Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra (Health, Sexuality)

LAST CALL

  1. The July cohort of Power in Pleasure starts July 21st, so this is the final week to register before it closes. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to honor your hunger. Your power is tied to your pleasure. Explore with us and learn more at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

Sinclair Sexsmith and rife are here to talk 24/7 power exchange

First up, you can hear me on two podcasts this week talking all about pleasure, bodies, and sex. I chatted with Chris Maxwell Rose of The Pleasure Mechanics all about pleasure, hunger, and the relationship between sex and food. I was also on Rebecca Scritchfield's podcast Body Kindness talking about sex as a social skill. Check them out!

This conversation with Sinclair and rife is beautiful. They pull back the curtain on their relationship and let us take a peek at the ways they've grown into their dynamic of 24/7 Master/slave.

We explore the ways that bringing conscious, deliberate negotiation to the ways we do relationship can create beautiful conditions for love, support and growth. 

Sinclair shares how they want to show more vulnerability as a Dominant, allowing room for growth, mistakes, and not knowing - the antithesis of how so many people see Domination.

rife talks about their ultimate goal of creating a trust so deep and so strong that they can surrender all their boundaries and the long, slow process of how they're working in that direction.

They also share some of the things they're holding around the language  Master/slave and the legacy of those words within the white supremacy of the United States.

I can't wait for you to hear this.

Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Sinclair and rife all about using kink to experience embodiment and how kink can be a part of healing trauma. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Sinclair Sexsmith and rife:

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them pronouns) is a writer, teacher, and performer studying sexualities, genders, relationships, and kink. Since 2006 they have produced the award-winning site Sugarbutch Chronicles at sugarbutch.net, detailing their personal adventures and in depth studies of how to be their best self. Their full-length collection of short stories, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica is a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award in the erotica category (and they have copies of here at Bawdy, including an extra bonus story, “The Houseboy’s Rebellion”, on the USB ebook version). In addition, they were just awarded the National Leather Association John Preston short story award for their piece, “Awakening: Mistress Elise Winter & morgan.” Sinclair leads college workshops around the country, and teach puberty and sex ed to 4th through 8th graders around the Bay Area. They live in Oakland with their boy.

rife is the property of Sinclair Sexsmith, and a genderqueer leather boy from Texas. He is the illustrator and co-creator of The GENDER Book, a fun, colorful, community-based resource. When not serving Master, he serves many other folks in the community through his graphic and web design small business rowdyferretdesign.com.

Stay in touch with them and learn more about their courses and writing at the following links:

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Podcast Transcript

Can be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep269

Direct download: Episode_269.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Your pleasure matters.

  1. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

Welcome to this week's episode, it's a very special treat, but first!

Did you know you can support the show? You can, on Patreon. The show is entirely self-funded, so every single dollar makes a huge difference for me. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. This week's bonus is my chat with Adiposivity's founder Substantia Jones for the Explore More Bodies summit. We talk all about her project of photographing fat, naked bodies all around the world. Don't miss it! Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to support the show and get your bonus access.

So, for this week's episode, in the spirit of treating myself to a vacation and working as little as possible (thank you to the person who emailed me and said I deserve a break - it felt so great to receive that support), this week's episode is my chat with Meg-John Barker from the very first Explore More Summit.

Meg-John is someone I have learned SO much from and I adore their curious, compassionate approach to mental health, gender, love, and relationship. If you haven't checked out their awesome books, including one of my favorites "Rewriting the Rules", you can learn more about them here.

In this interview, we talk about the ways we define love and how rigid it is, how we can find new ways to love and be in relationship, the romanticism and idea of The One that sets us up for a ton of distress, more expansive ways to approach happiness and love in our lives, self-criticism and intense emotions, and how we can begin healing and learning ways to navigate it all.

Also, that book I mentioned, "Turn This World Inside Out" by Nora Samaran is recently out by AK Press, and you can grab your copy here.

I'll be back next week with loads of your questions, so stay tuned! Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

Grab the full episode transcript at sexgetsreal.com/ep268

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_268.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

FULL TRANSCRIPT AT sexgetsreal.com/ep267

Your pleasure matters.

  1. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

Welcome to this week's episode, full of your questions and some thoughts and questions I have in response.

First up, a few years ago, Jasmine Kyon wrote an essay about why coming out is not the best option as the child of an immigrant family and how often the coming out narrative is white-centric and cis-centric. It's beautiful and important. Check it out here.

Then, several of your awesome questions.

Brooke struggled with wanting sex as she grappled with disordered eating, but now she's feeling more herself and she wants to explore more sexual things with her boyfriend. The problem? He never initiates and she doesn't want to have to be the one to always get things going. What can she do to honor this yummy horniness?

Laura met her husband when she was 18 and they've been happily married for many years. He's an amazing husband and dad. The problem? She feels like she missed out by not having other experiences - especially when her friends share stories of old boyfriends and sexual escapades. All she can do is listen. Is the grass really greener? Is she missing out by only ever having had one sexual partner? Is this the culture or is it her?

I love this question and we have a lot to explore here.

Next up, find out why someone recently wrote this to me: “TAKE THE COURSE. You may think you're in touch with yourself and your desires, but this course opens your eyes to things deep within your soul that you didn't know existed. You will feel rejuvenated and insightful after each daily unit. The group chats each week provide beautiful perspective from others going on the journey with you. You won't regret signing up for this.”

Finally, Paula is thinking about becoming a sex educator for the Hispanic community. She wants to know how I got started learning about sexuality and how she might get started herself.

Hear where I got my start and why volunteering and being on the front lines of people's complex, messy, real lives is so important if you want to go into sex education.

Patreon supporters, this week you get exclusive access to a funny exploration of sexual injuries, inspired by an article I recently read - and I want to hear YOUR sexual injuries. If you don't yet support the show, even $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_267.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 4:30am EDT

Your pleasure matters.

  1. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

My chat with Sinclair Sexsmith and rife got postposed, so this week's episode is just me and you.

First up, I share about three new articles/resources that came across my feed this week. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep266 for all of the links mentioned in the episode.

Then, we dive into two important questions from listeners just like you.

Peter is a cis man who is a virgin. He has been listening to older episodes of the show and was confused by a conversation I had with a Dirty Lola in response to a cis woman who was a virgin asking about boundaries. Peter feels he shouldn't have boundaries if he ever meets someone who is willing to have sex with him in order to actually, well, have sex. Should he have boundaries or not?

I offer feedback all about the importance of boundaries not only for our own pleasure but as a way to build trust with potential partners and because consent requires us to openly communicate our needs so that others can choose for themselves based on as much information as possible.

Then, Allison is thinking about becoming a sex educator and wants to know what programs I recommend. Gosh, do I have thoughts!

Because I get this question all the time, I share my thoughts about how most programs won't really meet anyone's needs if they want to become a sex educator and what I do see as the future of this field and what I think it will take to be a part of where we're going rather than where we've been.

Patreon supporters, this week you get exclusive access to my hour long and very intimate conversation with Isabel Abbott from Explore More Summit 2019. It's MAGICAL. If you don't yet support the show, even $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_266.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:28pm EDT

Your pleasure matters.

  1. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

This week's episode is just me and you.

First, I get on a soapbox about the bullshit that is "straight pride" and how it's really just like white pride and men's rights activists. We've got to call this stuff out and do better.

Listener Rick wrote in to share some changes he's experienced in pleasure since really listening to his wife. AMAZING!

Next up, Confused Cookie has a problem. The love of her life keeps breaking their agreements and lying to her. This is not what ethical non-monogamy or polyamory are about, folks. If someone is breaking agreements, hiding things, and lying, that's unethical regardless of the dynamic. CC deserves so much better and I have suggestions for what to do next (*cough* leave him *cough*).

Chuch has been having this new, bizarre sexual energy with a person in his life that isn't lustful, but definitely exciting. What is it and what are my thoughts, he wants to know?

Will is 74 years old and he's started posing as a 20-something lesbian in an online golf game he's been playing. It's just for fun, but he isn't sure if he should tell his wife or not.

Finally, @homebodytherapy on Instagram shared a powerful post about diet culture and our body's response to restriction. It ties so heavily to why so many of us struggle with pleasure. Let's explore it a bit.

Patreon supporters, this week we're talking about sex abuse inside of marriage and committed relationships based on a Vox piece that recently resurfaced. If you don't yet support the show, every $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_265.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 4:01pm EDT

Your pleasure matters.

  1. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

This week's episode is just me and you.

First up, some updates from the survivor pod around Franklin Veaux and hearing from more of the women. Definitely check out polyamory-metoo.com and Aida Manduley's twitter thread for some good stuff. You can also check out the Reddit thread with the comments I read here.

Centering the stories and experiences of the women Franklin harmed is the most important thing, so if you do check out the updates from Franklin's folks, just remember that so far none of their updates have been from folks who understand trauma-informed work or alternative justice processes. They're actually quite harmful.

Patreon supporters, this week I'm watching the new Vex Ashley and Four Chambered Heart erotic film and narrating what I see. It's fun and silly and by request. If you don't yet support the show, every $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Suppor at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

If you want to check out the article on incels and plastic surgery, I mentioned. You can check that out on The Cut.

Now on to your questions!

Alyssa wrote in because her fiancé won't talk during sex, but Alyssa thinks talking during sex would be super hot. How can she encourage him to talk more?

Talking during sex can be super hot and super fun, and it can also make pleasure really difficult for some folks. Let's explore that dance of needs together.

Fabulously Fem emailed me asking to hear more about cross dressing on the show and if I think dolls are ethical.

I promise to have a crossdressing expert join us soon, but in the meantime you might want to check out Kink Academy's awesome videos on crossdressing for those who are interested.

That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Direct download: Episode_264.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Want to work with me?

  1. Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.
  2. My coaching practice has a few new spots available. If you could use support around the places where you feel most stuck, I'd love to support you. Details about my coaching practice are here: dawnserra.com/work-with-me .

In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part Three of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley.

This episode is my conversation with therapist Aida Manduley. In it, we are building on the previous two episodes which included a conversation with Eve Rickert and Samantha Manewitz as we explore emotional abuse, accountability, and different ways of being in community with each other.

Aida has been a part of several transformative justice processes and has tremendous perspective around how we can center those harmed without throwing out those who caused the harm. We also talk about how white supremacy impacts the ways we show up in life, the false promises made to cis men, and why grief work is crucial to alternative justice practices and accountability.

We dive into why communities are where we should start when we're considering how harm happened in the first place and why we all need to adjust our expectations for how long these processes take. It's not a superhero movie where everything is resolved with one fell swoop.

I cannot wait for you to hear this awesome conversation, and as noted in the other episodes, your financial help for the survivor pod would mean so much. Resources mentioned in this episode include:

  1. Initial statement on February 11th
  2. Update on March 25th
  3. Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening
  4. Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process

If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start.

Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Aida Manduley on what helps and what hinders accountability processes. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Aida Manduley:

Aida Manduley is an award-winning Latinx activist, international presenter, and trauma-focused clinician known for big earrings and building bridges. Trained as a sexuality educator, social worker, and nonprofit management professional, they’re* working to make the word a more equitable place through education, therapy, and community organizing. Their perspective centers intersectionality and maximizing kindness, while retaining both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. From The New York Times to The Rainbow Times, Mx. Manduley has been interviewed by a variety of media outlets. They were even brought on for a debate on the Laura Ingraham show—a popular conservative radio program—and lived to tell the tale.

You can follow them on Twitter (@neuronbomb) or Instagram (@aidamanduley), like their page on Facebooksign up for their newsletter (debuting September 2018), stay tuned to what books they’re nerding out with, and/or get more information about their professional accomplishments via LinkedIn.

Grab the episode transcript at http://sexgetsreal.com/ep263

Direct download: Episode_263.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Want to work with me?

  1. Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part Two of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley.

This episode is my conversation with therapist Samantha Manewitz. We build on the conversation I had with Eve Rickert in Episode 261, exploring emotional abuse and gaslighting in relationships.

One of the things Samantha stresses in this conversation is how normalized gaslighting is in the world right now. We have the highest levels of power (the US President) gaslighting an entire nation, and none of us are immune.

We also explore some things that help reveal behaviors that might lead to emotional abuse and what one word can change the way we enter into relationships.

This is an important and powerful conversation about how subtle emotional abuse can be, and how to look out for DARVO which is how emotional abusers position themselves as the victim.

The survivor pod resources mentioned in this episode include:

  1. Initial statement on February 11th
  2. Update on March 25th
  3. Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening
  4. Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process

If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start.

Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to grab your bonus content this week which includes a little PDF of the questions Samantha offered around helping to figure out if we're being gaslit, plus a few bonus minutes of our conversation AND an embodiment exercise that can help us arrive in the body in a gentle way. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Samantha Manewitz:

Samantha Manewitz, LICSW CST, is an educator and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She has trained mental health professionals, sex educators, and alt-sex communities on healthy communication, abuse prevention, and mental health in BDSM. Samantha was a featured presenter at multiple conferences, including CatalystCon West, American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities, and the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit.

Among her therapeutic specialties are trauma (complex PTSD), sex therapy, couples therapy (level 2 Gottman trained), and gender affirming care for transgender/non binary clients. Samantha is also on the faculty of the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment, where she has presented on sexual coercion and psychotherapy with kinky clients.

Stay in touch with Samantha at beyondsafewords.com.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_262.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Want to work with me?

  1. Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.
  2. My coaching practice has a few new spots available. If you could use support around the places where you feel most stuck, I'd love to support you. Details about my coaching practice are here: dawnserra.com/work-with-me .

In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part One of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley.

This episode is my conversation with Eve Rickert. In it, Eve shares her experience of being in a relationship with Franklin Veaux for five and a half years. She talks about what it was like in the beginning and what happened over the course of time.

A part of she shares reveals what it's like to be on the receiving end of gaslighting and emotional abuse: the questioning of self, the isolation, thinking that you're actually crazy. Eve shares about how difficult it was to begin untangling herself from the confusion of it all and what happened when she started speaking with other women Franklin had been in relationship with.

We explore and question who gets to tell the stories, who gets to have the redemption arc, and how we (collectively) are so terrible at asking about the people who were a part of that person's redemption, how we ignore or invisibilize their voices and experiences.

We also talk about how being someone who caused harm doesn't make you a bad person or a disposable person, and being a survivor of harm doesn't mean you didn't also cause harm. We desperately need more nuanced and messy understandings of relationship dynamics and behaviors, to move away from the good vs evil, pure vs villain narratives that force us into black-and-white categories. This also contributes to victim blaming and the "good survivor" story that so many survivors feel boxed in by.

Eve also speaks about being witnessed at Southwest Poly Love Fest and how important that was for her, but how it also made her question why she got to be witnessed in that way and some of the other people impacted by abuse don't get that gift.

In the end, this conversation is really about examining problematic behaviors and the harm they can cause, engaging in accountability processes that are outside of our criminal "justice" system, and what we need to start asking ourselves about how we're doing relationship.

The survivor pod resources mentioned in this episode include:

  1. Initial statement on February 11th
  2. Update on March 25th
  3. Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening
  4. Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process

If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Eve Rickert:

Eve Rickert is the co-author of the books More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory and Black Iron, and the co-founder and publisher of Thorntree Press.

Support Eve's fundraiser for suicide prevention here.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_261.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

WHOA! Birth control without a trip to the doctor? YES!!!!

  1. Simple Health is generously sponsoring this episode and YOU can get a free prescription for birth control without every leaving your home. That's right, Simple Health has made birth control easier and cheaper than ever. You fill out an online questionnaire about your health, body, insurance, and preferences. They have a doctor review your information and make a recommendation for contraception. Then, they issue a prescription and Simple Health MAILS IT TO YOU at regular intervals, without you ever having to go anywhere or remember anything. If you have insurance, using Simple Health is often totally free. If you don't have insurance, you can get birth control pills for starting around $15 per month. And...Sex Gets Real listeners, YOU CAN GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FEE WAIVED! Head to simplehealth.com/sgr or enter code SGR at check-out and the $20 prescription fee will be waived. Birth control has never been so easy.

More of your questions have poured in, so that's what we're doing today.

But first, if you'd like to join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course, check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

You can also check out coaching at dawnserra.com/work-with-me - I have a few new spots opened up for new clients and I'd love to support you.

First up, Not Asking For It wrote in about play party etiquette. At a recent play party, NAFI wasn't really into anyone there, but two women were following her around and she had to keep dodging their advances. As she left, one of the women hugged her, but then held on to her and kissed NAFI without consent. How can you set boundaries at a play party that aren't shaming or mean?

I explore play party etiquette and how different organizers will have very different rules and values for their parties. We also need to talk about how assertiveness is in no way mean or shaming, and part of the work we have to do - especially women and non-binary/agender folks - is that being assertive is a big part of how we can navigate these spaces more safely.

What comes up for you when someone says "You're making me uncomfortable" or "You're standing too close to me". If those statements make you uncomfortable, that's work YOU need to do around why someone taking care of themselves feels shameful or like an attack.

I also recommend Cristien Storm's book "Living in Liberation" which is my favorite resource for learning about communicating boundaries, plus Jaclyn Friedman's "What You Really Really Want", Soraya Chemaly's "Rage Becomes Her", and "The Assertiveness Workbook". Please support your local independent bookstore, but if you want an Amazon link, those links are my affiliate link. If you need help being more assertive and you're a woman, gender non-conforming/agender, check out Marcia Baczynski's Good Girl Recovery program, too.

Next up, AP has a bra and panty fetish. They look at pictures of plus sized bodies in bra and panties every day. Is that weird? And where do fetishes come from anyway? Is an early childhood experience AP had of getting caught trying on some bra and panties where it all started?

Let's talk about our brains and where fetishes come from, plus why fetishes are totally normal, and how we can more ethically engage with our desires to that they feel spacious AND values-aligned.

Someone wrote to me on Facebook asking about gay women and puppy play. In addition to contacting Ruby, the Black Sex Geek, in Dallas, Princess Kali also said all of the puppy play videos on KinkAcademy.com are by women. Plus, Fetlife!

Finally, Paralyzed wrote in because while her father has always been a dud - creepy, uninvolved, sexually commenting on her body, she recently unearthed a memory of him sexually abusing her. But her family doesn't really think he's that bad and they think she's being dramatic in wanting to cut off ties. How can Paralyzed cut off communication with her father AND navigate the family dynamics with her mom and siblings?

I highly recommend checking out generationfive.org, especially their resources, as well as Staci Haines' "Healing Sex". Finding support groups for survivors of childhood sexual abuse is so important as we navigate spaces like this. Community, friends, and therapists are all an important part of feeling supported, especially when part of our healing may mean disrupting our relationship with our family.

We deserve to be believed. We deserve to be supported. We do not owe our family our time, access to our body, or any explanations about what we need to do in order to take of ourselves - even if that's really difficult to do.

Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

The bonus this week is a worksheet about safety in our lives and how we can bring in more safety and less tolerating in order to make space for more pleasure.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

 

Direct download: Episode_260.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:00pm EDT

WHOA! Easy & cheap birth control? YES!!!!

  1. Simple Health is generously sponsoring this episode and YOU can get a free prescription for birth control without every leaving your home. That's right, Simple Health has made birth control easier and cheaper than ever. You fill out an online questionnaire about your health, body, insurance, and preferences. They have a doctor review your information and make a recommendation for contraception. Then, they issue a prescription and Simple Health MAILS IT TO YOU at regular intervals, without you ever having to go anywhere or remember anything. If you have insurance, using Simple Health is often totally free. If you don't have insurance, you can get birth control pills for starting around $15 per month. And...Sex Gets Real listeners, YOU CAN GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FEE WAIVED! Head to simplehealth.com/sgr or enter code SGR at check-out and the $20 prescription fee will be waived. Birth control has never been so easy.

So, let's dive into this week's episode.

First up, I have some openings in my coaching practice. If you'd like to work with me around your body, your relationship to sex and desire, or get some couples support, head to dawnserra.com or fill out my intake questionnaire and we can have a quick chat to see if this might be a good fit for you. I'd love to support you.

Yesterday, Mia Mingus shared some really thought-provoking questions about accountability. What if we cherished and ran towards accountability? What if accountability was about love, connection, and feeling into new depths of ourselves instead of about punishment? Let's explore that a little bit.

I also got a short listener question asking about women who are into older partners. WHOA. I had a lot to say about this that I didn't realize was swirling around inside of me.

So, let's talk about power, about preferences, and about the ways we are groomed to value younger women and older men. Plus, Patreon supporter Katie weighs in with her thoughts, as well.

Then I field a question from Danny.

You see, Danny is married but he doesn't want to have sex with his wife. He just wants to masturbate. Is that weird? Is it wrong? What's up?

Solo sex is amazing. Talk about a skilled lover who can read your mind! And yes, solo sex, or masturbation, are REAL, FULL sex. But what about Danny's wife, who doesn't love his affinity for masturbating over having sex with her?

Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

The bonus this week is all about pleasure. I've got some JUICY questions for you to explore that will help you consider your relationship with pleasure.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_259.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 4:20pm EDT

It's time to deepen your relationship with pleasure.

  1. Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 29, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

NEW: Transcript available at sexgetsreal.com/ep258

First, I apologize that this episode is so late. Between traveling, funerals, and getting caught up, it took a few extra days to get this uploaded and out to you.

This week, it's your questions!

We start with an email from Violet. She was in a relationship that was committed and kinky that turned emotionally abusive. She is working with a therapist to heal, but she's worried about getting back into the kink scene and about healing from the abuse.

What can she do to take care of herself and to stay open to honoring her kinkiness?

Then Ross sent a short email asking why his girlfriend used to have intercourse with him but now only wants to do hand sex and oral sex. Why the change?

We'll explore the possibility of pain during intercourse, mediocre intercourse, and why folks who have a vulva often experience more pleasure from non-intercourse sexual activities. Plus, it sounds like Ross and his girlfriend are still having all kinds of awesome sex, even if intercourse isn't happening these days, so how can that be something to celebrate?

And finally, Michael and his wife are thinking about trying swinging. What books should they read and how can they get started?

I point them to all things Cooper Beckett and Life on the Swingset, including their Desire Resort swinging retreat they do every year.

Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_258.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:00pm EDT

Is your relationship with pleasure complicated?

  1. Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 29, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

On with the show!

Anonymous shares how exploring and communicating with a partner can help open new possibilities to feeding your life and your relationship.

Miss Submissive is hiring a professional Dominatrix and she would love some help learning how to be a bratty sub. Are there any resources for how to get started both as a submissive and as a brat?

Some of the resources I share include Kink Academy's Brat series, "Submissive Fantasy vs Submissive Reality" as well as "Creating a Submissive Training Plan for Yourself" on Sugarbutch.net, plus Sinclair Sexsmith's Submissive Playground online course, Feisty Fox Films has this great post "In Defense of Brats", and Evie Lupine is a YouTuber who featured Brittany Simon on a video all about brats (and Evie has other videos on submission that might be worth a watch).

B wrote in because she's in love with her ex boyfriend and he claims to be in love with her, but while they were together he cheated on her by sleeping with his best friend. B feels devastated and doesn't know what to do.

I dive into trust, betrayal, the importance of friends, and why mental illness is never an excuse for treating someone badly.

Plus, I ask folks to work to be mature enough to understand the level of devastation they can cause by betraying a loved one BEFORE doing something that hurts a loved one. No one should have to see the horror in a loved one's eyes to understand the impact of their own actions.

Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check out this week's bonus where I read some SEXY EROTICA and support the show by heading to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_257.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 1:13pm EDT

Is your relationship with pleasure complicated?

  1. Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

M'kali-Hashiki is here! Let's talk about erotic healing and more.

M'kali-Hashiki works with people's erotic wounds and erotic breathwork. She has such wisdom and experience in exploring the erotic and also being with our bodies in meaningful ways.

Our conversation explores the ways we touch our genitals, the ways we become erotically wounded, what presence and breathwork can offer us in reconnecting with our pleasure and erotic sources.

We also dive deep into the concept of safety and why safety isn't available to everyone. When we begin to examine the ways we have to armor ourselves to move through our lives, especially if we experience marginalization by the state, we start to see the ways safety may not be available to us, even in our most intimate relationships.

This is a rich, yummy discussion that I can't wait for you to hear.

Want to hear my bonus chat with M'kali-Hashiki about life-affirming, body-affirming, emotion-affirming sex? Pop over to Patreon! Folks who support the show at $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. Hear it and all the other bonuses at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About M'kali-Hashiki:

M’kali-Hashiki is a Renegade Sexual Mystic; A Tour Guide to the realm of Eros; & a Teacher of Somatic Erotic Possibilities. She holds certifications in Sexological Bodywork; Sound, Voice, & Music Healing; and Tantric Sacred Intimacy. A published essayist; a former professional social justice organizer; and an Ifa devoteé, she believes the sexual & the spiritual are irrevocably intertwined. Her politics, spirituality, and lived experience as a queer, feminist, polyamourous, middle-aged, fat, kinky, Black Femme Dyke trauma survivor inform all aspects of her work.

She is the author of the popular ebook "Turn Your Junk Into Treasure: Five Steps To Deepening Your Relationship With Your Nethers". She offers both individual sessions & transformational group journeys helping QTIPOC & allied folk access their erotic energy for radical transformation fuel. She also offers Enstatic Breathwork™ For Collaboration & Employee Wellness to companies & social justice non-profits.

Stay in touch with M'kali-Hashiki at fiercepassions.com, and on Facebook and Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_256.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:00pm EDT

Is your relationship with pleasure complicated?

  1. Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

On with the show!

I received a doozy of an email recently all about a partner who watches porn and the damage that's caused to their relationship.

The story of their relationship is long, complicated, and full of problematic behaviors, so this week, I spend a large portion of the episode slowly breaking down the email and what it looks like when we try to control our partner's behavior.

We'll explore:

  • Why snooping and looking at a partner's phone and emails never OK
  • What to do when a partner comments on our bodies and tells us to make them look a certain way
  • What to do when we are doing things we don't want to do sexually for a partner without receiving anything in return
  • Why asking a partner to stop watching porn actually causes more harm in the long-run
  • Why the science doesn't support sex "addiction", porn "addiction", or food "addiction" and who is profitting off of us thinking otherwise
  • Unhealthy relationship dynamics
  • And why we NEED to start our relationships with our values and dealbreakers so that people can enthusiastically opt-in rather than being forced to opt-out later

Plus, a sad and confused email from Heart Broke Sex Freak. He cheated on his wife and left his marriage to be with the woman he cheated with only to have the new partner cheat on him. He feels lost and scared and like karma came for him.

Can a relationship survive cheating? What's on the other side of infidelity?

We've got some BIG questions this week, so tune in and see what you think.

Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check out this week's bonus and support the show by heading to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_255.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

NOW ENROLLING!

  1. Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

On with the show!

First up, Graeme Seabrook's latest blog post popped up in my feed a few times this week and caught my eye. It's titled, "Stop Grading Your Husband On A Curve" and spoke so deeply to so many of the questions I receive and the coaching that I do. Check it out, for sure.

What would it look like to have everyone in a relationship show up and take 100% responsibility for the household, the chores, the management of scheduled? What would it mean if the women and femmes of the world weren't the ones who managed grocery shopping, meal prep, appointment setting, friend dates, and everything else that contributes to overwhelm and burnout? It's a big question that will require a lot of changes for many of us if we truly want equitable partnerships.

That article paired perfectly with an older article that a marriage therapist I adore re-shared this week called, "9 Habits Of People In the Healthiest Relationships" and I want more of us to have more humor, transparency, positive regard, and connection in our lives, so let's chew on these a little and see what might need attention in our lives.

If 69% of our disagreements in relationship are unresolvable, how do we continue to turn towards each other with humor and generosity, knowing that's true? How do we make time for each other, without distraction, when life gets busy? These are the kinds of questions I want more of us to sit in and grapple with. It would ease so much relationship distress for us all if we did.

I'm also fielding two listener questions this week.

First up, DNA has been with his wife for 17 years. They have an 11-year-old son. They recently decided to get divorced, but because they live in a really expensive area, they've decided to co-habitate as they co-parent. But DNA is having trouble moving on. He feels resentful that he's trapped, he can't deepen his relationship with the new person he's dating, and their families don't even know about the divorce because they're trying to protect their son. What can he do?

Finally, Alice Joy wrote in because their partner is really dominant. So dominant, that they won't allow Alice Joy to touch them or to really receive pleasure. AJ isn't sure if it's because their partner doesn't want it or if it's because they aren't sure what they want, but it's impact AJ's confidence because what if it's them and how they do things? What can AJ do?

This week on Patreon for folks who support at $3 per month and above, we're talking about sexual rituals and I'm answering a question from fellow Patreon supporter Just Fat about not being able to trust that her partner really wants her since she's in a fat body. Your support matters SOO much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get weekly bonus content that doesn't exist anywhere else. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show or to tune into your bonus content.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_254.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 4:35pm EDT

NOW ENROLLING!

  1. Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

On to your emails!

Adam wrote back after hearing his email on the show with an emotional thank you.

Beginning Gusher and Waterboarding Victim both wrote in with the same question from opposite perspectives. How can you prevent squirting?

I share some thoughts and advice from other sex educators before weighing in with my thoughts. Essentially, our bodies are going to do what our bodies are going to do, and instead of stopping something natural from happening, a better question is what ELSE can someone do that feels pleasurable and connecting that might not lead to squirting if it must be avoided.

Naive Nancy has a question about condoms. Her boyfriend claims that he can't wear condoms because he's circumcised. Is she being naive? Her friends think so, but they're also having all sorts of other kinds of sex that works for them. Is it a big deal?

Maybe. Maybe not. Because male entitlement to pleasure is the gold standard right now, many dudes have internalized this sense of "I don't want to so I won't" when it comes to condoms. That said, all bodies are different, and one person's experience may be different than another's. Practicing with condoms during masturbation, trying differing amounts of lube on the inside of the condom, and eroticizing condoms can all help.

But, bottom line, as long as he's respecting Nancy's boundaries, he can have whatever experience he has and it doesn't have to be about anything more.

Nic wrote in about being someone who was emotionally and sexually abused. How can Nic find feminist community? Where can Nic find folks who AREN'T invested in misogyny and sexism? Let's talk about finding community and the ways we survive.

Among the things discussed, I mention Laura van Dernoot Lipsky's books "Trauma Stewardship" and "The Age of Overwhelm", "Healing Sex" by Staci Haines, as well as "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk and Peter Levine's books.

Want to support the show? EVERY DOLLAR MATTERS SO MUCH. The best part is if you support at $3 per month and above, you get weekly bonus content that doesn't exist anywhere else. This week we're talking self-care and fantasizing about your girlfriend's mom and aunt. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show or to tune into your bonus content.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_253.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:27pm EDT

NOW ENROLLING!

  1. Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

On to your emails!

Kim wrote in with a sweet note about hearing a trauma story on episode 246 and how much it reminded her that she's not alone in her healing and trauma. Thanks for the support, Kim!

Katie has a request. As someone who is a sex researcher and who does a lot of work around sex, the thing that shocks people the most is that she didn't have intercourse for the first time until she was 30. She'd love to hear more conversations about people who don't have sex until later in life and the benefits and struggles that presents.

I have so many thoughts which include not only the importance of talking about this, but also how it ties to sex work and a sexually equitable future.

Future Mrs. is three months from getting married but she's never been less sure about whether this is what she wants. Her fiancé wants her to have threesomes with other women, and even though she's tried, she just doesn't want. But he keeps bringing it up and it's led to arguments and a lot of conflict. What can she do?

Let's talk about what it looks like to respect someone's boundaries, to have the maturity to hold that our desires will be bigger than our lives can hold, and why expectations are the enemy of connection and trust.

Finally, Distraught has had a few angry outbursts recently that have been rather abusive towards their boyfriend, and while their boyfriend does have some boundary work to do to care for themselves around it, Distraught is hoping for resources to help with anger management amid a chronic illness, changing career, and shrinking financial security. Help!

My recommendations include Karla McLaren's Gift of Anger post and her other anger post, as well as Soraya Chemaly's "Rage Becomes Her", Rebecca Traister's "Good and Mad", and Brittany Cooper's "Eloquent Rage". It might also be helpful for Distraught to check out Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha's "Care Work" and this crip lit round up on Autostraddle around the grief and realities of a body changed by chronic illness.

I also cannot recommend Cristien Storm's boundary book, "Living in Liberation" highly enough to everyone everywhere.

(All of the books are linked to Amazon with my affiliate link. Check with your local, independent bookstores first, if you can!)

Want to support the show? EVERY DOLLAR MATTERS SO MUCH. The best part is if you support at $3 per month and above, you get weekly bonus content that doesn't exist anywhere else. This week we're talking spiritual bypassing and I'm fielding a question on invisible and emotional labor that women often do. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show or to tune into your bonus content.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_252.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 7:11pm EDT

Two important things before we get started:

  1. Register for Explore More Summit, my free online conference! It starts February 25th, 2019 and the theme this year is PLEASURE. You do NOT want to miss it. Check it out here at exploremoresummit.com.
  2. Support Shine Louise Houston's crowdfunding campaign for her new erotic film, Chemistry Eases the Pain. Details are here.

On to your emails!

First up, CuriousMom was raised with a lot of sexual shame and body shame. As a mom of two daughters, she is doing her best to raise them in a sex positive way (and it sounds like she's doing a GREAT job), but she doesn't know what she doesn't know. Where can she find resources and support on raising kids in a sex positive home?

I cannot recommend my chat with Melissa Carnagey from Sex Positive Families highly enough. It's at this year's Explore More Summit on the VERY FIRST DAY, so get on that. Also, Sex Positive Families is a MUST for all folks with kids in their lives. Check out their recommending reading list, too. It's for kids and adults.

Also check out Nadine Thornhill, Cory Silverberg's books "What Makes a Baby?" and "Sex is a Funny Word", and once your kids are teens, they MUST know about Scarleteen.

Next up, E wrote in with a sweet note about the ways the show has changed. I am so grateful for all of you!!!

Then, Unimportant wrote in because they feel neglected by my lack of an email response. Let's talk about the realities of what happens on my end and why every single email is so treasured even if you don't hear back from me. Let's do this imperfectly!

Finally, Adam wrote in. His wife has a very limiting disability and it's led to a sexless marriage. He's been hiring escorts to help with his sexual needs because he loves his wive and their children, and just isn't sure what to do. 

And...THE AMAZING Shine Louise Houston joins us to talk about her new film, Chemistry Eases the Pain. Help support the film, check out the awesome perks, and spread the word. We need more awesome queer smut!

Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content. This week? Supporters are getting something NO ONE ELSE IS GETTING! An exclusive extended clip from my chat with Melissa Carnagey of Sex Positive Families! 

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_251.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:40pm EDT

Before we get started there's a huge thing you should know about:

  1. Explore More Summit 2019 is HAPPENING! The 4th annual free online conference is all about pleasure this year. You do not want to miss these conversations. They are incredible. Check out the line-up and register FOR FREE at exploremoresummit.com.

Embodiment as our path to pleasure

What are the ways we can access pleasure? What if pleasure isn't accessible to us? And how does trauma impact the body?

Sage Hayes is here to tell us all about embodiment, trauma, healing, safety, and the phenomenal pleasure available to us when we learn how to listen more deeply.

It's a beautiful, deep exploration of what it means to be in a body in a world that isn't very kind to bodies. We also talk about the wisdom of our coping mechanisms, why leaving the body is wise, and ways we create feelings of danger or erode safety in our relationships through unspoken expectations and demands.

Rich stuff ahead!

Want to hear my bonus chat with Sage all about co-regulation and helping each other when we are anxious, triggered, or in a tough spot? Pop over to Patreon! Folks who support the show at $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. Hear it and all the other bonuses at patreon.com/sgrpodcast 

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Sage Hayes:

Sage Hayes is interested in creating collective conditions for embodied healing and liberation. In their work, Sage weaves together principles and practices rooted in somatic experiencing, biodynamic craniosacral, systemic constellations, quantum physics and love. Offering one-on-one support and workshops, Sage is curious about the evolutionary possibilities at the intersection of emergent life and a multi-layered consciousness focused on justice and liberation.  Pronouns: she/he/they - whatever your experience is of Sage in the moment.

Stay in touch at embodiedliberation.com.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_250.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:45am EDT

ONE BIG THING before we get started:

  1. Register for Explore More Summit! It starts February 25th, 2019 and the theme this year is PLEASURE. It's free and online, and you do NOT want to miss it. Check it out here at exploremoresummit.com.

On to your emails!

First up, where can people go for alternatives to Tumblr now that it's banned porn? I found two articles with many of the same recommendations. Check out the Refinery29 piece and the Cosmo piece (this one is by Elle Chase, known as Lady Cheeky). As always, pay for your porn!

Francis wrote in because they are struggling with being on top during sex. Is there something wrong? Why doesn't it feel good? They feel like everything is wrong, unsexy, and unfeminine and they are worried their ex broke up with them over not being able to do this position.

The short of it is that not every position is for every body. We are all built differently and what we see in movies and in porn is meant to sell pleasure, not be a marker for "normal" or "real" sex. So instead, what would be pleasurable? What would feel yummy? Move in the direction of things that feel good and leave the rest. That's why sex can be so fun - it's an opportunity to be endlessly creative in all the ways our bodies are and possibly fit with other bodies.

EEP! is struggling because their spouse is having some big feels and not managing them in a very skilled way. How can someone new to expressing emotions find a way to wield them with more care and how can EEP! care for their own needs through it all?

First up, I highly recommend pre-ordering the new book "Burnout" by Emily & Amelia Nagoski which is all about stress, overwhelm, and ways we can process our stress feelings in better ways.

I also recommend Tea & Empathy cards (which are in re-print status right now, so stay tuned by following Kate Kenfield). A free alternative is the feelings wheel.

Aussie gal wants to know if having more disabled folks in porn will make them MORE likely to be abused since they're so vulnerable. Let's talk about invisibilizing and erasing folks in an attempt to "protect" them. NO NO NO.

Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_249.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:42pm EDT

Before we get started there are three HUGE things:

  1. This episode is generously brought to you by LOLA. Listeners get 40% off their subscription at mylola.com using discount code SGR. Have organic cotton pads, tampons, wipes, and even condoms delivered discretely to your door at exactly the interval you need for your body. When you use the discount code it helps the show so so much.
  2. We hit 5 MILLION downloads and to celebrate, I made a little video plus a huge giveaway. Three lucky folks will be randomly selected to win three different prizes. Watch the video and put your name in the hat to win at sexgetsreal.com/five.
  3. Explore More Summit 2019 is HAPPENING! The 4th annual free online conference is all about pleasure this year. You do not want to miss these conversations. They are incredible. Check out the line-up and register FOR FREE at exploremoresummit.com.

How have you been domesticated?

 

One of my favorite things to do is to have deep, wandering conversations with people I love and admire. It feels intimate, expansive, playful, and important. The kinds of conversations that I think about for days or weeks, mulling over new perspectives and confronting new edges.

Leonore Tjia is one of those magical people that I LOVE diving deep with. I first met Leonore years ago when she was working with Amy Jo Goddard and I attended a few webinars. Leonore's fierce softness made an immediate impression.

Over the years, Leonore's practice has expanded and shifting into this incredible practice around wildness, movement, sexuality, and the erotic. 

So this week's episode is like a little peek behind the curtain. What happens when two folks who think about, write about, and dig deep into the caverns of sexuality and the erotic get together and dance? This is that conversation.

We talk about wildness, the erotic as an expansive resource we are in relationship with rather than a thing we own, our inner critic, and why so often when we crave newness in relationship it's not actually new people we're wanting but newness in ourselves.

This episode is literally an hour of brain sex. Yum.

Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3 per month and above you get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, Leonore and I talk all about the ways BDSM can help us heal past traumas. Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Leonore Tjia:

Leonore is a feminist sexuality educator who helps people create more presence, play, pleasure and power in the bedroom and beyond. As a trained practitioner of Internal Family Systems therapy, she assists people in recovering the parts of their sexual selves that have been exiled and repressed. Her workshops and teaching bring an ecological focus to sexual empowerment, helping people to reconnect to erotic vitality and step into sexual wildness.
 
Stay in touch with Leonore at luminoussex.com and on Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_248.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Before we get started there are three HUGE things:

  1. This episode is generously brought to you by LOLA. Listeners get 40% off their subscription at mylola.com using discount code SGR. Have organic cotton pads, tampons, wipes, and even condoms delivered discretely to your door at exactly the interval you need for your body. When you use the discount code it helps the show so so much.
  2. We hit 5 MILLION downloads and to celebrate, I made a little video plus a huge giveaway. Three lucky folks will be randomly selected to win three different prizes. Watch the video and put your name in the hat to win at sexgetsreal.com/five.
  3. Explore More Summit 2019 is HAPPENING! The 4th annual free online conference is all about pleasure this year. You do not want to miss these conversations. They are incredible. Check out the line-up and register FOR FREE at exploremoresummit.com.

adrienne maree brown is one of my heroes and she makes my heart sing.

I am over the moon to get to share this with you. adrienne maree brown is one of my biggest heroes. Her work has influenced me on a very deep and transformative level, so getting to speak with her about her new book, "Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good" was a dream come true.

We talk pleasure, pleasure activism, drugs, sex, and so much more.

adrienne explains how pleasure activism is anti-capitalist because it's not about spending more money, but about tapping out of believing something is wrong with you and instead realizing you are enough as you are and you can access enough-ness and satisfaction through your body today.

We talk about what gets taken from us, what it means to center the most marginalized when we consider access to pleasure, what it means to be satisfiable versus numbing out, and why all of this helps us to settle more deeply into our own wisdom and healing.

AK Press, an independent anarchist publisher, has "Pleasure Activism" on sale RIGHT NOW for just $15 before February 24th when it gets released. Support them, support adrienne, buy it today.

Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3 per month and above you get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, I'm rolling around in a listener question. Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About adrienne maree brown:

adrienne maree brown is author of the soon to be released "Pleasure Activism The Politics of Feeling Good by AK Press, "Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds and the co-editor of Octavia’s Brood: Science Fiction from Social Justice Movements. She is a writer, social justice facilitator, pleasure activist, healer and doula living in Detroit.
 
Stay in touch with adrienne on Instagram @adriennemareebrown.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_247.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Two things to get started:

  1. Grab the official Sex Gets Real recommended reading list now! Not only will you have access to my most recommended books, but it will add you to the show's newsletter which is going to be crucial as social media networks purge sex education from their pages.
  2. Enter to win "Girl Sex 101" and "Bad Dyke" by Allison Moon to celebrate the New Year! One lucky winner will be selected at random on January 15th, so enter now. U.S. and Canada folks only.

This week's Patreon bonus is some yummy poems (including one that ends with "Yes Mistress"), what it means to be an unchaste woman, and a super exclusive invitation for patrons to share their art for a project that's coming up this spring. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content.

Time for your emails!

Heidi wrote in with some thanks. I hope it's clear that what I share on this podcast is an invitation, not a prescription. Take what works and leave the rest.

Amanda the Ace Mom wrote in because her son came out to her as asexual on Christmas Day. How can she support him?

Here are a bunch of asexuality resources:

Jenny wrote in with a really touching and personal story about her experience with sexual assault, PTSD, and healing. 

I got an update from Anonymous who wrote in last year with a question about not being able to have vaginal intercourse. Well, things have changed a lot for Anonymous and now she has a new problem. She can't get enough intercourse and her fiancé misses their old methods before intercourse was an option. What can she do?

Finally, let's talk about #SurvivingRKelly. 

Dr. Sami Schalk wrote an awesome, thought-provoking piece for Bust called "A Call-In To White Feminists About 'Surviving R. Kelly'". For those of you who have not yet see the docuseries or who aren't aware of all the conversations happening about the violence black women and girls face, read it now.

Also, let's talk about centering survivors AND finding ways to accountability and healing that don't include prison. Because feeding the prison industrial complex helps no one.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_246.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 3:42pm EDT

Enter to win “Girl Sex 101” and “Bad Dyke” by Allison Moon to celebrate the New Year! Cut off for entries is January 15, 2019. One lucky winner will be selected at random , so enter now. U.S. and Canada folks only.

Also, if you're looking for support around healing your relationship with your body, deepening your relationship with a partner, unpacking your desire, and finding more pleasure, I'd love to work one-on-one with you. Learn more at dawnserra.com.

