News!

1. I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot.
2. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

It's you and me this week because I have so many amazing questions from you that I wanted to answer a few before next week's epic episode with Tristan Taormino.

So what's on tap for this week?

Teacup Half Full wrote in because she is engaged to an amazing man named George. He makes her so happy. But she also has an ex from the past who has come back into her life and he has declared that he wants to leave his fiancé to be with her. She loves them both. What can she do?

I shared this question in Patreon for patrons who support at $5 and above, and Katie weighed in with her thoughts.

Part of what I think Teacup Half Full needs to evaluate is her relationship values, how she wants to be in relationship, and then evaluate her relationship with these two men to see what she notices about what feels right. The secret keeping from both her fiancé George and the ex's fiancé needs to be addressed.

Next, Ashamed AF Amy is struggling because Amy feels deeply ashamed of her genitals. She's been thinking about surgery because she feels broken and ugly. In fact, the first person she slept with shamed her and refused to go down on her.

Again, I posed this question in Patreon, and Hawthorn and Katie shared their thoughts. Among the things they offered, they also shared the following resources for learning more about the vast and extraordinary variation in how vulva look.

Check out:

The Labia Library

The Vulva Gallery

Laura Dodsworth's 100 Vagina's project

Joani Blank's book Femalia

I want for more of us, all of us regardless of gender, to check out these resources. To see the huge variety in how vulvas shape themselves - none is wrong or ugly, they're simply different and unique. We don't get a chance to see much genitalia outside of porn, and that can leave us feeling like there's something wrong.

Am Me wrote in because their friend is sexually attracted to fat bodies. How can they find resources around that?

Let's normalize finding fat bodies hot! Because fat bodies can be SOOOO sexy - all those soft places, sensitive places, and yummy places to get lost in.

Let's also talk about the difference between finding something sexy versus objectifying or fetishizing someone.

Finally, Violeta is struggling because she is from Mexico and the person she is falling for is in the U.S. Is there any hope for love across this border, especially considering the current political climate? What can she do? Everything feels so sad.

This is the reality of racism, xenophobia, and all of the bullshit propaganda U.S. citizens have been fed forever about fearing those from Mexico, Central, and South America. The violence is having a real impact on so many people, not just those crossing the border.

Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.

Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
2. Check us out on Stitcher
3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
4. Pop over to Google Play
5. Use the player at the top of this page.
6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Episode Transcript

Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep271 to grab it.

LAST CALL

1. The July cohort of Power in Pleasure starts July 21st, so this is the final DAY to register before it closes. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to honor your hunger. Your power is tied to your pleasure. Explore with us and learn more at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

Touch. The erotic. And healing.

Chris Maxwell Rose is here from The Pleasure Mechanics and we geek out about touch, changing bodies and how our relationship with the erotic changes over time, touch hunger, and much much more.

The Pleasure Mechanics have a bunch of fantastic online courses, so if you want to check those out this is my affiliate link.

A few of the things we discuss include:

• The many touch stones that we have in our life that help us stay grounded and connected to ourselves, our body,  and to the people we care about.
• What does saying yes to connection and touch mean? How do we explore our erotic selves with tenderness, longing, and hunger instead of fear, vulnerability, and terror?
• Chris shares their experience with mindfulness and being present, and how this practice can help us be more present during sex.
• Bringing erotic awareness into our daily lives and how skills based practice plays an important role in it. 
• Reverence and how we can turn our attention to the small and minute things of everyday and savour in those moments.  
• The different stories around touch, what touch hunger means, receiving touch, and to what degree is affectionate touch tied up to sex.
• What happens if touch is something that you’re not hungry for? How can we still practice this skill?
• The violence and harm that can come in how we touch one another and how do we practice the pleasure, love, radical empathy that can also happen through touch?
• Massage as the yes point for couples and the practice of massage as part of a culture within a relationship.
• The practice of sharing each other’s desires in a relationship and not taking no as a rejection.
• Creating micro-experiments as a couple to build foundational skills within the relationship.
• Honoring where you’re at and being present with yourself and/or relationship knowing that everything is a process and that there is no guarantee of the destination.
• Harnassing the erotic and how it grows your capacity to the experiences you want and the experiences that you have been practicing towards.

Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Chris!

If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Chris Maxwell Rose:

1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
2. Check us out on Stitcher
3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
4. Pop over to Google Play
5. Use the player at the top of this page.
6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Podcast Transcript can be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep270

LAST CALL

1. The July cohort of Power in Pleasure starts July 21st, so this is the final week to register before it closes. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to honor your hunger. Your power is tied to your pleasure. Explore with us and learn more at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

Sinclair Sexsmith and rife are here to talk 24/7 power exchange

First up, you can hear me on two podcasts this week talking all about pleasure, bodies, and sex. I chatted with Chris Maxwell Rose of The Pleasure Mechanics all about pleasure, hunger, and the relationship between sex and food. I was also on Rebecca Scritchfield's podcast Body Kindness talking about sex as a social skill. Check them out!

This conversation with Sinclair and rife is beautiful. They pull back the curtain on their relationship and let us take a peek at the ways they've grown into their dynamic of 24/7 Master/slave.

We explore the ways that bringing conscious, deliberate negotiation to the ways we do relationship can create beautiful conditions for love, support and growth. 

Sinclair shares how they want to show more vulnerability as a Dominant, allowing room for growth, mistakes, and not knowing - the antithesis of how so many people see Domination.

rife talks about their ultimate goal of creating a trust so deep and so strong that they can surrender all their boundaries and the long, slow process of how they're working in that direction.

They also share some of the things they're holding around the language  Master/slave and the legacy of those words within the white supremacy of the United States.

I can't wait for you to hear this.

Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Sinclair and rife all about using kink to experience embodiment and how kink can be a part of healing trauma. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Sinclair Sexsmith and rife:

1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
2. Check us out on Stitcher
3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
4. Pop over to Google Play
5. Use the player at the top of this page.
6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Podcast Transcript

Can be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep269