Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

tl;dr Can someone explore their bisexuality while being in a monogamous relationship? Do things get better after you've been raped? How can you balance body positivity with Hashimoto's and how can you tell a potential date about your health issues?

Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Also, your bonus this week is some fun journal prompts and questions about food and pleasure. Be sure to grab it!

On with this week's episode.

TJ has been diagnosed with Hashimoto's which is an auto immune disorder. After a lifetime of trying to be accepting of their body, now their body is changing. How can they balance a restricted diet without giving into diet culture?

And, if you're just starting to date again, how do you tell someone about your health issues? When is the right time to tell them about a disease or a disorder?

MJ is exploring her bisexuality, but there's a problem. She's in a monogamous relationship. Her partner is open to them trying a threesome, but MJ wants to try sex with a woman on her own just to see what's it like. Can she do that?

This also opens the door for us to talk about the ways we treat people when we want to experiment with our sexuality or try a threesome - often we treat folks like objects to use for our pleasure. How can we do better? What kind of complexity do we need to grapple with if we're seriously considering trying something like this?

Finally, N wrote in. She was raped and then betrayed by someone she cared deeply about. After a suicide attempt, N is in counselling and struggling. Does life get better? Do the nightmares and the fear and the PTSD get better? Is there hope for intimacy and being able to be touched?

Let's talk about the realities of living in a body after trauma and what healing can look like inside of these very broken systems we're in.

Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Stream it on Spotify
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Episode Transcript

Visit dawnserra.com/ep286 for the transcript.

Direct download: Episode_286.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

tl;dr Kai Cheng Thom on consent, healing, & pleasure

This episode is generously brought to you by LOLA. Listeners, save 30% off your first month's subscription of period products (tampons, pads, and liners) and sex products (ultra thin condoms, lube, and wipes).

This week it's me and Kai Cheng Thom. I AM SO EXCITED!

Kai Cheng and I talk about so many things from how easy it is for sex positive educators to default to a mechanized view of sex and why checklists around consent aren't enough to why sex is always political and why Kai Cheng is so committed to uplifting our humanity.

We dive into healing, trauma, transformative justice, courage, pleasure, and Kai Cheng's vision for a post-apocalyptic world.

Be sure to check out Kai Cheng's advise column for some great reading, and of course, grab Kai Cheng's new book, "I Hope We Choose Love: A Trans Girl's Notes From the End of the World" out by AK Press.

Then, for Patreon, our bonus conversation is all about somatic sex education, the importance of having a place to practice and experience sex, and where you can learn more about somatic sex education. If you want to hear our chat, it's for folks who support at $3 per month and above, and you can hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!  

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Kai Cheng Thom:

Kai Cheng Thom is a writer, performer, and community worker based in Toronto. She is the award-winning author four books, all in different genres. Kai Cheng's work on mental health, relationships, and transformative justice has appeared in many publications internationally.

Stay in touch with Kai Cheng at kaichengthom.com and on Twitter @razorfemme.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Tune in on Spotify.
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Episode Transcript

Head to dawnserra.com/ep285 for the transcript.

Direct download: Episode_285.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EST

tl;dr How to vulnerable and honest, is cheating bad, and what to do about a big penis?

News!

  1. Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

Let's take a touch inventory. Who in your life can you share touch with? Not just sexual or romantic, but platonic, comforting, or familial touch? I've been thinking a lot about the ways we're so touch-starved here in the U.S. and Canada, and then an article came across my feed this week that I thought was worth sharing. Check out Vice's article by visiting dawnserra.com/ep284.

This week it's your emails! We're diving deep into three of them.

Anxious Freshman grew up in a household where love was dependent on obedience and pleasing their father. As someone heading off to college, they're noticing that it's challenging for them to be open and honest about their feelings, to be vulnerable with others. They even lie to their friends about sex while knowing their friends wouldn't judge them. What can they do differently?

Al has a big question. Is it wrong to cheat on his wife? They've been married a long time and sex hasn't been a part of the equation for many years. He is seriously considering cheating on his wife, and wants to know if it's wrong.

It's a huge question and one I take some time with.

Finally, Big Cock Blues has met someone wonderful, but there's a problem. His cock is massive and it leaves BCB feeling raw, sore, and irritated after they have intercourse. What can BCB do to accommodate this big penis?

From different positions to cock rings to trying perineal massage, there are lots of ways to experiment here, but the bottom line is to always trust your body and to follow your body's lead - not to try and force it or override it's wisdom. I found an article on perineal massage for BCB. Check it out here.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Stream it on Spotify
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Episode Transcript

Coming soon at dawnserra.com/ep284

Direct download: Episode_284.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EST

tl;dr Relationship green flags (healthy relationship behaviors), community accountability, and play party etiquette.

News!

  1. Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

How are you doing? No really. How are you? Share with me, if you'd like, and send in your questions because I'd love to hear from you. Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above?

What are relationship green flags? In other words, what are healthy relationship behaviors? What's a green flag for relationships? Well, after seeing a meme circulating with a few of them, I compiled a list of 24 green flag behaviors for relationships, because we hear a lot about red flags and it's nice to know what to do versus what not to do.

Anderbear wrote in wanting to know how to proactively set up an accountability pod for their kinky community and resources for community accountability.

While the list isn't exhaustive, it is a jumping off point! Get all of the links and names at dawnserra.com/ep283.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Stream it on Spotify
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Episode Transcript

Visit dawnserra.com/ep283

Direct download: Episode_283.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:03pm EST

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