ALOK is here. It's time to question everything.

ALOK is someone I've long admired and learned so much from. Their talk at Explore More Summit 2018 was a fan favorite by a landslide. And for good reason. ALOK is not only an incredible thought-leader, but they are utterly transparent about the violence, harm, and vulnerability of living in the world as someone who is gender non-conforming - the rawness of how they show is important.

We start our chat by fielding a listener question from SC who is struggling with HSV, PCOS, and hirsutism which means SC has body hair in a lot of places that cause distress and shame.

ALOK talks about the ways the body positivity movement has failed to account for body hair diversity. Also, the ways ALOK was animalized and othered for their body hair, even as a younger person.

What does it mean to be gender non-conforming and why is the gender binary so violent? ALOK has such honest, raw truths to share here.

We also talk about why so many movements leave the most marginalized behind and why liberation and freedom are not conditional. Those folks who are cut out are the ones we should be centering - if the most marginalized are free, all of us are free. But framing queer freedom around gay marriage or body positivity over only cis "healthy" bodies actually reinforce the violence.

Read the interview ALOK did with Mia Mingus on ugliness here. IT IS SO GOOD.

Let's talk about why we want validation from people and institutions that do not see our worth and humanity, and why that's so scary. How art will set us free and imagine new worlds. And much much more.

Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3 per month and above you get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, I'm rolling around in a listener question: he would rather self-pleasure and fantasize than engage intimately with his wife. Is that OK? Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About ALOK:

ALOK is a gender non-conforming writer, performer, & fashionist@
 
You can find them on Instagram @alokvmenon.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_245.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:14pm EDT

Three things to get started:

  1. Grab the official Sex Gets Real recommended reading list now! Not only will you have access to my most recommended books, but it will add you to the show's newsletter which is going to be crucial as social media networks purge sex education from their pages.
  2. Enter to win "Girl Sex 101" and "Bad Dyke" by Allison Moon to celebrate the New Year! One lucky winner will be selected at random on January 15th, so enter now. U.S. and Canada folks only.
  3. See me speak FOR FREE about leaving my day job and starting life as an entrepreneur at the True Freedom Symposium starting January 14th. It's for folks who want to quit their day job. Note, some of the talks are super problematic, so watch with a grain of salt. Faves are Pam Slim, Leonore Tjia, Ed O'Neill, and SARK.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! This episode drops New Year's Eve Eve 2018, so just 2 days until 2019 begins to unfold.

This week's Patreon bonus is one of my favorites from this year. We are doing a little New Year's ritual with some really beautiful self-reflective questions, I read two VERY erotic poems (shivers), and we're writing invitations for 2019. If you want to hear my invitations for the new year, my word of the year, and do some yummy little reflective rituals with me, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content.

I went through all of my emails, social media comments, and shares, and found the five most commented on episodes of 2018. They were:

5. Cavanaugh Quick on Episode 197

4. Ev'Yan Whitney on Episode 231

3. Dr. Lori Brotto on mindfulness, libido and sex in Episode 227

2. Staci Haines on trauma, healing, and consent in Episode 235

...and the most shared, commented on, and emailed about episode was...

1. Andy Izenson on transformative justice and masculinity in Episode 221

Now, on to your amazing questions.

Curious Vanilla wants to know of any feminist sex toy shops in Canada, so I share my three favorites. Womyns Ware in Vancouver, The Traveling Tickle Trunk in Edmonton, and Come As You Are Co-Op out of Toronto. Happy shopping, Canada!

Awkward is dating her friend's sister. The problem? She never told him and now they've been dating for over a year. Plus, her girlfriend recently found out that Awkward had a previous sexual relationship with this guy (the girlfriend's brother) and feels uncomfortable with their continued friendship. What can Awkward do?

Anonymous recently learned her neighbor is secretly into crossdressing and being dominated while doing housework. Now he wants Anonymous to be his Domme. He's so eager to come over and clean her house. The problem? She's not a Domme and not really into the whole thing. What the heck should she do?

Lookin' 4 Love is desperate to know when will men stop sucking!? She's been hurt by so many men, including the men who seem less toxic and more self aware. Is she doomed? Are there ANY good men out there who aren't steeped in toxic masculinity? She's awesome and wants to find someone awesome to be with.

And you know what? Lookin' 4 Love isn't wrong. Privilege is invisible to those who possess it, and it takes a lot of CONSTANT work and checking to begin to unpack it. There are men out there who are doing this work and doing it well, like Imran Siddiquee and his colleague Jonathan MacIntosh of "Pop Culture Detective". Also, Mike Domitrz of "Can I Kiss You?" 

Finding rad dudes who are unpacking masculinity and speaking to other men about what they're finding is super important, and the good news there are more and more men doing this work. But hurt is inevitable in love and life, so it's not only about finding really rad men, but also building our own resilience in our own lives for being able to hold that hurt.

Finally, I end the show with deep deep gratitude for you, dear listener. It means so much to me that you listen and continue tuning in, so hear my end of the year thoughts. Then pop over to Patreon and join me in looking ahead to 2019.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.
Direct download: Episode_244.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 3:32pm EDT

Have you grabbed the Sex Gets Real official book list yet? Not only do you get all of the show's most recommended books, but you'll join the Sex Gets Real newsletter which is becoming more and more important as all sexuality discussions are banned on social media. Grab your goodie and stay in touch by heading to sexgetsreal.com/books

Also, if you're looking for support around healing your relationship with your body, deepening your relationship with a partner, unpacking your desire, and finding more pleasure, I'd love to work one-on-one with you. Learn more at dawnserra.com.

Chronic pain, erotophobia, non-romantic love, and community-only spaces

Andrew Gurza was kind enough to connect Cameron Glover and I recently, and I have to admit as soon as I started diving into the work Cameron is doing, I was excited.

Cameron is unbelievably rad and our conversation was so organic and fun. We talk about sex work, SESTA and FOSTA laws, centering the most marginalized, staying in our lane, the diversity of sexual experience, creating community-only spaces that allow for rest and healing, emotional labor and what happens when it is not equitable in a relationship, chronic pain, and why sometimes it takes time to learn that a partner can hold our truths and the ways we cope in the meantime.

Cameron also talks about transitioning from a polyamorous relationship to a monogamous relationship and how that was navigated generously.

You will not want to miss this geek-tastic conversation. Plus, how can we accept more care and help loved ones to better support us?

Check out that Beyoncé Feminism Rihanna Womanism here.

Plus, Patreon supporters, Cameron and I had a BLAST with this week's bonus chat. We started talking about tantra and cultural appropriation, but then started talking about shame, failure, growth, boundaries, and a heck of a lot more. You can hear it if you support the show at $3 per month and above - weekly exclusive content is a don't miss! Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Cameron Glover:

Cameron Glover is a sex educator, writer, podcaster, and bath witch from  New Jersey. Her expertise in sex and culture has been used to write for  publications such as Playboy, Glamour, GO Mag, them, and many others. Cameron co-hosts a podcast, "Nerds of Prey" hosted by four Black women as they talk abut nerd culture; and hosts her own show, Sex Ed in Color, shedding light on how sexuality professionals of color navigate the field.

Stay in touch with Camera on Instagram and Twitter @BlkGirlManifest, and follow Sex Ed In Color on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_243.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Grab the official Sex Gets Real recommended reading list now! Not only will you have access to my most recommended books, but it will add you to the show's newsletter which is going to be crucial as social media networks purge sex education from their pages.

You can also enter to receive a Merry Clitmas card from me to you. Ten lucky winners will be drawn soon.

What a great week of listener questions! I can't wait to dive into these with you.

But first, the episode ends with a beautiful fat acceptance poem by Angela Braxton-Johnson, who I met at the Body Trust Provider retreat a few months ago. Angela generously agreed to read her poem for the show and to share more about what it means to take up space and find pleasure in a fat body. You do NOT want to miss it. You can learn more about Angela and grab her new book at angelabraxtonjohnson.com/

Now, on to your questions.

First up, Tell Me What I Want, What I Really Really Want wrote in to report their orgasms are better than ever because of a discussion we had on the show about breathing during orgasm. Also, they have a question about rejecting romantic relationships in their life. Is it weird that she hasn't been in a romantic relationship? What if she doesn't actually want a romantic partner?

I found a bunch of resources for TMWIWWIRRW that you can find down below. I also recommend checking out Kale Gosen's Relationship Anarchy YouTube channel if you want to learn more about RA from someone I think is pretty rad.

Mikayla's boyfriend can't orgasm during sex. She wants to know how to change that or how she can let go of thinking it's her fault that he doesn't come when they fuck. So much to unpack here, including asking him what HE wants.

T is struggling. She desires her girlfriend SO MUCH, and her girlfriend just doesn't feel that kind of desire in return. T is poly and has other sexual partners for getting sexual needs met, but she can't help but feel sad and rejected when her girlfriend doesn't want sex with her. What can she do to transform these feelings of frustration and disappointment?

I LOVE THIS QUESTION. So many thoughts.

Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 per month get access to exclusive weekly bonus content you can't hear anywhere else. This week we are doing a prompt from "Writing Ourselves Whole" on desire and what we most want the stars to bring us. If you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources for Tell Me What I Want:

  1. 9 YA Books With No Romance To Read As An Antidote To Valentine's Day
  2. We Need More Books Without Romance: Why it’s so hard to find fiction that doesn’t focus on love and sex—and why that’s a problem
  3. Dear Prudence resource list for Tired Asexual
  4. The Value of Platonic Love
  5. Asexuality.org's Aromantic FAQ
  6. AAceClub's Aromanticism FAQ
  7. This is Why I'm Choosing to Remain Single Forever
  8. Single by Choice

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_242.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:19pm EDT

Want me to mail you a holiday card? Well, enter the Merry Clitmas card giveaway before December 18, 2018 and if you are one of 10 lucky names randomly drawn, I'll be hand-writing fun holiday cards and mailing them out the next day. Check out the details at sexgetsreal.com/holiday/

Welcome back, Andrew Gurza!

When Andrew reached out to me asking to come back on the show, I immediately said yes. We always have so much fun chatting, AND I was delighted that it was an excuse to get to see his new documentary, Picture This. You can see it, too, for free here.

Andrew and I talk about what it was like to have his life filmed, coming out to his mom about hiring sex workers for his sexual pleasure, creating sex toys that are truly for disabled people designed by disabled people, toxic masculinity in queer men's spaces, and so much more.

Plus, Patreon supporters, this week's bonus chat with Andrew is super fun. We talk about some of the really important relationships in Andrew's life and what it was like to see people you love talk about you in a film about your life. Plus, how to advocate for people you care about and desirability politics. TUNE IN if you support the show at $3/month and above. Hear it all at http://patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Andrew Gurza:

Andrew Gurza is a Disability Awareness Consultant and Cripple Content Creator whose written work has been featured in The Los Angeles Times, Men’s Health Magazine, Daily Xtra, Gay Times UK, Huffington Post, The Advocate, Everyday Feminism, Mashable, and Out.com, and several anthologies. He was the only disabled cast member of MTV Canada’s hit show, 1Girl5Gays. He is the host of DisabilityAfterDark: The Podcast Shining a Bright Light on Sex and Disability available on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, and Stitcher. Follow him on Twitter @andrewgurza

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_241.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Sign-up to stay in touch with the show if we get banned from social media and iTunes.

Sex Gets Real Book List: http://sexgetsreal.com/books/

Explore More Summit: http://exploremoresummit.com

Enter the holiday giveaway for a hand-written Merry Clitmas card: http://sexgetsreal.com/holiday/

Sweeping bans to social media means no more sex education.

A number of sex educators have already had content flagged and banned on Facebook and Instagram. It may become nearly impossible for sex educators and podcasters to share their content on any social media platform because of FOSTA/SESTA.

If you want to stay in touch if the show gets banned across the board, please subscribe using the links up above. Get your email address to me ASAP so I can save it offline and stay in touch.

Supporting the show on Patreon is more crucial than ever - we don't know when we'll be kicked off the platform, too. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions.

Important articles:

FOSTA/SESTA piece is here, A new law intended to curb sex trafficking threatens the future of the internet as we know it

Tumblr Porn Allowed Women To Be Sexual Architects Instead Of Objects. Now It’s Gone.

Tumblr Was a Safe Space for Women to Consume Porn. Now It's Banning Adult Content.

Tweet by anarcho_slut about Facebook changes.

Facebook Community Standard updates.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_240a.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 7:04pm EDT

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

It's me, my anxiety, and your emails. This week's selection includes advice on coming out, BDSM research, long distance love, and unprotected sex and herpes.

At the top of the episode, I mentioned Ella Dawson's new piece, "In Case I Am Ever Murdered By a Man" and you can check it out here. Later in the episode, I refer a listener to Ella for her herpes activism, so use that link to get over to Ella's site and you'll see Herpes at the top of the page.

Our first email is from a Patreon supporter, Tri. Tri has advice for a listener who wrote in a few weeks ago about a girlfriend who won't come out. I share Tri's advice and add a few of my own thoughts. Basically, each of us gets to come out in our own time, even if others don't understand.

If you want to offer your own sage advice to listener questions, support the show at $5 per month!

Suva wrote in because they are looking for BDSM researchers who are working with play theory. If anyone has any leads, let me know. In the meantime, I recommend checking out the researchers and articles in sexology journals. Here's a list of journals on Wikipedia.

A little sidebar, too. Hear about a tiny oops Alex and I had with some lube this week.

Plus, my anxiety makes a little show. That's life.

Moving on, Lady Shy is a trans woman in a polycule, and one of her partners is about to move across the country. She hasn't done well with long distance relationships in the past. How can she set them up for success after this move happens? She really wants to preserve the relationship.

Long distance can be hard, and it can also be such a beautiful opportunity for creativity and using all of this delicious technology we now have.

What if you don't find your partner attractive? Is that normal? Is it a problem? How important is it to find your partner attractive?

Let's talk about why attraction isn't always the most important thing and being in honest relationships.

Anxious Annie has herpes. Her boyfriend insists it's not a big deal, but they've been having condom-less intercourse and AA is feeling really stressed about it. What if he gets herpes? What if she could have protected him? Does she trust his ease with it all? And if condoms would help ease her anxiety, should she insist on them or work on de-stigmatizing her own stories and beliefs?

Let's talk about autonomy, herpes, and taking care of ourselves.

Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_240.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:30am EDT

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

It's you, me, and your emails.We're tackling gender, virginity, & being a man.

First up, I came across this super helpful article in The Advocate titled "15 Signs You're a Gay Misogynist". Misogyny in gay men's spaces is rampant, so if you're a gay dude, you might want to check out this list and start having some conversations with your friends.

Becky wrote in with a really sweet and supportive note about the show. THANK YOU, BECKY!!!

Mary is 39-years-old and questioning their gender. How can Mary find some resources for learning about what it means to be non-binary and how to unpack it all?

To start, I recommend Mary check out Sage HayesJacob Tobia, Them magazine, ALOK, Sarah Thompson, this great interview between ALOK and Mia Mingus, and this activist list of trans and non-binary folks.

Oh, and register for Explore More 2019 now!!!

Anonymous wrote to me on Instagram wanting to know if it's normal to be a 23-year-old virgin and how to get a guy to like them and have sex with them. Help!

Let's unpack virginity, desirability, and focusing our lives on what brings us to life (rather than "hooking" a partner).

Find what lights you up and brings your life the most joy. Let that be a beacon to potential friends and partners. Hire a professional. Work with a coach (who isn't all about reinforcing shitty gender norms and playing games to 'hook' someone).

Polymedic is a cis man. He is struggling with how much men suck. Both of his partners have been sexually assaulted, and both of his daughters. How can he raise his sons to be different? How can he even be in the world when he feels ashamed of even being a man and being part of the problem?

Men Can Stop Rape is a group that might be worth looking into. Also, "The Mask You Live In" documentary is a great one. Cory Silverberg's "Sex is a Funny Word" is a book I cannot recommend highly enough.

Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. This week's bonus is a response to a listener question I got about having her ass eaten out and sharing her fantasies with a partner she worries will judge her. Check it out.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_239.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:30am EDT

If you've been thinking about working with a coach around your desire, relationship, body, or shame, I am now accepting new clients and my rates are increasing January 2019. Learn more at dawnserra.com/work-with-me.

The Fourth Trimester with Kimberly Ann Johnson

Kimberly Ann Johnson is here this week to talk about birth injury and birth trauma, postpartum healing and nurturing, what cultures from around the world do to tend to folks after giving birth, and so much more.

We explore changing bodies, cultural myths about "pre-baby body", and sex after baby.

We also dive into her work around activating your inner jaguar - which is all about tapping into both prey and predator energy, healthy aggression, and shifting your relationship with anger.

As I note in the intro to the episode, most of Kimberly's work is with cis women in heterosexual relationships, so you will hear that in the language she uses throughout. To help supplement that, I want to offer this article in the Advocate, "I'm Pregnant and I'm Not a Woman".

Plus, Patreon supporters, this week's bonus chat with Kimberly is FANTASTIC. She talks about sexological bodywork training and how to find a practitioner who meets your needs. We also talk about the myth of the tight vagina and why tightness is actually the last thing we want. We explore sexual pain, why it takes most folks with a vulva 35-45 minutes to become fully aroused, and a few other tidbits. TUNE IN if you support the show at $3/month and above. Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Kimberly Ann Johnson:

Kimberly Ann Johnson is a Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Experiencing trauma resolution practitioner, birth doula, postpartum care revolutionary and single mom. She specializes in helping women hands-on, hands-in prepare for birth, recover from birth injuries and birth trauma, and heal from sexual trauma. She is the author of The Fourth Trimester: A Postpartum Guide to Healing Your Body, Balancing Your Emotions and Restoring Your Vitality.  You can read more about her work and become a part of the Magamama movement at www.Magamama.com.
 
Check out the Activate Your Inner Jaguar Course here and follow along on Instagram

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_238.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:03pm EDT

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

Frustration, fear, and feeling stuck? Your questions, answered.

I'm at the Rehoboth Beach Film Festival, which means it's time for listener questions! 

But first, if you're curious about coaching support, head to dawnserra.com - I have a few spots left before the end of the year.

girl out wrote in because her girlfriend hasn't been coming out about their relationship, and she's struggling with why. How can she tell her girlfriend that it bothers her without pushing her to come out? What if this conversation always leads to a fight?

Anonymous wrote in because she suspects her husband may be asexual. They've long had mismatched libidos and sexual desires, but he almost never wants to engage sexually with her and she's wondering if he may be asexual. She also asks about my Sex Map game, which you can grab here for $9. It's a really delightful way to start having new and curious conversations about sex and pleasure, especially if you've long been stuck in frustration or shame.

Finally, Dawn (no relation) is frustrated. VERY frustrated. Dawn and her husband are living with her mother-in-law who is always home and her adult son regularly drops by, so Dawn and her husband can't ever have satisfying sex. They've all but given up, and working 3 jobs makes finding time nearly impossible. What can she do?

Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_237.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

If you've been thinking about working with a coach around your desire, relationship, body, or shame, I am now accepting new clients and my rates are increasing January 2019. Learn more at dawnserra.com/work-with-me.

This episode is sponsored by Simple Health, a new online service for birth control. You can have an online consult with a physician, get a prescription for birth control (even if you've never had one), and get your contraception mailed to you at no additional cost exactly when you need it. Listeners, you can get the $20 prescription fee waived by heading to simplehealth.com/sgr or by using promo code SGR at checkout.

Talk to kids about gender, sexuality, and social justice with Lindsay Amer

You've probably seen the viral videos of Lindsay Amer's Queer Kid Stuff show because I've been seeing them EVERYWHERE. Of course, I had to reach out to Lindsay to talk about what they're creating because it's so adorable and important.

We chat about Lindsay's coming out process, first as gay and more recently as non-binary, and why it's so important to Lindsay to make content for kids around gender, sexuality, bullying, and social justice. We dive into the feedback they've gotten, plus what it was like to be on Dylan Marron's show talking with someone who left a hateful comment.

We wonder what it might be like to live in a world where our identity and gender are encouraged to be fluid and explored from the youngest of ages, and what it means to choose authentic community and relationships that honor the complexity of who you are.

Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3/month and above, you score weekly bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, Lindsay and I talk all about Steven Universe, which is one of Lindsay's favorite shows. Hear it all, plus some extra little tidbits from me this week, at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Lindsay Amer:

Lindsay Amer is a queer activist, artist, and storyteller. They create and host Queer Kid Stuff, an LGBTQ+ educational web series for all ages. They obtained their BS from Northwestern University in theater and gender studies and their MA from Queen Mary University of London for theatre and performance studies. They were named a Rising Star by GLAAD, are a Webby Award Honoree, and have been recognized by HuffPost, Teen Vogue, Refinery29, and Kidscreen for their work. They also serve as co-founder and artistic associate of Bluelaces Theater Company, making multi-sensory theatrical experiences for people with autism and other developmental differences in New York. When they’re not taking down the patriarchy, they’re probably roaming around Brooklyn with their uke, their incredible partner, and their new puppy!
 
Follow Queer Kid Stuff here: Youtube, Website, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Patreon
 
And follow Lindsay here: Twitter, Instagram
Pronouns: they/them

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_236.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 1:52pm EDT

If you've been thinking about working with a coach around your desire, relationship, body, or shame, I am now accepting new clients and my rates are increasing January 2019. Learn more at dawnserra.com/work-with-me.

Healing, survival, resilience, and how pleasure heals with Staci Haines

Every once in a while, I have a conversation that brings things into focus. This week's conversation with Staci Haines one of those special experiences.

I've long had Staci's book, "Healing Sex" on my shelf and used it as a resource for healing around sex. But speaking with her was a rare treat.

We talk about trauma and oppression, surviving, and then move into a beautiful exploration of what it means to heal, having compassion for the ways we survived, and developing a practice around resilience and pleasure.

Why is pleasure so important? How can we invite intentional rituals of resilience into our relationships? Why is social action so crucial to our well-being? What do human beings most need to feel their aliveness?

It is so damn good, and I hope you savor it the way I did.

Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3/month and above, you score weekly bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, Staci and I continue the conversation and dive into how we can be better partners to survivors of abuse and trauma - we talk about resourcing yourself, avoiding saviorhood, and doing your own healing and boundary work.  Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Staci Haines:

Staci K. Haines is a co-founder and the Executive Director of generative somatics. She integrates trauma and healing and a systemic analysis of power, into this unique and powerful work. Staci is committed to the interdependence of personal, collective and systemic transformation: “We are shaped by our deeply personal experiences and our social conditions. Through embodied transformation and collective action we can move ourselves, communities and society toward what is life­ affirming. The focus of gs is to bring the transformative power of somatics to serve social and environmental justice movements.” Staci is also a founder of generationFIVE, which has the mission to end the sexual abuse of children within 5 generations. She is the author of Healing Sex: A Mind Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma (Cleis 1999, 2007).

Be sure to also check out generationFIVE, which seeks to eliminate child sexual abuse in five generations.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_235.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

If you've been thinking about working with a coach around your desire, relationship, body, or shame, I am now accepting new clients and my rates are increasing January 2019. Learn more at dawnserra.com/work-with-me.

Why story hijacking and advice are rarely what the people we love need.

Kate Kenfield is back and setting a new record for the show with her third stint as a guest.

As a sex educator who is now diving deep into empathy, feelings, emotional intelligence, and self-care, we adore having brain sex and geeking out about all the things.

Plus, Kate is joining us this week to celebrate a huge announcement - her Tea & Empathy cards have been turned into a Kickstarter campaign. If you've been wanting to grab some cards for yourself, the prices are awesome AND you can help Kate get this incredible resource out to even more people with your support. Check out the crowdfunding campaign here

Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3/month and above, you score weekly bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Kate's Tea & Empathy Cards Kickstarter. GO SUPPORT IT! I use these cards ALL THE TIME.

About Kate Kenfield:

Kate Kenfield is a speaker, writer, and empathy educator based in Melbourne, Australia. Her workshops, talks, and writing have improved people’s emotional literacy, whether in a professional or personal context. Kate’s internationally sought-after feelings cards called Tea & Empathy have been used across the world to train doctors, students, educators, and many others to better understand, engage with, and talk about feelings in a practical and non-confrontational way; changing professional and personal interactions.

Kate holds a Masters in Public Health from the University of Melbourne, and a Bachelors in Anthropology from the University of California at Berkeley. She’s a frequent guest lecturer at the University of Melbourne and has provided hundreds of invited presentations in corporate settings and institutions such as UCLA, New York University, Indiana University, and Australian National University. She regularly consults for organizations in the education, healthcare, and non-profit sectors.

You can find out more about her work at katekenfield.com. Stay in touch on Instagram and Twitter.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_234.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:30am EDT

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

Jes Baker on Mormonism, sex, changing bodies, and saying "fuck it".

If I had to point to a single person who caused my entire life to pivot and open up, it would be Jes Baker. She is the reason I even started questioning the stories I'd been given about my body. It was her blog, her fierce truths to fat folks, that was the catalyst for my own journey towards healing, towards being more curious about my pleasure and sexuality, towards nearly everything I have come to be at this point in my life.

So, it's not an understatement to say that it has long been a dream of mine to interview Jes, and I had so much fun chatting with her for the show. Despite a LOT of technical difficulties, we made it work.

From her upbringing within the Mormon faith to confronting her deepest fears around intimacy in love, we cover quite a bit in this episode, and I am incredibly delighted to share it with you.

Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3/month and above, you score weekly bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. This week's bonus is a big ol' run down of what I learned in Narrative Therapy training. It's a huge fuck-you to traditional therapy and mental health, which I adore. Delight in it by supporting the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Jessica Valenti, Full Frontal Feminism

Jes Baker, Landwhale

About Jes Baker:

Jes Baker is a positive, progressive, and magnificently irreverent force to be reckoned with in the realm of self-love advocacy and mental health. She is internationally known for preaching the importance of body liberation, hard conversations, strong coffee, and even stronger language.

Jes burst onto the body positivity scene when she created her own ads mocking Abercrombie & Fitch for discriminating against all body typesa move that landed her on the Today Show and garnered a loyal following for her raw, honest, and attitude-filled blog missives.

When not writing, Jes spends her time speaking around the world, working with plus size clothing companies, organizing body liberation events, taking pictures in her underwear and attempting to convince her cats that they like to wear bow ties.

Learn more about Jes at TheMilitantBaker.com. Stay in touch with Jes on social media on Instagram and Twitter.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_233.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

Listener questions on destroying a pussy, pleasure, and book lists.

Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed for the Supreme Court the day I recorded this, so we start there. Howard Zinn's op-ed from 2005 speaks loudly to where we are today. And I read Monica Raye Simpson's letter to SisterSong followers today because it is more eloquent than anything I could say.

"I have seen people talk about taking the country back, but as Black women we know this country and this government were never meant to serve or respect or protect us. We have to protect ourselves. And that is what we have always done and will continue to do." Monica Raye Simpson

PainJane wants to destroy her pussy. She wants to make it unusable, to be used as a beer coozy, to be fisted, to be destroyed. She's worried her partner will think it's disgusting or weird, so how can she tell her partner about this fantasy and maybe even act it out? I enlisted a bunch of other sex educators to help me answer this terrific question.

Sunny Megatron has some fantastic advice and lots of questions that can help PainJane and all of us investigate the "why" of our fantasies and the feelings of them that make it easier to talk to partners about our fantasies. Such good stuff.

Anonymous wrote in because she's super new to sex positivity. She's looking for books and blogs that can help her learn more about sexuality, sex positivity, and unpacking her evangelical roots. So, I'm putting together an official book list. Join the Sex Gets Real newsletter here to get that recommended book list from me in a few weeks.

Also, avoid educators and "experts" who position themselves as the expert in your body, your story, or sell One True Way to be sexual, woke, or kinky.

Kat loves the show and wants more access to the resources I mention.

Discouraged is struggling to find a hookup. She's a lesbian who wants to try kink, but every time she suggests meeting up with someone, they disappear. What gives? Is there a secret code word she doesn't know about?

Celia wants to know how pleasure is political. Oh boy. HOLD ON. We're going for a ride on my passionate soapbox. Everyone should start with reading Audre Lorde - any of her work around The Erotic is crucial. Afrosexology and Feminista Jones are also terrific resources.

This week's bonus is a very funny and sweet email about farting on a partner during sex. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_232.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

Ev'Yan Whitney on sensuality, the erotic, and body hair

I've followed Ev'Yan on Instagram for quite a while and been enchanted by the ways she shares and expresses herself there. As soon as she said yes to being on the show, I was excited.

We talk about sensuality and how Ev'Yan struggled with the ways sensuality and sexuality were bound together culturally. Her process of teasing out her sensual self and separating it from her sexuality has opened her up to so much more pleasure and the erotic.

What happens when you start sharing your sensual self with the world, like so many people recently did with the #SensualSelfieChallenge? And how does Ev'Yan tend to her self-care through the senses?

We also talk about body hair and how women's bodies have been policed for capitalism purposes, plus navigating non-monogamy in her long-term partnership with her husband.

Plus, Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, Ev'Yan and I talk about sensual rituals. How can we create rituals that honor our bodies, our cycles, the erotic, and our senses? Delight in it with us and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Ev'Yan Whitney:

Ev’Yan Whitney is a writer and sexuality doula who helps facilitate, educate, and hold space for women and femme-identifying individuals who want to heal and liberate their sexuality. She's also the host of the podcast, The Sexually Liberated Woman, which is an ongoing dialogue about sexual awakening and identity. You can find out more about Ev'Yan's work at sexloveliberation.com and see her brazenly celebrating her sexuality on Instagram at @evyan.whitney.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_231.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 9:44am EDT

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

Donna Zuckerberg on pickup artistry, Red Pill, and the classics

The last Harvard University Press book I had a chance to review for the show was "About Abortion" by Carol Sanger, which was such a spectacular experience. So, I was incredibly excited when HUP sent me a copy of Donna Zuckerberg's new book, "Not All Dead White Men."

Not only do we take a critical look at pickup artistry, Red Pill communities, and how many members of these communities have co-opted the classics to serve their patriarchal vision, but we also talk about the ways that PUAs dehumanize women, approach dating, and treat boundaries and consent as optional.

It's fascinating, important, and eye-opening, to say the least. (Also, we really had a blast recording the Patreon bonus - it might be even better than the full episode!)

Grab your copy of "Not All Dead White Men" at Harvard University Press or on Amazon. It's such a thought-provoking read.

Plus, Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, Donna and I talk about negging, seduction techniques, and pickup artistry moving online. What question might a PUA lead with on an app like Tinder and why does it get under Donna's skin so much? Why is name calling and escalating to rage and threats part of the pleasure? Delight in it with us and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Donna Zuckerberg:

Donna Zuckerberg is a Silicon Valley–based classicist who received her doctoral training at Princeton University. She is the founder and Editor-in-Chief of Eidolon, a prize-winning online Classics magazine.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_230.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

Listener questions, pleasure, and reproductive justice with Monica Raye Simpson of SisterSong.

DeeLo wrote in with an a-ha moment around Hannah Gadsby's "Nanette" and something I said a few weeks ago. Yay bodies and rewriting stories.

Julie wanted to offer some thoughts around mindfulness, anxiety, PTSD, and working with a professional after hearing Dr. Lori Brotto's episode a few weeks ago. Co-signed!

Anonymous needs help. Her new partner's erection lasted for hours. Is he just nervous or anxious? Maybe things will get better? Is there something she can do?

I got help answering this question from Patreon supporter Crystal Force, and then weigh in myself.

And then, there's Monica.

The first time I saw Monica speak at Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, I was moved to tears. Her clarity about the work she does, who she does it for, and how she wants to be in the world is extraordinary. She understands the importance of sexual freedom and the role that happiness, pleasure, and queer acceptance play in our overall lives, and how reproductive justice can be a gateway to freedom in so many aspects of our lives.

I can't wait for you to hear it.

Plus, Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, this week's bonus is an exploration into a relationship charter. I'll offer you some questions to reflect on and even talk to a loved one about, as a jumping off point for being more deliberate and co-creative in the way you do relationship with each other. Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Monica Raye Simpson:

Monica Raye Simpson, a queer, black, NC native, has organized extensively against human rights abuse, the prison industry, racism, and systemic violence against Southern black women and LBGTQ people. A proud graduate of the historically black Johnson C. Smith University, she earned a bachelor’s in Communications and organized for LGBTQ rights on and off campus. She then became the Operations Director and the first person of color at the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center. Next, she trained black youth in activism, philanthropy, and fundraising as the Ujamaa Coordinator for Grassroots Leadership. In 2010, she moved to GA to be SisterSong's Development Coordinator; she was promoted to Deputy Coordinator in 2011, Interim Executive Director in 2012, and Executive Director in 2013.
 
Stay in touch at SisterSong's new website, and follow along at FacebookTwitter, and Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_229.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:30am EDT

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

Developing body trust, examining masculinity, and exploring pleasure with Aaron Flores.

This episode is generously brought to you by Casper sleep solutions. Get $50 toward select mattresses by visiting Casper.com/SGR and using SGR at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. 

I had the delight to hear Aaron Flores speak at the ASDAH conference in August, and while I knew I really wanted to have him on the show, I was even more excited when I learned about his men's body trust course.

So, how does body trust relate to the sex we have, the pleasure we feel, and the ways we enjoy or police our desire? What does it mean that so many men and boys learn about sex and pleasure from porn? Well, Aaron and I dive into the importance of body trust, how diet culture and toxic masculinity cut us off from our pleasure, and why vulnerability is so crucial to men's healing.

I had a BLAST talking with Aaron, and I can't wait to have him back on the show.

Plus, Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, this week's bonus Aaron and I dive even deeper into porn, pleasure, and teaching kids about consent. Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Aaron Flores:

Aaron Flores is a registered dietitian nutritionist based out of Los Angeles, California. With nearly 10 years of experience, Aaron has worked with eating disorders in a variety of settings. A large part of his career was spent working at the VA Greater Los Angeles Healthcare System where he helped develop and launch one of the first Binge Eating Disorder programs to help Veterans struggling with this disorder. Since leaving the VA, Aaron has continued to work in the eating disorder community helping run groups and providing individual counseling to adolescents and adults. He currently works part-time at Center for Discovery and part-time in his private practice in Calabasas, CA. He is a Certified Body Trust® provider, and his main areas of focus are Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size®. In his work, Aaron helps individuals learn how to make peace with food and develop body-positive behaviors. His work has been featured during Weight Stigma Awareness Week, in blogs for the National Eating Disorder Information Centre and National Eating Disorder Association. Aaron is a frequent speaker and has presented at the 2016 and 2017 Binge Eating Disorder Awareness Annual Conference and the upcoming 2018 International Conference on Eating Disorders. Along with his work with eating disorders, he also is a co-host of the podcast, Dietitians Unplugged.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_228.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:33pm EDT

Have you been feeling stuck in your relationship, frustrated with your body, or totally disconnected from your pleasure & desire? One-on-one coaching spots are available in my private practice and rates are going up January 1st, 2019, so now is the perfect time to book a discovery call and learn more about how coaching might help you. Check out the clients I work with and my rates today.  

The power of mindfulness on our pleasure, connection, and desire.

In person interviews are some of my favorite, and Dr. Lori Brotto was able to pop over for this in-person conversation all about her 15 years of sex research on the power of mindfulness, which she's turned into a fabulous book called, "Better Sex Through Mindfulness."

So, this episode is  all about what mindfulness is, how it affects our levels of libido and desire, why mindfulness might be a key to more pleasure, and how to balance mindfulness and fantasy.

We also talk about depression, responsive desire, responsibility in relationships, and how we can get started with mindfulness.

Plus, Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, this week's bonus is a little mindfulness exercise and some journal prompts around pleasure. Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dr. Lori Brotto:

Dr. Brotto completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology from the University of British Columbia (UBC), where her research focused primarily on psychophysiological aspects of sexual arousal in women diagnosed with sexual dysfunctions. Her psychology internship at the University of Washington (UW) specialized in the use of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for mood, anxiety, substance abuse and psychotic disorders. Following her internship, Dr. Brotto’s Fellowship in Reproductive and Sexual Medicine at UW was mentored by Dr. Julia Heiman, director of the Kinsey Institute.

As a registered psychologist, Dr. Brotto offers psychological therapy to patients referred from both UBC Departments of Obstetrics & Gynaecology and Psychiatry, as well as the BC Cancer Agency. Dr. Brotto also sees private patients.

Her new book, Better Sex Through Mindfulness, published by Greystone Books, is a scientifically-informed translation of her research on mindfulness to improve women’s sexuality. It can be ordered here or here or on Amazon via my affiliate link.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_227.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Are you ready to sign up for Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop? Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries.

What if period sex is awful? How can we find different kinds of people sexy? And why so many men feel attacked when people talk about...well, men.

There was a little change of plan at the last minute, which means this week I'm fielding a bunch of your emails. Want to hear your question read on the air? Just hit Send a Note in the navigation!

We start with Alyssa, who wants to know where to find a trusted sacred intimate. I get this question pretty frequently, so I offer a few tips and tidbits about starting your search.

Eric wants me to know that I sound bitter, broken, and sad when I talk about #NotAllMen, which leads me to gushing about Scene On Radio's "Seeing White" series from last year as well as their brand new series on "Men". I cannot recommend this series enough, and it speaks perfectly to Eric's feels about our conversations around men on the show.

S.C. needs help with changing the bodies they find desirable, especially male/masculine bodies. What can they do to shift the bodies they find sexy? Patreon supporter Steph offers some advice, which I add to. (And Todd wrote in feeling upset about prior advice in this very space.) As I mention in my feedback to Todd, if you don't follow Andrew Gurza, I highly recommend it for a variety of reasons.

sex banter fan is grateful for the permission around friend zones and having friends who are dudes. Just because we want something different from a friend, and we feel disappointed, it doesn't mean we should throw it all away in a rage.

Finally, KD needs help with period sex. I have lots of thoughts, plus I've opened this question up on Patreon for folks to answer.

This week's bonus is an hour long treat all about writing erotica. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_226.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Have you been feeling stuck in your relationship, frustrated with your body, or totally disconnected from your pleasure & desire? One-on-one coaching spots are available in my private practice and rates are going up January 1st, 2019, so now is the perfect time to book a discovery call and learn more about how coaching might help you. Check out the clients I work with and my rates today.  

Communicating with ease about sex, love, and fantasies with Stella Harris.

Stella Harris is a powerhouse in sex education. Her writing has long been something I've admired, and her vulnerability and storytelling are beautiful things. If you haven't seen her Bawdy Storytelling, go check it out.

So, this week's chat, to discuss Stella's new book, "Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships" is one I'm super excited about. You've heard me mention again and again on this show that nearly all the questions I receive are about saying the scary things.

Well, Stella is here to help us demystify talking about our fantasies, our boundaries, our needs, and to unpack some of our unspoken expectations and assumptions.

Plus, Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, Stella and I are talking about THREESOMES! How can we set ourselves up for success with threesomes? Why are dudes who try to convince their girlfriends to have threesomes the worst? And how can you meet that elusive person to join in the fun? Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Stella Harris:

Stella Harris is changing the way people experience their sex lives. As a certified intimacy educator and sex coach, she gives her students the tools and confidence to explore their sexuality safely and free of shame. A national and international speaker, Stella teaches everything from pleasure anatomy, to communication skills, to kink and BDSM. Stella writes a weekly sex advice column for Portland’s Willamette Week newspaper and her erotic fiction has appeared in more than a dozen anthologies. Stay in touch with Stella on Instagram and Twitter.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_225.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Are you ready to sign up for Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop? Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries.

What even is the friendzone, how can a man come to terms with his submissive desires, and questioning desirability politics.

This week it's just you and me before we have another tsunami of awesome guests. 

First up, Angela wrote in with a question about friendzones. Why are they even a thing? Why did her friend suddenly close her out after she denied his advances without any conversation or warning?

Friendzones are bullshit, so I weigh in on the lies that are "friendzones". Plus, WendyCorduroy's Tumblr post on what the friendzone rhetoric has done to her is powerful stuff. Read it here. And, be sure to check out this thoughtful response to a guy who claimed he was "friendzoned" on Scarleteen.

Looking for a therapist who understands intersectionality and oppression? The Establishment has this great little resource to get you asking potential therapists questions that might reveal whether they're a good fit for you or not.

KinkyCarl wrote in because he wants to explore submission, but has trouble opening up to his wife about the depth of his desires. How can he explore submission for himself and bring her along, too?

DNA wrote in sharing some thoughts about dating people in larger bodies, and that brings me to some thoughts on desirability and ways we can open ourselves to so much more love and friendship.

If you haven't seen Nanette by Hannah Gadsby yet, GET THEE TO NETFLIX and watch it immediately. I share my thoughts about one particular part of her show - the predatory Lolita stories we've ignored and accepted by men in the arts and positions of power. Not. Any. More.

Would you like to support the show? Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast - you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get bonus content every week and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. This week's bonus? A powerful question that cracked a lot of people open as well as some thoughts about what you might be ready to let go of.  Check it out.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_224.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:18pm EDT

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today

Dating. Sex. Boundaries. Fat bodies. Virgie Tovar must be here!

Virgie Tovar always makes me think and this chat is no exception. Holy smokes I love Virgie's brain, and she is going to take us into some BIG feels.

Let's talk about dating while fat. Let's talk about misogyny and sexism. Let's talk about access to pleasure and delighting in our bodies.

Let's explore the ways diets and dieting impact our ability to say yes and no in bed and in relationships.

Virgie has a new book about to hit shelves and it is small but VERY mighty in scope, so be sure to check it out courtesy of Feminist Press.

Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, I read a few paragraphs from Virgie's new book all about sexual labor and boundaries for fat folks as well as the submission that comes with thinness and women. Plus, some very excited thoughts about the conference I just attended.

Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Virgie Tovar:

Virgie Tovar is an author, activist and one of the nation's leading experts and lecturers on fat discrimination and body image. She is the founder of Babecamp, a 4-week online course designed to help women who are ready to break up with diet culture, and started the hashtag campaign #LoseHateNotWeight. She has been featured by the New York Times, Al Jazeera, NPR, Tech Insider and Self Magazine. Find her online at www.virgietovar.com and also on Facebook and Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_223.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today

Body trust, queer identity, pleasure in a fat body, and losing attraction for a partner with Sarah Thompson

In a few days, I head to Portland for the ASDAH (Association for Size Diversity and Health) conference which will happen over my birthday weekend. The next few weeks will be all about body trust, rejecting diet culture, research around health at every size, celebration, and fat acceptance.

I could not be more tickled, especially because this week Sarah Thompson, the Resilient Fat Goddess, is joining us to talk about how everything changed for Sarah - access to pleasure, setting boundaries, shifting into new queer and non-binary identities - after doing body trust work with BeNourished.

Sarah and I initially connected because of a new blog post Sarah put out to partners who no longer find their partner's attractive, especially after that partner has rejected diet culture and moved towards body acceptance. You can read it here.

So, we talk all about bodies, why we never owe our partners sex or attractiveness, trust, fat identity, queer identity, and all the feelings that brings up.

Plus, before my chat with Sarah, you get to hear Patreon supporters' responses to two listener questions. That's right - advice from YOU, the podcast supporters. If you support the show at $5 and above, you get to weigh in and share your advice in response to listener questions that I post.

Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, Sarah shares how a religious upbringing, growing up in a small town, dealing with fat bias, and living with an eating disorder kept Sarah from understanding their queer and non-binary identity until very recently.

Listen and support the show at http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

This episode is generously brought to you by:

Huge thanks to Sex Gets Real sponsor of the week, TomboyX - gender-neutral, fat-inclusive, eco-friendly undies for all of us. Listeners get 15% off with code SEXGETSREAL.

About Sarah Thompson:

Sarah Thompson is an eating disorder recovery coach, consultant, and writer focused on body liberation, fat liberation, and body positivity. Sarah is a white, fat, queer, non-binary femme. Their writing combines ideas from a wide range of philosophies - Body Trust®, Health at Every Size®, Intuitive Eating, Fat Liberation, eating disorder recovery, harm reduction, and more. Being committed to helping others finding more freedom and compassion in their lives is what led them to become a Certified Body Trust Provider. They were also the co-creator of Do No Harm Podcast. Sarah is constantly wondering how they can contribute to healing, justice, and liberation in our world where there is constant suffering. They love working with people who are asking these same questions!

