Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

tl;dr How to have with someone in a wheelchair, being scared of sex and not knowing how to jump in.

Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at We are diving into the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - the behaviors that indicate a relationship is in need of repair and heading for trouble and what we can do about it.

This week’s episode is you and me and your emails. Before we get to that, a few announcements.

An important article on abortion plus I also am sharing two interesting posts about men and testosterone and men and sexual desire by psychotherapist Eric FitzMedrud. There's some really interesting stuff here that helps to share our conversation masculinity and consent. I'd love to hear what you think!

Grab the links at for everything mentioned.

On to your questions!

Cassandra is about to have sex for the first time with someone new and he is in a wheelchair. She's not sure how to ask what he likes or how to sext, espcially since he told her that he can't get erections. What should she do?

Let's talk about sex with someone in a wheelchair! First, for folks who are super new to sex and disability, has this awesome video to get you started.

I also highly recommend this soon-to-be-published book by Limerence Press, an imprint of Oni Press, called "A Quick and Easy Guide to Sex and Disability" by A. Andrews. It's a graphic novel all about - you guessed it - sex and disability and I love it. It comes out in May 2020, so follow Limerence on Twitter to hear when it's out! You can also pre-order it on Amazon.

I offer loads of questions Cassandra can ask her new beau, and I also suggest a Yes No Maybe list. Head to for a great resource on those.

Next, Scaredy Cat and Queer & Missing Sex are BOTH scared about sex.

Scaredy Cat is in eating disorder recovery and found me through Christy Harrison's amazing show, Food Psych. SC hasn't had a boyfriend and is terrified of sex to the point that she is cutting off potential partners out of fear that they'll expect or want sex. What can she do?

In addition to all the things I mention on the show, I also pulled together a reading list for SC as a way to start learning, practicing, and finding more language around sex, boundaries, needs, and desires.

Some books to get you going can be found at

There's a much bigger recommended reading list you can grab at, too!

Next up, Queer & Missing Sex is a few years out of an abusive relationship and feeling scared about sex, too. What can they do to reconnect with someone and have the fun sex they miss?

Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

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Episode Transcript

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Direct download: Episode_290.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST