Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.

It's Christmas Day! What better way to celebrate a holiday than with a sexy, fun chat with not one but TWO fellow sex educators? And from New Zealand, no less.

Kate McCombs and Louise Bourchier are here to help me answer questions from you about getting started with anal sex after a bad first experience, dealing with big emotions after losing your virginity, feeling sexually frustrated in a relationship after moving in with your boyfriend, the importance of empathy, and a whole lot more.

These two women are smart, kind, and endlessly fascinated in sexuality and communication. I adore them both.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Dawn's online anal course is here.

"Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel

"When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life" by Sandra Pertot

"The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" by Tristan Taormino

"The Ultimate Guide to Kink" by Tristan Taormino

"The New Topping Book" and "The New Bottoming Book" by Dossie Easton

"Baby Got Back: Anal Erotica" by Rachel Kramer Bussel

"Enough to Make You Blush" by Princess Kali

Kink Academy for all those kinky how-to videos

About Louise Bourchier

Louise Bourchier, MPH knows sex. She presents workshops on sexual health, sexual pleasure and communication in relationships. Her focus is on the feel‐good aspects of sex, delivered with a healthy dash of humour. Equipped with a vulva puppet and anatomy diagrams, you can guarantee this is not the sex education you received in school. As a leading sex educator, Louise has taught over one hundred workshops to diverse adult audiences. She has presented at Sexpo Australia, spoken at universities including University of Sydney, University of Melbourne, and University of Auckland, as well as working with a wide range of professional and community groups. Louise has a Masters of Public Health, specialising in sexual health, from the University of Melbourne, and lives in Auckland, New Zealand.

You can find Louise at LouiseBourchier.com, and follow her on Twitter @louiselabouche and Instagram.

About Kate McCombs

Kate McCombs, MPH is a sex & relationships educator who’s geeky about empathy and connection.

Ultimately, all of her work is about helping people feel more comfortable talking about sex and feelings. She believes that meaningful conversations and accurate information can help us create a healthier and more joy-filled world.

To that end, she writes articles and facilitates workshops on how to build amazing relationships. You can find out more about Kate at KateMcCombs.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @katecom and on Instagram.

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Direct download: Episode_141.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Rain DeGrey and I have been trying to make this interview happen for over 2 years, and it's FINALLY here. I thought it would be a perfect pre-holiday episode so everyone who is traveling for the holidays could have a fun little distraction.

As you'll hear, Rain does not hold back on all of the things she loves doing with her body when it comes to BDSM and exploring her edges. She loves intensity and pushing herself to the limit. There may be some things discussed in this episode that are a bit intense, so settle in and prepare yourself for talk of being buried alive, black eyes, injuries, wrestling, needing CPR, breath play, and much much more.

Plus, what it's like to have zero fucks to give and why more of us should stop worrying and start living.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Rain's tweet about Christian's wanting to fuck her.

About Rain DeGrey

Rain DeGrey is an international educator, writer, presenter and performer that has been teaching kink and sex education classes since 2009. After getting her start as a fetish model and Pro Domme, she was motivated to branch out into education, something she is extremely passionate about. Demystifying sexuality and presenting in a clear and humorous way are trademarks of her teaching style and she believes strongly in making sex education fun.

She has taught on a wide variety of topics at Harvard, Northwestern University, Kink.com, The Citadel, Pure Pleasures, Stormy Leather, Folsom Fringe, The Looking Glass, KinkAcadamy, PassionateU, Mission Control and Boundcon in Germany.

Her work has been featured in such places as Playboy TV’s “69 sexiest things to do before you die”, Seattle Erotic Arts Festival, The SF Fetish Ball, Exotic Erotic, Rope::Burn, Kink-e-zine and Femina Potens. Additionally, she is a regular contributor to multiple online magazines.

You can find Rain at RainDeGrey.com, as well as on Twitter, Facebook, and Fetlife as Rain DeGrey.

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Direct download: Episode_140.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.

I have a ton of listener emails in the queue, so I was happy to get to a few this week on munches and online handles, pubic hair trends, and finding a sex position therapist.

Plus, if your wife says she can get a bunch of sex toys for super cheap, does that mean they're bad? I weigh in on how to find affordable sex toys that are body safe.

Then, I chat with Lora Ivanova from myLAB Box, an at-home STI testing service for folks in the United States. She has soooooo much information on STIs, tests that doctors often miss, and ways to reduce stigma around something over 30% of us experience in our lives.

You can get 20% off STD and HIV test through myLAB Box until December 31, 2016 using code GIVETHANKS16.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About myLAB Box

myLAB Box is a first-of-its-kind service that delivers STD screening solutions to your doorstep allowing you to keep private things private. Best of all, you can enjoy FREE prescriptions without setting a foot outside if you ever test positive. Uncomplicate your life and get results with a click!

We’ve worked with some of the best experts in the U.S. to design a program that allows you to screen anytime and anywhere. Each test can be completed in less than 5 minutes (including reading the instructions) with no need to drive, schedule appointments or wait in line. We will remind you when it’s time to test again so you will never have to worry or keep track. And best of all, our revolutionary system is so affordable, you won’t believe you ever lived without it.

Check them out at mylabbox.com and follow them on Facebook.

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Direct download: Episode_139.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.

Content note: talk of suicide.

I always love when I get to have nuanced conversations about topics like sex work, porn, consent, and polyamory. So, when Kitty Stryker said she'd come on the show, I knew the discussion would be a gritty one.

Kitty is currently working on an anthology book all about creating consent culture that comes out in 2017. We dig into what that looks like and how she's centering marginalized voices.

Then we talk about what consent means within the context of capitalism and work. If you can't leave sex work because traditional employers won't hire former porn performers and you have to remain in sex work even if you're ready to leave, can you truly be consenting to the work? If we started focusing more on labor issues and capitalism, could we bridge the gap between anti-sex work feminists and pro-sex work feminists to find a common ground where nuance was encouraged?

Kitty also shares a personal story about suicide and how it ties into kink and poly communities. What does a community actually mean, anyway?

At the end of the hour, we field a question from a listener about polyamory and whether it's right for her.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Kitty's article "Porn Didn't Ruin Your Sex Life. Sorry."

"So Someone You Love is Suicidal" by Kitty can be read here, too.

The Five Love Languages

About Kitty Stryker

Kitty Stryker is a writer, activist, and authority on developing a consent culture in alternative communities. She was the founder of >ConsentCulture.com, a website that ran for 4 years as a hub for LGBT/kinky/poly folks looking for a sex critical approach to relationships and which will be relaunched on 2017. Kitty also cofounded the artsy sexy party Kinky Salon London, as well as creating the award winning Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society, the SF based kink party Whippersnappers, and acting as head of cosplay for queer gaming convention GaymerX.

Now working on "Ask: A Discussion of Consent Culture", an anthology through Thorntree Press coming out in 2017, Kitty tours internationally speaking at universities and conferences about feminism, sex work, body positivity, queer politics, and more. She lives in Oakland, California with her fiancee and two cats, Foucault and Nietzsche.

You can find Kitty at kittystryker.com, on Twitter @kittystryker, and on Facebook.

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Direct download: Episode_138.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Use promo code SGR5off to save 5%!

Alex was the first person to ever share an Oh Joy Sex Toy comic with me. I was immediately enamored. Erika Moen's weekly sex education comic is full of so many wonderful topics, reviews, and done with such an approachable spirit. I've shared TONS of her stuff on social media because who doesn't love a comic about watersports featuring cute wolves or a fat-bodied review of the latest vibrator?

In this episode, Erika and I talk about how she got started as an artistic sex educator, and roll around in some of her favorite issues and guest artists.

We talk about visiting a porn set, why reviewing sex toys is so damn difficult, how sometimes you have to sacrifice nuance to get a conversation started, and pole dancing. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

StripSearch, the reality TV show Erika was on, can be found here.

The water sports comic on Oh Joy Sex Toy that Dawn loved.

About Erika Moen

Erika Moen is the co-writer and artist behind the creation of the strips.

She has been doing webcomics since she was 15 years old and has been a full-time, professional crtoonist and comic book creator at Helioscope Studio in Portland, OR since she was 25. She is a cisgender, white, able-bodied, queer lady who was born June, 1983 and has been happily married to Matthew Nolan since October 2008.

Her work has been published by Dark Horse Comics, Image Comics, Villard, BOOM! Studios, Penny Arcade and Scholastic, among others.

You can check out all her amazingness at OhJoySexToy.com, on Twitter @erikamoen, on Instagram, and support all her work at Patreon.

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Direct download: Episode_137.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Hello, from Salt Lake City!

Thanks for all of the feedback on last week's episode, post-election. So many of you had so many thoughtful and kind things to say. I appreciate it more than you know.

This week, I field questions about sissification and being a masculine dude who loves feminine things, a gay guy who is having his first vulva sex in a few days, and a listener who is deeply ashamed of her vulva appearance.

What makes a super skilled sexual partner so good at sex? Why are gender norms so deeply ingrained in our experiences?

It's a fun week and I'm so glad to be rolling around in all of your questions and comments after a few weeks of chaos and moving.

Also, YOUR GENITALS ARE NORMAL AND AMAZING. I had to get that off my chest.

Make sure you're on the newsletter list, too, because I have some free online talks and a few workshops coming up.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Femalia by Joani Blank - a picture book of vulvas

What Privilege Really Means on EverydayFeminism.com

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Direct download: Episode_136.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:00pm EDT

What a week. Between moving from DC to Salt Lake City and the U.S. election, I've had so many big emotions and huge feels.

This week's episode is a little different. It's not everyday we have an election and a public response like the one that happened a few days ago. So, instead of a big interview or an hour of answer questions, this week is a short, vulnerable little note from me to you about the world we live in.

Specifically, how our sexual freedom and the way we love and do relationship is so deeply tied to racism, sexism, transphobia, ableism, and all systems of oppression. (Shout out to Conner Habib!)

It's short. It's political. It's me laying in bed, feeling exhausted, and sharing some thoughts about the world and the work we need to do.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

CodeSwitch - an NPR podcast by journalists of color

Sporkful's "Who is this Restaurant For?" series on race and eating out

2 Dope Queens

Sooo Many White Guys

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Direct download: Episode_135.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 9:13am EDT

One of the perks of my job is getting a chance to read a lot of books about sex, sexuality, kink, and relationships. Some are terrific, some are OK, but it's always fun to learn new things and take on new perspectives.

I recently had a chance to read Mike Domitrz's new book, "Can I Kiss You?" and one of the things that most delighted me was the fact that the book is simple enough for teens to understand it but deep enough to be relevant for folks who have been married for 3 decades - all while being entirely gender neutral.

So, this week, Mike and I had a lovely talk about consent, respect, rape, sexual assault, dating, hook-ups, why married folks in 40 year marriages need consent as much as teens dating for the first time, and we even roll around in Donald Trump and Rush Limbaugh.

Mike's examples are approachable and realistic - it's clear he has dedicated his life to rewriting the rules we have about dating and consent. And while I have had several consent experts on the show over the years, I have a feeling Mike's approach and perspective will really hit home for a lot of you.

ESPECIALLY the parts about interpreting body language incorrectly.

I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed recording this practical and critical interview.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Mike's book, "Can I Kiss You?"

Trevor Noah's piece on Comedy Central on locker room talk

About Mike Domitrz

Mike Domitrz is known for the impact his programs, trainings, and publications have made across the world for parents, teenagers, families, educational institutions, the US military, and the media. You may have seen him as the featured expert on Dateline NBC's "My Kid Would Never Do That."

Today, Mike is one of the leading experts for transforming our sexual culture to one being built on consent and respect – discussing sexual decision-making, asking first, healthy relationships, bystander intervention, and supporting survivors of sexual assault. As the brother of a rape survivor, Mike's mission is personal.

His ability to share powerful emotional moments (both serious and hilariously funny) while giving readers and audiences realistic “How To” SKILLS to implement in their lives is what separates Mike’s message from other experts and authors. Mike is an author with an unique combination of Provocateur and Advocate who captivates readers throughout his books.

You can join the conversation to create a culture of consent and respect at datesafeproject.org. You can also stay in touch with Mike on Facebook, Twitter @DateSafeProject, and Snapchap: mdomitrz.

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Direct download: Episode_134.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Grab a cup of tea, settle in, and prepare to be amazed. When Kate Lister, creator of Whores of Yore, agreed to come on the show, I did cartwheels.

And it's pretty evident why as you listen to this fascinating and hysterical episode all about the history of sex, porn, and sex work.

Kinky Victorians who loved spankings and piss play? Check.

Medieval monks drawing trees full of dicks and women making strap-ons out of bread to fuck each other? Yep.

From the oldest recorded dildo in history to Kate's research on sexual violence in contemporary media, you will learn more about the history of sex than you ever knew possible, and you'll giggle all the way. Plus, you'll gain a whole new perspective into Game of Thrones!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

An article about Whores of Your in The Daily Dot

About Kate Lister

Dr Kate Lister is a researcher at Leeds Trinity University in historical attitudes to sexuality and sex work. She has published on the history of media narratives around sex work, the history of menstruation and sexual violence in historical dramas.

She is the curator of the popular Twitter account >@WhoresofYore where she tweets the history of illicit sex and works to promote sex worker rights and challenge stigma to over 57, 000 followers. Kate is currently working with leading sex worker rights activists and historians to expanded the Twitter feed to a website and online archive that will allow sex workers to tell their stories, and bring sex work history to an even wider audience.

You can also follow along on Instagram @more_whores_of_yore.

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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_133.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Sign-up for my live, online anal 101 class! It's October 26th and going to be amazing fun. Learn more and register now.

When I think about my sex educator heroes, Allison Moon is one of the folks who has had a tremendous impact on the way I approach and talk about sexuality and sex. Her own journey through lesbian identity to queer identity is very reminiscent of my own, and her approachable and matter-of-fact methods of talking about sex always inspire.

So, when a pain-filled email came in from a listener who identified herself as A talking about her journey from religious conservative who married young to a sex positive, liberal, queer feminist who feels like her queer identity is suffocating inside a monogamous marriage to a cis hetero man, I knew Allison was the expert I needed to help field this rich discussion.

Her perspective on wanting to dive into our newly discovered identities and ways to make space for a partner who isn't as far along on the journey is absolutely spectacular.

We also talk about tandem threesomes, Hollywood story lines and how lazy the drama is that they cook up, vulvas and masturbation, body awareness, and a ton more.

This chat filled me with joy, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Allison Moon

Allison Moon is the author of the award winning, critically-acclaimed sex-ed book, Girl Sex 101, the Tales of the Pack series of novels about lesbian werewolves, and the sexual memoir, Bad Dyke. As a sex educator, Allison has presented her workshops to thousands of people around the US and Canada.

You can find Allison at www.GirlSex101.com or on Twitter @HeyAllieMoon.

[divider style='left']Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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Direct download: Episode_132.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Sign-up for my live, online anal 101 class! It's October 26th and going to be amazing fun. Learn more and register now.

This week is a fun chat with The Butters All Natural Lube creator and sex educator Jerome Stuart Nichols. We talk about lube and creating your own sex stuff, being a sex educator, STIs, and we answer two listeners questions.

One of those questions absolutely broke my heart, so I was very thrilled Jerome could join me to help field it - how can a Black man with a smaller penis ever hope to find confidence and a lover who is pleased with is body? The racial stereotypes about penis size and the masculinity myths we are all drowning in can create a toxic situation for so many of us. 

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Jerome Stuart Nichols

Jerome Stuart Nichols is the creator of LTASEX.com and The Butters All-Natural Lubricant, among other things. His overarching goal is to help people live better, sex better, and love better. He enjoys a wide variety of geekery, creative ventures, and bending a willing submissive boy over his knee.
 
You can also find Jerome (and The Butters) at jeromestuartnichols.com, on YouTube, and Twitter.
 

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_131.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 9:04am EDT

Ready for that online anal workshop? Head to sexgetsreal.com/butts to check it out and sign-up.

Marcia Baczynski, creator of the Good Girl Recovery Program and co-founder of Cuddle Party, is here this week, and there were SOOO many nuggets of inspiration and amazing suggestions that I had a hard time not quoting the entire thing in my notes.

We talk about asking for what we want in bed, setting boundaries, saying no gracefully so you're clear without being cruel, and how your happiness is being compromised by all of the things you're tolerating. We also field listener questions about rape fantasies and Marcia gives the most amazing advice to people who are about to try their first swinger party or sex party.

Get your notebook handy and share this episode with a friend. It's full of incredible wisdom that you'll want to hear again and again.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Marcia Baczynski

Marcia Baczynski is a internationally recognized expert on sexual communication, who works to provide people with practical tools to create extraordinary relationships. Her primary mission is to help people overcome shame and get in touch with what they truly want — romantically, sexually and relationally — even if it’s off the beaten path.

As co-founder of Cuddle Party, she has empowered tens of thousands of people to speak up for the kind of touch they way, say No unapologetically, and foster more connected, affectionate relationships. Her popular virtual course, The Good Girl Recovery Program, helps women to break out of the roles that keep them small and unsatisfied, and move into being more of who they are in all areas of their lives.

Marcia is a sought-after presenter and coach,and she has made hundreds of media appearances across the globe, including The Montel Williams Show,  NPR, the Washington Post, GQ, Marie Claire, People and Newsweek, to name just a few.  Marcia brings wisdom, humor, and creativity to all aspects of her work, and offers a fresh perspective on love, sex and relationships.

You can find her online at AskingForWhatYouWant.com, as well as on Facebook and Twitter @AskMarciaB.

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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_130.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

This week is a little different from the normal show. 

First up, I field a few listener questions about finding out you may have herpes and hepatitis C after a partner cheated and how to become a sex educator. NRE isn't only for relationships - we can also get high on our dreams and take huge risks when we're caught up in the excitement and desire.

Then, the tables are flipped and I get interviewed by Parijat Deshpande about navigating sex and connection when you have a physical situation like a high-risk pregnancy where intercourse is off the table for a period of time.

It's a fun chat that has lots of great information that can apply to chronic illness or post-surgery situations, even though we're specifically talking about pregnancy.

I offer lots of script examples to help having difficult conversations, so grab a notepad and jot down some notes on how to have those conversations.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

For those of you who have listened for awhile, you know more about my sex life than most people know about their partners, but I figured it was time for a little bio action.

First, you can check out my sex & relationship coaching over at DawnSerra.com.

You can follow me on Twitter @dawn_serra, on Facebook, and over on Instagram, too.

Here’s the official word: In a world that makes us feel like we aren’t enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we’re told about sex, relationships, and our bodies.

As a sex coach, sex educator, and fat-bodied trauma survivor, Dawn invites you to drop the shame, get curious, and explore sex on your terms, in whatever form that may take.

Dawn is also the creator of the annual Explore More Summit.

About Parijat Deshpande

Parijat Deshpande is the leading perinatal wellness expert who specializes in working with women during a high-risk pregnancy. She educates and guides women on how to manage their stress and anxiety so they can have healthier pregnancies, decrease their risk of preterm birth and give their baby a healthy start to life. Parijat received her Bachelor's of Science degree in Psychology with High Honors from University of California, Berkeley, after which she earned her Masters' of Science degree in Clinical Psychology from San Francisco State University. She is a clinically trained therapist, a women’s wellness expert and a sought-after speaker on the impact of stress on health and wellness. She has over 4 years of experience as a Psychology Lecturer UC Berkeley and is the founder of MySahana, a South Asian mental health nonprofit. Parijat is also a certified wellness coach, a certified stress management coach and a certified marriage educator.

You can find Parijat at parijatdeshpande.com and on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube.

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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_129.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 9:35am EDT

Erotica has played a significant role in my own sexual exploration and development - from teaching me about my own desires and fantasies to understanding the depth of other people's sexual landscapes. It's a yummy and delicious space to play in.

That's why I'm so excited to be joined by Rachel Kramer Bussel this week, who has edited over 60 erotica books and who currently has 2 open calls for submissions. So listeners - if you are at all interested in getting some erotica published, take a look at the links down below.

Rachel talks about what makes for good erotica, how we can use erotica to not only arouse but to heal, ways to make erotica political and transformative, and all the ways she wants to challenge the narrative around conventional beauty in the stories she writes. Where are the fat men and the bald men and the short men and the body diversity?

We even talk about necrophilia, which may be a first for the show. 

Plus, Rachel teases us with a few minutes from an erotic story called "Starstruck" by Lazuli Jones, so settle in and get ready to get excited about all things erotica.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Rachel's "I Want To Hold Your Hand" (about a woman who wishes her husband hadn't lost weight)

Grab your copy of Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1

Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3 call for submissions

The Big Book of Submission, Volume 2 call for submission

Rachel's LitReactor Class starting in February

In or near L.A.? Check out Rachel's Erotica Writing 101 Workshop in January.

About Rachel Kramer Bussel

Rachel Kramer Bussel (rachelkramerbussel.com) writes essays and articles about sex, dating, books, pop culture, feminism and body image for publications including The New York Times, The Washington Post, Elle.com and Salon. She's edited over 60 anthologies, including Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, The Big Book of Orgasms, Cheeky Spanking Stories, Dirty Dates and is Best Women's Erotica of the Year series editor. She teaches erotica writing workshops across the country at colleges, conferences and sex toy stores as well as online via LitReactor.com.

Find out more at her blog Lusty Lady or EroticaWriting101.com and follow her @raquelita on Twitter.

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Direct download: Episode_128.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Sinclair Sexsmith (you might know them as Sugarbutch) is here this week and we are talking ALL about kink, BDSM, and power dynamics.

We take a look at Sinclair's journey from submissive to Top to Dominant to Daddy and Master. What is it like to live in a 24/7 Master slave dynamic? How can people learn more?

We also discuss using BDSM to heal trauma and depression - it's a fine line, but it can be a powerful practice. Plus, what is Submissive Playground? Sinclair shares the details. I am so excited to share this chat with you, so settle in and let's do this.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

"My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday

"Slavecraft" by a grateful slave and Guy Baldwin

"Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers about Master/Slave Relationships" by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

About Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queer women" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for the Lambda Literary Award.Sinclair leads the 8-week online ecourse Submissive Playground (submissiveplayground.com) annually, where there is no wrong way to be submissive They identify as a white genderqueer butch dominant, a survivor and an introvert, and use the pronouns they, them, theirs, themself. Follow all their writings at > patreon.com/mrsexsmith.

You can also follow Sinclair on Twitter @mrsexsmith, Facebook, Fetlife, and Instagram.

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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_127.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

In the DC area? I'm teaching kink, anal sex, thriving relationships, blowjobs, and more in October and November. Check out the details at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page

How does traditional consent education fail us? What do you do if you're in a new open relationship and it just isn't working for you? Can someone really orgasm without having their genitals touched?

This week, Yana Tallon-Hicks joins the show and we roll around in all those questions and more (don't miss Dawn's story of aiming a penis). It's a fun, laughter-filled talk and it's clear why TEDx invited Yana to do a talk on sex education recently.

The listener questions this week are particularly delicious, especially the final question from Lady Lilly - both Yana and I are near tears as we listen to the pain and heartbreak of her question.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Yana's resource guide to open relationships is here. Password: compersionimmersion

Watch Yana's TEDx talk.

Barbara Carrellas' book "Ecstasy is Necessary"

A video of Barbara Carrellas having a brain-gasm (or thinking her way to an orgasm) in an MRI machine

About Yana Tallon-Hicks

Yana Tallon-Hicks is a consent, sex & sexuality writer and educator living in Northampton, MA. Her work centers around the belief that pleasure-positive & consent-based sex education can positively impact our lives and the world (like really though).

Yana’s > workshops work to create a welcoming & comfortable space for all to explore crucial aspects of our sexual selves such as pleasure, communication, consent & the body and are taught at colleges, high schools, and sex toy shops all over New England.

Read more about Yana & her work here, where you can also read her sex advice column, follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and watch her TEDxTalk: Is the Porn Brain Our New Sex Educator? during which she talks about watching porn with her husband, how we learn about sexual pleasure, and what that does for our concept of consent.

Find out more about Yana and her work on her website, yanatallonhicks.com.

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_126.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

In the DC area? Sign up for my workshops at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page. The October “From Curious to Kinky” isn’t up yet, so check back soon if you’ve got your eye on that.

Sometimes I get intimidated or nervous about speaking with a guest. Other times I feel excited to dig in with a colleague or friend. But this week? The only word I had was delight.

Karen BK Chan delights me with her words and thoughts and ideas. The way she questions our cultural stories and makes sense of them astounds me. I could listen to her talk for hours, honestly.

So, when she agreed to come on the show, I didn’t know what to do with myself. How do you talk about all the things when you only have an hour?

We go deep in this episode. Where we start off talking about kindness and consent, we quickly end up eyeball deep in discussions around the masks we wear to protect ourselves from rejection and being consent violators ourselves and finding those places within ourselves that are invested in perpetuating our stories about who we are.

From rejection and emotional intelligence to a new approach to consent and digging into rape fantasies, it’s a packed show that left me brain boner-ing for days.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It’s true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Karen BK Chan

​Karen B. K. Chan is a sex and emotional literacy educator in Toronto. She has taught sex education and emotional literacy for 18+ years. Karen (aka BK) is dedicated to sex education that is plainly spoken, emotionally honest, and grounded in justice.

Known for her accessible style and easy sense of humour, BK speaks internationally in classrooms and at conferences, to children, parents, and professionals. BK integrates curriculum content into stories, and theory into practice.

Her 5-minute YouTube video “Jam” (which likens sexual experience to musical jamming) is used as a teaching resource internationally, and her chapter on sex and creative play was part of the AASECT Book of the Year in 2014. BK’s writing has appeared in publications like Sexology International, the Tete-a-Tete, SimplySxy.com, and national education manuals. In 2014, BK was named “Service Provider of the Year” by Planned Parenthood of Toronto for her work in sexual health.

You can find BK over at karenbkchan.com and on Twitter @karenbkchan.

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for “sex gets real”.

Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_125.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

In the DC area? Sign up for my workshops at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page

What can I even say about an episode that not only has Dylan, as the celesbian guest this week, but Dylan singing Rihanna? Yep.

It was amazing having Dylan back on the show, beer in hand, for a fun, frank discussion and answering listener questions. She has been working so hard that we've had virtually no time to catch up. 

On this episode, we dig into strap-on sex, sex positions, cuckholding and sharing the fantasy, plus how to find your voice as a submissive and what to do if your new hook-up only likes one position. There's a lot of laughing and over sharing, but you knew that.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. Do it. 

About Dawn Serra

For those of you who have listened for awhile, you know more about my sex life than most people know about their partners, but I figured it was time for a little bio action.

First, you can check out my sex & relationship coaching over at DawnSerra.com.

You can follow me on Twitter @dawn_serra, on Facebook, and over on Instagram, too.

Here’s the official word: In a world that makes us feel like we aren’t enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we’re told about sex, relationships, and our bodies.

As a sex coach, sex educator, and fat-bodied trauma survivor, Dawn invites you to drop the shame, get curious, and explore sex on your terms, in whatever form that may take.

Dawn is also the creator of the annual Explore More Summit.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".

Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_124.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 9:29am EDT

In the DC area? Sign up for my workshops at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page. The October "From Curious to Kinky" isn't up yet, so check back soon if you've got your eye on that.

We all have those people that we admire to the point of fandom, and for me, one of those people is Emily Nagoski. Her work has had a deep impact on my personal life and my professional life. She single-handedly changed the way I work with clients who have low desire or libido they aren't happy with.

And her blog? It's one braingasm after another. So, needless to say this week was a dream come true for me.

Because I've already spent so much time gushing over her book, "Come As You Are," on previous episodes, we don't actually spend a lot of time talking about it in this hour. Instead, we talk about pleasure and joy as political rebellion, feminism, the importance of creating context that works for your sexual enjoyment, being inclusive of all bodies, fat acceptance, research, and her new book on burn out.

She also invites us to weigh in on her new romance novel. You can tweet at the show @sexgetsreal and @emilynagoski with your vote - terrorist or werewolf?

And next week? Dylan is back! So stay tuned.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

The epic, the amazing, "Come As You Are"

Emily's romance novel, "How Not To Fall" (published under Emily Foster)

The Militant Baker blog on fat bodies and fat activism

About Emily Nagoski

Emily Nagoski is the author of the New York Times bestseller, COME AS YOU ARE: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life (Simon & Schuster, 2015). She has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with a doctoral concentration in human sexuality from Indiana University (IU), and a Master’s degree (also from IU) in Counseling, with a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. She also has a B.A. in Psychology, with minors in cognitive science and philosophy, from the University of Delaware.

While at IU, Emily worked as an educator and docent at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex Gender and Reproduction. She also taught graduate and undergraduate classes in human sexuality, relationships and communication, stress management, and sex education.

A sex nerd among sex nerds, Emily has the lowest Erdős number of any sex educator in the world. She lives in western Massachusetts with two dogs, two cats, and a cartoonist. She’s funnier in real life (and hardly ever speaks in the third person). You can find Emily on Twitter @emilynagoski, Facebook, and follow her over on her blog, The Dirty Normal.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".

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Direct download: Episode_123.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Conner Habib generously agreed to jump on the phone with me at the last minute for this week's episode, and our conversation is incredibly political and philosophical in ways you don't often hear on the show.

This is my second time interviewing Conner and both times we've chatted, I've felt challenged and inspired to think bigger. 

Strap on your thinking cap and get ready to feel stretched by some of Conner's ideas about feminism, sex work, consent, and oppression.

I also invite you to listen to the entire conversation before forming your ideas and thoughts about some of the radical things Conner has to say. He often makes me uncomfortable with his visionary approach to sensitive subjects like consent, but as you'll hear, he is as self-aware and thoughtful as he is provoking.

Sit with any discomfort that comes up and then let me know what you think.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. 

About Conner Habib

Conner Habib is an author, a lecturer, a porn performer, and a sex workers’ rights advocate. He serves as Vice President of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee and a member of PEN America.

His essays have appeared in dozens of print and online publications, includingThe Stranger, Vice, Salon, Slate, and more. He gives lectures around the country about sexuality, spirituality, pornography, science, and art.  He teaches writing one-on-one and in groups. For seven years, he was an award-winning gay adult performer, and continue, occasionally, to perform in adult film. He is the only person who has ever won awards for writing, teaching AND porn.

Follow him on twitter @ConnerHabib.

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Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_122.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 1:01pm EDT

There is something so delicious in talking about something that I have so little experience with. This week's chat with Princess Kali is just that - a fun, playful talk about erotic humiliation, objectification, mastering kink, and being a Dominatrix. It's rich, it's approachable, and it's terribly intriguing.

Throughout the episode, Princess Kali drops truthbomb after truthbomb. I adore her story of how she got started as a stripper and Dominatrix. It's not often you find a woman who recognizes that men will be objectifying her simply because she's a woman, and so decides to make a profit off of that behavior.

We dig into what humiliation is and why people crave it, how you can tap into your inner Dominant, and what happens when people stifle and ignore their deep sexual desires. Plus, tips for getting your submissive involved in scene planning!

As Princess Kali says, kink is a team sport. I can't wait for you to hear this chat.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. 

Resources discussed in this episode

KinkAcademy.com - over 1400 educational videos on kink

"Enough to Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation"

About Princess Kali

Princess Kali takes her kink seriously and has spent over fourteen years exploring not only the how but the why of alternative lifestyles. Her experience working as a professional dominatrix has given her a unique understanding of the motivations behind erotic humiliation play as well as a passion for helping people participate in it more safely and enjoyably.

Her dynamic and engaging style of presenting has been welcomed at more than 150 venues including kink events such as Dark Odyssey, Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Kink in the Caribbean, and IMsL as well as mainstream venues such as Harvard University and SXSW.

Princess Kali is currently focusing on personal coaching and group workshops to help people safely discover their own style of kink with the benefit of her experience and guidance. Kali resides in the San Francisco area but travels often for workshops and events. You can also follower her on Twitter @princess_kali.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

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  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".

You know I love hearing from you, so here's how to reach the show

 

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_121.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 9:03am EDT

It's just you and me this week. No guest. No interview. Just your questions and emails and me savoring every single one of them.

We're talking transsexual fetish sex, pegging, exploring sex with a partner who is a rape survivor, what it means to be bad at sex, Hollywood myths about how sex should look, and ALL the ways to communicate with the folks we're fucking so that we can all be more successful in the sack.

Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true.

Resources discussed in this episode

"Radical Ecstasy" by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton

"Cyber Infidelity" by Dr. Eve

SpareParts Joque harness - want one? I sell them. Contact me for details.

Ruby Ryder, pegging expert

Sex after rape. There's a great article here and here.

About Dawn Serra

For those of you who have listened for awhile, you know more about my sex life than most people know about their partners, but I figured it was time for a little bio action.

First, you can check out my sex & relationship coaching over at DawnSerra.com.

You can follow me on Twitter @dawn_serra, on Facebook, and over on Instagram, too.

Here's the official word: In a world that makes us feel like we aren’t enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we’re told about sex, relationships, and our bodies.

As a sex coach, sex educator, and fat-bodied trauma survivor, Dawn invites you to drop the shame, get curious, and explore sex on your terms, in whatever form that may take.

Dawn is also the creator of the annual Explore More Summit.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".

You know I love hearing from you, so here's how to reach the show

Contact form: Click here

Direct download: Episode_120.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

This week's chat is one of my favorites. Andre Shakti is an absolute delight. The first time I saw her in person at Sex Down South last year, I was in complete awe. She is this vibrant, powerful force to be reckoned with, and when she said she'd come on the show I was completely tickled.

We dive into sex work, fetish wrestling, porn, and more. One of the things she mentions during our chat is how we do not have any resources in the world on how to be a good consumer of sex work or of porn. She draws an parallel between Julia Roberts and porn performers that is fantastic.

Plus, we talk about the importance of letting go of goals in sex and instead, getting to know your body and celebrating what it's capable of, instead of obsessing over what you wish it could do. 

Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Violet Blue and TinyNibbles.com - resources on ethically produced pornography

About Andre Shakti

Andre Shakti is an educator, producer, activist, and professional slut devoted to normalizing alternative desires, de-stigmatizing sex workers and their clients, and not taking herself too seriously. She wrestles mediocre white men into submission and writes about sex work, queerness and non-monogamy for Cosmopolitan, Harlot, MEL, and more. She can frequently be found marathoning Law & Order: SVU under a chaotic pile of partners and pitbulls, and yes, she knows how problematic that show is.

Follow Andre on Twitter @andreshakti and check out her super sexy website >AndreShaktiXXX.com (NSFW).

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".

You know I love hearing from you, so here's how to reach the show

Direct download: Episode_119.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Body positivity is something I constantly bring up on the show - not only because it's an important part of my own story, but because I'm constantly getting questions from listeners about their own body shame and struggles.

That's why I am so excited by this unapologetic and energizing look into pole dancing and burlesque with Kaila Prins. Not only did she use both to help her work through an eating disorder, but she has also discovered what it means to be embodied and to live in a deeply consensual place, as a result.

From controlling the gaze of the audience to sharing what it's like to get naked on stage for the first time, we roll around in gender, safe spaces, embracing 'ugly' as a by-product of feeling empowered and attuned to your body, and so so much more.

Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Stripcast: True Stories of a Stripper with a PhD by Lux ATL.