Stay in touch with Sarah at resilientfatgoddess.com and on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @rslntfatgoddess.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_222.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today

Radical love, resilient community, and never being discarded with Andy Izenson

I am so excited by this week's chat with Andy Izenson. I first saw Andy speak several years ago at a closing panel for Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and I was in awe. You'll see why when you tune into our rich conversation.

After reaching out to Andy, asking if they'd like to talk about restorative and transformative justice as well as building resilient communities on the show, Andy also said they were thinking a lot about:

-- the way orthodoxies of capitalism and scarcity infuse polyamorous community// polyamory should be inherently anti-capitalist
-- the way the state is conspiring with your trauma
-- disposability and anxiety and the fiction of moral purity
-- resilience and bravery in sex and relationships
-- what even is masculinity anyway

RIGHT?!?!

So, on this week's show, we talk about alternative justice, healing, building resilient relationships and communities, letting go of the fantasy of safety and why there are no good people, plus, we explore the power of anger, question what even is masculinity, and feel moved that the kids really will be alright.

Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, Andy and I recorded a bonus chat all about polyamory and how capitalism infuses so much of how folks approach polyamory (especially lots of cis dudes). We talk about generosity and hierarchy and abundance, and why polyamory needs to be much more than just where you're getting your dick (or other bits) wet, as fun as that might be. Listen and support the show at http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

This episode is generously brought to you by:

TomboyX - get 15% off your order at tomboyx.com/sexgetsreal with promo code SEXGETSREAL. And check out their drool-worthy Instagram.

Sugar Bear Hair - get your tasty hair vitamins at sugarbearhair.com/sgr

About Andy Izenson:

Andy Izenson is an attorney with Diana Adams Law & Mediation, PLLC, and is a collaborative practitioner, mediator, and passionate advocate, working to reframe conflict through a compassionate and transformative lens. As a member of the National LGBT Bar Association’s Family Law Institute and the National Lawyers Guild NYC Chapter Executive Committee, Andy is tirelessly committed to support for queer community and families as well as to a radical, anti-assimilationist politic.

You can find Andy on Twitter @AndyEyeballs, join the Diana Adams Law newsletter, or email Andy about speaking at your institution at andy.izenson at gmail dot com.

Direct download: Episode_221.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Are you ready to sign up for Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop? Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries.

A passionate lover. Body trust. Trans sex woes. Self-harm scars.

Hello from Portland! I am here for BeNourished's Reclaiming Body Trust Intensive and it is hitting me hard. I'm still processing so much, and while I talk about the experience a bit this week on the show, I have some REALLY JUICY TIDBITS about trauma, bodies, trust, and healing in the Patreon bonus for the week. If you support the show at $3 and above, you get access to this truly special bonus and all the other bonuses, too. Check it out.

A huge thank you to the two generous sponsors of this week's episode:

TomboyX is gender-neutral, size-inclusive, eco-friendly undies and listeners get 15% off! How? Head to tomboyx.com/sexgetsreal and then use code SEXGETSREAL at check-out for 15% off. THIS COMPANY IS JOY. More please.

Sugar Bear Hair is a delicious hair vitamin that's vegetarian, packed with hair-healthy vitamins, and is allergen free. Want to check it out? Please do - it helps the show. Head to sugarbearhair.com/sgr.

So, what questions am I fielding this week?

PassionateLover shares a story of a new delicious lover who is pleasing her in the most unexpected and hot ways. Yay for folks in bigger bodies finding appreciative and generous lovers!

May has self-harm scars on her body and she wants to know when to bring it up with new partners and how. Is it a first date conversation? Is it something to hold off on? What if they realize she lied about more visible scars?

While I'm not a self-harm expert, I do have some thoughts about how May can tend to herself and be transparent when it feels good for her. Because we never owe someone our medical history and setting boundaries around that is OK.

Ellis has 99 problems and maybe being a transman is one of them. Why are the cis women Ellis is seeing not interested in penetration but then leave Ellis to be in a relationship with a cis dude? Is it bad luck? Is it something else?

Let's explore it.

Finally, Lala wants to know if I miss sleeping with women. Curious to know the answer? Tune in for more.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_220.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Are you ready to sign up for Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop? Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries.

Intersex-inclusive language. Resentment in relationships. Questions from YOU!

I am loving answering your questions this summer, and I'm so glad I'm getting a chance to get caught up on the backlog.

Resentment is something that comes up a lot in my coaching practice. People tend to harbor all kinds of resentment without realizing it. A friend recently posted that whenever she feels resentment come up she asks herself, what aren't you saying? 

And it's true - resentment breeds in the spaces where we silence ourselves, where are aren't witnessed and understood or heard and validated. When you're tolerating something, it's the launching pad for resentment. As soon as we stop being generous towards the people in our life, as soon as the little things they've always done start to irritate us or we get passive aggressive, resentment has shown up.

I also wanted to share this AWESOME resource by Interact about intersex-inclusive language. I share a few excerpts on the show, but if you'd like the entire document you can find it here. I also recommend checking out 4intersex.org for more resources on intersex issues and inclusion. Intersex folks are as common as redheads, so we all need to level-up in this space.

Enrique wrote in wondering what cis means and asked for a definition. 

Anonymous wrote in because her boyfriend asks her every single day for anal sex, or at a minimum, hounds her for intercourse as soon as she gets home. The problem is anal sex hurts her badly, she experiences vaginal tearing when they have intercourse, and she wants to cry and avoid going home because of it all. They were each other's firsts and she feels broken. What can she do?

I have big thoughts and big feelings on this one because too many men treat their partners like sex vending machines that owe them access to their bodies in exchange for being in relationship with them. That has got to stop. Sex should never be painful (unless it's intentional and mutually agreed up). Our bodies should tear. We shouldn't fear sex. Lots of thoughts on this one.

Kate wrote in wanting help getting her husband to unpack his fatphobia. After many years together, all of which she's been in a fat body, he recently said some hurtful stuff about her fat body. She is super clear that her body is NOT the problem, which makes my  heart endlessly happy. But what can she do to help him work through the fat shaming?

Truthfully, I think the issue is not at all her body and that he's got something else going on he can't express. That said, we can't make folks change their stories no matter how much we want them to. He has to want it deeply for himself. Tune in for my suggestions for Kate, including Sarah Thompson's blog post which comes out in mid-July 2018 about this very topic. Check it out at resilientfatgoddess.com.

Patreon supporters - I got a new sexy consent game called Consentacle. It's about a human and a tentacled alien finding ways to build trust and engage in mutually satisfying sex. I tried it a few times and share my thoughts, plus a little excerpt from Dr. Lori Brotto's new book on mindfulness and women's desire. Tune in to this week's bonus (and all of the other weekly bonuses) at http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal when you support at $3 and above!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.
 

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_219.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 3:41pm EDT

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries.

Tender masculinity, condom expirations, and your questions answered.

I recently came across an article called "In Praise of Tender Masculinity, the New Non-Toxic Way to Be a Man" by terra loire. You know I adore examining the ways gender show up in pop culture and the stories it teaches all of us about how to live our lives - who is failing and who is succeeding. I really love this language around tender masculinity.

So, I share a few tidbits from the article, talk about cultural expectations of toxic masculinity, and invite YOU to share with me other examples of tender masculinity similar to Samwise Gamgee, Rumus Lupin, and Magic Mike XXL. YES, MAGIC MIKE XXL.

A recent conversation came up in my circle about condom expiration dates, and I thought it might be an important thing to share with you, so let's talk about expiration dates and proper condom handling. TREAT YOUR CONDOMS WITH CARE!

Then it's on to listener questions.

Artemis is a trans woman Domme who loves being penetrated, but her submissive just doesn't like doing the penetration because it doesn't feel submissive. What can Artemis do?

I share some thoughts, and recommend going through The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy with her sub to find some middle ground. Plus, Sinclair Sexsmith's Submissive's Playground online course is a must.

Kat wrote in because she keeps seeing people in porn get fucked in the ass and then immediately sucking on the cock that was in their ass. Is it safe? Should you really do that?

Anonymous can't stop fantasizing about pegging her partner, but he has said no. Does she live with the fantasy or does she take action and find a way to peg someone else?

Wonderer is having wonderful sex with a larger dude, and they are looking for more sexual positions that are big body friendly. I cannot recommend Elle Chase's "Curvy Girl Sex" highly enough, plus Hanne Blank's "Big, Big Love" as starting points.

Patreon supporters - This week we are exploring the cult of pussy eaters and how pussy eating is treated by so many men as a MUST DO when so few vulva owners actually get off that way. It stems from a conversation I had with a friend and it made me refer back to this awesome article about the horror of dudes who insist on eating you out. Hear my thoughts (and all of the other weekly bonuses) at http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal when you support at $3 and above!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.
 

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_218.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 8:00am EDT

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today

Nadine is saving comprehensive sex ed

Ontario Canada recently elected a conservative leader named Doug Ford. One of his campaign promises is to roll back the comprehensive sex education program for Ontario schools.

Nadine refuses to let that happen, so she decided to do something about it. Check out her Go Fund Me campaign and donate here.

We talk all about what's in the comprehensive sex ed program and why life-long sex and relationship education is so crucial. What scares people and why do people want to roll it back?

We also talk about why it's important for kids to see adults mess up and do things awkwardly, plus we answer an amazing listener question from Kip about teaching her brother about sex when their parents are fans of abstinence only.

Queer the sex talks! GO KIP!

Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, you can listen to this week's bonus all about the Bloomberg Businessweek piece on OneTaste and Orgasmic Meditation plus I read some fun erotica by Rachel Kramer Bussel. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Nadine Thornhill:

Nadine Thornhill has been helping families and educators talk to kids about sex for over a decade. She has a Doctor of Education in Child and Adolescent Sexuality and is a member of The Sexuality and Information Council of Canada. When she’s not working, Nadine enjoys adventures in the city with her husband and son, off-key crooning at karaoke, eating great food and watching reality television.

You can find Nadine at NadineThornhill.com. She’s also on Twitter @NadineThornhill and YouTube with awesome videos.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_217.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 1:09pm EDT

Heard about it on the show? The Sex Map game is just $9 and can be purchased here.

Your questions. Answered.

Katie has a new fat fling. She really likes him, but he talks about diets and weight loss a lot. She's been learning about diet culture, health at every size, and fact activism, so she needs help on how to set some boundaries with him to prevent discussions about the very things she's trying to overcome.

Loving Husband has lost his sex drive. On top of that, his wife only wants sex in the missionary position, and he feels so bored and uninspired by the sex they do have. Could that have an impact on his sex drive? And how can he talk to his wife about making things more interesting?

A listener from a previous episode was very angry with my response and sent several angry, pissy emails to me as a result. So I take a few minutes to talk about my process and how grateful I am for the generosity and kindness most of you extend to me.

Jake's girlfriend thinks masturbation and porn constitute cheating. But Jake really loves masturbating and he doesn't know how to talk her about his desire to have a sexual relationship with himself. Is it cheating? And what does he need to do to set their pending marriage up for success?

AnaBanana was ghosted, but not before the guy who ghosted her kept a bunch of her BDSM toys. She's asked for them back and hasn't gotten a response. Should she keep pursuing them or are they a lost cause?

Patreon supporters - I dive into the recent story of Chloe Dykstra coming out about the emotional and sexual abuse her ex Chris Hardwick subjected her to, plus some of the responses nerd culture is having to the story. Hear my thoughts (and all of the other weekly bonuses) at patreon.com/sgrpodcast when you support at $3 and above!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_216.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Guess what? I'm still in China. Because if you're going to travel halfway around the world, you want to stay a bit. Here is a yummy Pride-related replay of my fantastic chat with Riley J Dennis.

Riley J Dennis is someone I’ve been watching on YouTube for a little while and completely admiring. I adore her passion for anti-oppressive work, talking about feminism, politics, sex, trans issues, and a bunch more. So, I decided to reach out and invite her on the show. When she said yes, I immediately went to work watching as many of her YouTube videos as I could find. Some of the most fun homework because I spent hours geeking out over the topics and rolling around in her facts and super logical approach to things that a lot of people really hate.

We not only talk about trans identity policing, trans porn, and being visible online, but we also explore what it’s like to be so hated in the online space and why Riley’s sex toy video for trans folks completely melted my heart. It’s super fun and I can’t wait for you to hear it. Oh!

Don’t forget: Patreons who support at the $3 level and above get access to weekly bonus content – extra interviews, erotica readings, and much more.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It’s true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Riley J. Dennis

Riley J. Dennis is a trans, non-binary, gay, polyamorous woman who makes YouTube videos about intersectional feminism, politics, queer stuff, and a whole lot of other topics. She thinks all TV shows and movies should be gayer. You can follow her on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter @rileyjaydennis.

Direct download: Replay_Episode_173.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

I'm in China on vacation, so this week we are replaying a popular episode from the past. This one is Lola Davina on thriving in sex work since it was International Whores' Day on June 2nd.

How can you thrive as a sex worker, navigating the fact that you have no real safety while also performing erotic fantasies and sex at the same time? How can you care for yourself as clients bring in their pain, shame, and fear and expect you to heal them? 

Lola Davina is here to help us answer those questions and more. Her new book, “Thriving in Sex Work,” is like a big sister’s guide to caring for yourself as a sex worker. 

We talk about the unrealistic expectations clients often come in with, being financially responsible, setting boundaries and trusting your gut, creating rituals to celebrate small and big wins, and a whole lot more.  It’s fascinating and practical. It’s one of my favorite chats, and I think you’ll hear why.  

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It’s true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.  

Resources from this episode

Grab Lola Davina’s book, “Thriving in Sex Work: Heartfelt Advice for Staying Sane in the Sex Industry: A Self-Help Book for Sex Workers” 

About Lola Davina

Lola Davina has spent more than 25 years in and around the sex industry, working as a stripper, dominatrix, porn actress, and escort over a fifteen-year period. She has earned an M.A. in Human Sexuality and an M.S. in Nonprofit Fundraising, and writes a self-care and wellness column for YNOTcam.com

You can stay in touch with Lola at loladavina.com, on Facebook, and on Twitter @Lola_Davina

Direct download: Replay_Episode_177.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is releasing soon. Grab your spot today

What if honesty isn't the best policy for rebuilding trust?

Shadeen Francis recently spoke at Explore More Summit, and her talk was one of the fan favorites for the entire conference. Her formula for trust challenged many and offered new language and feelings of YES! That's it!

So, in this episode, Shadeen shares all about how she became a therapist, why sex is crucial for our well-being, how Shadeen's relationship with self feeds her erotic experiences and how it ties to the work she does, and then we dive into relationships.

We talk about trust, the difference between honesty and transparency, negotiating boundaries, tolerating uncomfortable feelings, and then we field a listener question from Lost Lonnie who is worried that their obsession with cheating is more about a fear of commitment.

Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, you can listen to this week's bonus which includes Shadeen and I talk about toxic relationship behaviors, control, and how to shift your relationship scorekeeping into something playful and productive. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Shadeen Francis:

Shadeen Francis, MFT is a marriage and family therapist, professor, and author specializing in sex therapy and social justice. Shadeen has been featured on platforms like 6-ABC, the New York Times, and the Huffington Post to share her expertise, and she also speaks internationally on topics such as sexual self-esteem, intimacy, and inclusivity. Shadeen’s belief is that the world is built on the strengths of communities. This worldview has propelled her to focus on underserved populations: ethnic and cultural minorities, the kinky/poly/queer communities, and victims of economic hardship. Her work allows people of all backgrounds to improve their relationships and live in peace and pleasure.

Stay in touch with Shadeen at shadeenfrancis.com and on Twitter @shadeenfrancis.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_215.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Three links to get you started:

  1. Ready to pre-order my boundaries workshop? Check out details for "Take Up Space: A Workshop on Boundaries, Self-Worth, & Strengthening Your Relationship With Self"
  2. Want free feminist porn? Enter this week's giveaway here. Deadline is Saturday, May 27th.
  3. The Sex Map game is just $9 and can be purchased here.

Your questions. Answered.

Bug has a funny sex toy story and wanted to share it. Beware of Pop My Cherry, folks.

Regis looked up the definition of orgasm and it includes anal contractions. Regis' ex did it when she came, but their current partner's ass doesn't visibly spasm. Aren't they orgasming? Isn't this a tell-tale sign?

NO. It is not. Find out why.

Also, be sure to check out Emily Nagoski's new TED talk (on the big stage!) all about why body cues might not be the best way to tell what's going on with a partner.

Christina's husband only gives her sex once per week. She is over it. What can she do? Why won't he fuck her but then why does he tease her with kisses and touches?

There's some toxic behaviors at play here, so tune in for my advice.

Sarah wants to know more about my sex life, so I field a few questions about my likes and dislikes. (And reveal much more in the bonus content for Patreon supporters, so pop over to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear it. Supporters are $3 and above get access!

KZ wrote in wondering if it's unusual to have a foot fetish. KZ loves feet and has trouble staying aroused if a partner doesn't have attractive feet. Is that weird?

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Direct download: Episode_214.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 10:48pm EDT

Dreaming of quitting your day job to start your own business? Join the free virtual training, True Freedom Symposium: The When, What, Why, and How to Quit Your Day Job and What's Really On The Other Side, starting May 14th. It's free, online, and I'm a speaker alongside Modern Family's Ed O'Neill, Dinner and a Movie's Paul Gilmartin and the amazing Pam Slim of "Escape From Cubicle Nation." Sign up here.

Your questions. Answered.

Ana just started graduate school. She's working on becoming a sex educator, and needs a side hustle to make more money. She was thinking about a sex toy party business, but wants to find a company that is ethical and offers body safe products. Any recommendations?

Anonymous wants his wife to have more sexual pleasure, but she doesn't masturbate, she doesn't like oral, and he bought her a vibrator that he wants her to use. How can he introduce it to her?

To which I say, WHHOOOOAAA. You're putting the cart before the horse on this one. Here's where he should really start.

Sam wrote in scared that his closeted gay relationship is about to end. In the beginning, he and his boyfriend had the most incredible NRE (new relationship energy). But things have been fizzling and his boyfriend is about to move 4 hours away. Is the relationship over?

Sometimes people email me and I sit on their email until I feel resourced enough to reply. Joseph wrote in a few months ago with an email that made my blood boil, so I've waited until now to field it. His question? How can we possibly be sex positive when the differences between the genders are just SO HUGE?

Anyone who listens to this show knows I've got some big feelings about gender, so here we go. Soapbox time.

WiltingTulip has a heartbreaking email and needs support. Her partner spends hours a day downloading, categorizing, and watching porn. For seven years, there have been tears, fights, guilt, and shame. She feels like it's destroying their relationship and she doesn't know how to be more pro-porn when it feels so awful. Especially because the women he watches look nothing like her. Is there any hope?

I'm actually quite proud of my answer for this one and I hope you'll give it a listen. I think the answer may surprise you and give you something yummy to think about.

Patreon supporters - This week I'm reminiscing about masturbation in TV and movies. What was the first masturbation-related scene you remember? And did you know there's an entire college textbook just on masturbation in pop culture? Of course, I had to buy it. Let's talk solo sex, shall we? Supporters get access if they support at the $3 level and above. Tune in and support the show here: patreon.com/sgrpodcast

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY LOLA.

My LOLA, the subscription service for organic tampons and pads has just launched Sex by LOLA. You can subscribe to receive body safe non-toxic condoms, water-based aloe vera lube, and personal wipes (gynecologist approved!) sent directly to your door. I LOVE IT. Listeners get 40% off their first order at mylola.com with Promo Code SGR40 at checkout.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.
 

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_213.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:15pm EDT

Did you miss Explore More Summit 2018? Not to worry. All of the talks are available for you to bring home, plus some yummy bonuses! See your options and explore your more in life, love, and sex: exploremoresummit.com.

It's time for more listener questions.

You know I love talking with super smart awesome folks on the show, and I also adore fielding your questions. So that's what we're doing this week - your questions.

Jon thinks he might be bisexual. What should he do?

Pete wants to try pegging, but he is up in Alaska without any shops nearby. Where can he and his partner get everything they need for newbie pegging? Of course, I recommend the SpareParts Joque and also dildos by Tantus. 

Ronman7 wrote in because he is in love and feeling happy with the woman in his life. The problem is he has a secret fantasy and he doesn't know what it means. Should he act on it? How can he be monogamous AND also true to this fantasy he carries? 

Anonymous wrote in because she just can't feel attracted to her boyfriend, especially after seeing pictures of him when he had a more "traditionally attractive" body. Anonymous feels entitled to a partner whose body looks a certain way, so what can she do? I'll boil my advice down to one thing: leave him. He deserves better.

Sassy Cassie is a 21 year old who struggles with body image and has never had sex. She things her body image issues are keeping her from diving into the sexual adventures she wants to experience, so how can she find more confidence in her body?

And finally, Dismay is a 19 year old who finds herself being disgusted about sex. She feels guilty when she masturbates, and she isn't sure if she's asexual, demisexual, or something else. What's with the strong, intense reaction about sex? What can she do?

Patreon supporters - A little rant about incels. Because we need to talk about the toxicity of feeling like others owe you access to their body and the violence that erupts from that entitlement. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY HIMS. For a $5 first month trial, head to forhims.com/real.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real and the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_212.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

SIGN UP NOW! Explore More Summit 2018 is happening now. It ends May 2nd, so grab your all-access pass for free before it's too late. exploremoresummit.com.

What is changing in the wake of the #MeToo movement? How do we talk about sex and power?

Amy Jo Goddard is joining me this week to talk about BIG things. Amy Jo is a powerhouse of change, fierce and uncompromising in her commitment to sexual liberation and social change. I've been working with her on her Sex, Power, and Leadership Conference - which is a free online conference all about liberation, social change, pleasure, and the world in a post #MeToo movement.

It. Is. So. Fucking. Good.

So, this episode is us geeking out about sexual liberation, tolerating touch in relationships, the importance of pleasure activism if we want to experience real change, the Bill Cosby verdict, what transformative and patient-centered gynecology can look like, and holy shit - so much more.

If you want to sign-up for the conference, it's all happening April 30th - May 7th. It features Jaclyn Friedman, Carol Queen, Betty Martin, Dr. Willie Parker, adrienne maree brown, Dr. Chris Donaghue from LoveLine, Andre Shakti, Tina Horn, Dalychia Saah from Afrosexology, and many more.

