgo, a Hufflepuff, a pup, and a nonbinary queerdo who grew up into the pop punk skater boy they had a crush on in high school.

Stay in touch with Bex on InstagramTwitter @BexTalksSex.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_180.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Guess what? LOLA is sponsoring this week's episode. You can get pads, tampons, and liners delivered to you, via their rad subscription service, at 60% off your first order when you subscribe. Just use promo code SGR when you visit mylola.com and get started.

This week it's you and me and all your emails.

But before I answer your questions, let's talk about the Seattle Erotic Film Festival and Dan Savage's HUMP! Festival, both of which I attended this week.

The Seattle Erotic Film Festival had a lot of films that really weren't my cup of tea. Which is OK, but it did tell me a lot about what I enjoy watching and what I don't.

I mentioned "Cake" by Anne Hu, and you can see the trailer here. It was truly delightful. Boner Loaner and How to Date a Couple were also favorites. Oh, and two films with scat play! Color me surprised.

HUMP had a lot more that I enjoyed and laughed over, but I was still bummed that the best sex films were both awarded to thin, young, cis, hetero-presenting couples.

Jnix wrote in wanting to know what the definition of "cis" is. Great question.

Shane not only showers me with love but needs some help with a new girlfriend who is scared of spanking and flogging. What can Shane do? I share my first experience with flogging and how I didn't really enjoy it. But now flogging and spanking are huge parts of the sensation and kink I enjoy.

Marisa is worried that her new love of being restrained might become a problem is she does it too much. Will it stay exciting if she does it a lot or should she try and hold back so it continues to feel special? My thoughts include adopting an attitude of curiosity and wonder - whether we're talking about monogamy, restraints, or anything else in our life.

I also touch on why newness doesn't always have to be the goal, despite what we're constantly sold in this world.

Hopelessly Devoted to Boot is desperately in need of help because his boot fetish is ruining his marriage of 20 years. He needs boots, and while his wife used to accommodate his fetish by wearing boots, more recently she's been refusing to wear the boots he needs for sexual arousal and pleasure. Now their sex is virtually gone. What can he do?

All the thoughts on fetishes, the humanity of our partners, and navigating tough spots in relationships.

Sad Gay Millennial wrote a long, eloquent letter to me about his loneliness, his violations with gay male culture, and his fear of bottoming even though he loves it. I adore that he acknowledges a lack of consent culture and widespread patriarchy which is present in gay male culture. In addition to therapy & professional sexual help, hear my thoughts on how to navigate love, dating, and trauma when you feel alone and totally empty.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

My Sex Map game is only $9 and can help you find new ways to talk about sex. Grab it here.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_179.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

What happens when you get a herpes diagnosis? And more importantly, what happens if you begin hiding that you have herpes?

Dr. Sheila Loanzon, an OBGYN who gives amazing PAP smears, is here to talk about her very personal story and new book, "Yes, I Have Herpes."

From advice on how to deal to details about what herpes really is, Dr. Sheila has practical advice as well as powerful personal stories about why she didn't tell her partners about her herpes for many years and what it was like to go back and tell them the truth.

We also talk about why it's so important to work on ourselves if we want healthy relationships, how to set yourself up for a successful PAP smear, tips for trauma survivors and trans folks to find a good doctor, why ALL vulvas are beautiful, and the strangest question Dr. Sheila has ever had from a patient.

You don't want to miss this.

Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Interested in Dr. Sheila's book? Check it out here: "Yes, I Have Herpes"

About Dr. Sheila Loanzon

Dr. Sheila Loanzon, also known as the "Compassionate Gynecologist," is a board certified obstetrician and gynecologist with over 15 years of patient and personal experience with the diagnosis of herpes. Dr. Loanzon offers women specific tools to shift their perspective, gain insight, and move forward confidently and in self-love. Dr. Loanzon received her BA in biochemistry at Vassar College and completed medical school at the College of Osteopathic Medicine of the Pacific. She currently works at a large multispeciality practice in California. You can find her on Twitter @DrSheilaGyn.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_178.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

How can you thrive as a sex worker, navigating the fact that you have no real safety while also performing erotic fantasies and sex at the same time? How can you care for yourself as clients bring in their pain, shame, and fear and expect you to heal them?

Lola Davina is here to help us answer those questions and more. Her new book, "Thriving in Sex Work," is like a big sister's guide to caring for yourself as a sex worker.

We talk about the unrealistic expectations clients often come in with, being financially responsible, setting boundaries and trusting your gut, creating rituals to celebrate small and big wins, and a whole lot more.

It's fascinating and practical. It's one of my favorite chats, and I think you'll hear why.

Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Grab Lola Davina's book, "Thriving in Sex Work: Heartfelt Advice for Staying Sane in the Sex Industry: A Self-Help Book for Sex Workers"

About Lola Davina

Lola Davina has spent more than 25 years in and around the sex industry, working as a stripper, dominatrix, porn actress, and escort over a fifteen-year period. She has earned an M.A. in Human Sexuality and an M.S. in Nonprofit Fundraising, and writes a self-care and wellness column for YNOTcam.com.

You can stay in touch with Lola at loladavina.com, on Facebook, and on Twitter @Lola_Davina.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_177.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Guess what? Christopher Zeischegg is here this week. You may know him as porn performer Danny Wylde.

I had a chance to read his book, "The Wolves that Live in Skin and Space," and we talk all about his writing, the horror genre, leaving porn, bi-phobia within the porn world, why he's grateful to be in a monogamous relationship, how he got involved in creating a hot sauce called Wyldefire and a whole lot more.

Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Vice article on Chris and his hot sauce

Chris' creepy essay "Moral Imperative of Sexual Suffering"

About Christopher Zeischegg (Danny Wylde)

Christopher Zeischegg is a writer, musician, and filmmaker who spent eight years working in the adult industry as performer, Danny Wylde.

He's the author of two novels, Come to my Brother and The Wolves that Live in Skin and Spaceand has contributed to The Feminist Porn BookBest Sex WritingComing Out Like a Porn StarSplit Lips, and a variety of digital publications, such as Somesuch and Nerve.

His industrial metal band, Chiildren, released their second EP, The Circle Narrows, through Records Ad Nauseam in 2015.

He became the face of >Wyldefire Hot Sauce in 2016.

Zeischegg lives in Los Angeles with his two cats, Victoria and Isis.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_176.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

This week it's you and me and all your emails. Let's dive in.

Ariyanna wrote in about how the show changed her life. Coleman, too! Yay for learning from this show.

Jess needs help finding BDSM porn that isn't extreme or just about the fucking. She wants sensual, intimate, connected porn that is also kinky. Where can she turn? I have a few suggestions, including EroticFilms.com. That's my affiliate link, and all the films on the website are curated by Erika Lust, so most of them are super sensual. Also, check out Jackie St. James, Crashpad, and Madison Young.

Johnny wrote in wanting to give his partner an orgasm.  He says all his previous partners orgasmed from penetration alone (which I highly doubt). But his current girlfriend has never had an orgasm and he NEEDS to give her one because he's horrified. Long time listeners know this is one of those questions that gets me up on my soapbox, so let's talk about why orgasm is NOT the goal of sex. Also, the fastest way to not orgasm is to expect an orgasm. I have some big thoughts for Johnny, all of which I'm sure he won't like.

Broad City Broad wants to know how she can find high quality lovers who actually want intimacy and connection, even if it's not a romantic relationship. How did I do it? A lot of it was luck, but being honest in your dating profile is a big part of finding good lovers. I share a few more thoughts.

Greeney is struggling because she recently broke off a 10 year monogamous relationship. She developed a relationship with a polyamorous man, who just recently moved away. She's rekindling her relationship with the monogamous ex and wants to try and make all of it work. My thoughts? Don't. Hiding & lying as a way to claim you're trying not to hurt someone aren't the way to not hurt someone.

Darkness Wonderer is worried that the sex with her partner is sporadic and that she gets turned on by women. Is she secretly a lesbian? Should their sex be more consistent? Why doesn't she want sex like she used to? There's a lot to unpack.

A high school sophomore wants to ask out bisexual junior. How can he find out whether she prefers women or men and how to ask her out. Ahhh high school.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_175.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

I wanted to open this week's episode with a note about racism and white supremacy in light of the Charlottesville crap that's recently unfolded. I mentioned a bunch of places where you can donate money to help fight racism and support the folks on the ground doing the work. Find them here and here.

On to this week's episode... This week I'm joined by author Rachel Hills and model Jennie Runk to talk about Rachel's book "The Sex Myth" and the new play by the same name starring Jennie that will run for 5 days in New York this week.

We talk about all of the cultural myths that are keeping us trapped in pain and shame around sex. I particularly love Rachel's analysis on the myth that our worth as a human is determined by how other's see us sexually. This is a huge part of why we are all performing so hard to be seen as sexy and adventurous and wanted.

Jennie also talks about being a plus-sized model and exploring her identity as a lesbian in the stage production of The Sex Myth.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Rachel Hills

Rachel Hills is an Australian journalist, TED speaker, and writer based in New York. Her critically-acclaimed book The Sex Myth is a call for a generation to question how systems of power pull at the strings of our sexual experience. A devised play based on the book will debut in New York City in August 2017.

Follow along with The Sex Myth's updates and play at thesexmyth.com, and over on Instagram and Twitter @thesexmyth.

You can also find Rachel on Instagram and sign-up for her Tiny Letter.

About Jennie Runk

Jennie Runk is an American model represented by JAG Models in New York. Born in Georgia and raised in Missouri, Jennie was discovered in a Petsmart while volunteering for a cat adoption service. A proud (and recently married!) member of the LGBTQ community, Jennie is passionate about inclusion and empowerment for all people. Considered plus-size by the fashion industry, Jennie starred in the H&M summer swimwear campaign, graced the April cover of Marie Claire France and stars in the Straight/Curve documentary where she shares her compelling perspective on the future of her industry.

You can stay in touch with Jennie on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter @jennierunk.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_174.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Riley J Dennis is someone I've been watching on YouTube for a little while and completely admiring. I adore her passion for anti-oppressive work, talking about feminism, politics, sex, trans issues, and a bunch more.

So, I decided to reach out and invite her on the show. When she said yes, I immediately went to work watching as many of her YouTube videos as I could find. Some of the most fun homework because I spent hours geeking out over the topics and rolling around in her facts and super logical approach to things that a lot of people really hate.

We not only talk about trans identity policing, trans porn, and being visible online, but we also explore what it's like to be so hated in the online space and why Riley's sex toy video for trans folks completely melted my heart.

It's super fun and I can't wait for you to hear it.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Riley J. Dennis

Riley J. Dennis is a trans, non-binary, gay, polyamorous woman who makes YouTube videos about intersectional feminism, politics, queer stuff, and a whole lot of other topics. She thinks all TV shows and movies should be gayer.

You can follow her on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter @rileyjaydennis.

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Direct download: Episode_173.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Guess who's here this week?

Cooper S. Beckett from Life on the Swingset. It's been 2 years since he was on the show, way back when Dylan was still here, so it's wonderful to catch up and hear about his latest adventures.

We geek out about live sex demos and the Swingset takeover at Desire resort, which is coming up in a few months.

Plus, things get existential and deep as Cooper contemplates all of the ways his life has changed since he first started on his swinging adventures. We talk about the fragility of love, the lies we tell ourselves in relationship, his views on polyamory and labeling himself, and a lot more.

Then we dive into a listener email from David all about his inability to orgasm during sex. Cooper has personal experience with erectile issues and orgasm, so his advice is personal and practical.

Ready to hear it all? Me too.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Cooper Beckett

Cooper S. Beckett is the co-founder and host of Life on the Swingset: The Podcast since 2010, author of swinging & polyamory novels A Life Less Monogamous and Approaching The Swingularity, and memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory. He teaches and speaks on swinging, polyamory, pegging, play parties, and coloring outside the boundaries of your sexuality. He is a graphic & web designer, photographer, and voice over artist, has been a guest expert on Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast, & is the announcer of Tristan Taormino’s radio show Sex Out Loud. He is currently working on two instructional non-fiction books, one about beginning non-monogamy, and another about pegging.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_172.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:30am EST

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Zena Sharman, editor of "The Remedy: Queer and Trans Voices on Health and Health Care," is here talking about queer and trans health issues, community-based care, and oppression within the medical community.

We geek out about trauma-informed care and talk about why cis straight men are really suffering inside these systems, too, based on the statistics.

What does it look like to have healthcare informed by community, disability justice, racial justice, fat justice, and trauma? Zena has some stories and amazing ideas to get the activist in all of us going.

How do we start asking, "Who are you and what's important to you?" instead of assuming what kinds of care and cures someone might want? Change is on the horizon, but we need to start looking at different possibilities that include kinky folks and poly folks and people of color among so many other intersections of oppression.

When this happens, our sexual health and our mental health would improve drastically. Ready to dive in? Me too!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Eli Clare's "Brilliant Imperfection: Grappling with Cure"

Zena's blog post on Queer Interdependence

"Living in Liberation: Boundary Setting, Self Care, and Social Change" by Cristien Storm

Kelli Dunham's zine, "You Don't Have to Love Your Body to Take Care of It" and PLEASE send her a few bucks if you access this zine. Here's her PayPal to do just that.

About Zena Sharman

Zena Sharman is a femme force of nature and a passionate advocate for queer and trans health. She has over a decade’s experience in health research, including seven years as the Assistant Director of Canada’s national gender and health research funding institute. Zena co-chairs the board of the Catherine White Holman Wellness Centre, a holistic health care centre for transgender and gender-diverse communities. She served on the board of the Canadian Professional Association for Transgender Health from 2013-2015.

Zena is the editor of the Lambda Literary award-winning anthology The Remedy: Queer and Trans Voices on Health and Health Care (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2016). The Remedy brings together her love of writing and stories with her commitment to making the world a healthier and more equitable place. Zena co-edited the Lambda Literary award-nominated anthology, Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2011), and she's presented on gender, sexuality, and health to audiences across North America. Zena has a PhD in interdisciplinary studies from the University of British Columbia. Her resume also includes party thrower, cabaret host, go-go dancer for a queer punk band, campus radio DJ, and elementary school public speaking champion.

Zena is grateful to live and write on the lands of the Musqueam, Sḵwxwú7mesh, and Tsleil-Waututh peoples. As a small gesture of thanks for living on their unceded territories, she'll donate half of her royalties from The Remedy to Indigenous-led organizations.

Follow Zena on Twitter @zenasharman

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_171.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

I know tons of you are either kink lovers or kink curious, so I have a feeling you're going to enjoy this chat with rope expert and rope love Emily Bingham.

She recently published an erotic memoir all about her kinky, erotic bondage adventures. It is SUPER hot. So in this episode we talk about how she got into rope, some of the wild things she's done as a rope model and rope lover, and why she decided to write the book.

We also geek out about teledildonics and a new strap-on that lets the person wearing the strap-on experience sensation. YES.

There are some amazing episodes coming up, too, so stay tuned and enjoy.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Emily's book, "Diary of a Rope Slut" can be found here.

About Emily Bingham

Emily Bingham is a writer, kinky educator and consent activist.  The only thing she loves more than words is rope.  Her stories have appeared in a number of erotica anthologies and most recently she published an erotic memoir, Diary of a Rope Slut. When she isn't writing she's teaching folks how to have safe and sexy rope adventures in the bedroom. Follow her at www.emilyerotica.com

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
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Direct download: Episode_170.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:01am EST

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

This week it's just you and me, working our way through some rad listener questions.

It starts with some listener love from an episode I did around the election last year. Sometimes I feel a little nervous to share political stuff - like the oppression episode and the abortion episode, but I trust you to hold space even if we disagree.

I will be having a vendor booth at the Vancouver Dyke March. YAY!