About Kaila Prins

I’m a drag queen trapped in a cis-woman’s body. A ditcher of diet culture—after recovering from EDNOS/orthorexia, exercise addiction, and anorexia. A voiceover actor who is no longer afraid to use her voice. A burlesque and pole performer who found body acceptance and body positivity through dance. A certified health and wellness coach who teaches (and podcasts about) health at every size and discovery, not recovery.

Kaila Prins is Performing Woman, a motivational speaker, workshop leader, wellness coach, and dance teacher.

You can find her at PerformingWoman.com and on Twitter @performingwoman.

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

Direct download: Episode_118.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

A listener question sent me on a quest to find some folks who could share their coming out stories, specifically cis men, and that quest led me to TT Baum. Several colleagues had the most amazing things to say about him, and when we finally connected, I adored his calm energy and beautiful openness.

This episode has so many tender moments - from his coming out story to his thoughts on sex education for youth to his journey to becoming a sacred intimate. I wanted to listen to him talk for hours.

So, settle in and get ready for a great chat with TT Baum.

Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Bondassage

The Body Electric School

About TT Baum

TTBaum is a Sacred Intimate and Sex Educator based in San Francisco. He has been dubbed a pleasure activist and a warrior of love. TT’s path to sexual awakening began over a decade ago. He has refined a powerful style of erotic facilitation that integrates his own sexual research with the teachings of his mentors (among them, Joseph Kramer, PhD., AnnieSprinkle, PhD. and Barbara Carrellas).

TT has a unique approach to supporting clients mastering their own erotic energy.

In his own words:

“As a Sacred Intimate, I have been called to provide my clients with new tools and experiences to awaken into a more satisfying and intimate sexual existence. To this end I see my practice as a Sacred Intimate from a holistic place that requires me to consider the harmony of the entire being: physical, emotional, spiritual and mental.”

Check out TT's website integral-eros.com and follow him on Twitter @integraleros.

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

Direct download: Episode_117.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Trigger warning: talk of suicide

From the early days of queer porn to managing sex positive feminist shops to getting internet famous for her epic orgasm quest, Crista Anne - the rainbowiest of rainbow people - joins the show this week.

One of the things I've admired about Crista Anne for so long is her fierce, unapologetic approach to sharing her own struggles. She doesn't hide behind the internet and try to craft a perfect image. Her vulnerability and courage when it comes to her struggles with orgasm and depression caught my attention a while back, and I'm excited she's bringing that spirit to the show this week.

Plus, some of THE funniest quotes we've had on the show in a while.

Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Goodvibes

Tantus toys

About Crista Anne

Crista Anne is a rainbow colored pleasure revolutionary whose work focuses on starting conversations and busting stigmas surrounding the intersections of sexuality, mental illness and sex-positive parenting with her Partner XVO. With 15 years of working in different spheres of sexuality, Crista has been sharing her empowered sexuality online since before the term blog existed. You can find her work at CristaAnne.com and on Twitter @pinkness.

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

Direct download: Episode_116.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:53am EDT

Are you ready for a mastery level version of Sex Gets Real? Good. Because this week, Sarah Mueller from Smitten Kitten joins the show to share her research on lube, as well as her findings around herpes and STIs.

Did you know some lubes (like KY) actually INCREASE the likelihood of STI transmission because the lube damages your genital tissue? And why does silicone lube damage silicone toys but condoms filled with silicone lube don't?

We also field a question from a listener about bacterial vaginosis, which takes us down the rabbit hole of just how little the medical community knows about this condition as well as STI diagnoses.

This is an episode you'll want to listen to more than once because the information is so damn important. Settle in and prepare yourself!

Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Ella Dawson's amazing TED Talk about STIs is a must see.

The Smitten Kitten carries most of the lubes mentioned above plus the She Pack for your vagina.

About Sarah Mueller

Sarah E. Mueller has been a Sex Educator at The Smitten Kitten since May of 2012. After nearly four years at Smitten Kitten Sarah realized personal lubricants are a huge contributor to people’s sexual satisfaction and health, but many struggle to find lubricants without adverse effects. Sarah then began an extensive research project on personal lubricant ingredients, regulations, and interactions with the body.

Currently Sarah is the Lead Research and Education developer at The Smitten Kitten, and is expanding her research and educational offerings to topics from STIs, Cancer Treatment & Sexual Function, Menopause, and Social Justice within Gynecology. Her research has also allowed her to contribute to Allison Moon’s Girl Sex 101, contribute to the lubricant information in Joan Price’s The Ultimate Guide to Sex After Fifty, and she has been interviewed as a Lube Expert on the Sexational Blog, VICE Magazine’s Blog, and Tristan Taormino’s Sex Out Loud Radio Show.

Want to learn more about all of the awesome work Sarah is doing? Follow her on Twitter @sarah_e_mueller or by emailing her at sarah at smittenkittenonline dot com.

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

Direct download: Episode_115.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

JoEllen Notte is a sex educator powerhouse - she is revolutionizing the discussion about sex and depression, and also has a beautiful blog all about sex positivity, sex toys, and introversion.

She recently reached out to me and asked if she could come on the show to talk about sex positivity versus sex performativity. Or, as we discuss in this episode, the way sex positive folks often exclude people by their actions and behaviors in a way that makes spaces feel unsafe.

Sex positivity has been an incredible response to our sex negative culture, but it's also just that - a response to the existing paradigm. Not everyone wants to have all the orgies or flirt all of the time, and that gets overlooked a lot.

So in this episode, JoEllen and I have a really frank discussion about some of the ways sex positive communities are failing us, and then we field two listener questions about using inclusive language and not being a creep at sex toy stores when you have questions about sex.

Don't forget: I just revamped my one-on-one coaching packages and spots are filling up. If you need some help around sex, your relationship, and connecting with a loved one, you can check out the new options over on DawnSerra.com.

About JoEllen Notte

JoEllen Notte is a writer, speaker, and mental health advocate who has spent the last 2 years exploring the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, vibrators, mental health, and how none of us are broken on the award-winning RedheadBedhead.com as well as for xoJane, Bitch Media, Daily Dot, AlterNet and Kinkly. She has travelled North America touring the best sex shops in the US and Canada, led workshops on sexual communication, navigating consent, having casual sex kindly, and online dating, and has spoken at length on sex toys but she is happiest and most effective when writing and speaking on behalf of quiet people who have sex– check out her video series on attending conferences as an introvert and extensive work on sex and depression. JoEllen is certified as a sex educator through Planned Parenthood of Massachusetts Sexuality Education Certification Series and has spoken at Clark College, University of Chicago, Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit and the Playground Conference.

You can stay in touch with JoEllen over on Facebook and on Twitter @JoEllenNotte.

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

Direct download: Episode_114a.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Elle Chase joins the show this week, and it is such an incredible discussion.

LadyCheeky, Elle's very famous Tumblr, is a resource that I mention regularly on this show. Lady Cheeky is not about getting off, but rather about getting aroused and sitting in those erotic experiences a little longer, savoring the sensual. We dive into the back story that brought her to this point with a world-renowned porn site.

This episode is all about fat sex, fat bodies, and finding your own way to pleasure. Elle's approach to embodied consent is glorious, and her advice to a listener who can't orgasm without a vibrator is definitely worth a listen.