This is actually orgasmic for me - these conversations are speaking my love language. I hope you're join us.

Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, you can listen to this week's bonus which is me chatting with Sinclair Sexsmith all about strap-on sex. SO MUCH STRAP-ON STUFF. You do not want to miss it. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Amy Jo Goddard:

Hailing from Military Dad and Recovering-Catholic-Proudly-Sandra-Dee-Mom, Amy Jo Goddard had no other choice but to become a sex educator just to sail the shaky waters of human experience and help her family survive.

Actually they don’t really take sex advice from her.  

But thousands of others have—Amy Jo is author of Woman on Fire: Nine Elements to Wake up Your Erotic Energy, Personal Power and Sexual Intelligence and co-author of the best-selling classic Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men, recently published in second edition. She earned her Master’s degree in Human Sexuality Education at New York University and has been teaching and speaking about feminism and sexuality for over two decades. She facilitates sexual empowerment programs for women, queer folks and couples, and works with companies to create workplace cultures that honor consent, equality, stellar communication and collaborative leadership.

Join the conversation and sign-up for the Sex, Power, and Leadership Conference - it is free and online, happening April 30 - May 7, 2018. See you there.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_211.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

SIGN UP NOW! Explore More Summit 2018 starts in just a few hours and runs for the next 10 days. It's free and online. Grab your ticket now at exploremoresummit.com.

What if we could not only write ourselves whole after trauma, but write our way into the erotic and desire?

This week, Jen Cross, author of "Writing Ourselves Whole: Using the Power of Your Own Creativity to Recover and Heal from Sexual Trauma," is here to talk about healing and the power of the page.

Let's start with the giveaway! Jen generously provided me with a signed copy of her book to offer as part of a giveaway to SGR listeners. If you'd like to put your name in the running, there's a handy-dandy entry form here.

Jen and I talk about trauma and the ways it can impact us, plus the power of writing and storytelling to move beyond our trauma. There is something extremely meaningful in sitting in a group of people who understand the ways we move through the world and having that witnessed and held.

We also talked about the importance of the people around survivors (partners, family, friends) in getting their own support and holding space for the pain that comes with trauma.

Despite the heaviness of the topic, the conversation is surprisingly light and I had such a great time connecting with Jen.

We also field a listener question from Fearful about dissociating during sex and why we have such high expectations for ourselves around staying present - with and without trauma.

Patreon supporters - Jen and I talk about writing the erotic and how to get started with it. Pop over to Patreon and if you support the show at $3 and above, you can tune into all the bonus content from each week.  patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Jen Cross:

Jen Cross is a widely-published author and the founder of Writing Ourselves Whole, an organization that offers Amherst Writers & Artists writing workshops, creating spaces in which the true and complicated stories of the body can emerge. Jen has worked with hundreds of writers, through private workshops and in collaboration with colleges, social change organizations and other institutions throughout the U.S. For more information, visit www.writingourselveswhole.org.

You can stay in touch with Jen on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter @VozSutra.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_210.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:04pm EDT

Eager to sign-up for this year’s Explore More Summit? It kicks off April 23rd, 2018 and you can enroll for free at exploremoresummit.com.

It's your questions this week, folks, and there are so many amazing ones to get to.

KiltmanFL wrote in about AC's question in episode 203 wanting kink classes in Florida. Kiltman has some great resources for all you Florida listeners.

Bee wrote in with a long thank you note, but basically Bee was inspired to have some really scary conversations with her partner and now some much-needed changes are happening in her relationship. Yay for courageous conversations.

A listener wrote in with a subject line of Virgin. You know I love these. This listener doesn't want to have sex until marriage but her girlfriend wants to have sex before marriage to make sure it's a good fit. How can she talk about sex when she's had zero experience? Among other suggestions, I also recommend Allison Moon's, "Girl Sex 101", Barbara Carrellas' "Ecstasy is Necessary" and "Urban Tantra."

Jon & Mandi just discovered the joys of anal fisting, but is there a such thing as stylish, above the elbow, silicone safe gloves? They need something practical and pretty. I asked a bunch of experts and offer some input.

Unihorn is having lots of sex via dating apps. Unihorn has never been in a relationship and is worried that all the sex means they aren't developing the skills needed for a healthy relationship later. Should they be worried? I have thoughts about sex, relationships, and what Unihorn should do.

Betrayed wrote in with a very vulnerable share about an abusive ex-husband, vulvodynia, sexual pain, and dissociating during pleasure. Betrayed asks: How can people still explore sexual things without having the goal be orgasm? How do you know when to stop if you're not using climax as the finish line? How can I find different ways to enjoy sex in general?

I have so many thoughts and I really hope you savor this because it's helpful for so many of us.

Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is a really  juicy clip from my talk with therapist Shadeen Francis for the Explore More Summit. It's all about honesty versus transparency, especially after betrayal. Her analogies are spot on and she gave me language for feelings I'd held for so long and didn't know how to articulate. GOOD GOOD stuff. 

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

What if everything you've been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, and of the new weekly stream Pop Culture Undressed, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It's not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_209.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Eager to sign-up for this year's Explore More Summit? It kicks off April 23rd, 2018 and you can enroll for free at exploremoresummit.com.

What is intersectional sex ed? What does sexual liberation look like?

This week, I'm joined by Roan Coughtry, a super rad sex educator who believes in having big conversations about how our pleasure and our bodies are impacted by the larger systems of our culture.

We talk about Roan's beautiful personal statement for Trans Day of Visibility and how Roan started finding language for their gender and identity. We also explore what it means to be masculine and femme.

Then, we roll around in intersectional sex education and what it brings to the table beyond comprehensive sex ed. Because we all know whatever's being taught now isn't working.

And, sexual liberation - what does that mean to Roan? What can we imagine beyond where we are? Would consent even be a conversation we needed to have if we were all free?

We also geek out about queer trans love stories and the ways queer trans folks have been portrayed in movies. We need more diversity! More stories! More trans actors!

And Patreon supporters - Roan and I talk about cis men who get off on trans woman porn and what the politics of our fantasies can mean. Pop over to Patreon and if you support the show at $3 and above, you can tune into all the bonus content from each week.  patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Roan Coughtry:

Roan Coughtry, MSW, is a writer, facilitator and healing artist based out of Atlanta, GA. With a background in social work, integrative energy work and social justice organizing, they’re passionate about kindling the connection between healing, embodied practice and liberation. For 7 years they’ve served as a gender and sexuality consultant for the UN, where they write and research on violence prevention. They’re a lead producer of Sex Down South, a sexuality conference in Atlanta spearheaded by and centering folks of color and queer folks, and they’ve helped organize conferences such as Facing Race and Money for our Movements. They’re a co-founder of the national Sexual Liberation Collective, and they provide weekly livestreams on comprehensive sex education for the innovative platform O.School. They facilitate conversations around the country on gender, race, sexuality, spirituality and violence prevention, and they also provide coaching and healing sessions for clients.

You can find out more about their work at www.roancoughtry.com. Plus, you can stay in touch on Facebook and Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_208.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Are you joining us for the 3rd annual Explore More Summit? It kicks off April 23, 2018 and it's free and online. Grab your spot now at exploremoresummit.com.

We did it. We did a live recording of the show with about a dozen of you joining in the fun. So, this is your chance to not only hear me fielding questions live, on the spot, but you'll also hear other people's thoughts and perspectives, too.

I had a blast and I hope we do it again soon.

So what did we chat about?

DL has found that pleasure, sex, and embodiment aren't really talked about in the context of sobriety. How do they regain sensation? Why isn't anyone talking about this? On the call, I offered a few resources for DL, but afterwards, I reached out to my networks and asked for more. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep207 for the full list of recommendations.

Emily has trouble with her body and specifically her belly. How can she heal that relationship because it's impacting how she experiences sex with her boyfriend.

Another participant asked how we can grapple with the fact that as our definition of sex expands, so much our definition for sexual assault. How do we reconcile these things and hold space for them?

One listener needs help with communication. She is constantly walking on eggshells with her partner to avoid another fight or blow-up. How can they get better at communicating about the tough stuff?

And finally, someone wrote in asking about having a fantasy about teaching a bunch of male virgins how to be expert lovers. They think it's a fetish, and they're worried it's a problematic one. We roll around in this and it's pure delight.

Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is a world exclusive. It's an extended sneak peek of my Explore More Summit chat with therapist Quinn Gee. The clip talks about being a better parent and then the ways that Quinn has fun, which includes the funniest story of this year's conference. It's about a strap-on. Trust me - you want to hear it.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

What if everything you've been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, and of the new weekly stream Pop Culture Undressed, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It's not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Direct download: Episode_207.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:09pm EDT

Eager to sign-up for this year's Explore More Summit? It kicks off April 23rd, 2018 and you can enroll for free at exploremoresummit.com.

Are you a witch, a slut, or a feminist?

Then this episode is for you because Slutist founder Kristen J. Sollée is here to chat with me, Dawn Serra, about her new book by ThreeL Media, "Witches, Sluts, Feminists: Conjuring the Sex Positive."

I'm not sure how much I've talked about it on the show, but I spent several years in my early twenties in a very close-knit witches coven. We met weekly, we did rituals for self-growth and world peace, and it was one of the most profound times of healing in my life. So, this book delighted the witch-of-old in me and the sex geek of now. I mean, you have to hear what "flying on a broomstick" really meant. It involves dildos.

When we think about people who have been cast as witches or sluts throughout the ages, like midwives and sex workers, we see people who had power and knowledge that often men didn’t have. Kristen and I have so many thoughts about this. It's not a coincidence that the vast majority of the hundreds of thousands of people killed over the years for witchcraft were women, usually over 40.

There is this deep fear of the feminine run wild. There is this deep fear that if women and feminine folks were in control than everything in the world would be destroyed. Hear Kristen and I geek out about that.

I also ask Kristen about cis men who are "reclaiming" the word slut in solidarity with women. Her response is hysterical and perfect.

We also talk about the power of ritual in our everyday lives as well as for sex and intention. There is SO much good stuff in this episode.

And Patreon supporters - Kristen and I talk about money as power, money as energy, and why sex workers are so threatening to the current systems of power. Pop over to Patreon and if you support the show at $3 and above, you can tune into all the bonus content from each week.  patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Kristen J. Sollée:

Kristen J. Sollée is a lecturer at The New School and the founding editrix of Slutist, a sex positive site that delves into the intersections between sex, feminism, and the occult. Sollée’s signature college course, "The Legacy of the Witch" follows the witch across history, pop culture, and politics, from the Venus of Willendorf to The Love Witch. Her critically-acclaimed book, Witches, Sluts, Feminists: Conjuring the Sex Positive, was published by Stone Bridge Press in 2017.
 
Stay in touch with Kristen on Instagram and Twitter.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_206.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

LAST CHANCE to grab your seat for the online, live taping of Sex Gets Real to celebrate our 200th episode. Enter to join us here. It happens on March 22nd at 5pm Pacific, so this is your last chance.

This week Dawn Serra is chatting with author Juniper Fitzgerald and artist Elise Peterson who created the book, "How Mamas Love Their Babies" - published by Feminist Press.

The book is the first children's book to feature a sex worker and it's brilliant.

So, Juniper, Elise, and Dawn talk about sex working mothers, the realities of being a new mom, why this book is so important, and what they learned along the way. Sex work should not be stigmatized and you are not a better feminist for not consuming sex work. Let's talk about why.

Want to hear the funny bonus chat about Juniper and Elise's favorite memories from sex work? Well, pop over to Patreon and if you support the show at $3 and above, you can tune into all the bonus content from each week.  patreon.com/sgrpodcast


This episode is brought to you by HIMS. HIMS is an online men's wellness service that allows you to consult with a doctor and get treatment for hair loss, skincare, and sexual wellness all within minutes at a fraction of the cost. And, listeners get a special rate of $5 for your first month if you head to forhims.com/real. Check it out now!


Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Juniper Fitzgerald:

Juniper is a mother, writer, academic, and former sex worker. Her work appears in Tits and Sass, Mutha Magazine, Pacific Standard, SeaFoam Magazine and others. She has a forthcoming essay in the anthology, The Red Umbrella Babies, is the author of the first children’s book to talk about sex work, How Mamas Love Their Babies, out by the Feminist Press, and is currently compiling a work of auto-theory on motherhood, sex work, and feminism.
 

About Elise Peterson:

Elise R. Peterson is a writer, visual artist and on camera personality living and working in New York. Writing clips have appeared in Adult, PAPER MAGAZINE, ELLE, LENNY LETTER, and NERVE among others.  Her written work doubles as storytelling and investigating the nuance of identity and sexuality as it relates to marginalized communities.
 
Her multidisciplinary visual work is informed by the past, reimagined in the framework of the evolving notions of technology, intimacy and cross-generational narratives. Socially, it is her aim to continue to use art as a platform for social justice while making art accessible for all through exhibitions of public work and beyond.
Direct download: Episode_205.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 11:29am EDT

Joanna Angel is joining the show this week and she's excited to talk about her new book, "Night Shift: A Choose Your Own Erotic Fantasy." We discuss how she came up with the story, the nostalgia of times past, feeling awkward and sexually inexperienced, and how some of Joanna's favorite memories of sex shop tours inspired so much of the book.

You'll also want to check out the bonus reading on Patreon from Joanna's new book. Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen now. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Joanna and I also talk about porn and what people get wrong about the industry, how she stays creative making 24 movies a year, how porn (and all of entertainment) is changing, and what's next for her literary adventures.

I'm also doing a super soft launch of the 2018 Explore More Summit, so if you want to grab a spot head to exploremoresummit.com.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Joanna Angel:

Joanna Angel is an award-winning adult film star, director, producer, author, entrepreneur and CEO of the venerated adult studio, BurningAngel Entertainment. Pacific Standard magazine stated she is, "One of the most powerful feminist icons in the adult industry." She's stormed mainstream media outlets being featured in the New York Times, Forbes Magazine, Vice TV, LA Weekly, and CNBC just to name a few. She was inducted into AVN's hall of fame in 2016 and continues to make her mark on the adult industry and the world at large.
 
Stay in touch with JoAnna on Twitter @JoAnnaAngel.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_204.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 1:10pm EDT

Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is a big ol' rant after a listener wrote in with some pretty problematic arguments around why coercion isn't rape and that relationships are about persuasion and convincing. Um....you KNOW I have thoughts.

So what's up for this episode?

AC wants to know where to find a kink expert that might teach at a private party about bondage and flogging. I recommend Fetlife to get started.

Drowning in Relationship Theory is so stressed. Her and her husband decided to open their marriage so she could explore her bisexuality. She's met a lovely woman, her husband is on board, but she's been listening to lots of poly experts who all say hierarchical poly is unethical and that prioritizing her marriage is wrong. Can she be ethically polyamorous while treasuring her marriage? 

I have several thoughts, and also recommend Tristan Taormino's "Opening Up", Andre Shakti's IAmPoly.net, and Poly Role Models.

And the short answer is yes, of course. You can be married and ethically open, especially if potential partners KNOW you're married and get to opt in.

Anonymous confesses that she loves her husband, they have a great sex life, and she had affair. But she feels guilty because she DOES NOT feel guilty. It was a one-time thing that offered her deep healing, and she just can't feel guilty. Is she terrible?

Another anonymous listener is terrified of sex. She's 21, has never had intercourse, and feels woefully behind all her friends. Plus, she experiences lots of vaginal pain and doesn't know that she'll ever be able to have intercourse. Is it hopeless? Is she doomed?

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

What if everything you've been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, and of the new weekly stream Pop Culture Undressed, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It's not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_203.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Don't forget to grab your seat for the LIVE taping of Sex Gets Real to celebrate our 200th episode. Enter to join us here.

This week, I am joined by the incredible Bianca Palmisano from Intimate Health Consulting. Bianca specializes in training medical doctors, nurses, and staff to be more inclusive when treating marginalized folks, especially around sexuality and gender.

So, we go there.

We talk about all the ways doctors fail us and the emotional labor we often have to do to train doctors on how to treat us well. We also talk about how Bianca gets into their offices in the first place and how she's received.

Then we geek out over the medical conferences we've both attended because good god, is there a problem with the research being done. Ugh. And of course big pharma spends loads of money at medical conferences attracting doctors. There's NO MONEY in giving people better communication tools.

We field two listeners questions. One on when to disclose that you have a kidney draining pouch and the other on how to live with yourself after you've sexually abused someone.

You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about the orgasm gap and how much variance there is in our orgasms. Because orgasms are at the top of everyone's minds when they feel like there's a problem. Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen now. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

If you want to grab my latest workshops, head to dawnserra.com/courses.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Bianca Palmisano:

Bianca Palmisano is a sex educator, medical consultant, and the owner of Intimate Health Consulting. She specializes in training healthcare providers around issues of sexual health, as well as LGBT, sex worker, and sexual assault survivor competency.  Palmisano is the primary author of "Safer Sex for Trans Bodies," an outreach and education guide for the trans community sponsored by Whitman Walker Health and the Human Rights Campaign. She has been a guest lecturer at George Washington University, Johns Hopkins, and University of Chicago.
 
Stay in touch with Bianca on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @fun_size_SexEd.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_202.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

There are still spots available for the LIVE recording of Sex Gets Real on March 22nd at 5pm Pacific/8pm Eastern. If you want to help celebrate the 200th episode, just complete this little entry form - I would love to see you there!

Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is a thinky-thoughty exploration of love and romance.

I am now pre-enrolling three new on-demand workshops that you can take from the privacy of your own home, entirely online. They are affordable, fun, and will give you an opportunity to learn new things and engage with new ideas, either on your own or with a new partner. Head to dawnserra.com/courses to see all of the courses that are available.

So what's up for this episode?

Mary wrote in because she's have pain during sex. Her doctor didn't help and she's seeing a physical therapist for pelvic floor work, but what can she do? I'm not a doctor, but I can share a few resources about painful sex, which is often called dyspareunia for folks who have a vulva.

If you have dyspareunia, you might want to check out a trial that's being conducted for a new device to help with pain during intercourse called the OhNut. Also, finding support groups and bloggers who talk about painful sex could be a fantastic place to start.

I also have some questions about the types of sex being had and why trying some other forms of sexual pleasure might take some of the pressure off.

Brooke is poly. She enjoys orgies, public sex, and dating others, as does her boyfriend. But she's terrified of STIs. What if someone lies about their status? What if they don't know they have one? What can she do to help with her fear?

MistressNeon wants to become a sexpert. How did I get started and what do I recommend for folks looking to switch careers? My answer is going to disappoint and upset a lot of you, but if there's one thing I try to do it's keep it real. So, buckle up because I have thoughts.

Ginger's husband wants to try receiving anal, but Ginger isn't so sure she's into that. She wants to be open to new things, but she's feeling a little anxious and a little grossed out. What can she do to find some joy in the fact that her husband asked for this and actually give it a try?

Anonymous Please is young, recently married, and says her husband has a special way of making her feel really really lonely. 

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_201.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 1:22pm EDT

HAPPY EPISODE 200! If you want to enter to win one of 49 spots on the online live recording of Sex Gets Real, complete this little entry form. Must be 18 or over to enter and be available March 22nd at 5pm PT/8pm ET. A random selection will be made on March 10th & winners will be notified via email.

And Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is all about being heartbroken and how to deal with the tears & the pain. I also want to hear about how you've navigated heartbreak. Did you eat ice cream in your PJs and cry over romcoms? Did you go out with friends and have revenge sex? If you're a Patreon supporter at $3 and above, you can tune in and weigh in.

So what's up for this episode?

You all have been sending me some TERRIFIC questions lately, and I was eager to dive in.

Aussie Gal wrote in from Australia with some love and delight. Satisfied Slippery Slut went to She Bop in Portland after hearing it mentioned on a previous episode and had a lovely experience. Let's all support feminist sex shops! They're awesome!

A listener texted me asking what kind of strap-on harness I use and how I keep it tight when I'm using it. So, I talk about my favorite strap-on as well as some other options folks might want to check out.

Scott wrote in with a question about orgasms. He's pretty sure he gave his past partners orgasms and noticed they curled their toes. He's pretty sure his new girlfriend is happy and enjoying their connection, but he's also pretty sure she isn't orgasming since she doesn't curl her toes when her body is spasming. Is toe curling a sure sign of orgasms?

Anonymous has a condition that means vaginal penetration with her partner isn't a possibility for their sex life. They are really happy and incredibly passionate, but she's worried he is missing out since they can't have PIV sex. Is she being selfish or can sex that doesn't include intercourse actually work over the long term?

Merel Ann is struggling because her and her boyfriend decided to open up their relationship after months of talking about it. Everything was going great until he broke the one and only agreement they had, and now she feels betrayed. Can she ever get over the feelings of betrayal and broken trust? How can she move forward?

In addition to some of my thoughts on trust, betrayal, and moving on, I also recommend working with open relationship coach Gina Senarighi of Uncommon Love PDX. It might also help to check out Esther Perel's books "Mating in Captivity" and "The State of Affairs." Of course, I do work around this, too, if that helps.

Finally, Ethical Fan is from Mexico and he just read a piece in the NY Times about porn and kids. Is it really that bad? How can he talk to his 13 year old and 15 year old about porn so that they don't suffer bad expectations around sex?

That NY Times piece was a scare piece by an anti-porn writer. So, it's skewed and meant to terrify readers. Porn is not evil. The lack of education we offer young people is the real problem. We must start teaching media literacy to kids from the youngest of ages, and that helps with porn exposure. We have to start talking to our kids about porn at very young ages, because curiosity is natural and having sexual feelings as you're growing up is normal, so the more we can open that line of communication and arm them with the skills they'll need to see the difference between reality and fantasy, the better.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_200.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:35pm EDT

Formidable Femme, aka Sarah B Holliday, is here this week talking about sex toy companies, the ethics of selling sex toys, rejecting the perfect survivor narrative, healing from trauma, plus we field a listener question about abuse.

Sarah is deeply committed to changing the way the sex toy industry operates, and she has loads of ideas about what makes for an ethical company in this field and where companies often fail.

Let's stop gendered toys and the marketing we use to promote them and instead center marginalized identities and bodies to make sex and pleasure truly inclusive.

We also discuss Sarah's terrific advice to sex toy companies, plus a few books for navigating trauma including "The Body Keeps the Score" and "Healing Sex."

You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about pleasure as revolution, as liberation, and resistance. I mean, if masturbating means we're giving a big F you to the sex negative oppressive world, who are we to deny ourselves the pleasure? Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen now. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Sarah B. Holliday:

Sarah Brynn Holliday (pronouns: she/her) is a queer femme feminist sex blogger, educator, and consultant. She has a background in abortion rights and access, queer and trans liberation, and radical, pleasure-and-trauma-informed sex education.
 
Sarah runs formidablefemme.com, where she writes about how sexuality intersects with queerness, feminism, depression, and trauma. Much of her work centers around pushing for ethical, equitable, feminist business practice within the sex toy industry and helping people learn about how they can reclaim sex and pleasure after trauma.
 
Stay in touch with Sarah on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @sarahbholl.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_199.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Welcome to this week's episode of listener questions! And Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is me reading you a little queer erotica. Go listen now!

First up, Love All of Him sent an update. Find out what happened after they followed my advice and what lead to them
having PIV sex for the first time.

Leo from Scotland wrote in. He's had digestive issues for a few years and now his butthole is kind of saggy. He feels ashamed and doesn't know what to say to potential partners. Internalized ableism sucks. The good news is most people have no idea what buttholes look like, so let's about genital diversity and sharing vulnerable stuff about our bodies.

Soldier0510 is a service member stationed in South Korea with a wife back home in the US. She asks about keeping the heat burning while long distance, especially since they are both new and curious and BDSM dynamics. In addition to loads of recommendations about long distance kink and power dynamics, I also suggest a few books including "The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasies", "The Ultimate Guide to Kink", "Playing Well with Others", and "Radical Ecstasy."

Christian, a 32 year old gay man who comes from an anti-sex religious background wrote in. After years of hiding his sexuality and using porn as a coping mechanism, he now has a boyfriend but doesn’t know how to enjoy sex with another person. He is having trouble staying hard and wonders if his porn use destroyed his sexuality. 

I have a lot of thoughts, including the importance of spending time worshipping your partner without needing to have an
erection, or without needing to focus on orgasm, or sex as the goal. Learn what happens when you slow down.

Dega Glitter is a self-identified 34 straight female virgin who is terrified about sex but avidly reads erotica. She writes in about a complex, secret, problematic relationship with an older man she had in her early twenties and the psychological ripples of that liaison. This is an emotional one and I do my best to tread tenderly. Therapy and professional support are often our best resources when we're struggling.

TS writes in to asks about Dawn’s opinion on the Five Love Languages book. Do you prefer receiving gifts, quality time, or acts of service? Find out what Dawn’s favorite love languages are and which ones she’d rather not receive anymore.

Head to dawnserra.com/courses to see current courses that are available.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_198.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Talking to other sex educators, researchers, and experts is one of my favorite things in life, especially when the conversations are rich, personal, nuanced, and challenging.

I met Cavanaugh Quick through O.School (where we both live stream sex ed for free), and the first time I saw Cavanaugh talk about feminist porn, I knew I wanted to have them on the show.

This episode is incredibly beautiful and real. From the reality of being awkward to practicing being aroused in public, from consent and non-verbal body cues to kink and getting your first vibrator, Cavanaugh offers a warm, kind, thoughtful perspective that feeds my soul.

You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about using techniques Cav learned for managing chronic pain to induce pain during sadistic kink play. SO FUN. Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Cavanaugh Quick:

Cavanaugh Coury Quick is a queer, trans, polyamorous, AfroLatinx adventurer with a passion for critical thought and personal autonomy. He uses strengths-based techniques and reflective practice to assist folk of all ages in exploring the intersections of their personal and professional identities, beliefs, and behaviors. He also plays the tuba.

Stay in touch with Cavanaugh on his website, and also on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @Heyawkwardology.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_197.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

What do butt play, pegging the patriarchy, non-sexual Dominance & submission, strap-ons, and sex clubs have in common? Why, Luna Matatas, of course.

She is joining me this week to talk about all the delicious, yumminess that is kink and pleasure. As a fellow O.School Pleasure Professional (check out her Fuck Like a Goddess weekly live stream), she loves talking about sex club etiquette, anal and how to seduce the anus, pee play, and strap-ons.

We go all the places, plus we field a few listeners questions while we're at it.

Plus, we have a yummy bonus chat all about piss play exclusively for Patreon supporters. Not yet a supporter of the show? Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to join the fun.

If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Luna Matatas:

Luna Matatas is a sex and pleasure educator, crafting goddess and burlesque performer wannabe. She celebrates femininity, sex and body-positivity and all things that glitter. Luna packs over 10 years of experience internationally and locally in health and sexuality education. She takes a playful, realistic and open-minded approach to adult education. As a self-identified pleasure pusher, Luna facilitates accessible, judgement-free and safe spaces for people to be curious about their bodies, desires and relationships with themselves and others. Her workshops are refreshingly funny, warm and inviting. She loves hugs and is terrified of spiders and eggplant.

Stay in touch with Luna on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter @lunamatatas, and on Fetlife where she is somethingshiny.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_196.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 11:50am EDT

Mona Darling is here to talk all things kinky. As a former pro Dominatrix with over 20 years of experience dominating folks in the kinkiest of ways, she has some fantastic advice on how to get started in kink, the skills most people overlook that actually make kink juicy and meaningful, and how to find your inner Domme if you're just getting started.

She has a new kinky activity book that's soon to be published and helps me field listener questions on how to do punishments and rewards in a 24/7 dynamic and also for newbie Daddy/Little Girl dynamics.

It's a fun, kink-tastic chat.

Plus, we have a yummy bonus chat exclusively for Patreon supporters. Not yet a supporter of the show? Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to join the fun.

Psst - looking for more details on working with me? Check out my coaching details now!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Mona Darling:

Mona Darling is a former professional dominatrix who now teaches women and couples to discover, embrace and communicate their kinks.

You can stay in touch with her on Facebook and Twitter @MsMonaDarling. If you're female-identified, you can also join her private Facebook community.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_195.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

If you're looking for a unique way to kick of 2018, check out all of my online workshops and DIY goodies. They can make amazing gifts and they're all around $5-30 each. Pop over and see what's available now.

Happy New Year! This is dropping on New Year's Eve 2017, so let's shuffle 2018 in in style. I got myself a gift of a new vibrator. I'll be reporting back with my thoughts over on Patreon for supporters there. You can support the show, too!

On to listener questions!

A listener wrote in saying her hottest fantasy is having her boyfriend fuck another woman. But, there's a catch. She is super jealous and doesn't think she can handle it in real life. What can she do? Patreon supporters Cadessa and Seductive Verse have lovely advice about taking it in stages, and then I add on my thoughts.

Sometimes fantasies are just that - fantasies. Ideas and scenes meant to fuel our arousal and desire. If we want to make our fantasies into a reality, we can do that slowly and with lots of support, especially if we're scared.

Hungry for Cock wrote in. She's in a monogamous relationship of 10 years, but she started cheating 8 months ago with an older man. She had no idea sex could be this good and now she wants sex with everyone she sees. Is that wrong?

Wanting sex is never a problem as long as we're choosing it for ourselves, but what is a problem is the cheating. It's time to either open up your relationship or end the relationship before exploring all of the sex you want to be having. Let's have sex with integrity and ethically - both for ourselves and for the people we have relationships with, even if it's hook-ups.

Rod wrote in because he's 37, he's just started making out with a new partner, and he ended up with mono. How did this happen? How can he talk to this new guy about having mono? And is his sex life over forever?

Mono is super common, especially when we're younger. Most people have dormant versions of the virus because it's just that common and spreads from coughs and shared drinks. You can read all about mono at the MayoClinic website.

More importantly we have to be able to talk about these things with partners. If we can't, we shouldn't be having these kinds of relationships. So, the most important thing is for Rod to talk to his partner. How? I have thoughts.

Polyamorous Duck has big feelings about OK Cupid's recent decision to eliminate usernames. I think it's a mistake and share why.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_194.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:20pm EDT

If you're looking for a last minute holiday gift or you want to start your 2018 with a bang, don't forget you can grab my online on-demand workshops now! From porn to anal, from games to relationship charters, you'll find all sorts of fun, inviting goodies to help you level up.

Want to hear my mini round-up of things I loved in 2017? Head to Patreon and support the show. You can hear exclusive content, including my own recap of the year when you support at any level.

On to this week's show!

JoEllen Notte is here to talk about her favorite things of 2017, as well as some of the tips and ideas she explored around sex, depression, and resentment.

We talk about her love affair with the Doxy wand vibrator, how she decides what makes her Favorite Things list, why we both hate the phrase "porn for women", and why depression isn't really the relationship killer that so many people think that it is. 

We also answer a few listener questions. Is it weird to hate touching your genitals? Is there a wrong way to use a bullet vibe?

Tune in to find out!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About JoEllen Notte:

JoEllen is a writer, speaker, researcher and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site >The Redhead Bedhead. JoEllen has spoken at Clark College, University of Chicago, University of Tennessee, Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit, the Guelph Sexuality Conference, and the Playground Conference and is currently writing her first book: “The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression & The Conversations We Aren’t Having”.
 
Stay in touch with JoEllen on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @joellennotte.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_193.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Don't forget to grab 25% off your RXBAR order at RXBar.com/sgr using promo code SGR at checkout. They've generously sponsored this week's episode. Perfect little delicious snacks for your post-sex nibbles.

Also, if you're looking for a unique holiday gift, check out all of my online workshops and DIY goodies. They can make amazing gifts and they're all around $5-30 each. Pop over and see what's available now.

And away we go...

Brandon wrote in because he used to find it super hot to spy on girls, like the scene in the movies Porky's. But now, as a father and adult, he finds it creepy and repulsive. What gives?

Kev is lost and needs guidance and acceptance. He thought he was straight, but just started having sex with men and now he can't get enough. He wants to end up with a wife and kids, but he isn't sure if he's gay or bisexual. Is there a way to find a queer woman he can test things out with?

I have lots of feelings about the homophobia in this message, and I also have thoughts about the need to find a label and to cling to certain identities, even in the face of other information and experiences. 

A young queer woman wrote in asking how she can find information about safer sex for queer teens in Dallas Texas. What does safer sex look like? Who can she trust?

I recommend checking out Scarleteen, first and foremost. Also, Planned Parenthood is a go-to resource, especially for sex positive care and sex ed info for teens. Once she's over 18, there's also the SW Sexual Health Alliance and a sex positive shop in Austin called QToys. And of course, Allison Moon's "Girl Sex 101" is a book everyone should have on their shelves.

Dan wants to know where to find sex positive therapists. I recommend starting with the Open List by Tristan Taormino and also AASECT.

Jack wrote in with lots of love. THANK YOU JACK! Also, how can Jack up their sexting game? They aren't very good at it. Check out my free Sexting Made Easy handout to get you started.

Three cheers for uberlube. Random unless you listen!

A 23-year-old wrote in. He just had sex for the second time but he couldn't cum. Is he just too used to his masturbation technique? Is something wrong? Let's talk about orgasms and goals and the pressure we put on ourselves during sex.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_192.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

My porn workshop, Hands Down: A Workshop on How Porn Can Heal, Connect, and Be Ethical, is now streaming. Check out the details at dawnserra.com/porn. Let's talk about the porn!

Here's that funny article I was giggling over called, "20 Things Guys Have Actually Said to Me In Bed."

Now, on to your questions.

Brittany wrote in seeking sexy kink events near her. The best place to go for kink events is Fetlife.com. You'll want to keep an eye out for munches and conferences. Because Brittany is in Massachusetts, she might also want to check out The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Rhode Island for workshops. Plus, Joellen Notte lists Oh My! Sensuality Shop and Good Vibrations in Massachusetts on her superhero sex shop map. Basically, any feminist sex shop will have classes and workshops that could be a fun way to meet folks.

A listener wrote back with an update. They found a friend to watch them have sex and it's turned into a fun threesome situation. Yay!

Jen wrote in because apparently there was a shit-show on another sex podcast where the guest did some major body shaming and had some sexist ideas about getting desire back. I love knowing people can turn to Sex Gets Real and Explore More Summit for more inclusive conversations. Ha.

As sex educators and therapists, we have a responsibility to examine our advice and our stories to ensure we aren't hurting people further. Fatphobia is one of those things we must confront and rewrite as experts.

Nugget wrote in with some words of love.

Nandi is fat and confused and needs help with her changing body. She's getting bariatric surgery and wonders if there's a way to find ease in her body without surgery. I have so many thoughts, including the importance of checking out all the talks at exploremoresummit.com because they're all about this VERY topic.

You never have to love your body. You are allowed to do whatever you need to do to survive. If you want to start diving into resources about fat stigma, self acceptance, fatphobia, and fighting diet culture, the resource page I created (which is growing) is a great place to start.

Your body is NOT the problem. The problem is our culture, our fatphobic doctors, our media consumption.

I highly recommend Hanne Blank's, "Big, Big Love", Elle Chase's, "Curvy Girl Sex", "The Intuitive Eating Workbook, "The Fat Studies Reader", and all the other books on the resource page mentioned above.

We have to prioritize our needs. We have to prioritize our body. We will always disappoint someone and people will always feel like they have a right to comment on our body or threaten us with "health" concerns. Finding people who can help support us as we exist in our body, as it is, is crucial.

Mastadon is a horny hubby. He and his wife opened their relationship temporarily a few years ago, and even though she doesn't want to do that again, he can't stop thinking about it. He wants adventure and new lovers and he feels like she just isn't adventurous or open to that sort of thing. He doesn't want to be a cheating piece of shit (his words), but he really wants to have new sexual experiences.

So often these questions are about avoiding discomfort and awkwardness. But that's just not possible. You have to evaluate what you most value, what you're most curious about, and then make some tough decisions. You are either committed to your relationship, which means uncomfortable conversations and finding ways to feel expressive and creative inside of it. Or, if your pleasure is more important, then transitioning out of the marriage might be the discomfort you need to move into.

Our partners may be open to changing things, but we cannot force them or manipulate them into it. Getting a sex coach or a sex therapist can be a good place to start, just to help the conversations to be more open and vulnerable.

Honesty and integrity are not about comfort. They take practice and moving into uncomfortable spaces. But the payoff can be tremendous when we do that.

Miss Lou is a BBW who has been asked to sit on a partner's face. What should they do? How should they do? How do you get on someone's face without it be awkward? Let's talk about fat face sitting!

Sometimes we just have to climb on and wiggle around, try pillows in a variety of positions, and find what works in the moment. Awkward can be fun when you're both excited and open about the fact that it's awkward. It's sex! So, get on, bounce around, and see what works. Then, do more of that.

Hoodie sex? Nick wants to know if it's weird that he wants to have sex with his girlfriend while she wears his hoodies. Is that weird? 

Nope. Because if it's consensual and you're both having fun, then who cares? Sex itself is weird. Enjoy it!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_191.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 2:31pm EDT

Did you hear last week? CrashPad Series is sponsoring the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition. It's free and online, so sign-up today. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure.

To see the line-up for the summit and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. And if you want to see a VERY HOT scene with April and Milcah, head to CrashPadSeries.com and join today.

This week, Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg are here! Which means it's basically an hour of me laughing hysterically.

We talk about their new sex podcast, American Sex, and some of the guests they've had - like the grapefruit lady and a guy whose fetish is death and sex.

Ken talks about how his relationship to kink has changed due to some health concerns, and Sunny talks about menopause and her libido.

We also answer listener questions about pubic hair and fisting. Ken even wows with the history of the merkin. 

Looking for my new porn workshop? Pop over here.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Ken Melvoin-Berg & Sunny Megatron:

Superheroes of sex ed, married couple Ken Melvoin-Berg & Sunny Megatron are partners in every sense of the word. In addition to co-producing Showtime’s “Sex with Sunny Megatron,” they initially gained recognition writing and teaching about everyone’s favorite subject, SEX. In their sell-out workshops, their unique brand of “edutainment” plus combined 25+ years of sexuality teaching experience puts students at ease. Each session seamlessly combines their humorous lecturing style, interactive exercises, and the latest sexuality research.

Sunny hosts their Showtime original television series, “Sex with Sunny Megatron,” taking viewers on a journey into the world of adult play, as everyday people expose their deepest and most intimate fantasies. Always honest, funny, and sex-positive, the show provides an interesting, fresh twist on sexual exploration.

Their latest endeavor is their podcast called American Sex that features an eclectic mix of guests from all walks of life. American Sex podcast is available on most major podcasting platforms.

On a more personal note, this dynamic duo are married, parents, occasionally ethically non-monogamous, and lifestyle BDSM enthusiasts.

Want to stay in touch? Check out American Sex Podcast on Twitter and Facebook. You can also visit Sunny's website sunnymegatron.com. Follow Sunny on Facebook and Twitter and Ken on Twitter.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_190.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

I am so excited. CrashPad Series is sponsoring the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition AND they sent me an exclusive audio clip of April Flores and Milcah filming a recent scene. You can hear the juicy details in the show this week. HEAR THE PORN! 

If you want to hear more from April about porn and fat sex, she's speaking at the summit which starts December 4th. It's free and online, so sign-up today! We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure.

To see the line-up for the summit and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. And if you want to see the VERY HOT scene with April and Milcah, head to CrashPadSeries.com and join today.

This week, Barbara Carrellas joins me to talk all about tantra. Her incredible, inclusive book, "Urban Tantra" just celebrated it's 10 year anniversary by releasing an updated 2nd edition. The new edition includes tantra for asexual/aromantic folks and an entire chapter on erotic massage for trans and gender non-conformity bodies.

If you've listened to the show for any amount of time, you know that I adore this book and Barbara's approach to tantra. And, this week's episode gives you a delicious idea of why - it's so inclusive, so open, so welcoming, and absolutely designed for you to customize it to fit your needs, desires, and life.

Tantra shouldn't be about certain positions, heterosexual bodies, masculinity or femininity and certain genders because it's a spiritual practice. And spiritual practices need to include everybody in every body.

Grab the 2nd edition of Urban Tantra RIGHT NOW. Looking for my new porn workshop? Pop over here.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Barbara Carrellas:

Barbara Carrellas is celebrating the brand new second edition of her bestselling book, Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty First Century—the world’s first LGBTQ- and BDSM-inclusive Tantric sex book. She has also written Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide To Sex, Relationships and Oh So Much More, and Luxurious Loving. Barbara is the founder of Urban Tantra® — a philosophy, an international community, and an inclusive conscious sexuality practice—and the Urban Tantra® Professional Training Program, a comprehensive training program in the practice and application of conscious sexuality, supporting both personal and professional goals. She was named Best Tantric Sex Seminar Leader in New York City by Time Out/NY Magazine for her Urban Tantra® workshops, and was awarded a 2016 Sexual Freedom Award for Lifetime Achievement.

You can stay in touch with Barbara on Facebook and also on Twitter @UrbanTantrika.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_189.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 11:56am EDT

Two things!

Sign-up for the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition at exploremoresummit.com. It's free and kicks off December 4th. Prepare to be challenged and cracked open.

My porn workshop, Hands Down: A Workshop on How Porn Can Heal, Connect, and Be Ethical, is now enrolling. Check out the details at dawnserra.com/porn. Let's talk about the porn!

Now, on to your questions.

GR wrote in asking how porn stars and people in non-monogamous relationships protect themselves. How does safe sex work with multiple partners? It's such an important question. Ultimately, it depends on each of us. We all have different needs, different requirements around risk and prevention, so the answer is really all in how you negotiate it with a partner.

The most important this is to remember we always default to the person who wants MORE protection. If you don't want to use their level of protection, then you either don't engage with them or you limit your activities, but we NEVER try to talk someone out of what they need for their peace of mind or bodily safety.

Cece is trying to learn how to trust her partner after he betrayed her. How can she stop questioning his word? She even snoops sometimes because she's so convinced he isn't being upfront. How can she build trust? Is there any hope?

Betrayals are absolutely something you can overcome, but rebuilding trust takes time. Like, years sometimes. And not just time, but consistent, reliable behavior that proves the person is who they say they are. A lot of people can't stand that uncertainty in the interim, so you have to decide for yourself if you can find some care and support in that uncomfortable space. I also recommend Esther Perel's two books, "Mating in Captivity" and her latest, "The State of Affairs." 

There was an unfortunate incident on Dan Savage's podcast recently where a trans listener was misgendered and handled so poorly. If you want to read Bex Caputo's response as well as this great thread on Twitter about the whole debacle, check it out. Trans folks, you deserve better than what Dan & Buck offered you. 

LoveAllOfHim wants some advice for having sex with her fat male partner. She loves his body, but sometimes positions are a little tough. Most sex books for fat folks focus on folks with a vulva. LAOH needs some guidance.

I definitely recommend LAOH check out Hanne Blank's "Big, Big Love" book. Also, this article on Scarleteen about sex with a fat partner who also has a smaller penis. I also recommend sex furniture and cushions, using ropes and straps to adjust bodies, and also getting creative with sex toys made for a penis to possibly make access a little easier.

Be sure to check out Chubstr.com, too. They don't have a sex section yet, but they do have loads of resources for large & fat men and masculine folks, and I suspect it will be added at some point down the road.

Natalia wants to know if certain personality traits make for better worse lovers. Also, are artists better lovers? They're fun questions that I play around with for a few moments. Hint: it's not alpha males or folks who have something to prove.

Julia is the final question of the episode. It's a heartbreaking, painful plea for help after Julia's husband betrayed her and blamed it on sex addiction and not being able to help himself. How can she recover?

In the end, Julia needs to center herself and what she needs to heal, to grieve, to move forward. It's a tough place to be, and there is no easy answer. Can we grapple with that pain and uncertainty? We'll find out.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_188.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Don't forget, the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition kicks off December 4th and it's totally free. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure.

To see the line-up and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com.

This week, Jaclyn Friedman is here to talk all about her new book, "Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All." It is a powerful, comprehensive examination of all the ways our ideas about sex intersect with things like media, racism, justice, toxic masculinity, patriarchy. Basically, all my favorite topics wrapped up into one.

We geek out about why sexual olympics and hedonism will NOT set everyone free. What it means to have "fauxpowerment" around our sexuality and why individualistic solutions aren't going to heal the world.

