Sun, 10 March 2019
Sex Gets Real 252: A fiance who expects threesomes, anger management, & later-in-life first-time sex
On to your emails!
Kim wrote in with a sweet note about hearing a trauma story on episode 246 and how much it reminded her that she's not alone in her healing and trauma. Thanks for the support, Kim!
Katie has a request. As someone who is a sex researcher and who does a lot of work around sex, the thing that shocks people the most is that she didn't have intercourse for the first time until she was 30. She'd love to hear more conversations about people who don't have sex until later in life and the benefits and struggles that presents.
Future Mrs. is three months from getting married but she's never been less sure about whether this is what she wants. Her fiancé wants her to have threesomes with other women, and even though she's tried, she just doesn't want. But he keeps bringing it up and it's led to arguments and a lot of conflict. What can she do?
Let's talk about what it looks like to respect someone's boundaries, to have the maturity to hold that our desires will be bigger than our lives can hold, and why expectations are the enemy of connection and trust.
Finally, Distraught has had a few angry outbursts recently that have been rather abusive towards their boyfriend, and while their boyfriend does have some boundary work to do to care for themselves around it, Distraught is hoping for resources to help with anger management amid a chronic illness, changing career, and shrinking financial security. Help!
My recommendations include Karla McLaren's Gift of Anger post and her other anger post, as well as Soraya Chemaly's "Rage Becomes Her", Rebecca Traister's "Good and Mad", and Brittany Cooper's "Eloquent Rage". It might also be helpful for Distraught to check out Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha's "Care Work" and this crip lit round up on Autostraddle around the grief and realities of a body changed by chronic illness.
I also cannot recommend Cristien Storm's boundary book, "Living in Liberation" highly enough to everyone everywhere.
(All of the books are linked to Amazon with my affiliate link. Check with your local, independent bookstores first, if you can!)
Want to support the show? EVERY DOLLAR MATTERS SO MUCH. The best part is if you support at $3 per month and above, you get weekly bonus content that doesn't exist anywhere else. This week we're talking spiritual bypassing and I'm fielding a question on invisible and emotional labor that women often do. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show or to tune into your bonus content.
About Host Dawn Serra:
What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.
In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.
It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.
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