Of course, I got love for Amarna Miller's interview in Episode 168 and Ruby Bouie Johnson's polyamory chat on Episode 166. Gavin appreciated Amarna's views on ethical porn and her deliberate choice to share herself on film. Me, too!

It's so frustrating to me that we still need to constantly prove to the world that sex workers are people with agency and complex stories. But, I'm grateful it means I get to connect with amazing folks like Amarna and Andre Shakti and Kitty Stryker and Conner Habib...

Michelle wanted to know about the fat-friendly wedge pillow I mentioned a few years back. That was the Liberator wedge and I highly recommend it.

Jes wrote in with feelings she had about my Orgasmic Meditation episode. Let's make sure we all move into spaces that combine sex with other things like money or spirituality with an open mind and also a healthy dose of skepticism. Abuse is SO easy in these spaces because we're all moving through so much shame.

T.S. is struggling with a lot of anger and big feelings. Her friend's dad just cheated on her friend's mom and she doesn't understand why. How can she support her friend and her friend's mom and how can she process her feelings about it? Why do people cheat?

I have lots of thoughts, and explore so many of the reasons people might cheat and why it doesn't mean a lack of love, even if it does mean lots of pain and hurt.

Ethan gets aroused by screenprinting on t-shirts and clothing. He wonders is this a fetish that others have? Where can he learn more? It's not a fetish, per se, but he gets very turned on by the look and smell and even taste of screenprinted letters. I weigh in.

Zak needs help. His wife hates his cum and he wants her to love it. How can he get her to open up to the idea? Also, why doesn't she have any fantasies? I have big thoughts about "making" someone like anything. Instead, how can we create relationships full of openness, vulnerability, and curiosity, so that we can share our desires without feeling judged or like we have to force other people to change? Shout out to Wendy Strgar for developing fantasies.

Miss B is worried about the age difference between her and her new partner. They're having AMAZING sex and they're in love, but will there come a time when the age becomes a problem? 

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_169.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:30am EST

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

As for this week's episode? Amarna Miller is here and we talk all about ethical porn and why it's different from feminist porn, why she feels so committed to doing mainstream pornography, polyamory, and Iceland.

Amarna also shares why she'd rather talk to a group of sexist men than to a group of like-minded feminists and what it's like to travel to places like Columbia and her home of Spain to talk about feminism and porn.

It's a fun, charming episode and I can't wait for you to hear it!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Erika Lust's films can all be found on EroticFilms.com where you can see Amarna, too!

About Amarna Miller

Amarna Miller is a 26 year old porn actress, pro-sex activist and writer from Spain. She has a Youtube channel where she talks about pornography, ecology and traveling, among others. Her first book was published two years ago and she is currently working on the second one. Faithful defender of feminism and polyamory, Amarna is graduated in Fine Arts and loves antiques, cats and everything related to the 60s. She considers herself an adrenaline junkie, obsessed with being outside of her comfort zone. She lives in her van and saves time to conquer the world.

You can stay in touch with Amarna on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @AmarnaMiller.

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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_168.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:33am EST

Guess what?

If you love the show, folks who support on Patreon with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Whew! Let's dive into this week's episode because Wendy Strgar is here from Good Clean Love. We're chatting all about her new book, "Sex That Works," and we also dive into keeping sexual passion alive in monogamy, cultivating sexual freedom and sexual responsibility, what love and healthy relationships look like, the importance of choosing a body-safe lube, and much much more.

Ready to go? Let's do it!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

"Your Brain on Sex" by Stanley Siegel 

About Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar is author of The New York Times-praised book, SEX THAT WORKS: An Intimate Guide to Awakening Your Erotic Life. She's also the founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, a pioneering organic intimacy product company, as well as a relationship expert. She has written for over ten years on the topics of love, sexual health, and positivity. For more information, visit wendystrgar.com and goodcleanlove.com.

You can also stay in touch on Twitter @wendystrgar and Facebook.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_167.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Guess what?

Supporting the show on Patreon is easy AND if you support with just $3 per month, you'll get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

On to this week's show with Ruby Bouie Johnson, the Black Sex Geek herself. 

This is an episode entirely about polyamory. It's raw and funny, and so so real. This is a no-holds-barred chat about the good, the super bad, and the beautiful parts of poly communities.

Ruby talks about how polyamory healed her in deeply personal and liberating ways, but only after expressing some mindblowing thoughts about the sexism, ageism, racism, and oppressive BS that's so common in poly communities around the country.

Plus, she shares her thoughts on the folks who are constantly on the hunt for that perfect unicorn and why it's so exhausting as a poly educator to have to field these (typically offensive) requests.

It's juicy. It's ugly. It's hysterical. And it will give anyone in or considering a polyamorous dynamic a lot to think about.

My biggest take away? That inclusion is NOT a policy or a mission statement. It is a deliverable and it is VISIBLE. You can say you're inclusive all you want but unless you see that reflected in the people who actually participate and attend - unless you see POC and fat bodies and a variety of abilities and disabilities, it's all lip service.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

The New York Times piece on non-monogamy that Ruby wrote about is here.

Ruby's response to the NYT piece, 'What the New York Times Neglected to See.'

About Ruby Bouie Johnson

Ruby Bouie Johnson is a clinical social worker and sex therapist located in Plano, Texas. Ruby’s primary client base are folks who are kinky, in consensual nonmonogamous relationships, queer, lesbian, bisexual, and gay, and sexual challenges. She works with individuals, couples, triads, quads, and polycules with power dynamics within their relationships. Ruby has published in various journals and in the African American Encyclopedia on Criminology. Ruby has presented at Kinky Kollege, Consent Summit, Association of Black Sexologist and Clinicians, and will present at the upcoming American Association of Sexologists, Educators, Counselors, and Therapists Conference. Ruby Johnson is a contributor for HuffPo and Black and Poly Magazine. Ruby Johnson is on faculty for the Kink Knowledgeable Program. Mrs. Johnson serves on the board for the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.

You can stay in touch with Ruby at blacksexgeek.net and on Facebook and Twitter @blacksexgeek.

Ruby is also the CEO, Founder, and organizer for PolyDallas Millennium LLC. The 3rd Annual Symposium is July 14-16 in Dallas Texas. You can learn more and register at www.polydallasmillennium.com and also check out the conference's Facebook and Twitter @polydallas2015

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_166.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:30am EST

This week it's just you and me, working our way through some rad listener questions.

Dave wrote in with one of the best complimentary emails I've ever received AND threw a few bucks my way on Patreon.

Lala just found out she has HPV. She's brand new to dating after divorce and spending many years focusing on her kids, and she wants to know - is her sex life over? Can she find romance and love and great sex if she has HPV? I have so many thoughts, including checking out Ella Dawson and Ashley Manta as rockin' folks to follow who have amazing sex lives while navigating the world with an STI.

Lovely J listens to the show with her honey. They can't remember the name of an author I recommended a while back (it was most likely Barbara Carrellas). Also, Lovely J is an inexperienced Dominant and her partner really wants her to dominate them. She's read some books, but how can she get some hands-on practice at being a dominant? My number 1 recommendation is Midori's Forte Femme weekend intensive.

It IS possible to be a very effective, very sexy Dominant without it looking like the standard trope of a Domme you see on TV or at kink events.

Jude is a white, middle-class woman who is new to learning about sex work. How can she learn more about why people choose sex work and what it's all about?

It's critical to turn to sex workers themselves for their stories, for the lived nuance. All my book recommendations to Jude are below in the resources area.

Frank wrote in needing help finding a way to get his wife to give him a blowjob. The advice will be disappointing, but it's the best I can offer when it comes to wanting something sexually from another human being. You have to be willing to talk about it - openly and without expectation or pressure.

Kacey wants to know how common it is for women to have hair on their faces, cleavage and chest. Hirsutism can be caused by loads of things, and it's relatively common. Plus, there are so many women who are unabashedly embracing their rad beards and body hair and still having amazing sex lives and finding love. The Go Ask Alice article I mention in the episode is linked down below.

Finally, K is having an issue with a butt plug. They can have anal sex just fine, but when you use an anal plug, it hurts on the out motion. What can they do? I have some thoughts. Yay butt stuff.

Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

"Ecstasy is Necessary" by Barbara Carrellas

"Urban Tantra" by Barbara Carrellas

"Coming Out Like a Porn Star" by Jiz Lee

"$pread: The Best of the Magazine that Illuminated the Sex Industry and Started a Media Revolution" by Feminist Press

"Truth, Justice, and the American Whore" by Siouxsie Q

TheWhoresOfYore.com by Kate Lister

Go Ask Alice's response to a woman with a hair issue

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_165.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Sex Gets Real listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with Talkspace

This week's episode is brought to you by Talkspace. Listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with coupon code SGR, so check it out and spread the word to support the show.

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Bridget Phetasy, Playboy's advice columnist on sex and relationships, is here to talk about her controversial article about orgasmic meditation.

We talk about cults, praying on people's sexual shame, boundaries, consent, and the importance of trusting those little feelings that tell you something isn't right even if you desperately want to ignore them.

Read Bridget's article over on Playboy to get the full scoop.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Bridget mentions the clit cult article, which is this piece by Refinery29.

About Bridget Phetasy

When she’s not penning Playboy.com’s Sex & Dating Column or the Playboy Advisor, you can usually find Bridget interviewing people on her podcast Benched. Once she was dared to do stand-up comedy. It is now her primary reason for getting out of bed. In her free time Bridget wrangles two insane puppies and is working on her humorous self-help book, Seducing Men Is Like Hunting Cows.

You can follow Bridget on Twitter @bridgetphetasy and on Facebook, too. Her new podcast, Benched, is on Twitter, too, @benchedpodcast.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_164.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 11:04am EST

Sex Gets Real listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with Talkspace

This week's episode is brought to you by Talkspace. Listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with coupon code SGR, so check it out and spread the word to support the show.

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Curious about what has Dylan been up to? What's changed in her life? BIG THINGS, but only Patreon supporters will hear the juiciest of juicy details.

Dawn talks about moving to Vancouver and watching the latest Four Chambers porn by Vex Ashley while having house guests.

Then we field listener questions on nun and priest fetishes, how to eat pussy like a champ (again), and we rage over stealthing - because it's just not OK ever. You can hear round one of Dylan's oral sex tips way back on episode 5, but this is the new updated version after Dylan's latest adventures in pussy eating. Also, yay for the smell of pussy.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it.

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_163.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EST

This week's episode is brought to you by Talkspace. Listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with coupon code SGR, so check it out and spread the word to support the show.

This week's episode is very special to me. I want to thank all of the brave souls who responded to my call for abortion stories. To read their powerful words, visit sexgetsreal.com/ep162. In fact, start there before you dive into this chat with Carol Sanger about her new book, "About Abortion: Terminating Pregnancy in 21st Century America".

Abortion can be a ridiculously charged topic in the United States, which is unique among countries with legal abortion. Carol's book is a fascinating and dare I say fun look into the legislation, the imagery, how technology has impacted the conversation, and more than anything focuses on what happens when people in marginalized positions are forced to choose secrecy over privacy.

We tie abortion to sex work, kink, polyamory, HIV/AIDS, and of course, to the larger oppressive systems at play in our society like patriarchy and gender role bullshit.

Despite the heaviness of abortion, this talk with Carol is delightful - there's intimate moments and several genuine laughs as we dive into all of the terrific research Carol has done and why it's more important than ever that we share our stories.

If abortion is a hot topic for you, I invite you to listen and to be patient. The stories, more than anything, are critical for us all to hear and absorb.

Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Carol mentioned a paper called, "I Would Like to Give My Baby, Like, Everything In the World," which talks about women aborting to protect their children. While this is an academic paper that is not publicly accessible, Slate wrote about the paper here.

Lindy West and Amelia Bonow started #ShoutYourAbortion and ShoutYourAbortion.com to share abortion stories.

The Rewire book review by Katie Klabusich that Carol mentions in the episode. Check it out here.

About Carol Sanger

Carol Sanger is the Barbara Aronstein Black Professor of Law at Columbia Law School. She teaches courses on contracts, family law, and others focusing on reproduction, the legal profession, and law and gender. Her recent book About Abortion (Harvard University Press) is centered on the regulation of abortion.

You can follow Carol on Twitter @carolsangernyc

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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_162.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

I am constantly on the lookout for people who are doing amazing, inspiring, fun things in the world of sex and relationships. So, you just know I had to reach out to Feminist Press when I saw they were publishing a children's book with the title, "Tell Me About Sex, Grandma."

And what better time to celebrate kids and parenting and sex and divorce and healing than Mother's Day?

Anastasia Higginbotham is the author of a series of books called Ordinary Terrible Things aimed at helping kids to understand and find words for things like sex, divorce, death, racism, and queerness. Anastasia's books are about centering kids' wisdom and giving them space to have a full range of feelings and permission to be who they are.

But the magic of these books is also in their healing power for grown-ups. If you were raped or molested, "Tell Me About Sex, Grandma" will offer a balm to your young self about what happened. If your parents split when you were young, "Divorce is the Worst" gives you permission to sit in those big feelings you may have tried to hide years ago.

This is the kind of stuff that overturns patriarchy and helps young people realize that they actually hold a tremendous amount of wisdom and power.

Also, at the end of this week's episode is a sneak peek of next week's incredible episode on abortion. Please do stay tuned.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

You can pre-order "Tell Me About Sex, Grandma" and purchase "Death is Stupid" and "Divorce is the Worst" from Feminist Press, and you know I love supporting feminist, independent sources, so please do buy from them over Amazon or a big box retailer.

About Anastasia Higginbotham

Anastasia Higginbotham is a writer and artist who created the children’s book series Ordinary Terrible Things, published by the Feminist Press. The series includes Divorce Is the Worst (2015), Death Is Stupid (2016), and Tell Me About Sex, Grandma (2017). It’s been embraced by children and adults for empowering and trusting kids as the authority on their own lives. Higginbotham makes the books in collage on brown grocery bag paper with clippings from magazines and catalogs, and bits of fabric and jewelry that have special meaning.

Higginbotham’s series is informed by more than 20 years as a speechwriter for New York City nonprofits that combat all kinds of injustice. For 10 years, Higginbotham taught full impact self-defense to kids and adults with Prepare Inc., coaching students ages 6 and up to breathe, talk, and fight their way through confrontation and attack scenarios. Her essays have appeared in Huffington Post, Ms., Bitch, The Sun, Women’s Media Center, and The Women’s Review of Books. She’s featured in the anthologies, Listen Up: Voices from the Next Feminist Generation, 30 Things Every Girl Should Know About Women’s History, and Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape. She is a 2015 Hedgebrook Fellow.

You can stay in touch with Anastasia on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @ahigginbooks.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_161.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EST

This week's episode is brought to you by Talkspace. And listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with coupon code SGR, so check it out and spread the word to support the show.

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Andre Shakti is BACK! She has a new project called I Am Poly and So Can You, and we go deep into non-monogamy and polyamory this week after geeking out over Erotic Film School.

When did Andre figure out she was non-monogamous, what advice does she wishes existed when she was a teenager, and what do you do if you cheated on your wife and now she wants to cheat on you?

Well, we talk about allllll of that and more this week. Andre has stellar advice for a couple who are wanting to try a threesome for the first time, and we also get a charming email from R who is in a loving triad but who needs more sex.

Poly pressure to have sex is real and Andre explores why sometimes it's OK to step off the sex train if everything else in your life feels great.

Don't forget to send in your sex confessions about May's theme of FOOD! I created a guidelines page for you.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

"I Love You, But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship" by Mira Krishenbaum - Andre recommend this for working through trust issues in a relationship.

