Sex Gets Real: Talking Sex, Relationships, and Kink with Dawn Serra

Ready for that online anal workshop? Head to sexgetsreal.com/butts to check it out and sign-up.

Marcia Baczynski, creator of the Good Girl Recovery Program and co-founder of Cuddle Party, is here this week, and there were SOOO many nuggets of inspiration and amazing suggestions that I had a hard time not quoting the entire thing in my notes.

We talk about asking for what we want in bed, setting boundaries, saying no gracefully so you're clear without being cruel, and how your happiness is being compromised by all of the things you're tolerating. We also field listener questions about rape fantasies and Marcia gives the most amazing advice to people who are about to try their first swinger party or sex party.

Get your notebook handy and share this episode with a friend. It's full of incredible wisdom that you'll want to hear again and again.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Marcia Baczynski

Marcia Baczynski is a internationally recognized expert on sexual communication, who works to provide people with practical tools to create extraordinary relationships. Her primary mission is to help people overcome shame and get in touch with what they truly want — romantically, sexually and relationally — even if it’s off the beaten path.

As co-founder of Cuddle Party, she has empowered tens of thousands of people to speak up for the kind of touch they way, say No unapologetically, and foster more connected, affectionate relationships. Her popular virtual course, The Good Girl Recovery Program, helps women to break out of the roles that keep them small and unsatisfied, and move into being more of who they are in all areas of their lives.

Marcia is a sought-after presenter and coach,and she has made hundreds of media appearances across the globe, including The Montel Williams Show,  NPR, the Washington Post, GQ, Marie Claire, People and Newsweek, to name just a few.  Marcia brings wisdom, humor, and creativity to all aspects of her work, and offers a fresh perspective on love, sex and relationships.

You can find her online at AskingForWhatYouWant.com, as well as on Facebook and Twitter @AskMarciaB.

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Hearing from you is the best

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Direct download: Episode_130.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

This week is a little different from the normal show. 

First up, I field a few listener questions about finding out you may have herpes and hepatitis C after a partner cheated and how to become a sex educator. NRE isn't only for relationships - we can also get high on our dreams and take huge risks when we're caught up in the excitement and desire.

Then, the tables are flipped and I get interviewed by Parijat Deshpande about navigating sex and connection when you have a physical situation like a high-risk pregnancy where intercourse is off the table for a period of time.

It's a fun chat that has lots of great information that can apply to chronic illness or post-surgery situations, even though we're specifically talking about pregnancy.

I offer lots of script examples to help having difficult conversations, so grab a notepad and jot down some notes on how to have those conversations.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Dawn Serra

For those of you who have listened for awhile, you know more about my sex life than most people know about their partners, but I figured it was time for a little bio action.

First, you can check out my sex & relationship coaching over at DawnSerra.com.

You can follow me on Twitter @dawn_serra, on Facebook, and over on Instagram, too.

Here’s the official word: In a world that makes us feel like we aren’t enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we’re told about sex, relationships, and our bodies.

As a sex coach, sex educator, and fat-bodied trauma survivor, Dawn invites you to drop the shame, get curious, and explore sex on your terms, in whatever form that may take.

Dawn is also the creator of the annual Explore More Summit.

About Parijat Deshpande

Parijat Deshpande is the leading perinatal wellness expert who specializes in working with women during a high-risk pregnancy. She educates and guides women on how to manage their stress and anxiety so they can have healthier pregnancies, decrease their risk of preterm birth and give their baby a healthy start to life. Parijat received her Bachelor's of Science degree in Psychology with High Honors from University of California, Berkeley, after which she earned her Masters' of Science degree in Clinical Psychology from San Francisco State University. She is a clinically trained therapist, a women’s wellness expert and a sought-after speaker on the impact of stress on health and wellness. She has over 4 years of experience as a Psychology Lecturer UC Berkeley and is the founder of MySahana, a South Asian mental health nonprofit. Parijat is also a certified wellness coach, a certified stress management coach and a certified marriage educator.

You can find Parijat at parijatdeshpande.com and on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_129.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 9:35am EDT

Erotica has played a significant role in my own sexual exploration and development - from teaching me about my own desires and fantasies to understanding the depth of other people's sexual landscapes. It's a yummy and delicious space to play in.

That's why I'm so excited to be joined by Rachel Kramer Bussel this week, who has edited over 60 erotica books and who currently has 2 open calls for submissions. So listeners - if you are at all interested in getting some erotica published, take a look at the links down below.

