Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra

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Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

This week Jaclyn Friedman is here. Known for her incredible work around sexual assault, sexual violence, consent, and sex education, it is a really intense discussion that I can't wait for you to hear.

We talk about sexual liberation and why sex positivity must include conversations around sexual violence if it hopes to achieve it's aim.

We dive into stealthing and why removing a condom without consent is rape. Jaclyn explores the ways that stealthing is dehumanizing and why this power move is about erasing the humanity of the person you're sleeping with.

She also talks about what centering humanity in sex has meant for her - being able to relax into her truth by getting off the sexual Olympics train. Plus, why all this buzz about hook-up culture on college campuses is actually a myth and the impact that myth is having on students.

Then we go deep into victim-centering justice, needing community to step in and hold sexually violent people accountable, why transformative justice is not the answer, and she even challenges me on being too generous around people who commit acts of sexual violence.

We may not have answers, but we certainly have a lot of feelings and even bigger questions. So strap in and prepare yourself.

Don't forget to send in your sex confessions about May's theme of FOOD! I created a guidelines page for you.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Jaclyn Friedman

Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, speaker and activist, and creator of the hit books Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009, and #11 on Ms. Magazine’s Top 100 Feminist Nonfiction of All Time list) and What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety. Her podcast, Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire.

Friedman’s work has popularized the “yes means yes” standard of sexual consent that is quickly becoming law on many US campuses. Her insistence that authentic sexual liberation is a necessary condition to end the systemic sexualization and violation of women led Lyn Mikel Brown (Co-founder of SPARK and Professor of Education and Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies, Colby College) to call her “this generation’s version of Dr. Ruth.”

Friedman is a popular speaker on campuses and at conferences across the U.S. and beyond. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Nightline, PBS News Hour, the Melissa Harris-Perry Show, and numerous other radio and television shows, and her commentary has appeared in outlets including The New York Times, Vox, TimeThe Washington Post, Glamour and The Guardian. Friedman is a founder and the former Executive Director of Women, Action & the Media, where she led the successful #FBrape campaign to apply Facebook’s hate-speech ban to content that promotes gender-based violence. Friedman also holds an MFA in creative writing from Emerson College.

You can stay in touch with Jaclyn at jaclynfriedman.com, as well as on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @jaclynf.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
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  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_159.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

NW Mom wrote in with her confession about the mess she's in with a married man. Can she find her way out? She's lonely, she just discovered her sexual pleasure after a 20-year marriage, and yet, this amazing man can't be there for her. He knows it's not easy on her, so ending things shouldn't be a shock for him.

Jess wrote in about her improved sex life and the new body safe Fun Factory vibrator she just got. Listening to the show has helped her sex life in fantastic ways and I am tickled.

Jenister has a problem. She is bisexual, has anxiety, and wants to explore group sex with her partner. The only problem is she and her boyfriend have had threesomes before to great success. But, she is finding herself feeling super jealous and insecure when they look for potential play partners and she feels terrible. How can she overcome her jealousy and make the group sex fun again?

Also, let's just honor Jenister's frustration about telling straight guys that she's bi - it's like they assume it means threesomes are automatically in the cards. UGH. NO.

How do we care for ourselves when we feel jealous? How do you make space for meltdowns and insecurity without judging yourself?

If you're interested in one-on-one coaching, check out my options here.

What do you do if your friend is obsessed with having a boyfriend and totally defines their worth based on whether they're dating someone or not? I have thoughts. We live in a world that tells us we should all be on a quest for relationship, and that our worth is defined by the romantic partners we have. It's a big box to unpack.

Bree Speed has way too much cum in her life. Her boyfriend shoots everywhere and she is cleaning cum off of everything. Is she the only one in this position? I have big thoughts like why isn't HE cleaning up his own mess? Why isn't he doing his laundry and taking care of this? 

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it.

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_158.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

I am reading a devastating, lyrical book called "Abandon Me" by Melissa Febos. I'm desperately working to get her on the show soon to talk about her memoir (and her former work as a dominatrix).

In the meantime, this week's show is a fun, informative interview with Siouxsie Q.

We dive into her work with the Free Speech Coalition combatting harmful anti-porn, anti-sex work laws, including talking about what we can do, as consumers of porn, to help protect workers in the industry. You'll be especially horrified at the new set of laws sweeping the U.S. in the wake of the "porn health crisis" that everyone is freaking out about - with zero evidence, I might add.

Then we talk about why porn is her favorite, what her parents think of her adult industry career, and we wrap up our chat fielding some listener questions about polyamory and non-monogamy.

Oh! And we dive into why sex is magic and why sex workers are some of the most powerful beings on earth. LOVE IT.

It's a blast, Siouxsie is so sweet and smart, and I know you're going to love it.

