Sex Gets Real 271: Staying or going when you love two people, hating your vulva, & love across borders

News!

1. I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot.
2. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

It's you and me this week because I have so many amazing questions from you that I wanted to answer a few before next week's epic episode with Tristan Taormino.

So what's on tap for this week?

Teacup Half Full wrote in because she is engaged to an amazing man named George. He makes her so happy. But she also has an ex from the past who has come back into her life and he has declared that he wants to leave his fiancé to be with her. She loves them both. What can she do?

I shared this question in Patreon for patrons who support at $5 and above, and Katie weighed in with her thoughts.

Part of what I think Teacup Half Full needs to evaluate is her relationship values, how she wants to be in relationship, and then evaluate her relationship with these two men to see what she notices about what feels right. The secret keeping from both her fiancé George and the ex's fiancé needs to be addressed.

Next, Ashamed AF Amy is struggling because Amy feels deeply ashamed of her genitals. She's been thinking about surgery because she feels broken and ugly. In fact, the first person she slept with shamed her and refused to go down on her.

Again, I posed this question in Patreon, and Hawthorn and Katie shared their thoughts. Among the things they offered, they also shared the following resources for learning more about the vast and extraordinary variation in how vulva look.

Check out:

The Labia Library

The Vulva Gallery

Laura Dodsworth's 100 Vagina's project

Joani Blank's book Femalia

I want for more of us, all of us regardless of gender, to check out these resources. To see the huge variety in how vulvas shape themselves - none is wrong or ugly, they're simply different and unique. We don't get a chance to see much genitalia outside of porn, and that can leave us feeling like there's something wrong.

Am Me wrote in because their friend is sexually attracted to fat bodies. How can they find resources around that?

Let's normalize finding fat bodies hot! Because fat bodies can be SOOOO sexy - all those soft places, sensitive places, and yummy places to get lost in.

Let's also talk about the difference between finding something sexy versus objectifying or fetishizing someone.

Finally, Violeta is struggling because she is from Mexico and the person she is falling for is in the U.S. Is there any hope for love across this border, especially considering the current political climate? What can she do? Everything feels so sad.

This is the reality of racism, xenophobia, and all of the bullshit propaganda U.S. citizens have been fed forever about fearing those from Mexico, Central, and South America. The violence is having a real impact on so many people, not just those crossing the border.

Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.

Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.

About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

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Episode Transcript

Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep271 to grab it.