Sex Gets Real: Talking Sex, Relationships, and Kink with Dawn Serra

Don't forget to grab your seat for the LIVE taping of Sex Gets Real to celebrate our 200th episode. Enter to join us here.

This week, I am joined by the incredible Bianca Palmisano from Intimate Health Consulting. Bianca specializes in training medical doctors, nurses, and staff to be more inclusive when treating marginalized folks, especially around sexuality and gender.

So, we go there.

We talk about all the ways doctors fail us and the emotional labor we often have to do to train doctors on how to treat us well. We also talk about how Bianca gets into their offices in the first place and how she's received.

Then we geek out over the medical conferences we've both attended because good god, is there a problem with the research being done. Ugh. And of course big pharma spends loads of money at medical conferences attracting doctors. There's NO MONEY in giving people better communication tools.

We field two listeners questions. One on when to disclose that you have a kidney draining pouch and the other on how to live with yourself after you've sexually abused someone.

You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about the orgasm gap and how much variance there is in our orgasms. Because orgasms are at the top of everyone's minds when they feel like there's a problem. Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen now. http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

If you want to grab my latest workshops, head to dawnserra.com/courses.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Bianca Palmisano:

Bianca Palmisano is a sex educator, medical consultant, and the owner of Intimate Health Consulting. She specializes in training healthcare providers around issues of sexual health, as well as LGBT, sex worker, and sexual assault survivor competency.  Palmisano is the primary author of "Safer Sex for Trans Bodies," an outreach and education guide for the trans community sponsored by Whitman Walker Health and the Human Rights Campaign. She has been a guest lecturer at George Washington University, Johns Hopkins, and University of Chicago.
 
Stay in touch with Bianca on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @fun_size_SexEd.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_202.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

There are still spots available for the LIVE recording of Sex Gets Real on March 22nd at 5pm Pacific/8pm Eastern. If you want to help celebrate the 200th episode, just complete this little entry form - I would love to see you there!

Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is a thinky-thoughty exploration of love and romance.

I am now pre-enrolling three new on-demand workshops that you can take from the privacy of your own home, entirely online. They are affordable, fun, and will give you an opportunity to learn new things and engage with new ideas, either on your own or with a new partner. Head to dawnserra.com/courses to see all of the courses that are available.

So what's up for this episode?

Mary wrote in because she's have pain during sex. Her doctor didn't help and she's seeing a physical therapist for pelvic floor work, but what can she do? I'm not a doctor, but I can share a few resources about painful sex, which is often called dyspareunia for folks who have a vulva.

If you have dyspareunia, you might want to check out a trial that's being conducted for a new device to help with pain during intercourse called the OhNut. Also, finding support groups and bloggers who talk about painful sex could be a fantastic place to start.

I also have some questions about the types of sex being had and why trying some other forms of sexual pleasure might take some of the pressure off.

Brooke is poly. She enjoys orgies, public sex, and dating others, as does her boyfriend. But she's terrified of STIs. What if someone lies about their status? What if they don't know they have one? What can she do to help with her fear?

MistressNeon wants to become a sexpert. How did I get started and what do I recommend for folks looking to switch careers? My answer is going to disappoint and upset a lot of you, but if there's one thing I try to do it's keep it real. So, buckle up because I have thoughts.

Ginger's husband wants to try receiving anal, but Ginger isn't so sure she's into that. She wants to be open to new things, but she's feeling a little anxious and a little grossed out. What can she do to find some joy in the fact that her husband asked for this and actually give it a try?

Anonymous Please is young, recently married, and says her husband has a special way of making her feel really really lonely. 

Don't forget to join me every Wednesday at 8pm EST/5pm PST on o.school for my free livestream, Pop Culture Undressed. I have so much fun talking all about the messages we learn about love, sex, and romance we learn from pop culture.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_201.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 1:22pm EDT

HAPPY EPISODE 200! If you want to enter to win one of 49 spots on the online live recording of Sex Gets Real, complete this little entry form. Must be 18 or over to enter and be available March 22nd at 5pm PT/8pm ET. A random selection will be made on March 10th & winners will be notified via email.

And Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is all about being heartbroken and how to deal with the tears & the pain. I also want to hear about how you've navigated heartbreak. Did you eat ice cream in your PJs and cry over romcoms? Did you go out with friends and have revenge sex? If you're a Patreon supporter at $3 and above, you can tune in and weigh in.

So what's up for this episode?

You all have been sending me some TERRIFIC questions lately, and I was eager to dive in.

Aussie Gal wrote in from Australia with some love and delight. Satisfied Slippery Slut went to She Bop in Portland after hearing it mentioned on a previous episode and had a lovely experience. Let's all support feminist sex shops! They're awesome!

A listener texted me asking what kind of strap-on harness I use and how I keep it tight when I'm using it. So, I talk about my favorite strap-on as well as some other options folks might want to check out.

Scott wrote in with a question about orgasms. He's pretty sure he gave his past partners orgasms and noticed they curled their toes. He's pretty sure his new girlfriend is happy and enjoying their connection, but he's also pretty sure she isn't orgasming since she doesn't curl her toes when her body is spasming. Is toe curling a sure sign of orgasms?

Anonymous has a condition that means vaginal penetration with her partner isn't a possibility for their sex life. They are really happy and incredibly passionate, but she's worried he is missing out since they can't have PIV sex. Is she being selfish or can sex that doesn't include intercourse actually work over the long term?

Merel Ann is struggling because her and her boyfriend decided to open up their relationship after months of talking about it. Everything was going great until he broke the one and only agreement they had, and now she feels betrayed. Can she ever get over the feelings of betrayal and broken trust? How can she move forward?

In addition to some of my thoughts on trust, betrayal, and moving on, I also recommend working with open relationship coach Gina Senarighi of Uncommon Love PDX. It might also help to check out Esther Perel's books "Mating in Captivity" and "The State of Affairs." Of course, I do work around this, too, if that helps.

Finally, Ethical Fan is from Mexico and he just read a piece in the NY Times about porn and kids. Is it really that bad? How can he talk to his 13 year old and 15 year old about porn so that they don't suffer bad expectations around sex?

That NY Times piece was a scare piece by an anti-porn writer. So, it's skewed and meant to terrify readers. Porn is not evil. The lack of education we offer young people is the real problem. We must start teaching media literacy to kids from the youngest of ages, and that helps with porn exposure. We have to start talking to our kids about porn at very young ages, because curiosity is natural and having sexual feelings as you're growing up is normal, so the more we can open that line of communication and arm them with the skills they'll need to see the difference between reality and fantasy, the better.

Don't forget to join me every Wednesday at 8pm EST/5pm PST on o.school for my free livestream, Pop Culture Undressed. I have so much fun talking all about the messages we learn about love, sex, and romance we learn from pop culture.

I am now pre-enrolling three new on-demand workshops that you can take from the privacy of your own home, entirely online. They are affordable, fun, and will give you an opportunity to learn new things and engage with new ideas, either on your own or with a new partner. Head to dawnserra.com/courses to see all of the courses that are available.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_200.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:35pm EDT

Formidable Femme, aka Sarah B Holliday, is here this week talking about sex toy companies, the ethics of selling sex toys, rejecting the perfect survivor narrative, healing from trauma, plus we field a listener question about abuse.

Sarah is deeply committed to changing the way the sex toy industry operates, and she has loads of ideas about what makes for an ethical company in this field and where companies often fail.

Let's stop gendered toys and the marketing we use to promote them and instead center marginalized identities and bodies to make sex and pleasure truly inclusive.

We also discuss Sarah's terrific advice to sex toy companies, plus a few books for navigating trauma including "The Body Keeps the Score" and "Healing Sex."

You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about pleasure as revolution, as liberation, and resistance. I mean, if masturbating means we're giving a big F you to the sex negative oppressive world, who are we to deny ourselves the pleasure? Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen now. http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Sarah B. Holliday:

Sarah Brynn Holliday (pronouns: she/her) is a queer femme feminist sex blogger, educator, and consultant. She has a background in abortion rights and access, queer and trans liberation, and radical, pleasure-and-trauma-informed sex education.
 
Sarah runs formidablefemme.com, where she writes about how sexuality intersects with queerness, feminism, depression, and trauma. Much of her work centers around pushing for ethical, equitable, feminist business practice within the sex toy industry and helping people learn about how they can reclaim sex and pleasure after trauma. Sarah is also a Pleasure Professional with O.school, a radical, inclusive platform for online sex education.
 
Stay in touch with Sarah on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @sarahbholl.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_199.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

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