About Andre Shakti

Andre Shakti is a journalist, educator, performer, activist, and professional slut living in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is devoted to normalizing alternative desires, de-stigmatizing sex workers and their clients, and not taking herself too seriously. Andre wrestles mediocre white men into submission and writes about sex work, queerness and non-monogamy for Cosmopolitan, Rewire, Thrillist, MEL, Vice, Autostraddle, and more. She can frequently be found marathoning Law & Order: SVU under a chaotic pile of partners and pitbulls, and yes, she knows how problematic that show is. Andre is the reigning "polyamory pundit" at her non-monogamy advice column, "I Am Poly & So Can You!", which you can visit - and submit questions to! - via IAmPoly.net. Visit her on Twitter @andreshakti, on FB as "Andre Shakti", and as a pleasure professional on the new inclusive educational platform O.School.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_160.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 11:34am EST

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Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

This week Jaclyn Friedman is here. Known for her incredible work around sexual assault, sexual violence, consent, and sex education, it is a really intense discussion that I can't wait for you to hear.

We talk about sexual liberation and why sex positivity must include conversations around sexual violence if it hopes to achieve it's aim.

We dive into stealthing and why removing a condom without consent is rape. Jaclyn explores the ways that stealthing is dehumanizing and why this power move is about erasing the humanity of the person you're sleeping with.

She also talks about what centering humanity in sex has meant for her - being able to relax into her truth by getting off the sexual Olympics train. Plus, why all this buzz about hook-up culture on college campuses is actually a myth and the impact that myth is having on students.

Then we go deep into victim-centering justice, needing community to step in and hold sexually violent people accountable, why transformative justice is not the answer, and she even challenges me on being too generous around people who commit acts of sexual violence.

We may not have answers, but we certainly have a lot of feelings and even bigger questions. So strap in and prepare yourself.

Don't forget to send in your sex confessions about May's theme of FOOD! I created a guidelines page for you.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Jaclyn Friedman

Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, speaker and activist, and creator of the hit books Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009, and #11 on Ms. Magazine’s Top 100 Feminist Nonfiction of All Time list) and What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety. Her podcast, Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire.

Friedman’s work has popularized the “yes means yes” standard of sexual consent that is quickly becoming law on many US campuses. Her insistence that authentic sexual liberation is a necessary condition to end the systemic sexualization and violation of women led Lyn Mikel Brown (Co-founder of SPARK and Professor of Education and Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies, Colby College) to call her “this generation’s version of Dr. Ruth.”

Friedman is a popular speaker on campuses and at conferences across the U.S. and beyond. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Nightline, PBS News Hour, the Melissa Harris-Perry Show, and numerous other radio and television shows, and her commentary has appeared in outlets including The New York Times, Vox, TimeThe Washington Post, Glamour and The Guardian. Friedman is a founder and the former Executive Director of Women, Action & the Media, where she led the successful #FBrape campaign to apply Facebook’s hate-speech ban to content that promotes gender-based violence. Friedman also holds an MFA in creative writing from Emerson College.

You can stay in touch with Jaclyn at jaclynfriedman.com, as well as on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @jaclynf.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_159.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

NW Mom wrote in with her confession about the mess she's in with a married man. Can she find her way out? She's lonely, she just discovered her sexual pleasure after a 20-year marriage, and yet, this amazing man can't be there for her. He knows it's not easy on her, so ending things shouldn't be a shock for him.

Jess wrote in about her improved sex life and the new body safe Fun Factory vibrator she just got. Listening to the show has helped her sex life in fantastic ways and I am tickled.

Jenister has a problem. She is bisexual, has anxiety, and wants to explore group sex with her partner. The only problem is she and her boyfriend have had threesomes before to great success. But, she is finding herself feeling super jealous and insecure when they look for potential play partners and she feels terrible. How can she overcome her jealousy and make the group sex fun again?

Also, let's just honor Jenister's frustration about telling straight guys that she's bi - it's like they assume it means threesomes are automatically in the cards. UGH. NO.

How do we care for ourselves when we feel jealous? How do you make space for meltdowns and insecurity without judging yourself?

If you're interested in one-on-one coaching, check out my options here.

What do you do if your friend is obsessed with having a boyfriend and totally defines their worth based on whether they're dating someone or not? I have thoughts. We live in a world that tells us we should all be on a quest for relationship, and that our worth is defined by the romantic partners we have. It's a big box to unpack.

Bree Speed has way too much cum in her life. Her boyfriend shoots everywhere and she is cleaning cum off of everything. Is she the only one in this position? I have big thoughts like why isn't HE cleaning up his own mess? Why isn't he doing his laundry and taking care of this? 

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it.

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_158.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EST

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

I am reading a devastating, lyrical book called "Abandon Me" by Melissa Febos. I'm desperately working to get her on the show soon to talk about her memoir (and her former work as a dominatrix).

In the meantime, this week's show is a fun, informative interview with Siouxsie Q.

We dive into her work with the Free Speech Coalition combatting harmful anti-porn, anti-sex work laws, including talking about what we can do, as consumers of porn, to help protect workers in the industry. You'll be especially horrified at the new set of laws sweeping the U.S. in the wake of the "porn health crisis" that everyone is freaking out about - with zero evidence, I might add.

Then we talk about why porn is her favorite, what her parents think of her adult industry career, and we wrap up our chat fielding some listener questions about polyamory and non-monogamy.

Oh! And we dive into why sex is magic and why sex workers are some of the most powerful beings on earth. LOVE IT.

It's a blast, Siouxsie is so sweet and smart, and I know you're going to love it.

Don't forget to send in your sex confessions! I created a guidelines page for you. March & April's theme will be messes!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Siouxsie Q

Siouxsie got her start in the business dancing at the unionized Lusty Lady Theater in San Francisco, and has worked as a performer in adult films since 2012, garnering two AVN Award Nominations and a Feminist Porn Award. During that time, she has been an unrelenting advocate for the rights of all sex workers.

Siouxsie Q is an author, weekly columnist for SF Weekly, and the creator of The Whorecast, a podcast network showcasing the diverse voices of the adult industry. She has lectured extensively on sex and sex work, and is regularly quoted and featured in the mainstream media, including CNN, USA Today, Cosmopolitan, Wired, Buzzfeed and America with Jorge Ramos. Her first book, Truth, Justice, and the American Whore, was published this year through 3L Media to rave reviews.

She joined The Free Speech Coalition, the trade association of the adult industry, in May of 2016, to help them soundly defeat both Cal/Osha Regulation 5193.1, and Proposition 60, both of which would have put adult film performers at immense risk.

She recently has returned to performing in adult films, and is excited to continue campaigning for the rights of adult industry workers, specifically through combatting the harmful wave of legislation declaring pornography to be a "public health crisis."

You can stay in touch by following Siouxsie on Twitter @whorecast, @siouxsieqjames, @fscarmy, by reading her book "Truth, Justice, and the American Whore," by checking out Free Speech Coalition, and by popping over to Instagram as TheRealWhoreNextDoor.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_157.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EST

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Plus, some news about my personal life. I'm moving to Canada, FINALLY. Also, my Bartholin gland flared up - and I had to take my own advice around new ways to experience sex and touch when intercourse and masturbation were off the table for several weeks. Ugh. Bodies.

This week's show features a listener confession from S about a mess she had in her life. We also get an update from Scarlett Grace about telling her friend that she doesn't want to have threesomes with her anymore.

Hailey wrote in asking how she can support a friend who was raped but who doesn't want to call it rape and who hasn't asked for support. How can you be a good friend and let someone know you're there for them after sexual assault, trauma, or rape? Let's talk about centering survivors and what that might look like, even if it feels really terrible for the people around them. Also, I am planning a trauma summit in August. Get on the Explore More list to get the notification. It will be free.

Kelsey wonders - what's the difference between having a type or having a fetish, especially when it's racist and oppressive? Kelsey has a co-worker who constantly talks about Asian women and why he loves them. It's tokenism and exoticism, and she wants to know what she should do.

My thoughts include why we ALL have a responsibility to critically reflect and examine our fantasies. Kitty Stryker has a thought-provoking piece on this very thing that's linked below. Sometimes we need to feel ashamed and move through that to get to deeper, more meaningful understandings of ourselves.

Micah loves Conner Habib's deep questions, especially about impossibility and opening up conversations to new thought. He wants to know - why do we so often jump to "never" when even bringing up new ideas around sex and love? I have loads of thoughts. A lot of it comes back to safety.

Stephanie's boyfriend has premature ejaculation and it's impacting their sex life. Medicine hasn't worked. She hates her body. She's faking her orgasms. What can she do? Big big thoughts there on body neutrality, on removing goals and expectations from sex, and from trying something new when the things you're trying keep not working.

You do NOT need to love your body to have enjoyable sex.

If you're interested in one-on-one coaching, check out my options here.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in the show

Kitty Stryker's article about examining our fantasies and challenging ourselves when they're racist, sexist, and problematic.

Meg-John Barker & Justin Hancock's new book, "Enjoy Sex: (How, when and if you want to): A Practical and Inclusive Guide"

Elle Chases's new book, "Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life"

About Dawn Serra

Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it.

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_156.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:21pm EST

Love the show? Support it on Patreon. 

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Andrew Gurza is here this week talking all about sex and disability. We geek out over Orphan Black, talk about his hashtag #diSAYbled, dive into body politics and ableism, and explore his experiences with sex and masturbation.

It's such a delightful conversation full of giggles and the kind of awkwardness and realness that I adore. 

We also talk about hook-up culture and how difficult it can be to communicate around needs and desires, especially for gay men. We explore what it means to be "too much" and also the institutional ableism around insisting that folks with disabilities need a cure.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Andrew Gurza

Andrew Gurza is a Disability Awareness Consultant and Cripple Content Creator working to make the lived experience of queerness and disability accessible to all. His written work has been featured in Huffington Post, This Magazine, The Advocate, Everyday Feminism, Mashable, and Out.com. He is the host of DisabilityAfterDark: The Podcast to Shine a Bright Light on Sex and Disability available on iTunes. You can find out more about his work at www.andrewgurza.com or connect with him on Twitter @andrewgurza.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_155.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:30am EST

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

If you missed the Explore More Summit, you can still grab all of the talks for as little as $1.20 each plus loads of bonus materials.

This weekend I am in San Francisco attending Madison Young's Erotic Film School. I'm learning how to make porn. YAY! If you want to see some of the behind the scenes pictures and videos of Andre Shakti and James Darling, all Patreon supporters at $1 or more will have access.

It was fun to be the director and to actually see ethical porn being made in this rich, collaborative space.

I also field listener emails this week since I'm on the road. First, a listener wants to share his experience watching trans and pegging porn after Lauren from last week's episode shared her concerns around porn.

Then, Mona wants help shopping for some kegel exercisers. What's best? Dawn shares a story of her ben wa balls gone wrong.

Scarlett Grace has a friend that she used to play with sexually with her husband, but Scarlett's friend is now super promiscuous and Scarlett doesn't want to have sex with her friend anymore. How can she tell her friend she's worried about her safety and why she doesn't want to play anymore? 

Delilah wrote in because she's in her first lesbian relationship and she wants tricks for making her girlfriend happy. So, how do you learn lesbian sex? What tricks and tips do I have? Long-time listeners will already know my answer to this. At a minimum, be sure to check out Allison Moon's, "Girl Sex 101" book.

Ben is young and in love, but he and his girlfriend don't have much in common and he wants to have loads more sexual experiences. What should he do? 

Finally, Leah wants to know - how do polyamorous folks avoid town gossips and people talking about their affairs? I have lots of thoughts because there are so many possible situations to navigate. Also, check out Franklin Veaux's "More Than Two" or Tristan Taormino's "Opening Up" for more information on living in a non-monogamous situation.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it.

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_154.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

Reid Mihalko is here this week and our conversation goes deep.

We start by geeking out over Reid's latest adventures into anti-oppression work, learning about emotional labor as a cis white guy, and he even tears up over just how important it is for dudes to level up in these spaces, even if it's just 10 or 20%.

Then, we dive into listener emails. First, Lauren writes in wanting to know if her recent interest in lesbian porn means her sexual orientation is changing. Is she no longer straight?

Jenny needs some advice around polyamory. Her and her partner have discussed it, but Jenny isn't feeling like her needs are getting met and their communication isn't great. Reid's advice around poly is beautiful and gives all of us - in any relationship style - tons to think about.

Finally, Riffle needs help navigating a threesome with his fiance. Riffle wants their third to be a stranger, but Riffle's partner wants it to be someone they Reid. Reid, certainly a threesome expert, lets his wisdom shine with some awesome advice.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Reid Mihalko

America’s favorite sex geek, Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com and Sex10xOnline.com helps adults and college students create more self-esteem, self-confidence and greater health and satisfaction in and out of the bedroom using an inspiring mixture of humor, keen insight, and comprehensive sexual health information.

Reid appeals to audiences of all orientations, backgrounds, ages and identities. He’s one of the only male sex and relationship experts touring the country today who can speak pragmatically to nearly all areas of sexual self-expression, intimacy, dating and relating. Reid’s mission is to give men and women new tools to transform their love lives  into fulfilling, satisfying, and sustainable expressions of self.

Stay in touch with Reid on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_153.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:05am EST

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

I am eyeball deep in the Explore More Summit. Day 5 is unfolding today (March 12th) and you can sign-up for the Explore More Summit here. It's free and goes until March 17th. Anyway, because I'm so busy summitting, today is a hit it and quit it.

First, I rant about a new piece of wearable technology that tracks penis thrusts and calories for condom wearers. Or, in other words, it is all about measuring all the wrong things and promotes bad sex - NOT sex that is about pleasure and communication. So terrible and frustrating.

Then, I share a listener confession about being raped and healing from that rape with an erotic dream. If you're a survivor, be gentle with yourself around this story.

The final question is from a young listener about being in a new relationship and feeling too excited to sleep.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it.

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_152.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 7:00am EST

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

It's a very special episode this week because you are getting to hear exclusive, never before heard clips from nine of the Explore More Summit talks. You'll hear from Tristan Taormino, Allison Moon, Virgie Tovar, Melissa Toler, Dirty Lola of Sex Ed a Go Go, Cyndi Darnell, Betty Martin, Aida Manduley, and Orpheus Black.

I also field listener questions on pussy slapping, pegging problems when your guy is 14 inches taller than you, foursomes where erections never happened, and ethical porn.

It's a packed week of goodies and advice. Be sure to sign-up for the Explore More Summit. It starts March 8th and it's FREE. 

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it.

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
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Direct download: Episode_151.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EST

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

Enrollment for the 2017 Explore More Summit is OFFICIALLY open. The summit is free, runs for ten days, and features interviews with 30 incredible thought-leaders. You can sign-up at exploremoresummit.com. It all starts March 8th, 2017.

This week, Madison Young is here to talk all about porn, submission, motherhood and sex, and her Erotic Film School, which I'm attending in a few weeks.

Madison has had the unique and powerful opportunity to document so much of her sexual journey and personal stories on film, thanks to porn. And now, she is hard at work writing books on submission and BDSM, DIY porn, and parenthood.

We roll around in all of the things she's learned and experienced, plus we share our struggles as people who have trouble prioritizing self-care (which many of you can relate to).

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

"Daddy: A Memoir" by Madison Young

"DIY Porn Handbook: A How-To Guide to Documenting Our Own Sexual Revolution" by Madison Young

"The Ultimate Guide to Sex Through Pregnancy and Motherhood: Passionate Practical Advice for Moms" by Madison Young

Erotic Film School

About Madison Young

Madison Young is an artist and activist dedicated to creating space for revolutionary love. This body-based performance artist grew up in the suburban landscape of Southern Ohio before moving to San Francisco in 2000. Since then this Midwestern gal has dedicated her days to facilitating safe space to dialogue on the topic of fringe identities and cultures as well as documenting healthy expression of sexuality.

Young’s breadth of work, in the realm of her artistic manifestations, intersects the fields of sexuality, identity, and pornography. Her work spans from documenting our sexual culture in her Internationally screened and award-winning feminist erotic films to having served as the Artistic Director of the forward-thinking nonprofit arts organization Femina Potens Art Gallery for over a decade.