We talk about Hugh Hefner (ugh), the ways doctors fail us, Jaclyn's visit to a sex research lab and what the vagina REALLY is. Seriously, that last bit blew my mind.

We also talk about what we can do to actually start changing the world, how we can confront things like toxic masculinity and patriarchy, and why it all matters.

You can pre-order the book here (it comes out November 14th, 2017).

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Jaclyn Friedman:

Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, speaker and activist, and creator of the hit books Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009, and #11 on Ms. Magazine’s Top 100 Feminist Nonfiction of All Time list) and What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety. Her podcast, Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire.

Stay in touch with Jaclyn on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @jaclynf.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_187.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

First up, I am so excited to announce the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition. It kicks off December 4th and it's totally free. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure.

To see the line-up and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com.

Also, I am taking new coaching clients, so if you're at a point where you want to unpack some shame, get unstuck, or ask for some personalized advice, head to dawnserra.com.

This week we are talking about technology, innovation, and sex education. Andrea Barrica is here, the founder of O.School. She has long been in the tech industry, working with the titans in Silicone Valley, and it's clear that the internet is not designed for sex education or for safety.

Andrea is on a mission to change that. She wants people to have a harassment-free, trauma-informed place to access sex education that is real, powerful, and available anywhere in the world.

We talk about all the ways technology is currently failing us, what's next for sex education, and how we can design better solutions that center the most marginalized. This episode will totally scratch your geek side, so dive in!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Andrea Barrica:

Andrea Barrica is CEO/co-founder of O.school, an online shame-free platform for pleasure education, powered by live-streaming and chat to help people unlearn shame, process trauma, and learn about sex and pleasure. Previously, Andrea co-founded YC-backed accounting and tax platform, inDinero.com, where she led sales and operations. She also served as a venture partner and entrepreneur-in-residence at 500 Startups, one of the world’s most active, global seed funds.

Stay in touch with Andrea on LinkedIn and follow along on Twitter at @abarrica and @OschoolLive.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_186.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 4:00am EDT

Your questions have been pouring in. And of course, if you want to practice being the sexpert, folks who support the show on Patreon at $10 get to offer their advice for the show, too.

So, where are we going this week?

Emma has been seeing someone for a few years who keeps disappearing and ignoring her. They have amazing chemistry and great sex, so what can she do about the way he behaves? 

The truth is the way he's behaving is abusive and all about control and manipulation, and not at all about honoring this relationship. I dive into the why and how of what I think Emma should do next.

Maddy and another listener both wrote in recently asking for help about how to raise sex positive kids. I have a bunch of resources to share from books to websites and big concepts that I think set us up for more success as teens and adults. Also, Nadine Thornhill talked about this on episode 109 of the show. Check that out, too.

Because kids and sex is about more than just condoms and STIs. It's about emotional intelligence, resilience, finding your voice, knowing your own body, communicating boundaries and desires, and learning how to survive the awkward. If parents can help kids learn that? They'll be so much better prepared for all the stuff around sex that makes sex so confusing and difficult. Plus, FOCUS ON THE PLEASURE. Talking about pleasure doesn't make kids have the sex. But it does empower them around knowing what they want later in life.

Another listener needs help finding a third for her threesome desires, but she has herpes. How can she find someone who wants to play with her and her boyfriend, and who won't mind her herpes status? Speaking of playing with others, Lindsey and her boyfriend love being watched while they have sex. They've done it once, but they want to do more. Where can they find voyeurs who will enjoy watching them get off?

From Tinder and OK Cupid to exploring local poly groups and play parties, there are loads of options if you're willing to put in a little work and ask for what you want.

Tori is a rape survivor with a long history of less-than-satisfying sex. She's in a new relationship and she's taking it slow, but she needs help around how to disclose her survivor status to her boyfriend. I have lots of thoughts about what it means to share your trauma with someone, and how to explore this space from a place of connection and curiosity rather than one of fear and shame.

Finally, Nathan wants to know how to convince his girlfriend to be his keyholder because he is into chastity devices. Will she even want to?

Once again, the only answer is to ask her, and I explain why.

Love the show? You can lend your support by heading to patreon.com/sgrpodcast - supporting at $3 per month gets you exclusive weekly content you can't hear anywhere else.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Scarleteen.com

Cory Silverberg's books "What Makes a Baby?" and "Sex is a Funny Word"

Anastasia Higginbotham's "Tell Me About Sex, Grandma", "Death is Stupid", and "Divorce is the Worst"

Nadine Thornhill, a sex educator specifically working with parents on teaching their kids about sex. Check out her YouTube, too.

Heather Corinna (founder of Scarleteen) has a book called "S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties"

A great resource for parents about raising kids is John Gottman's "Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting"

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Direct download: Episode_185.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

This week's show is sponsored by RXBar. You can grab 25% off your first order at rxbar.com/sgr with promo code SGR at checkout. You want to know what's in your lube, and now you can see what's in your snacks!

I am absolutely in love with this week's chat with Dalychia and Rafaella from Afrosexology.

We talk about their mission to bring sexual liberation and agency to the Black community. We explore pleasure and how to center it in our lives, why masturbation is a powerful tool to finding our power, and why it's so important to focus on pleasure in sex education, especially for the Black community and POC.

We also geek out about their spectacular Instagram account filled with beautiful bodies, genders, and erotic acts, all by Black artists.

It's rich, deep, and powerful. Ready to hear it? Let's go...

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Afrosexology:

Afrosexology provides comprehensive pleasure based education centered around the narratives and liberation of Black people. We curate community discussions, educational materials, and sex positive events that cover topics such as: masturbation, self love, enhancing communication in relationships, radical twerking, oral sex, body agency, and much much more. We work with diverse groups including sexuality professionals, community organizations, individuals, parents, youth, spiritual communities, universities, and anyone else who wants to live a sex positive life.

Our mission is to educate, explore, and reclaim Black sexuality by promoting Black self empowerment through sexual liberation. We celebrated our second birthday this summer and are proud to have worked with over 1000 individuals. Afrosexology has created spaces where people feel free to express everything from shame to sexual desires, challenge stereotypes around sexual agency, and build an affirming community around shared experiences. We believe that there is so much to unpack and reclaim when it comes to our bodies and sexuality and we want people to live their most pleasurable lives.

Stay in touch with Afrosexology on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_184.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Welcome to this week's show! We're talking books, housework & resentment, and cheating.

Oh, and I just started watching Big Mouth on Netflix which is an absurd, bizarre cartoon all about going through puberty. You might want to check it out.

Cadessa wrote in about her non-existent sex life and how listening to the show changed everything.

Sarah has a girlfriend who refuses to help with housework and now she has deep resentment about always being the one to do it or to have to remind her. Is this a silly thing to be angry about? Or is this a big deal? Steph, a Patreon supporter, weighed in with her thoughts, and then I weigh in with mine. We have to remember that emotional labor is so real. When we are treating a partner like a child (either because they refuse to step up and help or because we have control issues), of course our libido is going to take a nose dive. You deserve support, it just depends on what that support looks like.

Julia Callahan is here from Rare Bird Lit to talk about why they publish sex worker stories and why they love centering marginalized voices. They have a new book called Identity that's a photo book and essays all about gender identity. Absolutely worth checking out.

We end this week's episode with a very messy situation sent in by Emily. She's in love and has been with her boyfriend for several years, but she's been cheating endlessly for a few years and doesn't know what to do. Being in a toxic relationship like this isn't good for anyone. Hear my advice to Emily and let me know what you think.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Rare Bird Lit's books can all be found here.

About Julia Callahan

Julia Callahan oversees all aspects of sales, distribution, marketing, and author relations. Prior to joining the Rare Bird team, she worked for four years as Tyson Cornell’s marketing and publicity assistant at Book Soup where she helped coordinate thousands of events each year, notably The Doors’ 40th Anniversary, Ralph Steadman, Tony Curtis, and many others. Before that, she worked as an associate at Paramount Studios on The Dr. Phil Show and Star Trek. She grew up in Santa Cruz and has a BA in English.

You can learn more about Rare Bird at rarebirdbooks.com.

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Direct download: Episode_183.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 11:34am EDT

Hello, from New Orleans! Hurricane Nate meant I was stuck in Louisiana for an extra day, but it also meant more time at SisterSong's "Let's Talk About Sex" conference.

I share a little about what that conference brought up for me and then...it's your questions and my answers.

You can see some of the videos from the conference at the show's Patreon page: patreon.com/sgrpodcast

You can also see all of the permissions slips folks wrote in my workshop on Twitter if you look at my feed under #LTAS17.

Horny Virgin needs help with navigating safer sex conversations when you're engaging in casual sex. How can HV have sex and feel safe? How do you talk about testing and barriers? And, how do you even have sex? 

Ali wants to know if she kink-shamed a woman she hooked up with after this woman asked to be seriously injured during their sex without any kind of warning or conversation ahead of time. Masochism and consent are important. Not letting someone know you want them to break bones or skin before getting intimate is NOT consensual.

Ash is a 29-year-old virgin who suffers from self-esteem issues because they're overweight and feel like a freak. What can they do to find some confidence, to find partners, especially when people ask them to lose weight? Is there any hope?

I have so so much to say about this one. All the feels.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Fat activists like Jes Baker, Melissa Toler, Bevin Branlandingham, The Body is Not An Apology

Instagram accounts to check out include: FatWomenOfColorFatGirlFlow, ThickLeeyonce, BlessMayFatHeart, QueerFatFemme

Explore More Summit has several talks on confidence, bodies, fatness.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_182.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:20pm EDT

An updated Patreon you say? Why yes. Yes it is. Check out the sweet new rewards.

For the past few months, one of my favorite things on Instagram has been Maggie West's gorgeous nude photo series for Amber Rose's Slut Walk. The colors, the confidence, the variety of bodies. So, of course, I had to invite her on because her massive stained glass installation is available today in Los Angeles for Slut Walk.

We talk about art, nudity, her body fluids series which jump started her relationship with Christophe Zeischegg (who was on a few weeks ago). 

Plus, I field a listener question all about being in love with your current girlfriend, but still being a little obsessed with an ex. Is it OK to check up on exes on Facebook, even if you've moved on?

Here we go!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Check out Maggie's Instagram to see some of her amazing work for Slut Walk's 98.

About Maggie West

Maggie West is a Los Angeles based artist specializing in experimental lighting and installation techniques. Her surreal, colorful photographs have been featured in acclaimed publications and sources worldwide.

You can check out Maggie's work and stay in touch on Instagram and Twitter @maggiewest.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_181.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 9:41am EDT

An updated Patreon you say? Why yes. Yes it is. Check out the sweet new rewards (that I can actually deliver).

What happens when two sex educators get together and geek out? You get this spanking new episode featuring Bex Caputo from the Dildorks podcast.

If ever there was an episode that covered all the things, it's this one. We talk about piss play and watersports. We giggle over fisting. We talk about kitten play and puppy play which leads us into talking power exchange and being a good submissive.

But it doesn't stop there. We also talk about the incredible awesomeness that is platonic kink - a thing that way too many people don't know is a thing. Then there's sex labs and practicing sexy stuff before you want it to BE sexy and the stunning advice Bex received when considering going on testosterone.

What if you don't have to wait to be miserable to want to change your body or your gender, your relationship or your job? What if you simply want to be happier? What if joy was enough of a reason?

We're going everywhere, so tune in and join the fun.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Read Bex's Woodhull wrap-up here.

About Bex Caputo

Bex Caputo is a sex educator, blogger, speaker, podcaster, and dildo peddler. They’ve been a proud and undeniable kinkster ever since they insisted on being served their meals in a dog bowl at the age of 8, (and even before that, probably). They’re a Virgo, a Hufflepuff, a pup, and a nonbinary queerdo who grew up into the pop punk skater boy they had a crush on in high school.

Stay in touch with Bex on InstagramTwitter @BexTalksSex.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_180.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Guess what? LOLA is sponsoring this week's episode. You can get pads, tampons, and liners delivered to you, via their rad subscription service, at 60% off your first order when you subscribe. Just use promo code SGR when you visit mylola.com and get started.

This week it's you and me and all your emails.

But before I answer your questions, let's talk about the Seattle Erotic Film Festival and Dan Savage's HUMP! Festival, both of which I attended this week.

The Seattle Erotic Film Festival had a lot of films that really weren't my cup of tea. Which is OK, but it did tell me a lot about what I enjoy watching and what I don't.

I mentioned "Cake" by Anne Hu, and you can see the trailer here. It was truly delightful. Boner Loaner and How to Date a Couple were also favorites. Oh, and two films with scat play! Color me surprised.

HUMP had a lot more that I enjoyed and laughed over, but I was still bummed that the best sex films were both awarded to thin, young, cis, hetero-presenting couples.

Jnix wrote in wanting to know what the definition of "cis" is. Great question.

Shane not only showers me with love but needs some help with a new girlfriend who is scared of spanking and flogging. What can Shane do? I share my first experience with flogging and how I didn't really enjoy it. But now flogging and spanking are huge parts of the sensation and kink I enjoy.

Marisa is worried that her new love of being restrained might become a problem is she does it too much. Will it stay exciting if she does it a lot or should she try and hold back so it continues to feel special? My thoughts include adopting an attitude of curiosity and wonder - whether we're talking about monogamy, restraints, or anything else in our life.

I also touch on why newness doesn't always have to be the goal, despite what we're constantly sold in this world.

Hopelessly Devoted to Boot is desperately in need of help because his boot fetish is ruining his marriage of 20 years. He needs boots, and while his wife used to accommodate his fetish by wearing boots, more recently she's been refusing to wear the boots he needs for sexual arousal and pleasure. Now their sex is virtually gone. What can he do?

All the thoughts on fetishes, the humanity of our partners, and navigating tough spots in relationships.

Sad Gay Millennial wrote a long, eloquent letter to me about his loneliness, his violations with gay male culture, and his fear of bottoming even though he loves it. I adore that he acknowledges a lack of consent culture and widespread patriarchy which is present in gay male culture. In addition to therapy & professional sexual help, hear my thoughts on how to navigate love, dating, and trauma when you feel alone and totally empty.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in this episode

My Sex Map game is only $9 and can help you find new ways to talk about sex. Grab it here.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_179.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

What happens when you get a herpes diagnosis? And more importantly, what happens if you begin hiding that you have herpes?

Dr. Sheila Loanzon, an OBGYN who gives amazing PAP smears, is here to talk about her very personal story and new book, "Yes, I Have Herpes."

From advice on how to deal to details about what herpes really is, Dr. Sheila has practical advice as well as powerful personal stories about why she didn't tell her partners about her herpes for many years and what it was like to go back and tell them the truth.

We also talk about why it's so important to work on ourselves if we want healthy relationships, how to set yourself up for a successful PAP smear, tips for trauma survivors and trans folks to find a good doctor, why ALL vulvas are beautiful, and the strangest question Dr. Sheila has ever had from a patient.

You don't want to miss this.

Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Interested in Dr. Sheila's book? Check it out here: "Yes, I Have Herpes"

About Dr. Sheila Loanzon

Dr. Sheila Loanzon, also known as the "Compassionate Gynecologist," is a board certified obstetrician and gynecologist with over 15 years of patient and personal experience with the diagnosis of herpes. Dr. Loanzon offers women specific tools to shift their perspective, gain insight, and move forward confidently and in self-love. Dr. Loanzon received her BA in biochemistry at Vassar College and completed medical school at the College of Osteopathic Medicine of the Pacific. She currently works at a large multispeciality practice in California. You can find her on Twitter @DrSheilaGyn.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_178.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

How can you thrive as a sex worker, navigating the fact that you have no real safety while also performing erotic fantasies and sex at the same time? How can you care for yourself as clients bring in their pain, shame, and fear and expect you to heal them?

Lola Davina is here to help us answer those questions and more. Her new book, "Thriving in Sex Work," is like a big sister's guide to caring for yourself as a sex worker.

We talk about the unrealistic expectations clients often come in with, being financially responsible, setting boundaries and trusting your gut, creating rituals to celebrate small and big wins, and a whole lot more.

It's fascinating and practical. It's one of my favorite chats, and I think you'll hear why.

Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Grab Lola Davina's book, "Thriving in Sex Work: Heartfelt Advice for Staying Sane in the Sex Industry: A Self-Help Book for Sex Workers"

About Lola Davina

Lola Davina has spent more than 25 years in and around the sex industry, working as a stripper, dominatrix, porn actress, and escort over a fifteen-year period. She has earned an M.A. in Human Sexuality and an M.S. in Nonprofit Fundraising, and writes a self-care and wellness column for YNOTcam.com.

You can stay in touch with Lola at loladavina.com, on Facebook, and on Twitter @Lola_Davina.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_177.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Guess what? Christopher Zeischegg is here this week. You may know him as porn performer Danny Wylde.

I had a chance to read his book, "The Wolves that Live in Skin and Space," and we talk all about his writing, the horror genre, leaving porn, bi-phobia within the porn world, why he's grateful to be in a monogamous relationship, how he got involved in creating a hot sauce called Wyldefire and a whole lot more.

Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources from this episode

Vice article on Chris and his hot sauce

Chris' creepy essay "Moral Imperative of Sexual Suffering"

About Christopher Zeischegg (Danny Wylde)

Christopher Zeischegg is a writer, musician, and filmmaker who spent eight years working in the adult industry as performer, Danny Wylde.

He's the author of two novels, Come to my Brother and The Wolves that Live in Skin and Spaceand has contributed to The Feminist Porn BookBest Sex WritingComing Out Like a Porn StarSplit Lips, and a variety of digital publications, such as Somesuch and Nerve.

His industrial metal band, Chiildren, released their second EP, The Circle Narrows, through Records Ad Nauseam in 2015.

He became the face of >Wyldefire Hot Sauce in 2016.

Zeischegg lives in Los Angeles with his two cats, Victoria and Isis.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_176.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

This week it's you and me and all your emails. Let's dive in.

Ariyanna wrote in about how the show changed her life. Coleman, too! Yay for learning from this show.

Jess needs help finding BDSM porn that isn't extreme or just about the fucking. She wants sensual, intimate, connected porn that is also kinky. Where can she turn? I have a few suggestions, including EroticFilms.com. That's my affiliate link, and all the films on the website are curated by Erika Lust, so most of them are super sensual. Also, check out Jackie St. James, Crashpad, and Madison Young.

Johnny wrote in wanting to give his partner an orgasm.  He says all his previous partners orgasmed from penetration alone (which I highly doubt). But his current girlfriend has never had an orgasm and he NEEDS to give her one because he's horrified. Long time listeners know this is one of those questions that gets me up on my soapbox, so let's talk about why orgasm is NOT the goal of sex. Also, the fastest way to not orgasm is to expect an orgasm. I have some big thoughts for Johnny, all of which I'm sure he won't like.

Broad City Broad wants to know how she can find high quality lovers who actually want intimacy and connection, even if it's not a romantic relationship. How did I do it? A lot of it was luck, but being honest in your dating profile is a big part of finding good lovers. I share a few more thoughts.

Greeney is struggling because she recently broke off a 10 year monogamous relationship. She developed a relationship with a polyamorous man, who just recently moved away. She's rekindling her relationship with the monogamous ex and wants to try and make all of it work. My thoughts? Don't. Hiding & lying as a way to claim you're trying not to hurt someone aren't the way to not hurt someone.

Darkness Wonderer is worried that the sex with her partner is sporadic and that she gets turned on by women. Is she secretly a lesbian? Should their sex be more consistent? Why doesn't she want sex like she used to? There's a lot to unpack.

A high school sophomore wants to ask out bisexual junior. How can he find out whether she prefers women or men and how to ask her out. Ahhh high school.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_175.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

I wanted to open this week's episode with a note about racism and white supremacy in light of the Charlottesville crap that's recently unfolded. I mentioned a bunch of places where you can donate money to help fight racism and support the folks on the ground doing the work. Find them here and here.

On to this week's episode... This week I'm joined by author Rachel Hills and model Jennie Runk to talk about Rachel's book "The Sex Myth" and the new play by the same name starring Jennie that will run for 5 days in New York this week.

We talk about all of the cultural myths that are keeping us trapped in pain and shame around sex. I particularly love Rachel's analysis on the myth that our worth as a human is determined by how other's see us sexually. This is a huge part of why we are all performing so hard to be seen as sexy and adventurous and wanted.

Jennie also talks about being a plus-sized model and exploring her identity as a lesbian in the stage production of The Sex Myth.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Rachel Hills

Rachel Hills is an Australian journalist, TED speaker, and writer based in New York. Her critically-acclaimed book The Sex Myth is a call for a generation to question how systems of power pull at the strings of our sexual experience. A devised play based on the book will debut in New York City in August 2017.

Follow along with The Sex Myth's updates and play at thesexmyth.com, and over on Instagram and Twitter @thesexmyth.

You can also find Rachel on Instagram and sign-up for her Tiny Letter.

About Jennie Runk

Jennie Runk is an American model represented by JAG Models in New York. Born in Georgia and raised in Missouri, Jennie was discovered in a Petsmart while volunteering for a cat adoption service. A proud (and recently married!) member of the LGBTQ community, Jennie is passionate about inclusion and empowerment for all people. Considered plus-size by the fashion industry, Jennie starred in the H&M summer swimwear campaign, graced the April cover of Marie Claire France and stars in the Straight/Curve documentary where she shares her compelling perspective on the future of her industry.

You can stay in touch with Jennie on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter @jennierunk.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_174.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Riley J Dennis is someone I've been watching on YouTube for a little while and completely admiring. I adore her passion for anti-oppressive work, talking about feminism, politics, sex, trans issues, and a bunch more.

So, I decided to reach out and invite her on the show. When she said yes, I immediately went to work watching as many of her YouTube videos as I could find. Some of the most fun homework because I spent hours geeking out over the topics and rolling around in her facts and super logical approach to things that a lot of people really hate.

We not only talk about trans identity policing, trans porn, and being visible online, but we also explore what it's like to be so hated in the online space and why Riley's sex toy video for trans folks completely melted my heart.

It's super fun and I can't wait for you to hear it.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Riley J. Dennis

Riley J. Dennis is a trans, non-binary, gay, polyamorous woman who makes YouTube videos about intersectional feminism, politics, queer stuff, and a whole lot of other topics. She thinks all TV shows and movies should be gayer.

You can follow her on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter @rileyjaydennis.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_173.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT