Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is releasing soon. Grab your spot today

What if honesty isn't the best policy for rebuilding trust?

Shadeen Francis recently spoke at Explore More Summit, and her talk was one of the fan favorites for the entire conference. Her formula for trust challenged many and offered new language and feelings of YES! That's it!

So, in this episode, Shadeen shares all about how she became a therapist, why sex is crucial for our well-being, how Shadeen's relationship with self feeds her erotic experiences and how it ties to the work she does, and then we dive into relationships.

We talk about trust, the difference between honesty and transparency, negotiating boundaries, tolerating uncomfortable feelings, and then we field a listener question from Lost Lonnie who is worried that their obsession with cheating is more about a fear of commitment.

Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, you can listen to this week's bonus which includes Shadeen and I talk about toxic relationship behaviors, control, and how to shift your relationship scorekeeping into something playful and productive. http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Shadeen Francis:

Shadeen Francis, MFT is a marriage and family therapist, professor, and author specializing in sex therapy and social justice. Shadeen has been featured on platforms like 6-ABC, the New York Times, and the Huffington Post to share her expertise, and she also speaks internationally on topics such as sexual self-esteem, intimacy, and inclusivity. Shadeen’s belief is that the world is built on the strengths of communities. This worldview has propelled her to focus on underserved populations: ethnic and cultural minorities, the kinky/poly/queer communities, and victims of economic hardship. Her work allows people of all backgrounds to improve their relationships and live in peace and pleasure.

Stay in touch with Shadeen at shadeenfrancis.com and on Twitter @shadeenfrancis.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_215.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Three links to get you started:

  1. Ready to pre-order my boundaries workshop? Check out details for "Take Up Space: A Workshop on Boundaries, Self-Worth, & Strengthening Your Relationship With Self"
  2. Want free feminist porn? Enter this week's giveaway here. Deadline is Saturday, May 27th.
  3. The Sex Map game is just $9 and can be purchased here.

Your questions. Answered.

Bug has a funny sex toy story and wanted to share it. Beware of Pop My Cherry, folks.

Regis looked up the definition of orgasm and it includes anal contractions. Regis' ex did it when she came, but their current partner's ass doesn't visibly spasm. Aren't they orgasming? Isn't this a tell-tale sign?

NO. It is not. Find out why.

Also, be sure to check out Emily Nagoski's new TED talk (on the big stage!) all about why body cues might not be the best way to tell what's going on with a partner.

Christina's husband only gives her sex once per week. She is over it. What can she do? Why won't he fuck her but then why does he tease her with kisses and touches?

There's some toxic behaviors at play here, so tune in for my advice.

Sarah wants to know more about my sex life, so I field a few questions about my likes and dislikes. (And reveal much more in the bonus content for Patreon supporters, so pop over to http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal to hear it. Supporters are $3 and above get access!

KZ wrote in wondering if it's unusual to have a foot fetish. KZ loves feet and has trouble staying aroused if a partner doesn't have attractive feet. Is that weird?

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Direct download: Episode_214.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:48pm EDT

Dreaming of quitting your day job to start your own business? Join the free virtual training, True Freedom Symposium: The When, What, Why, and How to Quit Your Day Job and What's Really On The Other Side, starting May 14th. It's free, online, and I'm a speaker alongside Modern Family's Ed O'Neill, Dinner and a Movie's Paul Gilmartin and the amazing Pam Slim of "Escape From Cubicle Nation." Sign up here.

Your questions. Answered.

Ana just started graduate school. She's working on becoming a sex educator, and needs a side hustle to make more money. She was thinking about a sex toy party business, but wants to find a company that is ethical and offers body safe products. Any recommendations?

Anonymous wants his wife to have more sexual pleasure, but she doesn't masturbate, she doesn't like oral, and he bought her a vibrator that he wants her to use. How can he introduce it to her?

To which I say, WHHOOOOAAA. You're putting the cart before the horse on this one. Here's where he should really start.

Sam wrote in scared that his closeted gay relationship is about to end. In the beginning, he and his boyfriend had the most incredible NRE (new relationship energy). But things have been fizzling and his boyfriend is about to move 4 hours away. Is the relationship over?

Sometimes people email me and I sit on their email until I feel resourced enough to reply. Joseph wrote in a few months ago with an email that made my blood boil, so I've waited until now to field it. His question? How can we possibly be sex positive when the differences between the genders are just SO HUGE?

Anyone who listens to this show knows I've got some big feelings about gender, so here we go. Soapbox time.

WiltingTulip has a heartbreaking email and needs support. Her partner spends hours a day downloading, categorizing, and watching porn. For seven years, there have been tears, fights, guilt, and shame. She feels like it's destroying their relationship and she doesn't know how to be more pro-porn when it feels so awful. Especially because the women he watches look nothing like her. Is there any hope?

I'm actually quite proud of my answer for this one and I hope you'll give it a listen. I think the answer may surprise you and give you something yummy to think about.

Patreon supporters - This week I'm reminiscing about masturbation in TV and movies. What was the first masturbation-related scene you remember? And did you know there's an entire college textbook just on masturbation in pop culture? Of course, I had to buy it. Let's talk solo sex, shall we? Supporters get access if they support at the $3 level and above. Tune in and support the show here: http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY LOLA.

My LOLA, the subscription service for organic tampons and pads has just launched Sex by LOLA. You can subscribe to receive body safe non-toxic condoms, water-based aloe vera lube, and personal wipes (gynecologist approved!) sent directly to your door. I LOVE IT. Listeners get 40% off their first order at mylola.com with Promo Code SGR40 at checkout.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.
 

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_213.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:15pm EDT

Did you miss Explore More Summit 2018? Not to worry. All of the talks are available for you to bring home, plus some yummy bonuses! See your options and explore your more in life, love, and sex: exploremoresummit.com.

It's time for more listener questions.

You know I love talking with super smart awesome folks on the show, and I also adore fielding your questions. So that's what we're doing this week - your questions.

Jon thinks he might be bisexual. What should he do?

Pete wants to try pegging, but he is up in Alaska without any shops nearby. Where can he and his partner get everything they need for newbie pegging? Of course, I recommend the SpareParts Joque and also dildos by Tantus. 

Ronman7 wrote in because he is in love and feeling happy with the woman in his life. The problem is he has a secret fantasy and he doesn't know what it means. Should he act on it? How can he be monogamous AND also true to this fantasy he carries? 

Anonymous wrote in because she just can't feel attracted to her boyfriend, especially after seeing pictures of him when he had a more "traditionally attractive" body. Anonymous feels entitled to a partner whose body looks a certain way, so what can she do? I'll boil my advice down to one thing: leave him. He deserves better.

Sassy Cassie is a 21 year old who struggles with body image and has never had sex. She things her body image issues are keeping her from diving into the sexual adventures she wants to experience, so how can she find more confidence in her body?

And finally, Dismay is a 19 year old who finds herself being disgusted about sex. She feels guilty when she masturbates, and she isn't sure if she's asexual, demisexual, or something else. What's with the strong, intense reaction about sex? What can she do?

Patreon supporters - A little rant about incels. Because we need to talk about the toxicity of feeling like others owe you access to their body and the violence that erupts from that entitlement. http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY HIMS. For a $5 first month trial, head to forhims.com/real.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real and the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_212.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

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