Rachel talks about what makes for good erotica, how we can use erotica to not only arouse but to heal, ways to make erotica political and transformative, and all the ways she wants to challenge the narrative around conventional beauty in the stories she writes. Where are the fat men and the bald men and the short men and the body diversity?

We even talk about necrophilia, which may be a first for the show. 

Plus, Rachel teases us with a few minutes from an erotic story called "Starstruck" by Lazuli Jones, so settle in and get ready to get excited about all things erotica.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Rachel's "I Want To Hold Your Hand" (about a woman who wishes her husband hadn't lost weight)

Grab your copy of Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1

Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3 call for submissions

The Big Book of Submission, Volume 2 call for submission

Rachel's LitReactor Class starting in February

In or near L.A.? Check out Rachel's Erotica Writing 101 Workshop in January.

About Rachel Kramer Bussel

Rachel Kramer Bussel (rachelkramerbussel.com) writes essays and articles about sex, dating, books, pop culture, feminism and body image for publications including The New York Times, The Washington Post, Elle.com and Salon. She's edited over 60 anthologies, including Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, The Big Book of Orgasms, Cheeky Spanking Stories, Dirty Dates and is Best Women's Erotica of the Year series editor. She teaches erotica writing workshops across the country at colleges, conferences and sex toy stores as well as online via LitReactor.com.

Find out more at her blog Lusty Lady or EroticaWriting101.com and follow her @raquelita on Twitter.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_128.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Sinclair Sexsmith (you might know them as Sugarbutch) is here this week and we are talking ALL about kink, BDSM, and power dynamics.

We take a look at Sinclair's journey from submissive to Top to Dominant to Daddy and Master. What is it like to live in a 24/7 Master slave dynamic? How can people learn more?

We also discuss using BDSM to heal trauma and depression - it's a fine line, but it can be a powerful practice. Plus, what is Submissive Playground? Sinclair shares the details. I am so excited to share this chat with you, so settle in and let's do this.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

"My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday

"Slavecraft" by a grateful slave and Guy Baldwin

"Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers about Master/Slave Relationships" by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

About Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queer women" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for the Lambda Literary Award.Sinclair leads the 8-week online ecourse Submissive Playground (submissiveplayground.com) annually, where there is no wrong way to be submissive They identify as a white genderqueer butch dominant, a survivor and an introvert, and use the pronouns they, them, theirs, themself. Follow all their writings at patreon.com/mrsexsmith.

You can also follow Sinclair on Twitter @mrsexsmith, Facebook, Fetlife, and Instagram.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_127.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

In the DC area? I'm teaching kink, anal sex, thriving relationships, blowjobs, and more in October and November. Check out the details at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page

How does traditional consent education fail us? What do you do if you're in a new open relationship and it just isn't working for you? Can someone really orgasm without having their genitals touched?

This week, Yana Tallon-Hicks joins the show and we roll around in all those questions and more (don't miss Dawn's story of aiming a penis). It's a fun, laughter-filled talk and it's clear why TEDx invited Yana to do a talk on sex education recently.

The listener questions this week are particularly delicious, especially the final question from Lady Lilly - both Yana and I are near tears as we listen to the pain and heartbreak of her question.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

Yana's resource guide to open relationships is here. Password: compersionimmersion

Watch Yana's TEDx talk.

Barbara Carrellas' book "Ecstasy is Necessary"

A video of Barbara Carrellas having a brain-gasm (or thinking her way to an orgasm) in an MRI machine

About Yana Tallon-Hicks

Yana Tallon-Hicks is a consent, sex & sexuality writer and educator living in Northampton, MA. Her work centers around the belief that pleasure-positive & consent-based sex education can positively impact our lives and the world (like really though).

Yana’s workshops work to create a welcoming & comfortable space for all to explore crucial aspects of our sexual selves such as pleasure, communication, consent & the body and are taught at colleges, high schools, and sex toy shops all over New England.

Read more about Yana & her work here, where you can also read her sex advice column, follow her on Instagram & Twitter, and watch her TEDxTalk: Is the Porn Brain Our New Sex Educator? during which she talks about watching porn with her husband, how we learn about sexual pleasure, and what that does for our concept of consent.