Don't forget to send in your sex confessions! I created a guidelines page for you. March & April's theme will be messes!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Siouxsie Q

Siouxsie got her start in the business dancing at the unionized Lusty Lady Theater in San Francisco, and has worked as a performer in adult films since 2012, garnering two AVN Award Nominations and a Feminist Porn Award. During that time, she has been an unrelenting advocate for the rights of all sex workers.

Siouxsie Q is an author, weekly columnist for SF Weekly, and the creator of The Whorecast, a podcast network showcasing the diverse voices of the adult industry. She has lectured extensively on sex and sex work, and is regularly quoted and featured in the mainstream media, including CNN, USA Today, Cosmopolitan, Wired, Buzzfeed and America with Jorge Ramos. Her first book, Truth, Justice, and the American Whore, was published this year through 3L Media to rave reviews.

She joined The Free Speech Coalition, the trade association of the adult industry, in May of 2016, to help them soundly defeat both Cal/Osha Regulation 5193.1, and Proposition 60, both of which would have put adult film performers at immense risk.

She recently has returned to performing in adult films, and is excited to continue campaigning for the rights of adult industry workers, specifically through combatting the harmful wave of legislation declaring pornography to be a "public health crisis."

You can stay in touch by following Siouxsie on Twitter @whorecast, @siouxsieqjames, @fscarmy, by reading her book "Truth, Justice, and the American Whore," by checking out Free Speech Coalition, and by popping over to Instagram as TheRealWhoreNextDoor.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_157.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Love the show? Support it on Patreon.

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Plus, some news about my personal life. I'm moving to Canada, FINALLY. Also, my Bartholin gland flared up - and I had to take my own advice around new ways to experience sex and touch when intercourse and masturbation were off the table for several weeks. Ugh. Bodies.

This week's show features a listener confession from S about a mess she had in her life. We also get an update from Scarlett Grace about telling her friend that she doesn't want to have threesomes with her anymore.

Hailey wrote in asking how she can support a friend who was raped but who doesn't want to call it rape and who hasn't asked for support. How can you be a good friend and let someone know you're there for them after sexual assault, trauma, or rape? Let's talk about centering survivors and what that might look like, even if it feels really terrible for the people around them. Also, I am planning a trauma summit in August. Get on the Explore More list to get the notification. It will be free.

Kelsey wonders - what's the difference between having a type or having a fetish, especially when it's racist and oppressive? Kelsey has a co-worker who constantly talks about Asian women and why he loves them. It's tokenism and exoticism, and she wants to know what she should do.

My thoughts include why we ALL have a responsibility to critically reflect and examine our fantasies. Kitty Stryker has a thought-provoking piece on this very thing that's linked below. Sometimes we need to feel ashamed and move through that to get to deeper, more meaningful understandings of ourselves.

Micah loves Conner Habib's deep questions, especially about impossibility and opening up conversations to new thought. He wants to know - why do we so often jump to "never" when even bringing up new ideas around sex and love? I have loads of thoughts. A lot of it comes back to safety.

Stephanie's boyfriend has premature ejaculation and it's impacting their sex life. Medicine hasn't worked. She hates her body. She's faking her orgasms. What can she do? Big big thoughts there on body neutrality, on removing goals and expectations from sex, and from trying something new when the things you're trying keep not working.

You do NOT need to love your body to have enjoyable sex.

If you're interested in one-on-one coaching, check out my options here.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources mentioned in the show

Kitty Stryker's article about examining our fantasies and challenging ourselves when they're racist, sexist, and problematic.

Meg-John Barker & Justin Hancock's new book, "Enjoy Sex: (How, when and if you want to): A Practical and Inclusive Guide"

Elle Chases's new book, "Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life"

About Dawn Serra

Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it.

I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too.

When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire.

But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_156.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 12:21pm EDT

Love the show? Support it on Patreon. 

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast

Andrew Gurza is here this week talking all about sex and disability. We geek out over Orphan Black, talk about his hashtag #diSAYbled, dive into body politics and ableism, and explore his experiences with sex and masturbation.

It's such a delightful conversation full of giggles and the kind of awkwardness and realness that I adore. 

We also talk about hook-up culture and how difficult it can be to communicate around needs and desires, especially for gay men. We explore what it means to be "too much" and also the institutional ableism around insisting that folks with disabilities need a cure.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Andrew Gurza

Andrew Gurza is a Disability Awareness Consultant and Cripple Content Creator working to make the lived experience of queerness and disability accessible to all. His written work has been featured in Huffington Post, This Magazine, The Advocate, Everyday Feminism, Mashable, and Out.com. He is the host of DisabilityAfterDark: The Podcast to Shine a Bright Light on Sex and Disability available on iTunes. You can find out more about his work at www.andrewgurza.com or connect with him on Twitter @andrewgurza.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_155.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:30am EDT

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