Sun, 4 August 2019
Before we jump into my conversation with Tristan, I want to take a few moments to share an important piece called: Dildon’t Disrespect Black Femmes: Our Personal Experiences With Wild Flower Sex Shop This piece, written collectively by Ev'Yan Whitney, Ashleigh, Karmenife, La'Shaunae, VenusCuffs, and Cameron Glover, is an important account of ongoing exploitation and abuse that these Black Femmes experienced at the hands of Wildflower Sex shop. It's also an important invitation to us all to think about who we critique and who we harm when we take "ethical" stances against certain companies or practices, especially that ultimately then benefit our own interests. You can read Tristan Taormino's additional thoughts about the sexuality field and the ways work in this field continues to be devalued and exploited, particularly for people of color and other people who are marginalized. We must all do better. This impacts our abilities to be present with each other. This impacts our abilities to be in our bodies, experiencing pleasure, building a most just world. It matters. Read these accounts by Ev'Yan, Ashleigh, Karmenife, La'Shaunae, Venus Cuffs, and Cameron and take a few moments to reflect. Tristan is here this week! And it's EPIC.Oh how I love chatting with Tristan. And you're about to hear why - we GO places in this 90 minute conversation of lusciousness. It all started when I asked Tristan to come on the show to tell us about her ultra personal new memoir which dives deep into her childhood, growing up with a gay dad, losing him to AIDS, and even part of a memoir her dad wrote about his life. In fact, if you want to read snippets and get exclusive updates, support Tristan's Patreon: patreon.com/tristantaormino But, in this episode we also talk about fat phobia, changing and aging bodies, capitalism, white supremacy, the sexuality field, and much much more. I can't WAIT for you to hear it all. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Tristan. We talk about the ethics of triangulation in poly relationships courtesy of a listener question! If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Podcast TranscriptFind it at sexgetsreal.com/ep272 |
Sun, 21 July 2019
LAST CALL
Touch. The erotic. And healing.Chris Maxwell Rose is here from The Pleasure Mechanics and we geek out about touch, changing bodies and how our relationship with the erotic changes over time, touch hunger, and much much more. The Pleasure Mechanics have a bunch of fantastic online courses, so if you want to check those out this is my affiliate link. A few of the things we discuss include:
Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Chris! If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.About Chris Maxwell Rose:I am a sex educator with over 15 years experience teaching individuals and groups about sexual health and pleasure. Together with my partner Charlotte, I co-founded PleasureMechanics.com in 2006, dedicated to sharing practical, down-to-earth information and techniques for more sexual pleasure.We have criss-crossed the nation teaching workshops on sex to audiences from 3 to 3,000. Our car has over 300,000 miles on it from our travels. Our work has reached individuals in over 60 countries. As The Pleasure Mechanics we have combined our body based expertise with game-changing cultural insights that provide a unique path to a happier, healthier and more pleasurable sexuality. Our online courses teach the techniques of sexual pleasure to men and women around the world, and our podcast offers hundreds of hours of free erotic education to anyone ready to expand their capacity for pleasure, love, arousal and connection. I have been working as an independent sex educator since graduating Vassar College with honors in 2003. Truly, I’ve been a sex educator since my childhood, when I discovered myself camped out in the library’s sexuality section and answering all my friend’s questions on the playground. I try to maintain the wide eyed curiosity of my youth as I distill what I have learned in my decade of hands-on sex education leadership. My highest commitment is helping to create a world where all men, women and couples have the information and tools to become sexually fulfilled. My work is dedicated to creating an end to the cycle of sexual violence and abuse. As a survivor of child sexual abuse and teenage sexual assault, I believe that the cycle of sexual violence is dependent on a culture of sexual shame, fear and silence. These toxic cycles can only be remedied by advocating for sexual wellness, freedom and pleasure. To this pleasurable end I have dedicated my creativity and leadership. I’d love to hear from you! Be In Touch. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Podcast Transcript can be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep270 |
Sun, 14 July 2019
LAST CALL
Sinclair Sexsmith and rife are here to talk 24/7 power exchangeFirst up, you can hear me on two podcasts this week talking all about pleasure, bodies, and sex. I chatted with Chris Maxwell Rose of The Pleasure Mechanics all about pleasure, hunger, and the relationship between sex and food. I was also on Rebecca Scritchfield's podcast Body Kindness talking about sex as a social skill. Check them out! This conversation with Sinclair and rife is beautiful. They pull back the curtain on their relationship and let us take a peek at the ways they've grown into their dynamic of 24/7 Master/slave. We explore the ways that bringing conscious, deliberate negotiation to the ways we do relationship can create beautiful conditions for love, support and growth. Sinclair shares how they want to show more vulnerability as a Dominant, allowing room for growth, mistakes, and not knowing - the antithesis of how so many people see Domination. rife talks about their ultimate goal of creating a trust so deep and so strong that they can surrender all their boundaries and the long, slow process of how they're working in that direction. They also share some of the things they're holding around the language Master/slave and the legacy of those words within the white supremacy of the United States. I can't wait for you to hear this. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Sinclair and rife all about using kink to experience embodiment and how kink can be a part of healing trauma. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.About Sinclair Sexsmith and rife:Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them pronouns) is a writer, teacher, and performer studying sexualities, genders, relationships, and kink. Since 2006 they have produced the award-winning site Sugarbutch Chronicles at sugarbutch.net, detailing their personal adventures and in depth studies of how to be their best self. Their full-length collection of short stories, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica is a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award in the erotica category (and they have copies of here at Bawdy, including an extra bonus story, “The Houseboy’s Rebellion”, on the USB ebook version). In addition, they were just awarded the National Leather Association John Preston short story award for their piece, “Awakening: Mistress Elise Winter & morgan.” Sinclair leads college workshops around the country, and teach puberty and sex ed to 4th through 8th graders around the Bay Area. They live in Oakland with their boy. rife is the property of Sinclair Sexsmith, and a genderqueer leather boy from Texas. He is the illustrator and co-creator of The GENDER Book, a fun, colorful, community-based resource. When not serving Master, he serves many other folks in the community through his graphic and web design small business rowdyferretdesign.com. Stay in touch with them and learn more about their courses and writing at the following links: Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Podcast TranscriptCan be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep269 |
Sun, 30 June 2019
Your pleasure matters.
Welcome to this week's episode, it's a very special treat, but first! Did you know you can support the show? You can, on Patreon. The show is entirely self-funded, so every single dollar makes a huge difference for me. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. This week's bonus is my chat with Adiposivity's founder Substantia Jones for the Explore More Bodies summit. We talk all about her project of photographing fat, naked bodies all around the world. Don't miss it! Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to support the show and get your bonus access. So, for this week's episode, in the spirit of treating myself to a vacation and working as little as possible (thank you to the person who emailed me and said I deserve a break - it felt so great to receive that support), this week's episode is my chat with Meg-John Barker from the very first Explore More Summit. Meg-John is someone I have learned SO much from and I adore their curious, compassionate approach to mental health, gender, love, and relationship. If you haven't checked out their awesome books, including one of my favorites "Rewriting the Rules", you can learn more about them here. In this interview, we talk about the ways we define love and how rigid it is, how we can find new ways to love and be in relationship, the romanticism and idea of The One that sets us up for a ton of distress, more expansive ways to approach happiness and love in our lives, self-criticism and intense emotions, and how we can begin healing and learning ways to navigate it all. Also, that book I mentioned, "Turn This World Inside Out" by Nora Samaran is recently out by AK Press, and you can grab your copy here. I'll be back next week with loads of your questions, so stay tuned! Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Grab the full episode transcript at sexgetsreal.com/ep268 Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.About Host Dawn Serra:What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 23 June 2019
FULL TRANSCRIPT AT sexgetsreal.com/ep267 Your pleasure matters.
Welcome to this week's episode, full of your questions and some thoughts and questions I have in response. First up, a few years ago, Jasmine Kyon wrote an essay about why coming out is not the best option as the child of an immigrant family and how often the coming out narrative is white-centric and cis-centric. It's beautiful and important. Check it out here. Then, several of your awesome questions. Brooke struggled with wanting sex as she grappled with disordered eating, but now she's feeling more herself and she wants to explore more sexual things with her boyfriend. The problem? He never initiates and she doesn't want to have to be the one to always get things going. What can she do to honor this yummy horniness? Laura met her husband when she was 18 and they've been happily married for many years. He's an amazing husband and dad. The problem? She feels like she missed out by not having other experiences - especially when her friends share stories of old boyfriends and sexual escapades. All she can do is listen. Is the grass really greener? Is she missing out by only ever having had one sexual partner? Is this the culture or is it her? I love this question and we have a lot to explore here. Next up, find out why someone recently wrote this to me: “TAKE THE COURSE. You may think you're in touch with yourself and your desires, but this course opens your eyes to things deep within your soul that you didn't know existed. You will feel rejuvenated and insightful after each daily unit. The group chats each week provide beautiful perspective from others going on the journey with you. You won't regret signing up for this.” Finally, Paula is thinking about becoming a sex educator for the Hispanic community. She wants to know how I got started learning about sexuality and how she might get started herself. Hear where I got my start and why volunteering and being on the front lines of people's complex, messy, real lives is so important if you want to go into sex education. Patreon supporters, this week you get exclusive access to a funny exploration of sexual injuries, inspired by an article I recently read - and I want to hear YOUR sexual injuries. If you don't yet support the show, even $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.About Host Dawn Serra:What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 16 June 2019
Your pleasure matters.
My chat with Sinclair Sexsmith and rife got postposed, so this week's episode is just me and you. First up, I share about three new articles/resources that came across my feed this week. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep266 for all of the links mentioned in the episode. Then, we dive into two important questions from listeners just like you. Peter is a cis man who is a virgin. He has been listening to older episodes of the show and was confused by a conversation I had with a Dirty Lola in response to a cis woman who was a virgin asking about boundaries. Peter feels he shouldn't have boundaries if he ever meets someone who is willing to have sex with him in order to actually, well, have sex. Should he have boundaries or not? I offer feedback all about the importance of boundaries not only for our own pleasure but as a way to build trust with potential partners and because consent requires us to openly communicate our needs so that others can choose for themselves based on as much information as possible. Then, Allison is thinking about becoming a sex educator and wants to know what programs I recommend. Gosh, do I have thoughts! Because I get this question all the time, I share my thoughts about how most programs won't really meet anyone's needs if they want to become a sex educator and what I do see as the future of this field and what I think it will take to be a part of where we're going rather than where we've been. Patreon supporters, this week you get exclusive access to my hour long and very intimate conversation with Isabel Abbott from Explore More Summit 2019. It's MAGICAL. If you don't yet support the show, even $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.About Host Dawn Serra:What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 9 June 2019
Your pleasure matters.
This week's episode is just me and you. First, I get on a soapbox about the bullshit that is "straight pride" and how it's really just like white pride and men's rights activists. We've got to call this stuff out and do better. Listener Rick wrote in to share some changes he's experienced in pleasure since really listening to his wife. AMAZING! Next up, Confused Cookie has a problem. The love of her life keeps breaking their agreements and lying to her. This is not what ethical non-monogamy or polyamory are about, folks. If someone is breaking agreements, hiding things, and lying, that's unethical regardless of the dynamic. CC deserves so much better and I have suggestions for what to do next (*cough* leave him *cough*). Chuch has been having this new, bizarre sexual energy with a person in his life that isn't lustful, but definitely exciting. What is it and what are my thoughts, he wants to know? Will is 74 years old and he's started posing as a 20-something lesbian in an online golf game he's been playing. It's just for fun, but he isn't sure if he should tell his wife or not. Finally, @homebodytherapy on Instagram shared a powerful post about diet culture and our body's response to restriction. It ties so heavily to why so many of us struggle with pleasure. Let's explore it a bit. Patreon supporters, this week we're talking about sex abuse inside of marriage and committed relationships based on a Vox piece that recently resurfaced. If you don't yet support the show, every $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.About Host Dawn Serra:What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 2 June 2019
Your pleasure matters.