Don't forget: Dawn just revamped her one-on-one coaching packages and spots are filling up. If you need some help around sex, your relationship, and connecting with a loved one, you can check out her programs over on DawnSerra.com

About Elle Chase:

Sex educator and sexuality and body image coach Elle Chase, is a graduate of the comprehensive San Francisco Sex Information, Sex Educator Training Program and a member of the American College of Sexologists. Elle also serves as the Director of Education & Lead Sex Educator at the Los Angeles Academy of Sex Education, which offers pleasure inclusive classes, on sexuality, gender, sexual health and sexual lifestyles. She is also the author of the upcoming book "Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower your Sex Life," due out in January 20, 2017 from Fair Winds Press and as her alter ego Lady Cheeky, is the editor of the smash hit (very) adult coloring book, the #NSFW Totally Naughty Coloring Book by SheVibe.com.

Elle is also the creator, curator & editor of two award-winning and highly trafficked sexuality websites, www.LadyCheeky.com (NSFW) which has been named as the number one site for porn for women, and its companion editorial site www.SmutForSmarties.com which has been L.A. Weekly’s choice for 'Best Sex Blog' since 2013.

Follow Elle on Twitter @TheElleChase and @LadyCheeky (NSFW).

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

Direct download: Episode_113.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Because it was such a huge week, I wanted to spend a little quality time with you. Despite having so many incredible interviews lined up and ready to go, I really wanted to field a few terrific emails and get cozy with you.

Oh, and be sure to pop over to Kickstarter to check out the new sex game Weapons of Mass Seduction. It looks awesome and inclusive.

In this episode, Dawn:

  • Answers a question from Britt about wanting to toss her husband's salad (aka analingus) but being afraid of poop in her mouth. What can she do?
  • Shares a little confession after audiophile wrote in commenting on some sound issues.
  • Helps a vegan pain slut to track down some delicious and kinky retailers in the U.K. for cruetly-free BDSM gear like floggers, whips, and crops. (Links to all the sites mentioned are down below.)
  • Rolls around in a sweet and vulnerable question from a young listener named DonkeyPunch about his fear that he isn't good enough for his girlfriend, despite her assurance that he is. It's all about trust, vulnerability, insecurity, and staying open even when it's scary.
  • Explores some options for New Cowgirl, who recently tried the reverse cowgirl sex position with her husband and experienced some ouchy pain. Is it her or is something wrong?

Don't forget Dawn just revamped her one-on-one coaching packages and spots are filling up. If you need some help around sex, your relationship, and connecting with a loved one, you can check out her programs over on DawnSerra.com.

Resources discussed in this episode:

Edgeplay

Impact Toys

Ds Whips

Jacks Floggers

Trussed UK

Vegan Kink

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

Direct download: Episode_112.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Masturbation May. Just a few days left to pop over to our exclusive sale with podcast-approved toys. Treat yourself to something deliciously naughty.

Showtime's new late-night show, Submission, is all about BDSM. We follow Ashley, a woman coming out of yet another sexually unsatisfying relationship, as she begins to explore her desire in the realm of power exchange and BDSM.

Written and directed by Jacky St. James, who has taken the feminist porn world by storm, the show offers us a more complex, empowered, dynamic, and accurate look into the world of pleasure, pain, psychological play, and more.

On this very special episode of Sex Gets Real, I sit down and chat with Jacky St. James and the show's lead actor, Ashlynn Yennie. We talk about how the show came to be, what it was like for porn director Jacky to shoot a mainstream show about sex, and how Ashlynn jumped into this world without any prior experience in kink.

It's hot, and it's about to get even hotter.

Submission airs Thursdays at 11pm ET on Showtime.

In this episode, Jacky, Ashlynn, and I:

  • Discuss what sets Submission apart from 50 Shades of Grey, including the important of having a lead character who chooses this path for herself instead of doing it for someone else.
  • Laugh over cock socks and simulated sex versus porn sex.
  • Explore consent and the role that it played in the creation of Submission. Jacky didn't want a polished version of BDSM, but a more flawed and real look at what BDSM can be.
  • Talk about what it was like on set for the actors who were naked and engaging in actual BDSM for many of the scenes.
  • Tease everyone endlessly with what's coming up next on the show. EPISODE 6! I NEED TO SEE IT.

About Jacky St. James

Jacky St. James is an award-winning writer and director in the adult entertainment industry dubbed by Salon.com as “the Woman Who Conquered Porn.” She’s guest lectured at UCLA, UCSB, and been featured in Slate, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, The Examiner, and many more.

Follow Jacky on Twitter @jackystjames and check out her SUPER sexy site over at missjackystjames.com/.

About Ashlynn Yennie

Ashlynn Yennie grew up in Wyoming and Colorado, she moved to NYC when she was 18 to train at the New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts.

She started her career in commercials and bit parts on soap operas but it was landing the part of Jenny in the cult horror films The Human Centipede 1 & 2 that put her on the map. She has appeared in several other indie film including Fractured, The Scribbler and The Ghost and the Whale as well as on the popular television series NCIS and Undatable. She is starring as Ashley in the new Showtime series SUBMISSION.

You can find Ashlynn on Twitter @ashlynnyennie, Instagram @ashlynn_yennie, and on her website ashlynnyennie.com.

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

Direct download: Episode_111.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 8:48am EDT

Masturbation May. Have you gotten yours on yet? If not, pop over to our exclusive sale with podcast-approved toys and treat yourself to something deliciously naughty.

This week, August McLaughlin shares a little about her battle with anorexia and body dysmorphia, plus how that led her to creating Girl Boner.

We also field some wonderful questions from listeners on the way our bodies and genitals look, plus struggling with orgasms.

In this episode, August and I:

  • Laugh and cringe over the sad state of sex education in the United States. Rarely is pleasure ever mentioned to young people, but if it is, it's usually reserved for folks with a penis, while the only info we get about vulvas is that they have cramps and periods.
  • Explore August's eating disorder and body dysmorphia and how that led her to heal her relationship with her sexuality.
  • Dig into the importance of letting go of shame around our shame. How can we confront our own stories and beliefs to lead a more empowered and authentic life rather than the one put on us by others?
  • Contemplate a listener question about anal bleaching - is she doing it to please her husband and make herself feel more worthy or because she wants to do it as an act of power to celebrate her body?
  • Stress the importance of consuming porn that has body diversity, including a wide range of pubic hair, labia, penises, and body size.
  • Answer a question from a virgin who is worried that his uncircumcised penis is what's driving away potential lovers. (Our answer is a resounding NO.)
  • Discuss a listener question about orgasms - she can orgasm on her own but can't from intercourse and is worried her partner feels frustrated by it all. Has she tried toys? Various positions? Talking to him about it and making it a fun exploration
  • Gush over why we should replace "achieving orgasm" with "experiencing orgasm".

About August McLaughlin

August McLaughlin is an award-winning, nationally recognized health and sexuality writer and host and creator of Girl Boner®. Her work appears in Cosmopolitan, DAME Magazine, the Huffington Post, LIVESTRONG.com and more. Kirkus Reviews called her first novel, In Her Shadow, “an engaging story with an inventive structure and an intriguing focus on body-image issues.”

Her latest book, Embraceable: Empowering Facts and True Stories About Women’s Sexuality, is a celebration of women’s sexual empowerment. Each week on Girl Boner® Radio, she interviews relationship experts, celebrity entertainers and more, exploring women’s lives and sexuality “like no one else.” Known for melding personal passion, artistry and activism, August uses her skills as a public speaker and journalist to inspire women to embrace their bodies and selves, making way for fuller, more authentic lives.

Want to stay in touch with August? Find her at AugustMcLaughlin.com where you can also listen to Girl Boner radio. Be sure to like her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter, too.

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

 

Direct download: Episode_110.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Masturbation May. Have you gotten yours on yet? If not, pop over to our exclusive sale with podcast-approved toys and treat yourself to something deliciously naughty.

Nadine Thornhill is someone I admire greatly. Not only was she part of the Explore More Summit, but her approach to parenting and talking to kids about sex is revolutionary. And this week, we're going deep into consent, kids, teens, being a parent, talking about porn, and much more.

I truly believe that future generations will be so much more consent informed and emotionally intelligent because of work like Nadine's. If all of us are better able to express ourselves and receive rejection gracefully, we'd have drastically healthier relationships and sex for it.

You can find Nadine at NadineThornhill.com. She's also on Twitter @NadineThornhill and YouTube with awesome videos. 

Resources discussed in this episode:

Dawn still has spots available for one-on-one sex and relationship coaching, so if you're interested pop over to her site to find out more.

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

 

Direct download: Episode_109.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Masturbation May is in full swing, so pop over to our exclusive sale with podcast-approved toys and treat yourself to something deliciously naughty.

Victoria Rosa, from Open and Awesome, joins us this week. She shares stories from her journey with tantra and sacred spot massage.

Then we dive into listener questions. First up, a listener shares that her husband is horrible at oral sex and yet he thinks he is god's gift to her pussy. What can she do when he doesn't take direction well?

Orgasmically Challenged also needs help. Her sweet boyfriend cums before she orgasms and she is getting super frustrated. Between their anxieties and shyness, is the relationship doomed?

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

Direct download: Episode_108.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

MASTURBATION MAY is here! And we are celebrating with an exclusive Sex Gets Real sale: njoy, Magic Wand, Lelo, Sliquid. Check it out now. Only happening for the month of May.

Comedian and 4-Play Baltimore host, Prescott Gaylord, joins us for a second HIQI.

Listener Dannyle wants to know how to talk to the guy she's dating about the fact that she can't orgasm from partnered sex. She cums on her own, but when she's with someone else, it just doesn't happen. How can she share that without turning it into a challenge?

Then, Stage Fright, a listener who has been in a friends with benefits situation for 12 years, wants to know being in a FWB for that long is normal.

Dawn still has spots available for one-on-one sex and relationship coaching, so if you're interested pop over to her site to find out more.

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

Direct download: Episode_107.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

From BDSM to broken penises, from virgin stories to rope bondage. It's a packed week.

Dawn has some new client openings for sex and relationship coaching. Want to check it out? Pop over to her coaching page and jump on it ASAP.

This week is full of juicy questions. One listener reveals he has a broken penis and after being shamed by a few partners, needs help getting over the fear. How can he embrace his penis?

Another listener is eager to try rope bondage and wants stories from Dawn, plus resources on how to safely get started.

A virgin is super excited to write in with her first juicy story, even if it wasn't ideal. Also, where can you find BDSM conferences like the ones Dawn always goes to?

Oh, and one listeners received a prostate massage from two massage professionals that ended in orgasm, and how his wife feels like he cheated. What can he do?

Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show:

Direct download: Episode_106.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Dawn woke up feeling like she wanted an intimate chat with you.

There's also a follow-up from a listener who wrote in recently about sex with vibrators.

Plus, a 20-year-old virgin just got her first vibrator and wants help on working on internal orgasms. A mom also has some thoughts on safer sex kits for college kids.

There are a few free replays from the Explore More Summit this week, so check it out at http://exploremoresummit.com.

You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us

Direct download: Episode_105.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 9:01am EDT

Sarah and Brian from YaySex.ca join in the fun this week.

Since they recently started teaching an anal sex class, we start off with a question about anal sex myths.

A listener who wants to study sexuality asks for book recommendations and we have quite the list (see below).

Plus, a heartbroken listener is tired of his wife's interest in fast fucks and quickies. He wants lovemaking and slow sex. What can he do?

In this episode, we mentioned a ton of resources. Here are the books we discussed with links!

You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us

Direct download: Episode_104.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

What if you're already in love before the sex happens?

Comedian and 4-Play Baltimore host, Prescott Gaylord, joins us for the first of two HIQIs.

First, we hear from Sophie about college hook-ups and how she worked all her FWBs on campus. Then, Katie writes in because she is about to have sex with her girlfriend of one year for the first time. But she's never been in love before having sex and needs advice.

We weigh in. Also, Prescott makes lots of t-shirts.

Want to check out Dawn's Facebook community? Pop over here.

You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us

Direct download: Episode_103.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 8:26am EDT

Dirty Lola joins us this week!

First up, there is a free webinar on March 28th all about intimacy in relationships as you explore non-monogamy and opening an existing relationship up. Register here!

Second, Dawn is an expert speaking at the Love Detox online event that starts April 4th. Learn more here: http://www.thelovedetoxseries.com/dawn

This week's co-host is Dirty Lola, a sex toy extraordinaire at Shag in Brooklyn, and also the creator and host of Sex Ed a Go-Go.

After hearing all about Lola's new Daddy Dom, we jump into two listener questions.

One listener wants to know how to prepare for experimenting with their girlfriend's vibrator. We have lots of thoughts.

Another listener is sexually inexperienced and wants to know - how do you even get started with sex and how do you find people to experiment with? Prepare for LOTS of ideas.

Find Lola on Twitter and check out Sex Ed A Go-Go online or over at swingset.fm.

You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us

Direct download: Episode_102.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:46am EDT

Dylan's official last episode and we talk blowjobs.

If you have any parting messages for Dylan, just use the email down below to send them to Dawn and she'll pass them along.

On this Hit It and Quit It, we heard from a listener about some horrible advice that Anna Faris and Adam Corolla recently gave on Anna's podcast, Unqualified. Just because your partner wants to watch you have sex with someone else does NOT mean they want a divorce. Ugh.

Also, a listener wrote in feeling horrible about how grossed out she gets with blowjobs. Do we have any thoughts?

But (butt?) of course we do.

Also, we have an ask! Can you review us in iTunes? We are trying to move up in the ratings charts. Just search for us in iTunes and leave a review.

You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us

Direct download: Episode_101.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

100 episodes of Sex Gets Real!!!

Wow.

100 episodes.

What an amazing 2+ years it's been. And it also seems appropriate that today is the day Dylan is announcing she's leaving the show.

As sad as Dawn is about the news, Dylan has an opportunity that is amazing and something she's been wanting for a long time.

The show isn't going anywhere though, so don't worry. We'll be having loads of amazing guest co-hosts and contests, so episode 100 is simply a chance for us to try something new with our next 100 episodes.

And this episode doesn't disappoint - questions about threesomes and unicorns and ass sex and precum and much much more.

Also, we have an ask! Can you go review us in iTunes? We are trying to move up in the ratings charts. Just click the iTunes link below.

You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us

Direct download: Episode_100.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

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