Sun, 29 January 2017
This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Sometimes, you luck into an incredible opportunity. That happened to me when I heard Mariya Karimjee's story on The Heart or This American Life. It's about her experience with female genital mutilation and having part of her clitoris removed when she was a young girl. I reached out to Mariya and invited her on the show to talk about being an FGM survivor, what it's been like in her life since her story went global, and she also brings some voices of other survivors to share with us. We talk about Muslim women, sex, changing relationships with our parents, patriarchy, and the importance of sex education. It's an important conversation that I hope you'll enjoy. I know I did. Resources discussed in this episodeMariya's episode on The Heart podcast Mariya's story on This American Life Additional voices on FGM"I’ve asked your mother many times since this occurred, why an educated woman who resides in a country where this is illegal subjected her daughter to this practice? I never received a valid reason. Simply saying that “it’s in our religion” is not a good enough answer for me to accept that my daughter went through this." Anonymous father "I had started to understand the terrifying implications of the practice which differed from person to person and the physical and mental trauma some of my own sisters and close friends had to go through, and are still going through. I also came across many justifications for the practice, some from my family elders which went along the lines of, 'This is done to curb a girl’s sexual desire so that she can put her mind to other things', among many others." Insia Jaliwala "It may have been just a pinch of skin, but it was a part of me, a part of my femininity and a part of my womanhood." Mariya Ali "I also don’t know whether girls from other communities enjoy better sex or not. There have been many reports about this that I am unsure of. There is actually a lot of vagueness on this topic that I would like to have some clarification on." Ummehani, from India "One of my main insecurities about sex was that I felt like I was driving without the headlights on. Often times, I didn’t know where to go or how to guide my driver. I felt like a failure. To this day, I still have not experienced orgasm. While sex is enjoyable for me and I could describe what I can achieve as a “mini-climax”, I am bothered by the fact that I may never get to experience this wonderful part of life. While it’s no secret many women who have not been “circumcised” struggle with the same issues, a part of me will always wonder if that would have been true for me had this not happened. I will never know." Anonymous "For the record, I have never been mutilated. I am not traumatized, damaged, or broken. Yes, something unfortunate happened to me that I wish had not; but I do not want to be labeled a survivor. Personally, I feel the word is inappropriate to my situation because my life was never at risk. What I do want is to live in a world where what happened to me no longer happens to others. The reason I want this is because although I have come to forgive my loved ones, accept what has happened to me, and move past the trauma, not everyone who has undergone khatna has been so fortunate." Anonymous, age 30 About Mariya KarimjeeMariya Karimjee is a freelance writer based in Karachi, Pakistan. She's currently working on a memoir about home and identity to be published by Spiegel and Grau. You can learn more at MariyaKarimjee.com, and follow along with her adventures on Twitter @m_karimjee and Instagram. Be sure to also check out Sahiyo for more information and voices/quotes from survivors and people impacted by FGM. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 22 January 2017
This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast This week there are two listener confessions - one at the beginning of the episode and another at the end after the interview. And who am I chatting with this week? The incredible Erika Lust about being an erotic filmmaker, the porn industry, evoking powerful performances from her actors, and her new non-profit helping parents to talk about porn with their kids. Of all the erotic filmmakers doing ethical porn in the world, Erika's videos are some of the most arousing for me. I adore the humor and shamelessness of her stories. She seamlessly incorporates beauty, eroticism, and playfulness into each and every video in a way that I find endlessly delicious. So here is me, geeking out over getting to chat with someone I deeply admire. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.Resources discussed in this episodeErika's IKEA video, which is very funny, is in the XConfessions Volume 1 set. About Erika LustErika Lust is a filmmaker, mother, writer, blogger, owner and founder of Erika Lust Films where she offers an alternative to the mainstream porn industry. She is also the creator of groundbreaking audiovisual project XConfessions.com, the first crowdsourced series that brought adult film to cinema screens. Born in 1977 in Sweden, she studied political sciences, feminism and sexuality at the University of Lund. Tired of chauvinistic and tacky mainstream porn, she moved to Barcelona in 2000 where she took classes in film directing before bursting into the adult industry in 2004, with the indie short film The Good Girl - a humorous statement of principles using the “pizza delivery boy” trope. The immediate success of this first attempt encouraged her to pursue a career in adult cinema. Erika has directed four multi-award winning features: “Five Hot Stories For Her”, “Barcelona Sex Project”, “Life Love Lust” and “Caberet Desire”, and has also written five books including “Let’s Make A Porno” and her acclaimed erotic novel “La Canción de Nora” (“Nora’s Song”). In 2013 Erika began the XConfessions series, a site where users watch short films based on their own anonymous sexual confessions. Every month Erika Lust picks two of her followers’ fantasies and turns them into erotic explicit short films. Now in it’s third year, Erika has filmed over 100 short films, released XConfessions seventh volume and has now invited guest directors to be part of the project, supporting the burgeoning alternative talent across the globe. In 2015, she gave her “It’s Time for Porn to Change” talk at TEDxVienna which gained her notoriety for her campaign to change porn. Erika’s philosophy for a new adult cinema is based on 4 main ideas: women’s pleasure matters, adult cinema can have cinematic values, we need more body types, different ages and diverse races and the production process has to be ethical. She defends the importance of the female gaze and the need of having women behind the camera in all key positions. Erika lives in Barcelona with her partner and husband Pablo and their two daughters, Lara and Liv. You can also see Erika's new project bringing together erotic filmmakers at eroticfilms.com and her non-profit helping parents talk to their kids about porn at thepornconversation.org. Want to connect on social media? Erika is on Twitter @erikalust and on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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Sun, 15 January 2017
As you know, January's theme this year for confessions is FIRSTS. It felt wonderful to be able to have Amber Keyser, author of The V-Word, join in the fun this week as her book is an anthology of 17 stories all about first time sexual experiences. But what does first time sex mean? The V-Word explores that with beautiful depth and diversity, including trans voices and queer voices among the many stories. We dive into virginity and what a dated, patriarchal concept it is. Amber even has a phrase I've become obsessed with: the cult of virginity. We talk about teenagers and sex, resources for young people that offer possibilities rather than prescriptions about what sex should be, and dive into her new novel. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.Resources discussed in this episode"Beast" by Brie Spangler, which is a YA novel centering a trans character About Amber KeyserAmber J. Keyser is an evolutionary biologist-turned-author, who writes both fiction and nonfiction for tweens and teens. In addition to The V-Word (Beyond Words/Simon Pulse, 2016), she is the author of The Way Back from Broken, a heart-wrenching novel of loss and survival (Carolrhoda Lab, 2015), Sneaker Century: A History of Athletic Shoes (Twenty-First Century Books, 2015), and the forthcoming Pointe, Claw, a novel about claiming the territory of the body (Carolrhoda Lab, 2017). She is the co-author with Kiersi Burkhart of the middle grade series Quartz Creek Ranch (Darby Creek, 2017). You can learn all about Amber at www.amberjkeyser.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @amberjkeyser. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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Sun, 8 January 2017
This week, we have our first listener confession from CK all about the first time she ended a relationship. Heads' up that it contains themes of abuse within BDSM. Then, Sarah Pappalardo from Reductress is here! If you haven't seen Reductress yet, get thee over to their satirical site immediately and be wowed. We talk about media literacy, mainstream feminism, white feminism, and all the ways feminism has been co-opted by commercialize and media. Sarah talks about using satire and comedy to confront a Trump presidency, companies like Dove with their empowerment branding, and when satire goes too far. There is a ton of laughter and misandry mixed in with the very heartfelt and serious topics we dive into. Plus, what are Sarah's thoughts on Amy Schumer as a feminist? Sarah's response is incredible, and something all of us should be more aware of in our "feminist" icons. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.About Sarah PappalardoSarah Pappalardo is the co-founder and editor of Reductress, and the author of How to Win at Feminism - The Definitive Guide to Having it All - And Then Some! You can follow Sarah on Twitter @yourpappalardo. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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Sun, 1 January 2017
It's New Year's Day, 2017. It seems appropriate to start the year off with an intimate show between you and me, including a diary entry of my very first kiss. If you'd like to share your own confession on January's theme of FIRSTS, then scroll to the bottom of this week's episode page for details. So many of you have written in with heartfelt thanks, and I share a few of them this week. Then, in response to Embarrassed's email from a few weeks ago, listener Hannah writes in about the trauma of her labiaplasty and Sarah from yaysex.ca shares her struggle with accepting her vulva appearance. I also field listener questions about consent and what consent looks like if you need a partner to talk you into sex, whether to stay in a relationship if your partner never wants sex, and what kind of anal vibrator to invest in if you are getting started with butt play. It's a packed week and I can't wait to share it with you. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.Resources from this episodeEmily Nagoski's book on desire, "Come As You Are," as well as her blog, The Dirty Normal. Barbara Carrellas' book "Ecstasy is Necessary" on all the ways we can have ecstasy, including without sex. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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Sun, 25 December 2016
This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.It's Christmas Day! What better way to celebrate a holiday than with a sexy, fun chat with not one but TWO fellow sex educators? And from New Zealand, no less. Kate McCombs and Louise Bourchier are here to help me answer questions from you about getting started with anal sex after a bad first experience, dealing with big emotions after losing your virginity, feeling sexually frustrated in a relationship after moving in with your boyfriend, the importance of empathy, and a whole lot more. These two women are smart, kind, and endlessly fascinated in sexuality and communication. I adore them both. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.Resources from this episodeDawn's online anal course is here. "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" by Tristan Taormino "The Ultimate Guide to Kink" by Tristan Taormino "The New Topping Book" and "The New Bottoming Book" by Dossie Easton "Baby Got Back: Anal Erotica" by Rachel Kramer Bussel "Enough to Make You Blush" by Princess Kali Kink Academy for all those kinky how-to videos About Louise BourchierLouise Bourchier, MPH knows sex. She presents workshops on sexual health, sexual pleasure and communication in relationships. Her focus is on the feel‐good aspects of sex, delivered with a healthy dash of humour. Equipped with a vulva puppet and anatomy diagrams, you can guarantee this is not the sex education you received in school. As a leading sex educator, Louise has taught over one hundred workshops to diverse adult audiences. She has presented at Sexpo Australia, spoken at universities including University of Sydney, University of Melbourne, and University of Auckland, as well as working with a wide range of professional and community groups. Louise has a Masters of Public Health, specialising in sexual health, from the University of Melbourne, and lives in Auckland, New Zealand. You can find Louise at LouiseBourchier.com, and follow her on Twitter @louiselabouche and Instagram. About Kate McCombsKate McCombs, MPH is a sex & relationships educator who’s geeky about empathy and connection. Ultimately, all of her work is about helping people feel more comfortable talking about sex and feelings. She believes that meaningful conversations and accurate information can help us create a healthier and more joy-filled world. To that end, she writes articles and facilitates workshops on how to build amazing relationships. You can find out more about Kate at KateMcCombs.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @katecom and on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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Sun, 18 December 2016
Rain DeGrey and I have been trying to make this interview happen for over 2 years, and it's FINALLY here. I thought it would be a perfect pre-holiday episode so everyone who is traveling for the holidays could have a fun little distraction. As you'll hear, Rain does not hold back on all of the things she loves doing with her body when it comes to BDSM and exploring her edges. She loves intensity and pushing herself to the limit. There may be some things discussed in this episode that are a bit intense, so settle in and prepare yourself for talk of being buried alive, black eyes, injuries, wrestling, needing CPR, breath play, and much much more. Plus, what it's like to have zero fucks to give and why more of us should stop worrying and start living. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.Resources from this episodeRain's tweet about Christian's wanting to fuck her. About Rain DeGreyRain DeGrey is an international educator, writer, presenter and performer that has been teaching kink and sex education classes since 2009. After getting her start as a fetish model and Pro Domme, she was motivated to branch out into education, something she is extremely passionate about. Demystifying sexuality and presenting in a clear and humorous way are trademarks of her teaching style and she believes strongly in making sex education fun. She has taught on a wide variety of topics at Harvard, Northwestern University, Kink.com, The Citadel, Pure Pleasures, Stormy Leather, Folsom Fringe, The Looking Glass, KinkAcadamy, PassionateU, Mission Control and Boundcon in Germany. Her work has been featured in such places as Playboy TV’s “69 sexiest things to do before you die”, Seattle Erotic Arts Festival, The SF Fetish Ball, Exotic Erotic, Rope::Burn, Kink-e-zine and Femina Potens. Additionally, she is a regular contributor to multiple online magazines. You can find Rain at RainDeGrey.com, as well as on Twitter, Facebook, and Fetlife as Rain DeGrey. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 11 December 2016
This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.I have a ton of listener emails in the queue, so I was happy to get to a few this week on munches and online handles, pubic hair trends, and finding a sex position therapist. Plus, if your wife says she can get a bunch of sex toys for super cheap, does that mean they're bad? I weigh in on how to find affordable sex toys that are body safe. Then, I chat with Lora Ivanova from myLAB Box, an at-home STI testing service for folks in the United States. She has soooooo much information on STIs, tests that doctors often miss, and ways to reduce stigma around something over 30% of us experience in our lives. You can get 20% off STD and HIV test through myLAB Box until December 31, 2016 using code GIVETHANKS16. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.About myLAB BoxmyLAB Box is a first-of-its-kind service that delivers STD screening solutions to your doorstep allowing you to keep private things private. Best of all, you can enjoy FREE prescriptions without setting a foot outside if you ever test positive. Uncomplicate your life and get results with a click! We’ve worked with some of the best experts in the U.S. to design a program that allows you to screen anytime and anywhere. Each test can be completed in less than 5 minutes (including reading the instructions) with no need to drive, schedule appointments or wait in line. We will remind you when it’s time to test again so you will never have to worry or keep track. And best of all, our revolutionary system is so affordable, you won’t believe you ever lived without it. Check them out at mylabbox.com and follow them on Facebook. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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Sun, 4 December 2016
This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off.Content note: talk of suicide. I always love when I get to have nuanced conversations about topics like sex work, porn, consent, and polyamory. So, when Kitty Stryker said she'd come on the show, I knew the discussion would be a gritty one. Kitty is currently working on an anthology book all about creating consent culture that comes out in 2017. We dig into what that looks like and how she's centering marginalized voices. Then we talk about what consent means within the context of capitalism and work. If you can't leave sex work because traditional employers won't hire former porn performers and you have to remain in sex work even if you're ready to leave, can you truly be consenting to the work? If we started focusing more on labor issues and capitalism, could we bridge the gap between anti-sex work feminists and pro-sex work feminists to find a common ground where nuance was encouraged? Kitty also shares a personal story about suicide and how it ties into kink and poly communities. What does a community actually mean, anyway? At the end of the hour, we field a question from a listener about polyamory and whether it's right for her. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.Resources from this episodeKitty's article "Porn Didn't Ruin Your Sex Life. Sorry." "So Someone You Love is Suicidal" by Kitty can be read here, too. About Kitty StrykerKitty Stryker is a writer, activist, and authority on developing a consent culture in alternative communities. She was the founder of >ConsentCulture.com, a website that ran for 4 years as a hub for LGBT/kinky/poly folks looking for a sex critical approach to relationships and which will be relaunched on 2017. Kitty also cofounded the artsy sexy party Kinky Salon London, as well as creating the award winning Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society, the SF based kink party Whippersnappers, and acting as head of cosplay for queer gaming convention GaymerX. Now working on "Ask: A Discussion of Consent Culture", an anthology through Thorntree Press coming out in 2017, Kitty tours internationally speaking at universities and conferences about feminism, sex work, body positivity, queer politics, and more. She lives in Oakland, California with her fiancee and two cats, Foucault and Nietzsche. You can find Kitty at kittystryker.com, on Twitter @kittystryker, and on Facebook. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the bestContact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) |
Sun, 27 November 2016
This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Use promo code SGR5off to save 5%!Alex was the first person to ever share an Oh Joy Sex Toy comic with me. I was immediately enamored. Erika Moen's weekly sex education comic is full of so many wonderful topics, reviews, and done with such an approachable spirit. I've shared TONS of her stuff on social media because who doesn't love a comic about watersports featuring cute wolves or a fat-bodied review of the latest vibrator? In this episode, Erika and I talk about how she got started as an artistic sex educator, and roll around in some of her favorite issues and guest artists. We talk about visiting a porn set, why reviewing sex toys is so damn difficult, how sometimes you have to sacrifice nuance to get a conversation started, and pole dancing. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.Resources from this episodeStripSearch, the reality TV show Erika was on, can be found here. The water sports comic on Oh Joy Sex Toy that Dawn loved. About Erika MoenErika Moen is the co-writer and artist behind the creation of the strips. She has been doing webcomics since she was 15 years old and has been a full-time, professional crtoonist and comic book creator at Helioscope Studio in Portland, OR since she was 25. She is a cisgender, white, able-bodied, queer lady who was born June, 1983 and has been happily married to Matthew Nolan since October 2008. Her work has been published by Dark Horse Comics, Image Comics, Villard, BOOM! Studios, Penny Arcade and Scholastic, among others. You can check out all her amazingness at OhJoySexToy.com, on Twitter @erikamoen, on Instagram, and support all her work at Patreon. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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