Find out more about Yana and her work on her website, yanatallonhicks.com.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".
  7. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_126.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

In the DC area? Sign up for my workshops at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page. The October “From Curious to Kinky” isn’t up yet, so check back soon if you’ve got your eye on that.

Sometimes I get intimidated or nervous about speaking with a guest. Other times I feel excited to dig in with a colleague or friend. But this week? The only word I had was delight.

Karen BK Chan delights me with her words and thoughts and ideas. The way she questions our cultural stories and makes sense of them astounds me. I could listen to her talk for hours, honestly.

So, when she agreed to come on the show, I didn’t know what to do with myself. How do you talk about all the things when you only have an hour?

We go deep in this episode. Where we start off talking about kindness and consent, we quickly end up eyeball deep in discussions around the masks we wear to protect ourselves from rejection and being consent violators ourselves and finding those places within ourselves that are invested in perpetuating our stories about who we are.

From rejection and emotional intelligence to a new approach to consent and digging into rape fantasies, it’s a packed show that left me brain boner-ing for days.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It’s true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

About Karen BK Chan

​Karen B. K. Chan is a sex and emotional literacy educator in Toronto. She has taught sex education and emotional literacy for 18+ years. Karen (aka BK) is dedicated to sex education that is plainly spoken, emotionally honest, and grounded in justice.

Known for her accessible style and easy sense of humour, BK speaks internationally in classrooms and at conferences, to children, parents, and professionals. BK integrates curriculum content into stories, and theory into practice.

Her 5-minute YouTube video “Jam” (which likens sexual experience to musical jamming) is used as a teaching resource internationally, and her chapter on sex and creative play was part of the AASECT Book of the Year in 2014. BK’s writing has appeared in publications like Sexology International, the Tete-a-Tete, SimplySxy.com, and national education manuals. In 2014, BK was named “Service Provider of the Year” by Planned Parenthood of Toronto for her work in sexual health.

You can find BK over at karenbkchan.com and on Twitter @karenbkchan.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don’t forget about I Heart Radio’s Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for “sex gets real”.

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it’s anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_125.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

In the DC area? Sign up for my workshops at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page

What can I even say about an episode that not only has Dylan, as the celesbian guest this week, but Dylan singing Rihanna? Yep.

It was amazing having Dylan back on the show, beer in hand, for a fun, frank discussion and answering listener questions. She has been working so hard that we've had virtually no time to catch up. 

On this episode, we dig into strap-on sex, sex positions, cuckholding and sharing the fantasy, plus how to find your voice as a submissive and what to do if your new hook-up only likes one position. There's a lot of laughing and over sharing, but you knew that.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. Do it. 

About Dawn Serra

For those of you who have listened for awhile, you know more about my sex life than most people know about their partners, but I figured it was time for a little bio action.

First, you can check out my sex & relationship coaching over at DawnSerra.com.

You can follow me on Twitter @dawn_serra, on Facebook, and over on Instagram, too.

Here’s the official word: In a world that makes us feel like we aren’t enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we’re told about sex, relationships, and our bodies.

As a sex coach, sex educator, and fat-bodied trauma survivor, Dawn invites you to drop the shame, get curious, and explore sex on your terms, in whatever form that may take.

Dawn is also the creator of the annual Explore More Summit.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_124.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 9:29am EDT

In the DC area? Sign up for my workshops at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page. The October "From Curious to Kinky" isn't up yet, so check back soon if you've got your eye on that.

We all have those people that we admire to the point of fandom, and for me, one of those people is Emily Nagoski. Her work has had a deep impact on my personal life and my professional life. She single-handedly changed the way I work with clients who have low desire or libido they aren't happy with.

And her blog? It's one braingasm after another. So, needless to say this week was a dream come true for me.

Because I've already spent so much time gushing over her book, "Come As You Are," on previous episodes, we don't actually spend a lot of time talking about it in this hour. Instead, we talk about pleasure and joy as political rebellion, feminism, the importance of creating context that works for your sexual enjoyment, being inclusive of all bodies, fat acceptance, research, and her new book on burn out.

She also invites us to weigh in on her new romance novel. You can tweet at the show @sexgetsreal and @emilynagoski with your vote - terrorist or werewolf?

And next week? Dylan is back! So stay tuned.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.

Resources discussed in this episode

The epic, the amazing, "Come As You Are"

Emily's romance novel, "How Not To Fall" (published under Emily Foster)

The Militant Baker blog on fat bodies and fat activism

About Emily Nagoski

Emily Nagoski is the author of the New York Times bestseller, COME AS YOU ARE: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life (Simon & Schuster, 2015). She has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with a doctoral concentration in human sexuality from Indiana University (IU), and a Master’s degree (also from IU) in Counseling, with a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. She also has a B.A. in Psychology, with minors in cognitive science and philosophy, from the University of Delaware.

While at IU, Emily worked as an educator and docent at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex Gender and Reproduction. She also taught graduate and undergraduate classes in human sexuality, relationships and communication, stress management, and sex education.

A sex nerd among sex nerds, Emily has the lowest Erdős number of any sex educator in the world. She lives in western Massachusetts with two dogs, two cats, and a cartoonist. She’s funnier in real life (and hardly ever speaks in the third person). You can find Emily on Twitter @emilynagoski, Facebook, and follow her over on her blog, The Dirty Normal.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".

Hearing from you is the best

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_123.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 5:00am EDT

Conner Habib generously agreed to jump on the phone with me at the last minute for this week's episode, and our conversation is incredibly political and philosophical in ways you don't often hear on the show.

This is my second time interviewing Conner and both times we've chatted, I've felt challenged and inspired to think bigger. 

Strap on your thinking cap and get ready to feel stretched by some of Conner's ideas about feminism, sex work, consent, and oppression.

I also invite you to listen to the entire conversation before forming your ideas and thoughts about some of the radical things Conner has to say. He often makes me uncomfortable with his visionary approach to sensitive subjects like consent, but as you'll hear, he is as self-aware and thoughtful as he is provoking.

Sit with any discomfort that comes up and then let me know what you think.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. 

About Conner Habib

Conner Habib is an author, a lecturer, a porn performer, and a sex workers’ rights advocate. He serves as Vice President of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee and a member of PEN America.

His essays have appeared in dozens of print and online publications, includingThe Stranger, Vice, Salon, Slate, and more. He gives lectures around the country about sexuality, spirituality, pornography, science, and art.  He teaches writing one-on-one and in groups. For seven years, he was an award-winning gay adult performer, and continue, occasionally, to perform in adult film. He is the only person who has ever won awards for writing, teaching AND porn.

Follow him on twitter @ConnerHabib.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".

You know I love hearing from you, so here's how to reach the show

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Email: info@sexgetsreal.com

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_122.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 1:01pm EDT

There is something so delicious in talking about something that I have so little experience with. This week's chat with Princess Kali is just that - a fun, playful talk about erotic humiliation, objectification, mastering kink, and being a Dominatrix. It's rich, it's approachable, and it's terribly intriguing.

Throughout the episode, Princess Kali drops truthbomb after truthbomb. I adore her story of how she got started as a stripper and Dominatrix. It's not often you find a woman who recognizes that men will be objectifying her simply because she's a woman, and so decides to make a profit off of that behavior.

We dig into what humiliation is and why people crave it, how you can tap into your inner Dominant, and what happens when people stifle and ignore their deep sexual desires. Plus, tips for getting your submissive involved in scene planning!

As Princess Kali says, kink is a team sport. I can't wait for you to hear this chat.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. 

Resources discussed in this episode

KinkAcademy.com - over 1400 educational videos on kink

"Enough to Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation"

About Princess Kali

Princess Kali takes her kink seriously and has spent over fourteen years exploring not only the how but the why of alternative lifestyles. Her experience working as a professional dominatrix has given her a unique understanding of the motivations behind erotic humiliation play as well as a passion for helping people participate in it more safely and enjoyably.

Her dynamic and engaging style of presenting has been welcomed at more than 150 venues including kink events such as Dark Odyssey, Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Kink in the Caribbean, and IMsL as well as mainstream venues such as Harvard University and SXSW.

Princess Kali is currently focusing on personal coaching and group workshops to help people safely discover their own style of kink with the benefit of her experience and guidance. Kali resides in the San Francisco area but travels often for workshops and events. You can also follower her on Twitter @princess_kali.

Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real

  1. Listen and subscribe on iTunes
  2. Check us out on Stitcher
  3. Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker
  4. Pop over to Google Play
  5. Use the player at the top of this page.
  6. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real".

You know I love hearing from you, so here's how to reach the show

Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply)

Email: info@sexgetsreal.com

Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Direct download: Episode_121.mp3
Category:Health, Sexuality -- posted at: 9:03am EDT