This week's episode is just me and you. First up, some updates from the survivor pod around Franklin Veaux and hearing from more of the women. Definitely check out polyamory-metoo.com and Aida Manduley's twitter thread for some good stuff. You can also check out the Reddit thread with the comments I read here. Centering the stories and experiences of the women Franklin harmed is the most important thing, so if you do check out the updates from Franklin's folks, just remember that so far none of their updates have been from folks who understand trauma-informed work or alternative justice processes. They're actually quite harmful. Patreon supporters, this week I'm watching the new Vex Ashley and Four Chambered Heart erotic film and narrating what I see. It's fun and silly and by request. If you don't yet support the show, every $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Suppor at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you want to check out the article on incels and plastic surgery, I mentioned. You can check that out on The Cut. Now on to your questions! Alyssa wrote in because her fiancé won't talk during sex, but Alyssa thinks talking during sex would be super hot. How can she encourage him to talk more? Talking during sex can be super hot and super fun, and it can also make pleasure really difficult for some folks. Let's explore that dance of needs together. Fabulously Fem emailed me asking to hear more about cross dressing on the show and if I think dolls are ethical. I promise to have a crossdressing expert join us soon, but in the meantime you might want to check out Kink Academy's awesome videos on crossdressing for those who are interested. That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.About Host Dawn Serra:What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. |
Sun, 26 May 2019
Want to work with me?
In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part Three of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley.This episode is my conversation with therapist Aida Manduley. In it, we are building on the previous two episodes which included a conversation with Eve Rickert and Samantha Manewitz as we explore emotional abuse, accountability, and different ways of being in community with each other. Aida has been a part of several transformative justice processes and has tremendous perspective around how we can center those harmed without throwing out those who caused the harm. We also talk about how white supremacy impacts the ways we show up in life, the false promises made to cis men, and why grief work is crucial to alternative justice practices and accountability. We dive into why communities are where we should start when we're considering how harm happened in the first place and why we all need to adjust our expectations for how long these processes take. It's not a superhero movie where everything is resolved with one fell swoop. I cannot wait for you to hear this awesome conversation, and as noted in the other episodes, your financial help for the survivor pod would mean so much. Resources mentioned in this episode include:
If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Aida Manduley on what helps and what hinders accountability processes. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.About Aida Manduley:Aida Manduley is an award-winning Latinx activist, international presenter, and trauma-focused clinician known for big earrings and building bridges. Trained as a sexuality educator, social worker, and nonprofit management professional, they’re* working to make the word a more equitable place through education, therapy, and community organizing. Their perspective centers intersectionality and maximizing kindness, while retaining both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. From The New York Times to The Rainbow Times, Mx. Manduley has been interviewed by a variety of media outlets. They were even brought on for a debate on the Laura Ingraham show—a popular conservative radio program—and lived to tell the tale. You can follow them on Twitter (@neuronbomb) or Instagram (@aidamanduley), like their page on Facebook, sign up for their newsletter (debuting September 2018), stay tuned to what books they’re nerding out with, and/or get more information about their professional accomplishments via LinkedIn. Grab the episode transcript at http://sexgetsreal.com/ep263 |
Sun, 19 May 2019
Want to work with me?
In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part Two of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley.This episode is my conversation with therapist Samantha Manewitz. We build on the conversation I had with Eve Rickert in Episode 261, exploring emotional abuse and gaslighting in relationships. One of the things Samantha stresses in this conversation is how normalized gaslighting is in the world right now. We have the highest levels of power (the US President) gaslighting an entire nation, and none of us are immune. We also explore some things that help reveal behaviors that might lead to emotional abuse and what one word can change the way we enter into relationships. This is an important and powerful conversation about how subtle emotional abuse can be, and how to look out for DARVO which is how emotional abusers position themselves as the victim. The survivor pod resources mentioned in this episode include:
If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to grab your bonus content this week which includes a little PDF of the questions Samantha offered around helping to figure out if we're being gaslit, plus a few bonus minutes of our conversation AND an embodiment exercise that can help us arrive in the body in a gentle way. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.About Samantha Manewitz:Samantha Manewitz, LICSW CST, is an educator and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She has trained mental health professionals, sex educators, and alt-sex communities on healthy communication, abuse prevention, and mental health in BDSM. Samantha was a featured presenter at multiple conferences, including CatalystCon West, American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities, and the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. Among her therapeutic specialties are trauma (complex PTSD), sex therapy, couples therapy (level 2 Gottman trained), and gender affirming care for transgender/non binary clients. Samantha is also on the faculty of the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment, where she has presented on sexual coercion and psychotherapy with kinky clients. Stay in touch with Samantha at beyondsafewords.com. Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra (health, sexuality)
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