Young has exhibited Internationally with her performance art, video art installations, and photography.  Young values sexual freedom and self expression of queer identity in her work and has taught workshops, lectures, and acted as a panelist on the topics of sexuality, feminist porn studies, the politics of BDSM and queering the body with in the arena of performance art, at institutions including at Yale University, Hampshire College, Northwestern University, University of Toronto, University of Minnesota, and UC Berkeley.

Her memoir, Daddy, was published in February 2014 through Rare Bird.

Madison Young lives and creates work in Berkeley, California where she recently completed her second book The DIY Porn Handbook: Documenting Our Own Sexual Revolution (Greenery Press).

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  2. Check us out on Stitcher
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  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_150.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:18am EST

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.

Enrollment for the 2017 Explore More Summit is OFFICIALLY open. The summit is free, runs for ten days, and features interviews with SOO many incredible thought-leaders. You can sign-up at exploremoresummit.com. It's been incredible creating these talks, so I hope you'll check it out. It all starts March 8th, 2017.

This week, I'm so excited that Matie Fricker and Hunter Riley from Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center are here. We talk about community sex education, sex toy testing fatigue, and how they make their sex store welcoming and empowering.

Matie goes deep into toxic toys and what happened when they gave customers a choice between toxic and non-toxic toys. Plus, their testers have to fill out an 8-page survey about each and every product the store carries.

We also dive into bad sex toy design, the ONE product that Matie has been searching for for 10 years and has not found a decent one, orgasm stuckness and toy loyalty and why that can inhibit pleasure, and my frustration with sex classes... why do blowjob classes consistently sell out at stores across the country but not cunnilingus classes? Yeah. Let's name it.

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Hunter's blog post all about the drama at UNM's sex week

That Travel & Leisure article on hotel sex that I mentioned in the intro.

About Matie Fricker

Matie Fricker is a smut peddling sweetheart with a deep love for the odd and tender. She owns Albuquerque’s best sex shop, Self Serve Toys. Self Serve is a shiny bubble of love and safety for those seeking pleasure and joy in their lives. One of her proudest accomplishments was causing Rush Limbaugh to say “female orgasm” on-air multiple times.

Matie has been awarded the 2008 Tough Cookie Award from the National Association for Women Business Owners, Best Sexy Shop in ABQ’s Alibi Weekly Newspaper for 9 years and Albuquerque Pride’s Outstanding Retail Store Award.

About Hunter Riley

Hunter Riley is the manager of operations and outreach at Self Serve, a sex educator, speaker and social media maven. She helps young adults find their voice and comfort level around conversations about sex and sexuality. After earning degrees in psychology, Spanish and journalism, she moved on to teaching classes in English and Spanish about pleasure, sex toys, communication, safer sex, consent, oral sex, kink, non-monogamy, birth control and more! She has authored several sex columns for newspapers and online media outlets in New Mexico including the Daily Lobo, the Santa Fe Reporter and Albuquerque Free Press. She has partnered with organizations like Planned Parenthood, the University of New Mexico, UNM Hospital, Enlace Comunitario, Santa Fe Care Center and more. Anyone interested in hiring Hunter or learning more about the services she provides can contact Hunter via email: hunter@selfservetoys.com for more information.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_149.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EST

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.

You are the first in the world to know that enrollment for the 2017 Explore More Summit is OFFICIALLY open. The summit is free, runs for ten days, and features interviews with SOO many incredible thought-leaders. You can sign-up at exploremoresummit.com. It's been incredible creating these talks, so I hope you'll check it out. It all starts March 8th, 2017.

And...

Because I've been conducting so so so many intense, deep interviews, I wanted to take a break and make this week nice and easy - you and me, powering through a ton of listener emails and keeping it casual and intimate.

So, what are we talking about this week?

Mike ALWAYS gives his wife an orgasm and the last three times they've had sex, she hasn't cum. Will it happen again? What can he do? Deb is a bottom but her husband wants her to top him sometimes. Can she find a way to enjoy being dominant? Ali wants more information on how people become strippers. I'm not a sex worker, so I can't speak to this, but I do reflect on some previous conversations with folks like Andre Shakti, Madison Young, Kitty Stryker.

Big Vulva wrote in about how she feels about the way her labia look and it's wonderful. Plus, I get called out for an ageist comment, someone wants to know how common CFNM fantasties are, Mary wonders about whether anal sex will ever feel good for her, and can a porn addict husband be trusted to watch porn with his wife?

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Erika Lust's EroticFilms.com is a great place to find loads of feminist, ethical erotic films. (I'm an affiliate, too!)

Siouxsie Q's podcast, The Whorecast, which is all sex workers talking about their stories, experiences, and issues.

Check out my Anal 101 online workshop.

Tristan Taormino's "The Ultimate Guide to Kink" which includes an awesome essay by Midori on FemDomme, female domination and how to get started.

ForteFemme.com - Midori's website for her weekend intensive on female domination

Midori's Facebook Live video on female domination. Check it out on Vimeo.

About Dawn Serra

In a world hellbent on making us feel like we aren't enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we're told about sex, relationships, and our bodies.

Dawn is the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. She also teaches adult sex ed workshops online and in person, and works one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

When she's not podcasting, lecturing, or writing about all of the ways we relate to each other, Dawn can often be found watching an episode of Hoarders, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with her husband.

Dawn's epic Explore More Summit is unfolding again now.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_148.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 8:00am EST

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.

Elle Chase is back, which delights me to no end (though, I'm wrong in the episode - Kate McCombs was the first repeat guest!).

I adore this chat despite some audio issues, because we get so personal - sharing sex stories and awkward moments and keeping sex so very real, especially for folks who are fat and curvy.

Her brand new book, Curvy Girl Sex, just hit stores, and of course, I use her beautifully curated LadyCheeky.com anytime I want to turn myself or my sweetie on. Rawr.

So, here we are talking fat tummies and fat butts and bad backs and awkward sex noises and all the glory of anything-but-elegant sex.

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

About Elle Chase

Sex educator and sexuality and body image coach Elle Chase, is a graduate of the comprehensive San Francisco Sex Information, Sex Educator Training Program and a member of the American College of Sexologists. Elle also serves as the Director of Education & Lead Sex Educator at the Los Angeles Academy of Sex Education, which offers pleasure inclusive classes, on sexuality, gender, sexual health and sexual lifestyles. She is also the author of “Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower your Sex Life,” from Fair Winds Press and as her alter ego Lady Cheeky, is the editor of the smash hit (very) adult coloring book, the #NSFW Totally Naughty Coloring Book by SheVibe.com.

Elle is also the creator, curator & editor of two award-winning and highly trafficked sexuality websites, www.LadyCheeky.com (NSFW) which has been named as the number one site for porn for women, and its companion editorial site www.SmutForSmarties.com which has been L.A. Weekly’s choice for ‘Best Sex Blog’ since 2013.

Follow Elle on Twitter @TheElleChase and @LadyCheeky (NSFW).

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_147.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:30am EST

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Sometimes, you luck into an incredible opportunity. That happened to me when I heard Mariya Karimjee's story on The Heart or This American Life. It's about her experience with female genital mutilation and having part of her clitoris removed when she was a young girl.

I reached out to Mariya and invited her on the show to talk about being an FGM survivor, what it's been like in her life since her story went global, and she also brings some voices of other survivors to share with us.

We talk about Muslim women, sex, changing relationships with our parents, patriarchy, and the importance of sex education.

It's an important conversation that I hope you'll enjoy. I know I did.

Resources discussed in this episode

Mariya's episode on The Heart podcast

Mariya's story on This American Life

Additional voices on FGM

"I’ve asked your mother many times since this occurred, why an educated woman who resides in a country where this is illegal subjected her daughter to this practice? I never received a valid reason. Simply saying that “it’s in our religion” is not a good enough answer for me to accept that my daughter went through this." Anonymous father

"I had started to understand the terrifying implications of the practice which differed from person to person and the physical and mental trauma some of my own sisters and close friends had to go through, and are still going through. I also came across many justifications for the practice, some from my family elders which went along the lines of, 'This is done to curb a girl’s sexual desire so that she can put her mind to other things', among many others." Insia Jaliwala

"It may have been just a pinch of skin, but it was a part of me, a part of my femininity and a part of my womanhood." Mariya Ali

"I also don’t know whether girls from other communities enjoy better sex or not. There have been many reports about this that I am unsure of. There is actually a lot of vagueness on this topic that I would like to have some clarification on." Ummehani, from India

"One of my main insecurities about sex was that I felt like I was driving without the headlights on. Often times, I didn’t know where to go or how to guide my driver. I felt like a failure. To this day, I still have not experienced orgasm. While sex is enjoyable for me and I could describe what I can achieve as a “mini-climax”, I am bothered by the fact that I may never get to experience this wonderful part of life. While it’s no secret many women who have not been “circumcised” struggle with the same issues, a part of me will always wonder if that would have been true for me had this not happened. I will never know." Anonymous

"For the record, I have never been mutilated. I am not traumatized, damaged, or broken. Yes, something unfortunate happened to me that I wish had not; but I do not want to be labeled a survivor. Personally, I feel the word is inappropriate to my situation because my life was never at risk. What I do want is to live in a world where what happened to me no longer happens to others. The reason I want this is because although I have come to forgive my loved ones, accept what has happened to me, and move past the trauma, not everyone who has undergone khatna has been so fortunate." Anonymous, age 30

About Mariya Karimjee

Mariya Karimjee is a freelance writer based in Karachi, Pakistan. She's currently working on a memoir about home and identity to be published by Spiegel and Grau.

You can learn more at MariyaKarimjee.com, and follow along with her adventures on Twitter @m_karimjee and Instagram.

Be sure to also check out Sahiyo for more information and voices/quotes from survivors and people impacted by FGM.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_146.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:04am EST

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

This week there are two listener confessions - one at the beginning of the episode and another at the end after the interview.

And who am I chatting with this week? The incredible Erika Lust about being an erotic filmmaker, the porn industry, evoking powerful performances from her actors, and her new non-profit helping parents to talk about porn with their kids.

Of all the erotic filmmakers doing ethical porn in the world, Erika's videos are some of the most arousing for me. I adore the humor and shamelessness of her stories. She seamlessly incorporates beauty, eroticism, and playfulness into each and every video in a way that I find endlessly delicious.

So here is me, geeking out over getting to chat with someone I deeply admire.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Erika's IKEA video, which is very funny, is in the XConfessions Volume 1 set.

About Erika Lust

Erika Lust is a filmmaker, mother, writer, blogger, owner and founder of Erika Lust Films where she offers an alternative to the mainstream porn industry. She is also the creator of groundbreaking audiovisual project XConfessions.com, the first crowdsourced series that brought adult film to cinema screens.
 
Born in 1977 in Sweden, she studied political sciences, feminism and sexuality at the University of Lund. Tired of chauvinistic and tacky mainstream porn, she moved to Barcelona in 2000 where she took classes in film directing before bursting into the adult industry in 2004, with the indie short film The Good Girl - a humorous statement of principles using the “pizza delivery boy” trope. The immediate success of this first attempt encouraged her to pursue a career in adult cinema. Erika has directed four multi-award winning features: “Five Hot Stories For Her”, “Barcelona Sex Project”, “Life Love Lust” and “Caberet Desire”, and has also written five books including “Let’s Make A Porno” and her acclaimed erotic novel “La Canción de Nora” (“Nora’s Song”).

In 2013 Erika began the XConfessions series, a site where users watch short films based on their own anonymous sexual confessions. Every month Erika Lust picks two of her followers’ fantasies and turns them into erotic explicit short films. Now in it’s third year, Erika has filmed over 100 short films, released XConfessions seventh volume and has now invited guest directors to be part of the project, supporting the burgeoning alternative talent across the globe.

In 2015, she gave her “It’s Time for Porn to Change” talk at TEDxVienna which gained her notoriety for her campaign to change porn. Erika’s philosophy for a new adult cinema is based on 4 main ideas: women’s pleasure matters, adult cinema can have cinematic values, we need more body types, different ages and diverse races and the production process has to be ethical. She defends the importance of the female gaze and the need of having women behind the camera in all key positions.

Erika lives in Barcelona with her partner and husband Pablo and their two daughters, Lara and Liv.

You can also see Erika's new project bringing together erotic filmmakers at eroticfilms.com and her non-profit helping parents talk to their kids about porn at thepornconversation.org. Want to connect on social media? Erika is on Twitter @erikalust and on Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  2. Check us out on Stitcher
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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_145.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

As you know, January's theme this year for confessions is FIRSTS. It felt wonderful to be able to have Amber Keyser, author of The V-Word, join in the fun this week as her book is an anthology of 17 stories all about first time sexual experiences.

But what does first time sex mean? The V-Word explores that with beautiful depth and diversity, including trans voices and queer voices among the many stories.

We dive into virginity and what a dated, patriarchal concept it is. Amber even has a phrase I've become obsessed with: the cult of virginity. We talk about teenagers and sex, resources for young people that offer possibilities rather than prescriptions about what sex should be, and dive into her new novel.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

"Beast" by Brie Spangler, which is a YA novel centering a trans character

About Amber Keyser

Amber J. Keyser is an evolutionary biologist-turned-author, who writes both fiction and nonfiction for tweens and teens. In addition to The V-Word (Beyond Words/Simon Pulse, 2016), she is the author of The Way Back from Broken, a heart-wrenching novel of loss and survival (Carolrhoda Lab, 2015), Sneaker Century: A History of Athletic Shoes (Twenty-First Century Books, 2015), and the forthcoming Pointe, Claw, a novel about claiming the territory of the body (Carolrhoda Lab, 2017). She is the co-author with Kiersi Burkhart of the middle grade series Quartz Creek Ranch (Darby Creek, 2017).
 
You can learn all about Amber at www.amberjkeyser.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @amberjkeyser.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_144.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 8:30am EST

This week, we have our first listener confession from CK all about the first time she ended a relationship. Heads' up that it contains themes of abuse within BDSM.

Then, Sarah Pappalardo from Reductress is here! If you haven't seen Reductress yet, get thee over to their satirical site immediately and be wowed.

We talk about media literacy, mainstream feminism, white feminism, and all the ways feminism has been co-opted by commercialize and media. Sarah talks about using satire and comedy to confront a Trump presidency, companies like Dove with their empowerment branding, and when satire goes too far.

There is a ton of laughter and misandry mixed in with the very heartfelt and serious topics we dive into. Plus, what are Sarah's thoughts on Amy Schumer as a feminist? Sarah's response is incredible, and something all of us should be more aware of in our "feminist" icons.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Sarah Pappalardo

Sarah Pappalardo is the co-founder and editor of Reductress, and the author of How to Win at Feminism - The Definitive Guide to Having it All - And Then Some!
 
You can follow Sarah on Twitter @yourpappalardo.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_143.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 1:41pm EST

It's New Year's Day, 2017. It seems appropriate to start the year off with an intimate show between you and me, including a diary entry of my very first kiss. If you'd like to share your own confession on January's theme of FIRSTS, then scroll to the bottom of this week's episode page for details.

So many of you have written in with heartfelt thanks, and I share a few of them this week.

Then, in response to Embarrassed's email from a few weeks ago, listener Hannah writes in about the trauma of her labiaplasty and Sarah from yaysex.ca shares her struggle with accepting her vulva appearance.

I also field listener questions about consent and what consent looks like if you need a partner to talk you into sex, whether to stay in a relationship if your partner never wants sex, and what kind of anal vibrator to invest in if you are getting started with butt play.

It's a packed week and I can't wait to share it with you.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Emily Nagoski's book on desire, "Come As You Are," as well as her blog, The Dirty Normal.

LadyCheeky.com

Barbara Carrellas' book "Ecstasy is Necessary" on all the ways we can have ecstasy, including without sex.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_142.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:49am EST

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